On my way -- depression, diet and exercise

Axe34

Hi everyone.

I've just completed my first two weeks of a new exercise and diet regimen.

I'm currently off work on long-term disability with major depressive and general anxiety disorders, a condition I've struggled with since I was a child.

I had a major breakdown in 2010 which required a short hospital stay. I've been off work since then.

I used to be quite active when I was younger -- I'm now 41 -- and enjoyed team sports and running.

I had started the Couch to 5K program two months before my last breakdown in a vain attempt to keep the depression at bay. Sometimes, for reasons both me and my medical team don't understand, my depression and anxiety can break through the best of treatment plans.

Safe to say, I stopped working out when I crashed. I've slowly been recovering my mental health but, at the same time, neglecting my physical health. Even the idea of walking around the block can be enough to keep a depressive under the covers. When everything seems pointless and hopeless, working out is one of the last things you want to do.

Unfortunately, this mindset leads to massive amounts of guilt as you watch the pounds accumulate and your self-esteem -- fragile on the best of days -- plummets further. Which then usually leads to a trip to the tub of ice cream.

And so it goes.

About a month ago, I completed a physical. While my blood work was fine, I topped out at 206, the heaviest I've ever been (I'm 5' 8"). Before I went on disability, I'd range between 175 and 180. Unfortunately one of the anti-depressants I take has a side effective of increasing my appetite.

Fortunately, my mental health had improved enough for me to contemplate a lifestyle change.

So I did a lot of research and decided to restart the C25K program and I've added a body weight resistance program too.

I also decided that I needed to start a food journal. I gained weight last time on the program because I not only continued to eat the same amount of food, I even ate more which I rationalized as being necessary because of the exercise.

I've been tracking my diet using myfitnesspal. It's been a real eye opener. Just a couple of weeks ago I was eating about 2,200 calories a day and was way over my budget on sugar and fat.

I'm now highly aware of what I'm putting in my body and have only exceeded my caloric and sugar budget once. Best of all, I was able to treat myself to an ice cream cone today knowing I was still on track for my daily budgets. It's the first truly guilt-free treat I've eaten in years.

I'm happy to report I've lost seven pounds and my wife sees the difference.

So is everything perfect?

Nope. I still suffer from depression and my mood is still depressed. Exercise has never been a big mood lifter for me. Even when I was in peak physical condition, I never really experienced a lift in mood with exercise. My psych and GP say exercise is not a panacea. I manage my depression with medication, cognitive behaviour therapy and ongoing talk therapy. If my current condition follows the usual trend, my depression will lessen over time until I can manage it enough to return to work (although this bout has been more severe than any past ones).

I realize that this post is pretty long, but I hope it might inspire others with depression even if you don't feel like it now, there will come a time when things brighten enough -- even if only for a little while -- to make a positive change.

Daisy_2000

Yup, struggled with depression as well. It's been an uphill battle, but I believe that I'm at a very stable place right now. I know that losing weight has helped, but mostly I think it's been keeping consitant with the day to day...taking my meds, eating healthy, getting enough sleep and exersizing.
I'm glad you've been able to get to a good place. Thank you for sharing and good luck on the day to day.

BigBrunette

Your post really hits home with me, especially today. Thanks for sharing your story, never give up, and best of luck to you. :flowerforyou: