How do you know when you have a problem?
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brightresolve wrote: »Good for you, OP, I think you are on a good track with the appointment with the clinic.
You will hear many voices here on MFP, ranging from "sugar is addictive" (which raises flags for people who don't demonize it) to "it's just calories in calories out" (which is simple but not easy) to "just STOP!" -- when stopping feels impossible, as you expressed below.
Eating is a deeply emotional experience which connects to our most basic needs as a human, our sense of pleasure and fulfillment, our fundamental wiring in childhood. Though we who eat to excess have much in common, that territory for you is highly personal and decipherable only by you. If efforts to approach this as a problem of willpower or choice or education about nutrition are falling short for you, as they did for me, then I would encourage you to explore the emotional territory, and a clinic for eating disorders is a great place to start. Therapy recommended too if you can afford it, as someone above said look for someone who knows about eating disorders.
Best of everything to you!...To me it feels like a compulsion I am powerless to control. ...
I have just now booked and appt with an eating disorder clinic that I didn't know existed they deal with both under and overeating issues. I am hoping to find help there.
This is one of the kindest, most compassionate and sensible responses I've read during my time here on MFP. You are a lovely person. Sending you a friend request--I need more people like you in my life.0 -
levitateme wrote: »
Your advice in this thread is not helpful for people who struggle with compulsive overeating. One time when I was in High School I had to sell chocolate bars. I ate 35 of them, in one sitting, and weighed myself after each one. This is what we're up against. The struggle is not at all comparable to "normal" people's issues with food. Drinking a glass of water before a meal doesn't help. It's not about being hungry or getting full. It's a compulsion to do a repetitive behavior that is deeply ingrained and can be brought about from anxiety or stress.
Therapy with a person who is trained to find out the 'why' behind the behavior (which doesn't have anything to do with food, it's usually past trauma) and then replace the destructive compulsion with new coping behaviors is what's needed. Honestly, people with this type of illness shouldn't look for support on a forum like this, simply because the average person has no idea how to respond or be supportive. There is no "just do this, it helped me" because what the OP is doing is not every day overeating.
Well thank goodness that it wasn't meant for those with a real disorder.
Not sure why it wouldn't be helpful to anyone else though. There are many (if not most) who just need a nudge, they think that they can't do it by themselves, but can be inspired to try to read about their perceived disorder and how others have dealt with it, to do something about it on their own first. I don't see a problem with that.
One person may need more assistance than someone else, but I have raised kids with real special needs who have repeatedly said, I can't, it's too hard, it's impossible. I could go on and on about what the professionals told them what they could and couldn't do.. A nudge in the right direction usually get's them to try, they don't always succeed, but they are trying, and sometimes they do succeed. When they do succeed, it plants a seed, and makes them a bit more willing to try to overcome the next obstacle. They are now productive, self sustaining adults, I'm not sure how those nudges weren't helpful though, if they could do it then literally anyone can.
In my experience, our society has weakened the average mind with excuses as to why they aren't doing what they should, we call everything a disorder now. Doping up all our kids and making them think that they have an alphabet soup "disorder". Those that perceive and relent that they have a problem have minimized those that really have serious issues that need to be dealt with by professionals. Instead we now have more drive by therapists to fill that demand, who's motivations are to get you back in to bill your insurance or to continue the therapy. Filling up the space otherwise needed for true disorders.
So in my humble opinion, not everyone has a true disorder, and those are the ones who I was speaking to. Sorry if you don't agree, but most people do just need a reality check, a nudge, a push.
Those of you with a true diagnosed disorder, then you really shouldn't be reading a forum to get your guidance from someone like me.0 -
Have you read the Success stories on here? There might be a few that you might relate to.0
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kommodevaran wrote: »I love reading the responses here. I hope they are useful for you too, OP.
I was afraid I suffered from disordered eating, binging or emotional eating, but my unstructured eating pattern was just based on misconceptions mixed with bad habits. I was raised to overeat, and I had to find out, as an adult, actually just a couple of years ago, that full doesn't have to mean stuffed. Normal weight people just eat until they're no longer hungry. It's not that they can't eat more, they choose not to. I was amazed when I realized this, and that I can do it too. Full can have another meaning than not being able to fit more in. How much water do you fill in a glass before you'll say it's full? Remember that you have to lift it to drink, and you don't want to spill. It's normal to be able to go for a walk right after a meal, usually even after dinner.
This is exactly right. I might not be a particularly large adult but I am an adult, and I'm perfectly capable of filling up with two slices of pizza and nothing else - because when I say I'm full, what I mean is that I'm not hungry anymore and I've lost interest in eating. I don't mean that bloated stomach, all the corners are filled, belt buckle is creaking at the seams feeling - I absolutely hate that. It feels nasty and uncomfortable and I find it so physically aversive that pretty much no power on Earth can induce me to eat until I get anywhere near it. I was as amazed as Kommodevaran to realize that some people actually like feeling that full!
That digression aside, OP, I'm glad you've booked an appointment. Whether or not it's possible to get full from two slices of pizza doesn't really matter; what matters is that the way you're eating is a source of distress to you. That's the only reason you need, full stop.0 -
I just wanted to thank everyone for the tough love and compassionate responses. I had lots to think about. I have been in touch with an intake worker at the eating disorders clinic and will have an appt at the end of Feb. Best part is all the services are covered by our Canadian health insurance.
No one really thinks eating disorder when you're fat, but looking back to when I was younger I see all kinds of issues. I lost 100 lbs at 16 by eating 500 calories a day and exercising a lot. I ofc gained it back, but I've also had issues of binge eating to the point that I was sick. That led to an adulthood of binge eating and just a generally disordered way of dealing with food. I am hoping my appt will provide some of the help I need.
Thank you again for all the replies0 -
TechOutside wrote: »levitateme wrote: »
Your advice in this thread is not helpful for people who struggle with compulsive overeating. One time when I was in High School I had to sell chocolate bars. I ate 35 of them, in one sitting, and weighed myself after each one. This is what we're up against. The struggle is not at all comparable to "normal" people's issues with food. Drinking a glass of water before a meal doesn't help. It's not about being hungry or getting full. It's a compulsion to do a repetitive behavior that is deeply ingrained and can be brought about from anxiety or stress.
Therapy with a person who is trained to find out the 'why' behind the behavior (which doesn't have anything to do with food, it's usually past trauma) and then replace the destructive compulsion with new coping behaviors is what's needed. Honestly, people with this type of illness shouldn't look for support on a forum like this, simply because the average person has no idea how to respond or be supportive. There is no "just do this, it helped me" because what the OP is doing is not every day overeating.
Well thank goodness that it wasn't meant for those with a real disorder.
Not sure why it wouldn't be helpful to anyone else though. There are many (if not most) who just need a nudge, they think that they can't do it by themselves, but can be inspired to try to read about their perceived disorder and how others have dealt with it, to do something about it on their own first. I don't see a problem with that.
One person may need more assistance than someone else, but I have raised kids with real special needs who have repeatedly said, I can't, it's too hard, it's impossible. I could go on and on about what the professionals told them what they could and couldn't do.. A nudge in the right direction usually get's them to try, they don't always succeed, but they are trying, and sometimes they do succeed. When they do succeed, it plants a seed, and makes them a bit more willing to try to overcome the next obstacle. They are now productive, self sustaining adults, I'm not sure how those nudges weren't helpful though, if they could do it then literally anyone can.
In my experience, our society has weakened the average mind with excuses as to why they aren't doing what they should, we call everything a disorder now. Doping up all our kids and making them think that they have an alphabet soup "disorder". Those that perceive and relent that they have a problem have minimized those that really have serious issues that need to be dealt with by professionals. Instead we now have more drive by therapists to fill that demand, who's motivations are to get you back in to bill your insurance or to continue the therapy. Filling up the space otherwise needed for true disorders.
So in my humble opinion, not everyone has a true disorder, and those are the ones who I was speaking to. Sorry if you don't agree, but most people do just need a reality check, a nudge, a push.
Those of you with a true diagnosed disorder, then you really shouldn't be reading a forum to get your guidance from someone like me.
No one writes this much of a diatribe (which boils down to "kids these days and their made-up disorders") and considers their opinion "humble." If therapy and disordered eating aren't things you have any experience with or understanding of, I'd highly recommend you simply steer clear of and avoid contributing to threads where people are trying to work with those issues. Your "suck it up and deal with it" attitude is woefully inadequate for the majority of people struggling with this spectrum of issues.
OP, best of luck with your upcoming appointment! Having someone to help you to aid your coping mechanisms and better care for your mental health is one of the most important steps an adult can make.0 -
TechOutside wrote: »levitateme wrote: »
Your advice in this thread is not helpful for people who struggle with compulsive overeating. One time when I was in High School I had to sell chocolate bars. I ate 35 of them, in one sitting, and weighed myself after each one. This is what we're up against. The struggle is not at all comparable to "normal" people's issues with food. Drinking a glass of water before a meal doesn't help. It's not about being hungry or getting full. It's a compulsion to do a repetitive behavior that is deeply ingrained and can be brought about from anxiety or stress.
Therapy with a person who is trained to find out the 'why' behind the behavior (which doesn't have anything to do with food, it's usually past trauma) and then replace the destructive compulsion with new coping behaviors is what's needed. Honestly, people with this type of illness shouldn't look for support on a forum like this, simply because the average person has no idea how to respond or be supportive. There is no "just do this, it helped me" because what the OP is doing is not every day overeating.
Well thank goodness that it wasn't meant for those with a real disorder.
Not sure why it wouldn't be helpful to anyone else though. There are many (if not most) who just need a nudge, they think that they can't do it by themselves, but can be inspired to try to read about their perceived disorder and how others have dealt with it, to do something about it on their own first. I don't see a problem with that.
One person may need more assistance than someone else, but I have raised kids with real special needs who have repeatedly said, I can't, it's too hard, it's impossible. I could go on and on about what the professionals told them what they could and couldn't do.. A nudge in the right direction usually get's them to try, they don't always succeed, but they are trying, and sometimes they do succeed. When they do succeed, it plants a seed, and makes them a bit more willing to try to overcome the next obstacle. They are now productive, self sustaining adults, I'm not sure how those nudges weren't helpful though, if they could do it then literally anyone can.
In my experience, our society has weakened the average mind with excuses as to why they aren't doing what they should, we call everything a disorder now. Doping up all our kids and making them think that they have an alphabet soup "disorder". Those that perceive and relent that they have a problem have minimized those that really have serious issues that need to be dealt with by professionals. Instead we now have more drive by therapists to fill that demand, who's motivations are to get you back in to bill your insurance or to continue the therapy. Filling up the space otherwise needed for true disorders.
So in my humble opinion, not everyone has a true disorder, and those are the ones who I was speaking to. Sorry if you don't agree, but most people do just need a reality check, a nudge, a push.
Those of you with a true diagnosed disorder, then you really shouldn't be reading a forum to get your guidance from someone like me.
No one writes this much of a diatribe (which boils down to "kids these days and their made-up disorders") and considers their opinion "humble." If therapy and disordered eating aren't things you have any experience with or understanding of, I'd highly recommend you simply steer clear of and avoid contributing to threads where people are trying to work with those issues. Your "suck it up and deal with it" attitude is woefully inadequate for the majority of people struggling with this spectrum of issues.
OP, best of luck with your upcoming appointment! Having someone to help you to aid your coping mechanisms and better care for your mental health is one of the most important steps an adult can make.
Why? Does anyone benefit from living their lives in a bubble? Does everyone require so much one sided empathy that they never feel the need to stand and fight for themselves? I'm not writing this to mean, I have much better things to do with my time, I am writing it because I have lived it for decades.
I do not agree with you. I have plenty of life experience that is valuable to those who aren't so overly sensitive to an opposing view. I have extensive knowledge of facts with experience combined with trial and error, not just feelings, not just something I read on the internet somewhere.
I will openly discuss an opposing view, and I will not be silenced by anyone for respectfully voicing my experience and opinion of people, humanity and life in general. That's not how this internet thing works.
Sorry if that offends you, but you have the option to not read what I am writing.0 -
I just wanted to thank everyone for the tough love and compassionate responses. I had lots to think about. I have been in touch with an intake worker at the eating disorders clinic and will have an appt at the end of Feb. Best part is all the services are covered by our Canadian health insurance.
No one really thinks eating disorder when you're fat, but looking back to when I was younger I see all kinds of issues. I lost 100 lbs at 16 by eating 500 calories a day and exercising a lot. I ofc gained it back, but I've also had issues of binge eating to the point that I was sick. That led to an adulthood of binge eating and just a generally disordered way of dealing with food. I am hoping my appt will provide some of the help I need.
Thank you again for all the replies
Good luck, OP! It's a great step. It can absolutely be an eating disorder that involves overeating (without purging). Good for you!
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For the record I never diagnosed myself with an eating disorder. Its an option I am exploring based on how out of control I feel around food. I have always wondered if something was wrong with me, for 29 years I have been overweight. For 20 of those years I have tried to lose.
I will never understand the people who reply with a "why are you on a forum asking advice". Yes professionals are the best people, but sometimes a real life experience from someone who is there or has been there is helpful. I received a huge influx of helpful, private messages from this post. Some from people who have or are where I am and some who just had some kind words, others who had some not so helpful suggestions. I take it all in and use it in my thinking patterns.
We should all look to deliver helpful tough love words, empathy or kindness on any communication venue.
Thanks again to everyone.0 -
For the record I never diagnosed myself with an eating disorder. Its an option I am exploring based on how out of control I feel around food. I have always wondered if something was wrong with me, for 29 years I have been overweight. For 20 of those years I have tried to lose.
I will never understand the people who reply with a "why are you on a forum asking advice". Yes professionals are the best people, but sometimes a real life experience from someone who is there or has been there is helpful. I received a huge influx of helpful, private messages from this post. Some from people who have or are where I am and some who just had some kind words, others who had some not so helpful suggestions. I take it all in and use it in my thinking patterns.
We should all look to deliver helpful tough love words, empathy or kindness on any communication venue.
Thanks again to everyone.
Because if a behavioural or physical disorder is suspected, you will be amazed by the amount of very dangerous advice you get on online sites. And unless you already have experience with how to deal with the issue (in which you wouldn't have been asking for help online to begin with), it is often impossible to figure out what is helpful and what could cause a lot of harm.0 -
For the record I never diagnosed myself with an eating disorder. Its an option I am exploring based on how out of control I feel around food. I have always wondered if something was wrong with me, for 29 years I have been overweight. For 20 of those years I have tried to lose.
I will never understand the people who reply with a "why are you on a forum asking advice". Yes professionals are the best people, but sometimes a real life experience from someone who is there or has been there is helpful. I received a huge influx of helpful, private messages from this post. Some from people who have or are where I am and some who just had some kind words, others who had some not so helpful suggestions. I take it all in and use it in my thinking patterns.
We should all look to deliver helpful tough love words, empathy or kindness on any communication venue.
Thanks again to everyone.
Because if a behavioral or physical disorder is suspected, you will be amazed by the amount of very dangerous advice you get on online sites. And unless you already have experience with how to deal with the issue (in which you wouldn't have been asking for help online to begin with), it is often impossible to figure out what is helpful and what could cause a lot of harm.
I do second this info. And we are all strangers sitting behind our keyboards, faceless, nameless, tons of different personalities, knowledge, experience. Do you trust everyone?
Nothing can take the place of professional experiences within the medical field. Take what you want from the public forum with a grain of salt and so not get bothered when someone is snarky, disagreeable or just not helpful..
this is public forum with free reign.. but always have to be careful not to heed all info as good info.0 -
"I look around at others and see them eating normally. 1-2 slices of pizza and being full, half a takeout chinese meal and being done. Not me, I could eat an entire takeout meal and then some. Last night I ate 7, yes, 7 squares of sicilian style pizza. Sometimes I feel ill after, other times I don't. Sometimes it feels like I'm bottomless."
I've been through that too. I tell myself that I won't eat more than 2 slices but then I find myself eating more and more while I'm telling myself to stop. Two weeks ago I would have sworn that I had no will power and that I was I had a binge eating disorder.
Two weeks ago a colleague asked me in passing if I wanted to try a ketogenic diet. I figured, what have I got to loose. My current eating habits were just as bad as any unhealthy diet out there anyway. It's only been two weeks. I feel better though. I sleep better, I'm not tired all the time, I'm satiated! I. Am. Satiated. I used to eat meals after my meals. I ate while I was full. Feeling satiated is new to me.
Anyhow, why am I writing this? Because it sounds like you just haven't found what works for you and your body yet. Keep trying new things, keep talking to a professional who makes you feel heard, don't give up, because one day you'll stumble upon something that works for you and your body.
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