Viscous cycle of self hate

megbee617

I'm very frustrated with my weight loss (or lack thereof). I feel guilty if I go two days without going to the gym and beat myself up if I'm over my calorie limit. If I eat another stupid salad for lunch I'm going to legit throw up. I haven't lost weight in a few weeks and I'm feeling like such a piece of crap.

For instance, I was determined to go to the gym before work at 5am today. I ended up waking up after 3hrs of sleep and just lied in bed until 5am came around, by then I was too tired from not sleeping and stayed up until I had to get up for work, basically telling myself what a piece of crap I am.

Sorry for the pity party, I'm just so frustrated and sad. How do you keep from giving in to the self-hate mantras?

clh72569

If you wake up early and can't go to sleep and the gym is closed; exercise anyways do some you-tube exercise video. You'll feel great and not waste time lying in bed.

Lee_Fitnesspla

I go through these spells as well. Just last week I fell apart at the gym after ANOTHER weekly weigh-in without improvement. It's so frustrating to do everything right and still have no positive results to show for it.

Avoiding the self-hate mantra is tough. It helps to have a strong support system. It also helps to know what sort of encouragement you respond best.

Anna800

I lost no weight in January, so for February I gave up alcohol and the scale started moving. I also keep a physical food diary so I can look at it a week at a time. I place red dots on bad meals, then I could visually see that I was having 3 bad days a week in January.

Sleep is the most important thing, you can't function without it. Get yourself some herbal sleep meds. I like Magnesium Citrate, but melatonin works too.

quiksylver296

I think the thing that helped me the very most was a digital food scale. Do you use one?

Just commit to logging all your food and get a realistic idea of where you are currently. Then adjust from there.

Exercise is for health (and my mental health ) but isn't necessary for weight loss. Weight loss is all about eating less calories than your body needs in a day. That can only be accomplished by knowing exactly how many calories you are putting into your body.

You totally can do this! Good luck!

punkyb07

I found myself getting obsessive with looking at the scale, I would sometimes get on it pretty much every day. When I didn't lose, I'd get discouraged, binge, and then eventually talk myself out of even making an effort. My saving grace this time around is getting on the scale ONLY at the first of the month. It saves my sanity. It allows me to focus on the changes I can SEE (pants looser in the thigh and waist, arms looking less chunky, etc). If I don't drop as much weight as expected? Then I need to make a change.

Making a shift and really understanding that this is a LONG haul sort of process has helped too. I didn't gain this weight in 4 months, so I can't lose it that quickly either.

ames105

Stop the negative self talk first. Stop it. It doesn't do any good and makes you just want to eat more for comfort. Stop it.

Next, you have to be honest with yourself. You haven't lost any weight. Ok. Are you doing what you are supposed to be doing or are you kinda sliding through the days? I'm not supposed to have sugar. My weight loss has stopped and I had to be honest with myself. I've been drinking more pop, eating a lot of fruit cups and sliding in a few pieces of candy every night. I need to refocus and knock it off. I know if I do a day or two of good behaviors, the weight loss will start creeping up again.

If you haven't been slipping, try changing something, change your exercise routine, change something else in your food & nutrition. Recalculate your calories, maybe you should adjust them up or down a bit. Plateaus are normal remember. Maybe you aren't a morning person and an evening workout is better for you. Maybe a lunch time walk for a week or two will get you more motivated to go back to early morning workouts. Work through your plateau. Its the only way.

Track your food, track your exercise. Make good choices. Sleep, eat. Even if you don't feel like going to the gym, get up and go for a walk. It will happen. The biggest thing I've found is WHAT foods I eat are just as important to me as how many calories. I find more protein works in the morning, more carbs in the evening and stop eating after 7 or 8pm works well for me. (I know a calorie is a calorie but there is something about a good combination of foods that seems to work for me). Find what works for you and do it. It takes patience and practice.

You can do it, I know it. You just have to know it now too.

MissDeeDee78

Knowing that this is a journey and not a race, keeps me going. Yes I get angry and frustrated when the scale hasn't moved and when it does it's the opposite direction, I feel like a failure and I get a bit depressed. I then stop and think of the things I should have done (workout, eat better) and I make a mental note and start back on my journey. The trick is when you fall off the wagon, don't let it leave you behind. Get back on your wagon and continue on your journey. And Anna is right, sleep is one of the main keys to weight loss try and track your sleep to make sure you're getting enough rest. Oh and water water water.

emdeesea

Identify the things you can control and the things you can't. Then change what you can and accept the things you can't.

So for example, I am not a morning person so me thinking I'm going to get up at the butt crack of dawn to exercise is just setting myself up for failure because it won't happen. So instead, I allow myself to sleep, get up leisurely, and go to the gym in the afternoon when I have energy and the willpower. Success!

I also have a plan that I follow every day. If I don't see progress on the scale every day, that's okay, I just try to figure out what I might be able to change. If it's not something I can change (like maybe I'm PMSing and the scale is up), okay, well, that's okay, because it doesn't last long, so I'll just carry on and just not weigh for a few days.

Those days come where you feel like crap, but say if your best friend was beating herself up, would you be supportive of her or would you join in? You'd probably be more supportive - so do that with yourself. And try to change the things you can control.

And yes, I will echo the poster who suggested using a food scale. Stop using cups and tablespoons to measure. They're incredibly inaccurate. You will be very surprised at the difference that ONE change will make.

Jenfromtheblock84

I know it is very hard but the self hate will eat you alive and leave you slipping on the pounds. You have to cut yourself a break. As far as the weight loss like others have said weight loss happens in the kitchen. If you can keep in check what you eat then working out is not necessary. I've gone through this so many times so I sympathize. It took a lot of self evaluation and actually speaking with my PP to get some medication for the depression I was in before I realized those voices in my head that said I wasn't good enough or to give up before trying were wrong. We are amazing people. So stay strong and do your very best to weigh your food, measure everything, and log honestly.

jgnatca

One of the best classes I ever attended was an eight week course on living with chronic conditions (I count obesity). These courses are offered by all sorts of agencies all over North America and there's a similar course available also in the UK.

http://patienteducation.stanford.edu/programs/cdsmp.html

I was taught a troubleshooting technique to review weekly my progress and to set SMART goals. By moving the weight loss game from the emotional to the intellectual, I stopped wallowing in regret. If something didn't work, I'd brainstorm the causes and what I might change the next time around. I began to see weekly progress in my goals, even if I wasn't counting the scale. For instance, I might make a better choice of evening snack. Small improvements over time let to bigger changes overall. And I felt much better.

In the example of your very bad awful no-good night of insomnia, what might you try differently next time? I sort of like the idea of doing an exercise video in the middle of the night, working up a good sweat and hopefully a peaceful sleep afterwards.

Read up also on Cognitive Distortion and all-or-nothing thinking.

I totally relate to the funk that follows after bad news at the scale. I really don't like the scale at all. It fails to tell the whole story. Like it totally does not remember that I worked really hard all that week.

WickedPineapple

Forgive yourself, accept that there will be moments of weakness, and aim for overall improvement, not perfection. Try not to tie weight loss to your sense of self-worth. Focus on what you've already accomplished. Celebrate NSVs. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, try to shift your thinking to what you like about yourself, what's going right, and things to look forward to.

Also, work on improving your sleep. Sleep is just as, if not more, important as exercise. Plus, if you're sleep deprived, everything sucks (and this is not helpful for the negative self-talk problem). You might want to switch your workouts to later in the day if you have trouble sleeping. (I have insomnia, sometimes it takes hours to get to sleep. So generally, I'm much more likely to 'sleep in' than get up early to workout.)

TaraTall

I know it's a commercial, but that Dove (I think??) commercial that suggests 99% of women will have a self-hate moment every single day really hit home for me, and it your post does the same.

Most people - men and women alike - will have a moment of self hate or self doubt or something at any given moment.

The advice I learned to take (rather, try to take) is to talk to yourself like you'd talk to your best friend. Because you SHOULD be your best friend. Sometimes you need to tell yourself "it's okay sweetheart, there's always tomorrow" and sometimes you need to tough love yourself. But you should never disrespect yourself. Never. You are in this fight and as long as you're here with a purpose, you are winning the big battle. Some days it will be hard. Some days you'll feel like you're not fighting for anything. But you are, you're fighting for you. For your wellness. For your health. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and hold your head high.

It's okay to feel discouraged. It's okay to feel proud. But it is not ever okay to be mean or hateful to yourself.

Keep on keeping on. As others suggested, try something different. But whatever you do, don't quit. You've got this. You've got all of us on your side. We all need someone sometimes. You've got this. And if you don't think you do, we've got you.

TheDopeAquarius

I understand what you mean because I am the same way for the most part. In my case, I work out like crazy and count my calories to a "T" and once I am within 5 pounds of my goal weight I have sabotaged myself and gained all the weight back and more. I have done this same song and dance for years. I had a friend tell me I do this, and I asked who in their right mind would, until it dawned on me that I did. I'm also addicted to weighing myself daily, sometimes twice per day, and if the numbers don't drop I feel stupid and ugly. This is not healthy for us and I hope we can both start with self love to see the changes we want to see.

andrewjbaker1984

Why are you having salad for lunch every day if you don't enjoy it? Why not go for something else but just a healthier version?

brdnw

Everyone has failures, i went from 285 to 225 back up to 265 and then have stayed at 200'ish for the past 3 years now.

The biggest difference between someone that succeeds and someone that doesn't is consistency. When you don't do well on X day just forget it and move on. a few good days in a row kill a bad day. but a few bad days in a row can lead to many more.

If you're not losing weight just look at what you're eating. Maybe try and track everything you eat so you can see numerically how you're eating every week. Maybe you think you're eating 1800 calories and you're really eating 2300 because you're not counting your coffee and X snack or something. If you track everything and then stick to eating at /around x number then weight loss is pretty much guaranteed.

mommazach

I've been through the same thing as you. Mostly after an injury. I get totally obsessed with not gaining more weight, then fail to log the food I'm eating. Biggest impact is drinking water, and if you can't make the before work workout, hit it after work or at lunch. I've shed far more weight with working out then just diet alone. We all fail from time to time. I have 5 children who would love me to start baking again... Remember the reason you started and start setting up mini goals for each week. Find other friend on here who will be supporting to you, and will cheer you on when you slip. Make sure you are not cheating yourself in this whole scheme of things. You can do all this and more....