Is anybody else here self-recovered/recovering from an eating disorder?

HanMW96

Surely I can't be the only one? Any advice for how to ignore feelings of guilt and 'wanting to go back' after reaching a healthy weight? When did everybody get their period back? I've been a healthy weight for almost a year now but mine is still absent?

erinlikesfood

You definitely aren't, but in my opinion MyFitnessPal is not the place to be if your goal is truly recovery. Staying off weight loss sites will move you further towards recovery. The things that helped me the most were seeing a psychologist weekly, a nutritionist once a month, and my primary care doctor about every 3 months. My period returned after about one year of being at a "healthy" weight -- but I actually had to allow my body to come to my set weight before it returned (which was still a healthy weight, just not the absolute minimum healthy weight I had imagined).

HanMW96

erinlikesfood wrote: »

You definitely aren't, but in my opinion MyFitnessPal is not the place to be if your goal is truly recovery. Staying off weight loss sites will move you further towards recovery. The things that helped me the most were seeing a psychologist weekly, a nutritionist once a month, and my primary care doctor about every 3 months. My period returned after about one year of being at a "healthy" weight -- but I actually had to allow my body to come to my set weight before it returned (which was still a healthy weight, just not the absolute minimum healthy weight I had imagined).

I consider myself about 95% recovered and am on Mfp to keep track of what I eat- my pt in the gym wants me to keep a food diary anyway if my period isn't back by the Summer, I'm going to my doctor!

briannadunn

I am, I used to binge eat, emotionally eat, and deprive. Now I just write everything down

rshort2008

I've struggled with purging (throwing up) all my life as a stress mechanism. In the last 2 months since I've been taking my lifestyle change seriously I've only done it twice

cptxenolith

I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 17. All I really have to say is that the day I stopped purging was the day I absolutely did not, and could not, live my life that way anymore. That was about 4.5 years ago. It's been a long journey and focusing on weight loss has been the very last step in the process. If I get to the point where I feel like losing will compromise my well-being, I'm prepared to stop. I have a good support system in place and so far feel good about everything. I wish you the best in your recovery and in reaching your goals.

CathReese33

The internal damage will repair a lot quicker than the psychological damage in most cases. Really well done on getting proper advice from a PT.
I have battled with varying forms of ED's for many years and although I no longer restrict severely or binge and purge or just binge, I still feel that monitoring EVERYTHING I eat is still a form of an ED. Just not so damaging to my health or mind.
Personally I feel that one addiction is usually replaced by another until the root cause is dealt with (in my case I have no idea why). Others may disagree but I feel I will probably be fighting the urges over food for the rest of my life.
All I can do is live as healthily as I can and not berate myself if I eat a donut or glass of wine. Moderation is the key - but being consistent in that approach is a lot harder for us than most people.
Good luck Cat x

clarklessk8

I've had issues with both sides of an eating disorder. I used to starve and purge but I also used to have a big binging problem. I like MFP because I can get my ideal weight in a healthy, consistent way and logging really helps me make sure I take care of myself.

LisaTcan

erinlikesfood wrote: »

You definitely aren't, but in my opinion MyFitnessPal is not the place to be if your goal is truly recovery. Staying off weight loss sites will move you further towards recovery. The things that helped me the most were seeing a psychologist weekly, a nutritionist once a month, and my primary care doctor about every 3 months. My period returned after about one year of being at a "healthy" weight -- but I actually had to allow my body to come to my set weight before it returned (which was still a healthy weight, just not the absolute minimum healthy weight I had imagined).

I sort of agree with this. I had a severe eating disorder from age 13-23 (purging 10x a day, was referred to a hospital treatment program) and at that point in my recovery being on weight loss sites like MFP was not helpful. After three years in recovery, letting my self gain weight to above my set point, and seeing a dietician/therapist weekly I feel like I'm as recovered as I am ever going to get.

I think it's probably best to refrain from any sort of dieting or intense exercise program when you are still in active recovery (if you still haven't got your period back I'd say you are!)

My therapist told me that she didn't believe people who had recovered from severe EDs would necessarily ever be able to "eat intuitively". Now that I am physically very healthy, and have sort of come to terms with my body image. I find MFP helps me to ensure I get proper nutrition and gives me a bit of control. For example, if I eat a meal that I perceive as high calorie/fat and feel the urge to purge I log it and realize that it I am still within my daily calorie limit and it is fine to eat treats sometimes. I see the control of MFP as the lesser of two evils.

I also found finding an exercise I loved (for me, cycling) really helpful. I exercise now because I enjoy it and it keeps me healthy, not to stay thin.

Good luck OP! I am now 29, have a master's degree and a career in healthcare, and I am pregnant with my first child After being very sick for a long time.

HanMW96

LisaTcan wrote: »

erinlikesfood wrote: »

You definitely aren't, but in my opinion MyFitnessPal is not the place to be if your goal is truly recovery. Staying off weight loss sites will move you further towards recovery. The things that helped me the most were seeing a psychologist weekly, a nutritionist once a month, and my primary care doctor about every 3 months. My period returned after about one year of being at a "healthy" weight -- but I actually had to allow my body to come to my set weight before it returned (which was still a healthy weight, just not the absolute minimum healthy weight I had imagined).

I sort of agree with this. I had a severe eating disorder from age 13-23 (purging 10x a day, was referred to a hospital treatment program) and at that point in my recovery being on weight loss sites like MFP was not helpful. After three years in recovery, letting my self gain weight to above my set point, and seeing a dietician/therapist weekly I feel like I'm as recovered as I am ever going to get.

I think it's probably best to refrain from any sort of dieting or intense exercise program when you are still in active recovery (if you still haven't got your period back I'd say you are!)

My therapist told me that she didn't believe people who had recovered from severe EDs would necessarily ever be able to "eat intuitively". Now that I am physically very healthy, and have sort of come to terms with my body image. I find MFP helps me to ensure I get proper nutrition and gives me a bit of control. For example, if I eat a meal that I perceive as high calorie/fat and feel the urge to purge I log it and realize that it I am still within my daily calorie limit and it is fine to eat treats sometimes. I see the control of MFP as the lesser of two evils.

I also found finding an exercise I loved (for me, cycling) really helpful. I exercise now because I enjoy it and it keeps me healthy, not to stay thin.

Good luck OP! I am now 29, have a master's degree and a career in healthcare, and I am pregnant with my first child After being very sick for a long time.

I am not entirely sure the absence of my period is due to me having had an ed, as it was never right when I used to get it congratulations on your recovery and your pregnancy! I'm doing a degree too

HanMW96

briannadunn wrote: »

I am, I used to binge eat, emotionally eat, and deprive. Now I just write everything down

That sounds like a plan! How are you doing?

HanMW96

rshort2008 wrote: »

I've struggled with purging (throwing up) all my life as a stress mechanism. In the last 2 months since I've been taking my lifestyle change seriously I've only done it twice

Good luck!

HanMW96

cptxenolith wrote: »

I have struggled with eating disorders since I was 17. All I really have to say is that the day I stopped purging was the day I absolutely did not, and could not, live my life that way anymore. That was about 4.5 years ago. It's been a long journey and focusing on weight loss has been the very last step in the process. If I get to the point where I feel like losing will compromise my well-being, I'm prepared to stop. I have a good support system in place and so far feel good about everything. I wish you the best in your recovery and in reaching your goals.

Thank you, good luck to you too!

HanMW96

CathReese33 wrote: »

The internal damage will repair a lot quicker than the psychological damage in most cases. Really well done on getting proper advice from a PT.
I have battled with varying forms of ED's for many years and although I no longer restrict severely or binge and purge or just binge, I still feel that monitoring EVERYTHING I eat is still a form of an ED. Just not so damaging to my health or mind.
Personally I feel that one addiction is usually replaced by another until the root cause is dealt with (in my case I have no idea why). Others may disagree but I feel I will probably be fighting the urges over food for the rest of my life.
All I can do is live as healthily as I can and not berate myself if I eat a donut or glass of wine. Moderation is the key - but being consistent in that approach is a lot harder for us than most people.
Good luck Cat x

You're in a similar position to me then- I will always have to control SOMETHING! I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder though, so I think that's why I need control! Good luck to you x

HanMW96

clarklessk8 wrote: »

I've had issues with both sides of an eating disorder. I used to starve and purge but I also used to have a big binging problem. I like MFP because I can get my ideal weight in a healthy, consistent way and logging really helps me make sure I take care of myself.

I'm glad you're doing better now!

TechOutside

I applaud you for your mental strength in fighting your own urges and managing your eating and exercise habits, I am sure it was difficult and will forever be a never ending journey. You have proven yourself to be a fighter.

I mean this in the most helpful way. We all have issue, whether that is with eating, smoking, drugs, stress, work, spouses, or lack there of. We all have something driving us to do things that aren't healthy for us, and that is everyone, even those seemingly perfect people we see everyday. They all have some form of issues that they are fighting to overcome every single day. Some are just more successful at overcoming it or hiding it than others.

When you can identify what those issues are that are a problem for you, as you have clearly done, you are more than halfway there to defeating them. Please stop telling yourself that you have a disorder, this just perpetuates the problem internally. You are allowing your mind to continue telling yourself the lie that you don't have any control. You have proven that you do, keep telling yourself, keep reminding yourself of what you have accomplished.

When people say that they have a disorder, what they are usually saying is that they have lost control of a certain area in their lives and have given in to naming it so that they don't have to find the internal will power to defeat it themselves. It justifies their problem internally and allows the excuse for their actions. Every form of addict uses this excuse every day to justify their actions. "I can't help myself." Food, alcohol, drugs, sex, every one.

You have the capacity to overcome yourself mentally, it begins with the day that you choose to overcome. Nobody can or will do it for you, not a magic pill, not a psychiatrist, not a family member, not anyone but you.

Everyone who has overcome something big did it with their own will power, nobody else can take credit for that but themselves. They should acknowledge it, rejoice in it, and remind themselves ever day that they are the only one that can and will help themselves.

Keep fighting for yourself! You deserve it.

Mersie1

Hi! I have battled every form of Ed for most of my life. I am recovered now, but remind myself that recovery can be a fragile state and that every day I need to remind myself of my goals and remind myself of what recovered looks like for me. As far as using this site goes, be careful. There are plenty of other sites that are specifically for eating disorders that allow you to log your food/emotions. The ED groups here seem largely inactive and the conversations, suggestions can fuel our obsessive thoughts if we are in a fragile emotional state or still focused on losing weight. I never press complete entry so I don't have to see "what I will weigh in 5 weeks." I also have ball parked a current weight as I do not ever weigh myself. When I have doc appts I do a blind weight check. I will, however track my food, but w roughly measuring it, not weighing it. I'm still trying to get an understanding of proper portions to further normalize my eating. My definition of recovery for myself is to eat in a healthful way (duh!) most of the time, but also In a social way. I want to eat at restaurants, friends houses etc without fear, anxiety of how things were made or micromanaging my portion sizes. I love having the serenity now of eating foods w very little nutritional value and not fracking out about it. I also, however, continue to see a therapist and nutritionist who specialize in ED!!!

Wishing you the best!!!! Congrats on all of your success thus far and reaching out!