Trying to lose with NO support at home
ashleeeeanne
Posts: 89 Member
Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...? My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried... We have a not so ideal living situation nor schedules which makes it even harder.
However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.
However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.
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Replies
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Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?0
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Girl, sometimes you just gotta do you. I feel like these boards are a nice place to come for support, recipes, and ideas in general for help with your goals. A lot of things in life are totally out of my control, one thing I can get a grasp on is what I put in my mouth and how I decide to fuel my body.
I can see how it might be difficult if you're trying to plan a meal and the rest of the family decides to order Pizza Hut, that's frustrating. I'm not exactly sure what the case is in your home, but know there are people in the MFP community going through similar things and are happy to provide support each other!
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ashleeeeanne wrote: »Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...?
Use mfp for support0 -
Is that you in the photo? Your ticker says you want to lose 200 lbs? Maybe your family is concerned for your well being?0
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I guess a little bit of both.... I hear how great I look as I am starting to lose weight, but then how I'm not eating enough or when I don't want to eat what they are having.stephanie20314 wrote: »Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?
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I'm witcha girl, my bf has bad food choices but doesn't gain weight, eats whatever he wants, me on the other hand not so much. He tells me I don't need to loose weight I look good the way I am and try's forcing me to eat anything he eats! I just ignore him and end up cooking him some delicious meals that I can't eat and I just make myself somthing healthier. It was hard at first but now it's getting easier.0
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i never have support, never had, its just the way life is. You have to be your own support. this is about you not anyone else. However if someone is actually holding me back or sabotaging me, i'll stay away from them or eliminate them from my life. Its a lifestyle change and in order to change your lifestyle you have to change your lifestyle0
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stephanie20314 wrote: »Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?
Pretty much my life so I understand. Years ago I lost 50+ with the complete support of my then fiancee and it was kinda easy. I've realized that it is that much more difficult when you are doing it alone. I think those that have quit smoking when your spouse is a smoker would best understand how that that feels.
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A little more info would be good to help provide suggestions, but I would say for me I just took over the kitchen one day. I do basically all the cooking for my house now and my partner just eats what I make him :-) He's good about that at least. So I don't worry about what he eats or his choices affecting mine. I just make what I want and what will work for my diet...if he wants 2 servings he can go for it and often does.
If you are at home with your parents, you might just need to start operating more independently. Prepare your own meals and don't worry about what they are doing. This is your choice not theirs...you all have the right to decide for yourselves and should. If they want to do this with you, great! If not, whatever. Just be strong in what you want for you.0 -
stephanie20314 wrote: »Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?
Pretty much my life so I understand. Years ago I lost 50+ with the complete support of my then fiancee and it was kinda easy. I've realized that it is that much more difficult when you are doing it alone. I think those that have quit smoking when your spouse is a smoker would best understand how that that feels.
I'm trying to quit smoking and my hubby isn't WOW is it hard. I can only imagine how hard it is for the OP. I would suggest turning to MFP for friendly advice and support... No man/woman is an island.0 -
What type of support would you want? Who is not showing support? What would you expect these people to do instead?0
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Hi. I just looked back on your log and it looks as if you have lost 10lb in about 4 days? If that's the case they may be worried about you so don't want to encourage you further?..0
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You have to do it for you with or without your families help.0
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thank you guys for the pointers.
Y'all are right. I will do this for me even without the support of others around me... I will edit my post to give a little more information.0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried...
I can speak from some personal experience on this one. It may not be that he is trying to sabotage you or not support you, he is worried about what your relationship may become. If you're anything like me and my wife (and I have no reason to believe you are, so please ignore if I'm wrong) he associates good times and fun experiences with you along with food. My wife and I, everytime we got stressed or upset with one another, we would always turn to food to sit down and enjoy together so that life got less complicated for at least a few minutes. When I first started losing weight it caused problems with my marriage. I wasn't wanting to eat late nights anymore, I wasn't wanting take out as often, and it caused a rift in our marriage because we didn't share that time together. Maybe this can be a problem he is experiencing and he may not even realize it. If he is telling you how much he loves you and how great you look then he is being supportive. He just isn't being supportive in the way you need. Please communicate with him your needs and feelings and express to him the desire to continue to lose weight but continue to find ways to be together and enjoy each other's presence without food.
Just my .02 cents.0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried...
I can speak from some personal experience on this one. It may not be that he is trying to sabotage you or not support you, he is worried about what your relationship may become. If you're anything like me and my wife (and I have no reason to believe you are, so please ignore if I'm wrong) he associates good times and fun experiences with you along with food. My wife and I, everytime we got stressed or upset with one another, we would always turn to food to sit down and enjoy together so that life got less complicated for at least a few minutes. When I first started losing weight it caused problems with my marriage. I wasn't wanting to eat late nights anymore, I wasn't wanting take out as often, and it caused a rift in our marriage because we didn't share that time together. Maybe this can be a problem he is experiencing and he may not even realize it. If he is telling you how much he loves you and how great you look then he is being supportive. He just isn't being supportive in the way you need. Please communicate with him your needs and feelings and express to him the desire to continue to lose weight but continue to find ways to be together and enjoy each other's presence without food.
Just my .02 cents.
I think this could be very correct. He works nights, so a lot of the only time we get to spend together is spent around food...0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried...
I can speak from some personal experience on this one. It may not be that he is trying to sabotage you or not support you, he is worried about what your relationship may become. If you're anything like me and my wife (and I have no reason to believe you are, so please ignore if I'm wrong) he associates good times and fun experiences with you along with food. My wife and I, everytime we got stressed or upset with one another, we would always turn to food to sit down and enjoy together so that life got less complicated for at least a few minutes. When I first started losing weight it caused problems with my marriage. I wasn't wanting to eat late nights anymore, I wasn't wanting take out as often, and it caused a rift in our marriage because we didn't share that time together. Maybe this can be a problem he is experiencing and he may not even realize it. If he is telling you how much he loves you and how great you look then he is being supportive. He just isn't being supportive in the way you need. Please communicate with him your needs and feelings and express to him the desire to continue to lose weight but continue to find ways to be together and enjoy each other's presence without food.
Just my .02 cents.
I just wanted to comment that this is a really insightful and and really relatable comment. It is often really hard on our partners in life, whatever their relationship to us is, that when we lose weight or improve our lives in some way, they get a little bit threatened. Maybe we wont look at them the same way, maybe we will want a "better" partner, maybe we wont be satisfied with them anymore and will want something more exciting, more good looking, smarter, faster, stronger, sexier - so they end up needing our reassurance that our self improvement will have benefits to the relationship as we become happier with ourselves.0 -
My husband loves pizza. When he's eating pizza I will always have my little slice to help my craving.0
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say thank you to the compliments and tell them their opinion on your food choices isn't wanted and to keep it to themselves. Unsolicited advice or comments is rude and deserves a total shutdown response. Love yourself enough to demand respect and adopt a healthy lifestyle.0
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When we have pizza I have one or two thin crust slices with a big salad. He has more pizza slices.0
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ashleeeeanne wrote: »ashleeeeanne wrote: »My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried...
I can speak from some personal experience on this one. It may not be that he is trying to sabotage you or not support you, he is worried about what your relationship may become. If you're anything like me and my wife (and I have no reason to believe you are, so please ignore if I'm wrong) he associates good times and fun experiences with you along with food. My wife and I, everytime we got stressed or upset with one another, we would always turn to food to sit down and enjoy together so that life got less complicated for at least a few minutes. When I first started losing weight it caused problems with my marriage. I wasn't wanting to eat late nights anymore, I wasn't wanting take out as often, and it caused a rift in our marriage because we didn't share that time together. Maybe this can be a problem he is experiencing and he may not even realize it. If he is telling you how much he loves you and how great you look then he is being supportive. He just isn't being supportive in the way you need. Please communicate with him your needs and feelings and express to him the desire to continue to lose weight but continue to find ways to be together and enjoy each other's presence without food.
Just my .02 cents.
I think this could be very correct. He works nights, so a lot of the only time we get to spend together is spent around food...
Y'all can still share food - you just have more non-starchy veggies and less of the high calorie foods.0 -
ashleeeeanne wrote: »I guess a little bit of both.... I hear how great I look as I am starting to lose weight, but then how I'm not eating enough or when I don't want to eat what they are having.stephanie20314 wrote: »Are they actively sabotaging you or just not making the same lifestyle changes?
I have found that showing my husband my calorie log for the day shushes him about "not eating enough". I tell him that I am monitoring it closely, thank you for caring, but I am definitely on top of it. People don't like to feel guilty while making poor eating decisions. I mean, I get grumpy when people come to my birthday party and I'm eating a big slice of cake and they pass on it. I get it--so I stay quiet. So I think they are trying to make themselves feel better by dragging you down with them. "Yay the healthy one is eating this too so it's not so bad."
When you receive compliments, really emphasize how much you appreciate them--hopefully to reinforce the support. And when they are negative, try to not fight and instead move to another subject. (Or flash your calorie log at them lol)
Good luck!0 -
As long as you are eating a reasonable amount of calories for your height & weight, and a variety of nutritious foods, and not always complaining about being "on a diet", it shouldn't really be a concern for him. Maybe if you show him your food diary, calories and macros, and tell him you are budgeting your calories like he might budget hos money, he'll be more understanding when you turn something down because it doesn't fit in your calorie budget. Otherwise, you'll just have to do your thing and come to the forums for support.0
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ashleeeeanne wrote: »Any pointers on continuing on with absolutely no support at home...? My husband tells me how wonderful I look as I am continuing to lose weight, and then 5 minutes later gets upset that I don't want to eat something greasy and fried... We have a not so ideal living situation nor schedules which makes it even harder.
However, I am doing this for me... Was just looking to see if anyone else was in the same boat and how they were dealing with it.
It sounds like you're getting excellent support at home.
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Just get a divorce. It's the only option.-2
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He gets mad because you don't want to eat something? That sounds controlling.0
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I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.0 -
Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it.PikaKnight wrote: »I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
@ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search )
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Wow. Outta left field on this one? I've seen that happen before, but she wasn't going on and on bashing him or saying he was horrible or controlling. She was wanting to know if anyone else had an issue similar to feeling like there was a lack of the support she is looking for in her SO. I think some other people are reading too much into that. Except @DYELB -- nailed it.PikaKnight wrote: »I really feel bad for all these loved ones/partners/SOs that get put on the forums. We only get one side of the story and they get turned into controlling horrible people who just want to sabotage efforts. And that it's wrong if they voice their concern in any way even though we don't know what the situation really is or if it's warranted.
If the situation is so bad - either seek counseling or break up. Relationship issues really should stay between the two of you. Not broadcasted on a public forum where we only get one side of the story to begin with.
@ashleeeeanne You've gotten some great advice, and the base line would be to talk to him about it and how you feel. Communication in any relationship is important! I'm glad he recognizes that you're beautiful where you're at right now too! If spending time together for a meal is what you do, have your meal, just two different meals (there's many threads about 2 meal 1 family as well if you do a search )
No - but the post right before the one you quoted intimated that. I'm pretty sure that played a big part in her comment.
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