The dream: Lose 120lbs

muchrachel

I came to the realization that I'm destroying myself. I've been very depressed and anxious lately (I think that's a credit to two deaths recently in my family) and in result have been binge eating or bored eating a lot. Having been going on for weeks I barely noticed, I sit at work, I go home and sit and play games, and eat a lot. Basically if I'm home I'm constantly eating. The other day though I finally noticed it physically taking a toll on me, I was pudgier around the middle and fresh lovely stretch marks on my already unwelcomed stomach pouch. But last night was the kicker, I discovered I now have heartburn, awful gagging and throw-up worthy heartburn. My esophagus was on fire, and nothing would relieve the pain till I googled home-remedies and a banana finally eased the acidic burning sensation. I was shaking after and terrified, I was up well past 1 am, too scared to lie down as I heard that would worsen it.

Today and yesterday, I made little changes in an effort to kick-start myself. I ate a banana for breakfast in both a method of healthiness and the fact that I was running late for work. When I went to lunch I didn’t go for the burger or even the roast beef sandwich, I got the salad bar and some soup; I also opted for the water instead of the soda. It might not seem like much but they are conscious decisions I finally went through with and it sort of makes me think their might be hope for me?

I’m 5’9” 270+lbs (I haven’t weighed myself in a while). I have a history of decent athleticism that I maintained until 2011 when I quite college volleyball, since I’ve been on and off programs of CrossFit and paleo dieting which had worked well for me but nothing I stuck with for longer than 6 months at most. I’m vastly overweight and hate how inflexible and weak I have become, I really enjoy weight lifting and would love to improve sex wise with being more fit and smaller in size (just some motivators I’m focusing on).

nrsjac

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