Hi from a Newperson and How I learned to Love my Leg(s)

tristramtrent

Hello all and thanks for the motivation of seeing you all here so far ( dropped quite a bit since 15 Jan!) I thought I would share this girl's big reason for turning up here, and how it changed my feelings about this body. And bodies in general..

I have been overweight for ever and feel the larger than life cheery person is so much part of my character I don't know who I would / will be if I get narrower! But willing now to find out. I was finally forced to face the reality of my girth when I suddenly had my first ever health emergency at New Year - a high fever and hallucinations followed by my left leg suddenly blowing up like a kebab roasted on a spit , red angry and agonizing. I had a lymphatic infection caused by overweight, overwork and poor circulation caused by, let's be honest, an overworked heart and just..too much fat. For a long time , 2 or 3 years, I'd had a warning sign of this - puffy ankles and feet in the evening and a tight line where my socks had been. I guess my top weight was about 255 at 5'7". An air flight just about topped this off allowing my veins in the lower leg to pool and an infection from a tiny scratch to brew up to crisis point.
Then followed a fortnight in a foreign European hospital where I barely spoke the language, fighting an antibiotic resistant bacteria that was travelling up my leg into all my leg lymph nodes and then a huge allergic reaction. One night or two I spent shedding tears in fear that the leg might have to go if the bacteria would not give up the fight. Thankfully the treatment worked and all I lost was a layer of lower leg skin. What a fright though! I had never been in a hospital before let alone with something serious. I was surrounded by much older people with diabetic complications and serious problems.

And it changed how I feel about this body. I was never a miserable fat person really, just ignored it ( well yes, in denial) eating anything and everything, busy with life and jobs and travel and friends. carrying it fairly well and even - even - carrying it as a kind of punky rebellion. What, me normal? Diets and exercise were for other people. I was immortal and to busy to take care of myself. BUT when you have looked at one of your podgy legs, pink feet and dimply knees and thought that this familiar friend, this prop and vehicle, this warm and hairy and sentient piece of the self might just be about to be rendered...gone, it changes your view of things. Now the leg is a bit battered and scarred, a bit red and peeling, but it is as dear to me as a companion animal. The miracle of watching it heal has been a beautiful thing. It wants to live and be better! The other one has picked up some of this love also . Perhaps with time I can extend this affection to the rest of my poor negected taken for granted 49 year old body also. It all feels so new, as though I never knew or appreciated it before.
So here I am logging and walking nearly every day and just did my first fitness dvd in 8 years, and the weight is , if not dropping off, certainly seeping away. I'd given up before this wake up call and accepted that my life would just be shorter than if I could have lost the weight. But things have changed and hopefully now I've Got This and will treat this fantastic machine I live in, that is the body, with the love it deserves. It is a biological wonder after all. At whatever girth.
I could use a few friends in this new phase, please get in touch if we could help each other! Onward upward and inward! :-)