Do I have an eating disorder?

EmiliaElectrik

I have been on a "diet" since December (which is a horrible time to start because there were so many Christmas treats in my house). I had been going strong for 2 months unti my birthday happened this February. I had a couple of pancakes for breakfast, I skipped lunch (because I felt guilty about the amount of calories that I had already previously consumed, and then I had a late dinner. My late dinner was at this popular diner where I live (everything is made fresh and in house). I got the grilled chicken sandwhich and it came with fries. I ate the sandwhich wihout guilt because I had told my friend how guilty I felt about eating that day and she told me that it's only one day so it is fine. I also had a medium sized piece of carrot cake for dessert. Note that on this particular day, I had no time to exercise because of uni, sports, and family activities. This made me feel even worse about what I was eating.That night, I went to bed feeling like crap because of all of the sugar and sodium that my body was not used to.
Rewind to when I started my "diet". I call it a "diet" with quotation marks because it started out as a lifestyle change. Cutting off pop, popcorn, sweets, and I stopped over eating. But quickly it turned into not eating lunch and eating small breakfast portions. I got better for a couple weeks and started eating lunch again. After my birthday, I felt my control slipping away. I was sneaking snacks and craving sugar 24/7.
I have lost 10-15 pounds since December, but I have only lost 1 pound recently when I joined this website. I am concerned for myself because I know with the amount of exercise I should do that I should be eating close to 2,000 cals a day. Instead I find myself afraid and fearful of reaching 1,000 calories a day. I count everything that I eat, and if I can't find a label or a website that will tell me the amount of calories in a food, then I end up not eating it. Right now I am considered a healthy weigth at 119 pounds. I am afraid that this fear of reaching 1,000 calories a day is going to ruin my body. I also am conflicted because I am losing weight and so I don't want to stop the ways that I am eating, but I wish I had more energy and I wish I wasn't so mean. This full time job of calorie counting is taking over my life and I don't know what to do.

kommodevaran

This doesn't sound allright. Please seek professional help. Talking to someone, a therapist, or even a dietitian, can help.

malibu927

I don't know if I'd qualify it as an eating disorder yet, especially without knowing your height. 119 is pretty light. But guilt and fear over eating food is not a good sign. Definitely speak with someone.

MsBuzzkillington

Regardless of if it's an eating disorder or not, I would 100% recommend talking to someone professional. It sounds like you're developing a very unhealthy relationship with food. While it may not be "that" bad right now it could get much much worse. You don't want your entire life to be consumed by this with feelings of no way out. The sooner you get help for however you feeling the better chance you have at success.

I really really urge you to find someone professional who can help you work through things. No matter what, don't minimize your issues thinking you don't have it bad enough. It is bad enough if you are feeling bad.

zyxst

kommodevaran wrote: »

This doesn't sound allright. Please seek professional help. Talking to someone, a therapist, or even a dietitian, can help.

Whoever reported the above as abuse is abusing the report system.

OT, here's a link to http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ . It may help/give you someone to talk to.

I've been in that same boat - not eating foods without knowing the nutritional info, only eating at specific places, eating and not logging, secretly eating. It felt a lot like disordered eating, perhaps borderline ED. I was able to pull myself out by logging everything I ate (including the secret snacks) and realizing I can take apart meals and find similar if not identical ones in shops that did have nutritional info.

AvonLucyR

I encourage you to speak to a professional LSW. I had an eating disorder when I was younger, and for me, a big red flag was when I start trying to keep calories below 1000. I would also recommend you double check with a dietician and show them your log of eating. They can quickly let you know if you are getting proper nutrition. Your Dr can do labs to check if you are lacking in any areas. Best of luck to you!

arizonanewbedford

malibu927 wrote: »

I don't know if I'd qualify it as an eating disorder yet, especially without knowing your height. 119 is pretty light. But guilt and fear over eating food is not a good sign. Definitely speak with someone.

I'm not trying to be rude but this advice is not good or sound. Anyone at any weight can have an eating disorder. Please stop perpetuating myths and harmful stigmas.

To the original poster:
I think the fact that you are reaching out for advice on the subject is a big red flag and good starting point for you to seek help. I know the accomplished feeling of losing weight- but it will never out weigh the possible damage and harm to your body. It can slow metabolism, hurt organs, mess with your hormones, fertility, ect. Also the controlling feelings can get worse and you can end up in a tough spot of every meal feeling like a nightmare. I know because I went through it! You can google orthorexia too because it's becoming much more common. If possible it would be a good idea to see if your general practitioner can give you a referral to a specialist like a registered dietician or even therapist who can set guidelines with you and hold you accountable or just talk about it! Either way keep strong and smart and worship your beautiful body!! Please be safe and nourish yourself

geekyjock76

What motivated you to go on this "diet" to begin with? And why do you need to lose weight in the first place, especially considering you are 119 lbs and in a healthy weight range?

I am guessing you are a college athlete since you mentioned uni and sports. With that being said, you certainly need to fuel your body or else performance is going to suffer. You wish you had energy yet you aren't providing your body the energy it needs with the calorie allotment described. If you keep this up, you are also going to lose your period if you already haven't.

You also use an interesting word, "control." If you are attending a university, their health and human service department should have counselors who can help you.

PixelPuff

Well, it seems as if your actual eating hasn't been impacted yet from what you described, so you do not have an eating disorder from information given [you mentioned being afraid of the calories, but seems as if you are still eating them?]. You ARE showing signs of disordered thinking, though, and I recommend talking to someone about it irl. Trust me - bulimic.

rankinsect

Lots of warning signs here:

1. Feelings of guilt and fear tied to food.
2. Drastic undereating.
3. Very severe calorie restriction in spite of normal body weight.
4. Letting calorie counting dominate your life.

hyIianprincess

As someone who is currently in recovery for one, it definitely sounds like disordered thinking. I highly suggest talking to someone about it before it gets out of control.

Mersie1

The national eating disorder association has great resources. As one who has fought every eating disorder for my entire adult life- yes! You are reading the red flags correctly! Please take care of yourself and seek professional help! Sending you much love!

NeoFresh

Emilia,
I know that you've seen this before, but maybe another voice will push you in the right direction. Please speak to a professional about the behaviors that you have noticed. You seem to be developing an unhealthy habit that could and already might be negatively impact your life and those that love and depend on you. If you need support in doing so, feel free to message me. Wishing the best and healthiest for you!

corgicake

The key part here is that it's your mentality concerning you. Mind you, choosing a healthy diet and lifestyle in some communities is virtually guaranteed to cause conflict... and people trying to do that in said communities aren't distressed by their own goals and most of them know where their frustration belongs. Try to make sure the person you see is focused on mentality if you're not outright skeletal - there are "professionals" out there who seem to be obsessed with numbers. Find someone good and have them help you sort this out.

lizwrites1313

I don't know if you have an eating disorder but being afraid to go over 1000 suggests you have an unhealthy relationship with food and that's not good. Speak to a professional about these feelings and remember no-one here wants you to be unhappy or unhealthy, we're all here to support one another whenever you need a shoulder or friendly ear.

Nachise

Emilia, when eating becomes a mental struggle, it's time you reach out for help. It was brave of you to post your concerns. Good start. Find yourself a registered dietician that works with athletes.

kmbrooks15

I agree with what everyone here has said. While it may not yet be a full-blown eating disorder, it's definitely an unhealthy relationship with food. That can be the first step toward an eating disorder, so the sooner you recognize that and get help, the easier it will be to treat. Use the links to resources that several have provided here. And it sounds like many of these folks are speaking from experience, so listen to their advice, especially. They know better than anyone how difficult it can be to work through these issues. They also can give you hope...most sound like they've come around to a healthier way of viewing food and nutrition. Best of luck to you!

xblue07

I've had a bad relationship with food for years and it's gone everywhere from binge eating to heavy restricting. Just because you're a healthy weight doesn't mean you can't have an eating disorder. Definitely find a professional so you can get some help working through things before it escalates. Feel free to friend me if you like.