Losing weight with husband - help!

Lilredcat

This whole losing weight and getting fit thing is something I am determined to do. My husband is on board too as he needs to get in shape too. However. Having a hard time with feeding us both. I need 1200 calories a day max to lose as I am only 5'1". But he is 5'11" so he needs a fair bit more. It is tricky to figure out calories to keep us both sated and lose weight when he needs that much more to eat. Any ideas? We both lost a ton of weight 3 years ago when we were on a super low calorie diet (frankly not sure how he didn't starve to death on it) but being hungry and deprived all the time is annoying and not something I want to do again. It was egg whites and veggies for breakfast, 1/2 chicken breast on salad for lunch and 1/2 chicken breast on salad for dinner. And drinking what seemed like buckets of water everyday. That's it. It was easy and the weight came off like water - but it was boring and hard to stick to. Now this time HE thinks we should skip breakfast (have coffee/tea though) and only eat lunch (hardboiled egg, chicken broth and some veggies) plus a big dinner. He's all set on this route but I feel like I am starving and end up binging... Or he decides to say screw the diet and then eats junky food and somehow I have to ignore that and try to stick my low calories which is so hard without support. Very frustrated.

Gertie011

I hope you dont mind my saying, but I think this, you're two different people with different needs, just like my hubby and I, he would hate what I eat, and I cant stand the junk he eats lol, rather than try to follow him and give up, you each need to make your own diet plan, I need to eat frequently and my hubby could go hours with hardly any food, then pig out. We're both overweight by the way lol.
Your husband could get extra protein, or carbs perhaps. you both perhaps give up because the plans you have are hard and not long term, you both need to see this as changing the way you eat, rather than a mad diet that you give up on.
Each of you make a list saying how you want to do this, and agree to disagree on some points loI,I can see straight away you can enjoy dinner together every night.
I hope you can both still support each other whilst eating differently.

GsKiki

I cook meals for both my boyfriend and my self, and I split it 35-65% . That covers both of our goals per day.
I don't know how many calories your husband needs, but when you make a meal calculate both of you as 1 person, and then just split in the end what ever works for you percentage wise.
Hope you understand what I mean.

try2again

I'm sorry... why do you have to eat the exact same things? My hubby & I started at the same time, me with about a 1500 calorie allowance, him with something like 2300. Now he is in maintenance with over 3000 to use a day and I am down to 1300. I make dinner. Normal food- we have kids too- casseroles, soups, pizza, etc. He eats way more of it than I do. I pack a massive lunch for him of pretty calorie dense but fairly easy foods- baked beans, cottage cheese, sandwiches, fresh fruits & veggies, leftovers. I'll eat leftovers, a wrap, or something else easy for lunch. He goes into work extra early, so we don't eat breakfast together. Fix what you guys like, tweak it to make it healthier where you can, and he can just eat more of it than you do.

carmkizzle

Am I wrong to assume that everyone on MFP is counting calories? If not, and if I assume that you and your husband each have a daily calorie allotment, why can't you just eat whatever you want as long as it fits into your calories? It just seems like trying to be too perfect with all the "right" foods makes this thing so much harder than it has to be. It doesn't have to be bland or boring, and you don't have to feel burnt out or deprived. Is there any reason you guys aren't doing that?

try2again

Oh, and by the way, I also get to enjoy witnessing hubby downing massive amounts of ice cream, popcorn, and other things. Why would I expect him not to have it because I can't afford the calories?

carmkizzle

try2again wrote: »

I'm sorry... why do you have to eat the exact same things? My hubby & I started at the same time, me with about a 1500 calorie allowance, him with something like 2300. Now he is in maintenance with over 3000 to use a day and I am down to 1300. I make dinner. Normal food- we have kids too- casseroles, soups, pizza, etc. He eats way more of it than I do. I pack a massive lunch for him of pretty calorie dense but fairly easy foods- baked beans, cottage cheese, sandwiches, fresh fruits & veggies, leftovers. I'll eat leftovers, a wrap, or something else easy for lunch. He goes into work extra early, so we don't eat breakfast together. Fix what you guys like, tweak it to make it healthier where you can, and he can just eat more of it than you do.

My question, as well.

cookiemachin

Hi, me and the wife are both eating healthy but, while we eat our evening meal together and some daytime meals I ensure that I get extra in during breakfast or the meals at work. My snacks boost my calories and you can get some more protien heavy snack bars. My wife does her 'thing' with her slimming group each week and I do mine on MFP.
My food diary is open if you wanted to add me.
Lee

puffbrat

My husband isn't on a diet and I am. We each make and eat our own breakfasts (except Sunday mornings) and lunches that suit our individual needs and tastes. We eat the same dinners, but he eats larger portions. I will take fewer of the carb/calorie heavy foods and load up on more veggies for my plate but smaller portions of everything than he takes. You two don't have to eat the exact same amount of food, or even the same foods, much less at the same times for both of you to successfully lose weight without starving.

Mavrick_RN

cookiemachin wrote: »

Hi, me and the wife are both eating healthy but, while we eat our evening meal together and some daytime meals I ensure that I get extra in during breakfast or the meals at work. My snacks boost my calories and you can get some more protien heavy snack bars. My wife does her 'thing' with her slimming group each week and I do mine on MFP.
My food diary is open if you wanted to add me.
Lee

I was going to look at your food diary but it is only open to friends, so you might want to check your settings.

Mavrick_RN

My wife and I are same but different. I like breakfast and scramble my own eggs and add some bacon bits. I take a frozen dinner to work and add a yogurt or fruit. She skips breakfast and takes cut up apple and mandarin orange slices for snacks and has a salad with chicken and salsa for lunch. We will eat dinner together when she cooks and weigh out our own portions or eat completely different meals at different times. We have a Bonus Meal once a week and alternate the restaurant we go to. We order completely different meals there too.

To each his own.

kga125

Me, I keep it simple...If god made it you can can eat it. Just don't go over board.
I have a simple scale for me, with meats on not so hungry days 2 to 3 oz and on hungrier 6 to 8. Anything else 1/4 to 1/2 cup of diary and 2 cup max mixed salad and for my other half I just figure out the things that he really likes that has little to no carbs.
Basically any meats but I watch for sodium, sucks how much sodium they put in deli meats etc. My guy likes egg mc muffins, so I will do either gluten free bagels or just make to regular muffins, but what I do is, will make 1 fried egg and 1 egg with no yolk 2 pcs of Canadian bacon and 2% cheddar cheese slice. Either he will eat it at home or will wrap in tinfoil heat in oven till he leaves. He hates just egg whites so I slide it in. One yolk is ok but I am always looking for protein so egg whites are were it's at, as you already know.
Now myself, sucks I am always on the run and can barely keep up with myself. On my hungrier mornings. I'll do like 5 pcs of Canadian bacon diced, 1 whole egg and either 2 or 3 egg whites with maybe little bit of salsa for taste and maybe some diced onions. That way I am full and had very little fat or carbs. Or stock up on Dannon lit & fit Greek yogurt. Good for when your on the fly. least amount fat and carbs that does not taste to horribly bad.
Don't worry so much on calories focus more on staying away fats and carbs. Cottage cheese, tomatoes, parmasian cheese (or how ever you spell it) is also easy. I try to stick with only lean cuts. Get lot's of baggies so can pack lunch, for him I will pack a yogurt, and least 4 to 7 oz of some type of meat and although I stay away from salt he likes almonds so I give him snack bag of smoked almonds and sometime one pce of fruit. Fruit has carbs but since he manages to burn more then me, fine.
My lunches I go on different kicks, I find something I like, eat it till kind of tired of eating it, then just find something else that is easy with little fat or carbs, this week I am on foster farms southwestern chicken strips, at my office I have micro wave and fridge and my little scale. Easy, hungry days 4 to 5 oz, or not so hungry day's 2 to 3 oz, 1 white corn tortilla, 1 slice 2% cheese and diet coke, water or any other zero drinks. Dinners are not so bad because it's just meat and about cup of any green veggies for me and will give him full plate of what was made and he likes minute rice, guy's and their rice. know this is a long one, but having to try and diet with any man is soooo hard. This way can still eat lot's or just a little. My biggest thing is need to get my butt working out. Just realized after all this, good thing about this is basically eating same thing but just adjusting portions according to your hunger scale. Long as keep carbs and fats way down, your going to lose the fat. Just small little lifestyle change. And the super cool thing is you can eat out and have big expensive steak, because your splitting it dinner does not cost so much, he gets the starch and I get a salad. Usually will just give him the veggie.

try2again

carmkizzle wrote: »

Am I wrong to assume that everyone on MFP is counting calories? If not, and if I assume that you and your husband each have a daily calorie allotment, why can't you just eat whatever you want as long as it fits into your calories? It just seems like trying to be too perfect with all the "right" foods makes this thing so much harder than it has to be. It doesn't have to be bland or boring, and you don't have to feel burnt out or deprived. Is there any reason you guys aren't doing that?

+1

cebreisch

You may not like my answer: Each of you be responsible for your own food. In a perfect world, my husband and family and I would all eat the same meal every day at the same time, and it would be perfectly nutritionally balanced. That perfect world doesn't exist in my house every day. Life happens too often, unfortunately. More often than not, my husband and I decide what to do for the kids, and we'll do "our own thing".

lavrn03

So much good advice!!! I second a lot of what was previously said.
Both my husband and I are on this healthy journey together which helps so much. He is very supportive of my need to prioritize the gym and eating well. I definitely keep him motivated. It's been 1 1/2 year and we've lost 100 lbs combined. No crazy secret just move more and eat less.
I eat about 1500 calories and he can eat 2500+, he snacks all day and can have much bigger portions... Very annoying :-)

You need to do this for yourself!!!!! It's good to have him on board but you need to focus on yourself first.

1200 is so little :-(. Please don't skip breakfast. Increase your protein. Have it at every meal and eat every 3 hours.
Do you workout??
If you find you are hungry then up your calories. I did that. It maybe took me longer to lose my 55+lbs but I don't go to bed starving and I don't EVER feel deprived. I want to lose this weight and never see it again!!!!

ElizabethOakes2

I can't skip breakfast. I would die. I need to eat regular small meals through the day!

My husband's doing this with me, but he's on a medically supervised low-carb thing, with special protein drinks and stuff. I also work from home, and do all of our shopping and cooking, so I'm in charge of maintaining our healthy lifestyle.
What works for us is that I make steel cut oats in the slow cooker overnight. I eat my one cup in the morning, and he eats a half a cup with his protein drink. The leftovers get fried up and served with yogurt the next morning. At dinner, I make us healthy meals, vegetable and protein heavy, and try to make sure that I have 350 calories worth of dinner for me, and he has 550 worth for him. I weigh everything I cook, and make exact portions. For example, tonight, I made pork chops with rice and beans. I got one pork chop and 1 cup of rice and beans. He got one pork chop, a cup and a half of rice and beans, and we shared a big spinach salad full of raw veggies.

It's all about what fits into your lifestyle. If he wants to skip breakfast and eat his calories later in the day, he's welcome to do that, but you should eat when you need to.

Lilredcat

Thanks so much for all the replies! I appreciate people taking the time to share what you eat and how you work it out with your spouse/kids. It's frustrating, isn't it? We have 2 young kids too - who are both very picky/selective eaters one of which is a vegetarian (in a house of carnivores who would have expected that???). So I am essentially making an as-balanced-as-possible kiddie meal for them (with meal alternative for my one boy) then making food for my husband and I. Did I mention I am not good at multi-tasking nor do I like to cook? Lol. Trying to make things fit his calorie needs and mine according to MFP is nice in theory but very hard in practice. And giving him larger portions is the only way I've been able to do it.... but he is still hungry and wants more. Thus snacking happens which can start a binge. Not good.

I have honestly cried in the kitchen because it so frustrates the hell out of me. People don't get this because they like to cook or are a good cook or don't have to deal with all the food quirks my family has. (This is why in the past hubby and I would end up ordering pizza once the kids were in bed and then binge eat until we went to bed. Not a good system, but saved me the trouble of making food for us when we cannot agree on what to eat and how much.)

Since I'm doing the cooking I can't just make different food for him. It stresses me out. I just want it all done and done. Plus dealing with the food quirks my kids have stresses me out and frankly -- if we could just take a pill like in some Sci-Fi books/movies and add water to it, I'm totally game. (as long as it tastes like pizza).

carmkizzle

Lilredcat wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies! I appreciate people taking the time to share what you eat and how you work it out with your spouse/kids. It's frustrating, isn't it? We have 2 young kids too - who are both very picky/selective eaters one of which is a vegetarian (in a house of carnivores who would have expected that???). So I am essentially making an as-balanced-as-possible kiddie meal for them (with meal alternative for my one boy) then making food for my husband and I. Did I mention I am not good at multi-tasking nor do I like to cook? Lol. Trying to make things fit his calorie needs and mine according to MFP is nice in theory but very hard in practice. And giving him larger portions is the only way I've been able to do it.... but he is still hungry and wants more. Thus snacking happens which can start a binge. Not good.

I have honestly cried in the kitchen because it so frustrates the hell out of me. People don't get this because they like to cook or are a good cook or don't have to deal with all the food quirks my family has. (This is why in the past hubby and I would end up ordering pizza once the kids were in bed and then binge eat until we went to bed. Not a good system, but saved me the trouble of making food for us when we cannot agree on what to eat and how much.)

Since I'm doing the cooking I can't just make different food for him. It stresses me out. I just want it all done and done. Plus dealing with the food quirks my kids have stresses me out and frankly -- if we could just take a pill like in some Sci-Fi books/movies and add water to it, I'm totally game. (as long as it tastes like pizza).

I'm still not sure what this has to do with the amount of food you're eating .f he wants stuff himself, then so be it. Why do you feel like you have to do what he does? Perhaps, if he sees that you're buckling down, he may feel inspired.

melissgo

Lilredcat wrote: »

Thanks so much for all the replies! I appreciate people taking the time to share what you eat and how you work it out with your spouse/kids. It's frustrating, isn't it? We have 2 young kids too - who are both very picky/selective eaters one of which is a vegetarian (in a house of carnivores who would have expected that???). So I am essentially making an as-balanced-as-possible kiddie meal for them (with meal alternative for my one boy) then making food for my husband and I. Did I mention I am not good at multi-tasking nor do I like to cook? Lol. Trying to make things fit his calorie needs and mine according to MFP is nice in theory but very hard in practice. And giving him larger portions is the only way I've been able to do it.... but he is still hungry and wants more. Thus snacking happens which can start a binge. Not good.

I have honestly cried in the kitchen because it so frustrates the hell out of me. People don't get this because they like to cook or are a good cook or don't have to deal with all the food quirks my family has. (This is why in the past hubby and I would end up ordering pizza once the kids were in bed and then binge eat until we went to bed. Not a good system, but saved me the trouble of making food for us when we cannot agree on what to eat and how much.)

Since I'm doing the cooking I can't just make different food for him. It stresses me out. I just want it all done and done. Plus dealing with the food quirks my kids have stresses me out and frankly -- if we could just take a pill like in some Sci-Fi books/movies and add water to it, I'm totally game. (as long as it tastes like pizza).

This really comes down to a change in mindset for you. I struggled with it myself for a long time. I used to always eat what my husband ate and would give him and myself equal portions. I think coming from a poor family of 5 kids gave me a few complexes about food. When I was young I pretty much had to fight to make sure I got my fair share of dinner or it would be gone before I knew it and as a slow eater, you're pretty much not going to get seconds on anything lol. So subconsciously I felt like I had to have as much as my husband was having or it wasn't fair. It took me a long time to get to the point where I didn't feel like I had to snack every time he snacked and to make sure his portions were much bigger than mine. Now I feel proud when he goes back for seconds and I can say 'no thanks'.

I also think that you need to come up with a better system for dinner. I suggest having a weekly meal-prep day where you plan out meals for the week as a family and pin it up on the refrigerator. Planning ahead what you are going to eat takes the guess-work and frustration out of busy week nights and it is immensely helpful with calorie counting. I always keep a couple of easy-to-make backup options around as well in case I really just don't feel like cooking one night.

jennamae102

I agree with a lot of the above suggestions! I do almost all of the grocery shopping, meal planning, and cooking for myself and my husband (who is not counting calories). I worry about portions for myself and he eats what he wants. If he's still hungry after a meal, he can have seconds, he can have a salad, yogurt, or chocolate or whatever he wants. I don't have to eat it and I don't worry about it. Here a few things I think would help you:

1. Meal Planning - this doesn't have to be complicated, especially if you don't like to cook. Find a few recipes for the week (even if its as simple as chicken + veggie + rice, pasta + sauce etc.), shop for these ingredients and make enough for leftovers.
2. Learn how to portion food best for you - For example, if I make a casserole and I divide it into 6 portions, I will plate one portion for myself for dinner and put another portion in a container for lunch the following day. I let my husband portion what he wants so that he is satisfied and I know that I am eating the calories that work for me.
3. Understand that you and your husband are probably not going to eat the same amounts/foods every day - My husband snacks a lot more than I do and eats bigger portions. I have to hold myself accountable for how I want to eat to achieve my goals. It sucks sometimes, but its real life. Other people are not going to count out and measure exactly 30 grams of chips just because that is what I am doing.
4. Relax a little! Make a plan and try to stick to it so there is no more crying in the kitchen

Good luck!

ElizabethOakes2

The crockpot is your friend! There are so many easy tasty healthy recipes out there and it's easy to measure your portion. It's a little trickier with a vegetarian in the house, but a lot of the recipes you can make, take out his portion, and then add the meat.
Also- your kids are picky eaters, but if you explain that everyone in the house is going to eat this way, and that you're only going to make one meal for everyone so that everyone is healthy and strong, and stop catering to them, guess what? They'll eat what grown ups eat.

RoxieDawn

Gosh I guess I lucked out. For starters I set out to find a way to control my eating over a year ago and came here and started calorie counting. He then decided he wanted to loose weight (I lost 15 he lost 55 pounds) and we did it together. I have an account here, he does not. But I count his calorie I guess for him.

We go to the store together, I cook, he cleans the dishes. I pack his lunches (he gets a bag of groceries already portioned out (weighed and measured) for him to store in the fridge at work on every Monday, and he is notoris for eating exactly what was packed and nothing more,, sometimes he will tell me he was not in the mood for X...

We eat dinner together every night which we agree in the morning what we are having. I cook 80% of the time and he will grill on weekends..

I guess it is the harmony that we have and gosh do we eat very very very differently than we did over a year ago..

I won't say it was easy in the beginning because at first it was just me wanting to loose a few pounds to us making life time changes. We are both FOODIE's big time, but we just do it so much differently now than we did before.

Give it some time and try to get creative with making food the enjoyable part of the day with each other and not a chore. Make it something you can try to compromise or the only route is to have different eating schedules and even different food, which does not help the budget on food very much...

FitEqualsSmile

I totally agree with everything jennamae102 says above. This saved me when my kids where younger but want to add this. Stop making different meals for your kids, unless this is medically driven, if they are picky/selective eaters they can have PB&J as an alternative.

mish26

I think you're making this really hard on yourself. I'd be pretty upset if I had to cook three different meals too! You need to find some meals for everyone to eat, even if a few adjustments have to be made. I have a kid with food allergies, and there some meals I have to modify a bit for him, but for the most part we all eat the same thing. If the kids don't like it? Well that's too darn bad for them. You've made yourself into a short order cook. Stop that! It's only going to get worse as your kids get older. I have one really picky kid (the same one with allergies) and I get how frustrating that can be, but it's not going to get better if you keep catering to them.

mtnstar

Lilredcat, I feel ya! I have three kids ( 9,5,3) , and it is so frustrating to feel like a short order cook. It's helped me to make a menu at the beginning of the week, with input from everyone on the shopping list. I make sure there is something on the menu that each kid likes for the meal, and they are required to take a "no thank you bite" of things they don't like. If my husband isn't satisfied with the portion/food choice, he has the option to make himself something additional. We do a lot of southwestern taco and burrito style foods, so each person can have some choices of what goes into his or her meal (ie - beans or fish, cheese or not, etc). I've instituted a policy called zero complaint tolerance. If a child complains, his/her meal is taken, and he/she is excused to his/her room for the evening. This might sound a little harsh, but I had to stand up for myself because like you, I found myself crying in the kitchen. I also resented my family for being ungrateful for the food we are fortunate to have. Mealtime is much less stressful now.

carmkizzle

mtnstar wrote: »

Lilredcat, I feel ya! I have three kids ( 9,5,3) , and it is so frustrating to feel like a short order cook. It's helped me to make a menu at the beginning of the week, with input from everyone on the shopping list. I make sure there is something on the menu that each kid likes for the meal, and they are required to take a "no thank you bite" of things they don't like. If my husband isn't satisfied with the portion/food choice, he has the option to make himself something additional. We do a lot of southwestern taco and burrito style foods, so each person can have some choices of what goes into his or her meal (ie - beans or fish, cheese or not, etc). I've instituted a policy called zero complaint tolerance. If a child complains, his/her meal is taken, and he/she is excused to his/her room for the evening. This might sound a little harsh, but I had to stand up for myself because like you, I found myself crying in the kitchen. I also resented my family for being ungrateful for the food we are fortunate to have. Mealtime is much less stressful now.

Good for you! Doesn't sound harsh to me at all, just no non-sense.

mish26

mtnstar wrote: »

Lilredcat, I feel ya! I have three kids ( 9,5,3) , and it is so frustrating to feel like a short order cook. It's helped me to make a menu at the beginning of the week, with input from everyone on the shopping list. I make sure there is something on the menu that each kid likes for the meal, and they are required to take a "no thank you bite" of things they don't like. If my husband isn't satisfied with the portion/food choice, he has the option to make himself something additional. We do a lot of southwestern taco and burrito style foods, so each person can have some choices of what goes into his or her meal (ie - beans or fish, cheese or not, etc). I've instituted a policy called zero complaint tolerance. If a child complains, his/her meal is taken, and he/she is excused to his/her room for the evening. This might sound a little harsh, but I had to stand up for myself because like you, I found myself crying in the kitchen. I also resented my family for being ungrateful for the food we are fortunate to have. Mealtime is much less stressful now.

Your strategy is awesome! My kids help menu plan as well. At least one night per week each person is really happy! We also do a lot of southwestern style foods so people have choices. For example, when we have tacos I usually make it into a taco salad with no shell, my husband and youngest have soft tacos, and my oldest makes sort of a burrito bowl with rice. I don't make the rice, he does if he wants it. Other nights we have burrito bowls with lots of toppings, but since my youngest doesn't like rice he puts his in a tortilla, which we always have on hand.

samgamgee

My OH gets around 1900 a day and I get 1390. We like to eat big dinners together, so he'll have his lunch at work and then have a large dinner that I'll make at home. I'll make sure I get in enough steps to be set to Lightly Active, and only eat dinner (with an afternoon snack if I've been working out). I'm lucky that I'm not bothered about breakfast or lunch, or it might be more of a struggle for us to eat the same dinners.

jgnatca

I'm just going to add a few thoughts.

I'm thinking a big salad in the fridge would be good to fill in the corners if hubby isn't satisfied with dinner. Canned beans are good, too. That's what my hubby pulls out if he isn't thrilled with dinner. No complaints, just break open the beans.

The two of us manage our diets by taking different portions.

My girlfriend, who raised her four children plus foster children with dietary issues, makes it all look so smooth. The last time I visited, she served her grandson's favourite dinner (his birthday) which the family calls "Yellow Dinner". It is a child-pleasing blend of chicken fingers, corn, and baked potato wedgies.

I think you need a breakfast. Serve yourself breakfast. Your dinner will be smaller.

If you break down each meal in to a protein, veggies, and starchy carb, you can mix and match to suit the various family members. Your plate will have more veggies.

Spaghetti (carb) with meat balls in tomato sauce(protein) and a leafy side salad.
Ham (protein) with potato salad (carb) and green beans.
Chicken breasts (protein) with light alfredo sauce, served with fettucini noodles (carb) and asparagus (corn for the kids).
Black Bean Chili (protein) with corn chips (carb) and avocado dip.
Flank Steak (protein) with light Caesar salad and garlic bread (carb).

Sarahb29

Everyone's given you good advice so far. I'll add that if you include the kids and let them pick a healthy recipe, help you cook it they will be more inclined to eat it. Try to find at least one thing everyone can agree on, like a big salad, and then have different proteins/carbs/veggies for everyone else to choose from.

Lilredcat

Thanks for all the suggestions. You make it sound easier than I thought - at least with feeding the adults. The selective eating for my kids IS medically driven. They're both autistic and some foods are painful for them to see/smell/feel (like casserole looks like vomit for instance) so its that too - which makes many of the things I could make for hubby and I offensive to the kids. Like crockpot stuff - the kids hate the smells and mushy look. Good luck on the tasting part....