I really need relationship advice...please help

Trechechus

I know it's hard, and it's easier said than done, but it's time to try to move on. Let yourself go on some dates, even if you aren't looking for a relationship right of the bat. Look for someone else who can make you smile, and who you can maybe share a mutual love with.

sillygoosie

Once again, relieved that there was no internet when I was a teenager.

mommy3457

If a guy really wants to be with you, he will. My husband pursued me. I did not have to strive to win him over. This guy does not feel the same you feel about him. And, it's okay. He was not right for you. There is nothing wrong with you. This kind of reminds me of the movie, "He's Just Not Into You." Maybe it will help you? Regardless, you just need to be you and let him go. You will find love, but don't strive. It will happen when it does.

ThatSoundsHard

Oh honey,
I can tell you that many, many women have had this sort of thing happen to us at some point.
This is all just part of growing up. People you love are going to hurt you, sometimes you won't have an explanation for why someone chooses to end your relationships or any closure. Sometimes it will hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe or your world is ending. The good news is that you WILL come out on the other side of this heartache a wiser and stronger person.

At the risk of sounding like a cliché I really truly believe the old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So maybe your season together has simply ended or maybe there is a lesson you need to learn from this.

Either way, experience has taught me that there is no point in hurting yourself further by trying to maintain the friendship. He doesn't want to be friends.. I'm sorry.

I agree with posters suggesting you reach out to your other friends who you have fallen out of touch with and talk to them about what you`ve been going through. Real friends understand.

My biggest piece of advice is this though: Let yourself hurt, let your heart be broken if that`s what it`s time for. It won`t hurt forever, I promise. The best thing you can do is learn from this, someday, probably much sooner than you think you`ll look back on this and think that you cannot believe you allowed someone who cares so little about you hurt you so much. These heartbreaks and hardships we experience when we`re young help teach us the hard lessons we need. I wouldn`t be half the woman I am today if it weren`t for the hard lessons of my youth.

Whipppets

He met someone else, they told him that he could not see you anymore and he did not have the guts to tell you.

Pure speculation on my part but having a teenage daughter I have learned a little about young relationships.
You will be glad he is gone when you meet the next guy that makes your heart pound.

Stump_Likker

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?

No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.

i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.

in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.

in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.

I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.

Some people just aren't worth your time.

kelseyhere

To me it sounds like he met another girl but didn't have the heart to tell you he was seeing someone (probably because he did have feelings for you) and so he tried to "let you off easy." But that's not really cool either, it would be more fair for him to man up and say what was going on. But since that was back in March, doesn't look like it's going to happen. Pick yourself up and make a plan to hang out with your friends. Good friends won't ditch out on you just because you're a little depressed. Make yourself busy and you will meet someone new. Just have to stay busy and get over it (working out is another great way!). It's hard now and it feels so daunting, like no one else out there could make you feel that way, but honey, they can, and they will. When we focus on making ourselves better and surrounding ourselves with positive people, good things happen.

glovepuppet

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?

No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.

i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.

in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.

in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.

I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.

sometimes that apparent disinterest is just attempting to shut off from emotions & guilt & the risk of hurting you further. at least until you're over it.

LisaDunn01

If I were in your shoes, I would email or text him and tell him how you feel. Not necessarily to expect an answer (but you never know!) but to get it out there and move on.

I would do something simple like this:

"I hope this email/text finds you well. I'm sorry we don't talk or hang out anymore. I miss that. During that time, I failed to tell you how I truly felt about you. Not that I expect this to change our present circumstances, but I just felt you should know. I wish you the very best. Take care."

This may or may not get him back into communication with you, but I think it is always "freeing" to simply communicate.

It's hard to move on when you are stuck on someone. So instead of forcing the issue I recommend going out with people (male and female friends) and work on staying in the moment and having fun with that person, and avoid comparing them to this other person at all costs.

Best of luck!

gonnamakeanewaccount

He probably has a girlfriend.

Stump_Likker

Thanks everyone for the advice. I know I really should get over him, but it is so hard. I just miss him...even just being his friend I miss. Shouldn't he be able to talk to me even if he found someone else who he has feelings for? Can't we just be friends? Is there any way I could at least get my friend back?

No "friend" would walk out of your life without explanation. We've all been down this road. He isn't worth it. You're young. Go live your life girl. And don't be afraid to be alone until the right guy comes along. Good luck.

i beg to differ. we're all flawed and we all screw up. you'd be hard pressed to find a person who has always been without sin.

in her situation, once i was absolutely over him, i made contact and recovered the friendship. but that only works if you can get over them and forgive them. i got... an apology, an explanation, a sense of closure and a happy ending.

in her case though, she way too hung up on him. still.

I'm not saying you can't be friends with someone. I'm saying she can't be with HIM because HE apparently isn't interested.

sometimes that apparent disinterest is just attempting to shut off from emotions & guilt & the risk of hurting you further. at least until you're over it.

Whatever his reason, the results are the same: He doesn't want to talk to her and she can't make him.

EatClean_WashUrNuts

Blunt honesty....


He's already found someone to put out.

iorahkwano

Maybe he got a girlfriend...

PepperWorm

Try sending him a message or e-mail or phone call. Just ask the dude what happened and ask for honesty.

Then maybe you can move on and find something better.

There's no shame in getting closure.

obrientp

Oh honey,
I can tell you that many, many women have had this sort of thing happen to us at some point.
This is all just part of growing up. People you love are going to hurt you, sometimes you won't have an explanation for why someone chooses to end your relationships or any closure. Sometimes it will hurt so much you feel like you can't breathe or your world is ending. The good news is that you WILL come out on the other side of this heartache a wiser and stronger person.

At the risk of sounding like a cliché I really truly believe the old saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. So maybe your season together has simply ended or maybe there is a lesson you need to learn from this.

Either way, experience has taught me that there is no point in hurting yourself further by trying to maintain the friendship. He doesn't want to be friends.. I'm sorry.

I agree with posters suggesting you reach out to your other friends who you have fallen out of touch with and talk to them about what you`ve been going through. Real friends understand.

My biggest piece of advice is this though: Let yourself hurt, let your heart be broken if that`s what it`s time for. It won`t hurt forever, I promise. The best thing you can do is learn from this, someday, probably much sooner than you think you`ll look back on this and think that you cannot believe you allowed someone who cares so little about you hurt you so much. These heartbreaks and hardships we experience when we`re young help teach us the hard lessons we need. I wouldn`t be half the woman I am today if it weren`t for the hard lessons of my youth.

^^^ So this. It hurt so much right now, but it really, really get better. and, please, don't think for a minute that it's your fault. It isn't at all. You are a beautiful young woman, and you will find someone worthy of you.

streamgirl

The best advice that I got in a situation like this is that you need to go cold-turkey. Get rid of photos, emails, texts. Un-friend him on FB (maybe even block him--if he's no longer interested in being in your life, he doesn't get to check up on you, either). Having all of those opportunities to dwell on things only makes it take longer to get over. If you don't give yourself those opportunities, it makes it easier in the end. Remember that you deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you. You didn't do anything wrong.

toridehaven

I think more importantly then trying to solve the mystery of why he did what he did, you need to re-establish the friendships that fell apart when you were with him. Your relationship with your friends may be just what you need to get through this hard time. Seems like you might be stuck in your own head right now and that's why the grieving process for this relationship is dragging. Call some of your girlfriends and reconnect with them. Start being the person you were before you met him or better yet be an even better person. Be a better daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, student. Find your passion for life again. This relationship never defined you so why let the break up? It's tough world out there but no one can MAKE you be happy. Happiness is a choice....

MelsAuntie

This was said by a TEN YEAR OLD girl, who is much more mature than most of the relationship thread OPs on here;

No boy is worth crying over. And the one who is, won't make you cry.

jackpotclown

there wasn't a relationship to begin with, so there's no need to give advice on something that never was.......so my advice would be to get into a relationship before seeking advice \m/

nraldiris

Knowing why he stopped being around wont change anything. You need to move on, he is the one missing out. Focus on the people that are still there for you whenever you need them. He does not deserve to be on your toughts, your tears or loosing friends over him.