Adulting is hard

jaga13

It's been a slow and tedious task over the past few years of losing weight. As I crawl slowly towards the finish line, I still struggle daily with making sure I don't overeat. I worry it will always be a struggle even in maintenance.

It feels like it is the one area in life where I behave childishly.

I starting thinking about other areas where other people may have a tough time being the grown up where I excel. Came up with this: after a long day with my kids I love to watch tv but have no problem watching two shows and then turning it off for a reasonable bed time allowing me about 8 hours sleep every night. Tons of people don't do that and suffer the consequences (lack of sleep). Why is this an area where I have plenty of willpower? Why am I able to say "that's enough for today. There's always tomorrow." Shouldn't food be exactly the same? I'm going to put more thought into this comparison. Actually, I'm pretty good at adulting in almost every aspect. Responsible with money, work, kids, home, etc.

maybe overeating is my one act of defiance? Something to think over. I'm fully capable of eating in deficit and losing weight as evidenced over the past few years. But can I change my mind set? Can I teach myself to enjoy a moderate and reasonable amount of food, then walk away happily until tomorrow?

Feel free to discuss.

emmycantbemeeko

There is evidence that each person's capacity for willpower is finite (although that capacity can probably be altered with practice and changes in circumstances).

When that reality collides with all the other emotional and physical associations food has, it's not surprising that someone who consistently makes good if less fun choices in every other area might struggle with food. It's a bit like saying "I manage to allocate plenty of money for food, rent, and utilities, so I can't figure out why my Scrooge McDuck-style gold coin pool is always empty."

Cause you used all your money making good budgeting choices elsewhere, and when it came time for a money-swim you were all out.

Likewise when you're a good parent, employee, citizen all day long, it's not that surprising that at the end of the day you might be like "To hell with it, I did EVERYTHING else I was supposed to today, I'm having the damn cookie."

elphie754

Sorry, couldn't resist!

But yes, your mind set can always change.

girlwithcurls2

You sound like a data person. Given your logic, I'm on your side. I think if you give this enough thought and mindfulness, you will undoubtedly succeed. I love your take on eating. I'm going to think that way the next time I am watching TV ***AND EATING*** (yes, I do both--I can walk away from the TV to get my sleep, but can't easily say no to snacks in front of aforementioned Tv...) Thanks for this comparison. Brilliant!

jaga13

Thank you for the responses. Love the cat meme.

elphie754

jaga13 wrote: »

Thank you for the responses. Love the cat meme.

Lol, couldn't resist. Cat memes make almost anyone smile.

zoeysasha37

I hate adulting all the time. I do it because I have no other option but if I did have a choice, I would be laying on the couch with a bag of chips listening to music and texting all day. Lol ! So I feel you pain, adulting sucks sometimes.

bioklutz

Maybe it is not so much an act of defiance. If you have careful control over all other aspects of your life maybe it is just a need to let loose a little?

Is there something in your life you can be just let go and be a little crazy or silly about?

jaga13

bioklutz wrote: »

Maybe it is not so much an act of defiance. If you have careful control over all other aspects of your life maybe it is just a need to let loose a little?

Is there something in your life you can be just let go and be a little crazy or silly about?

Probably. Not sure what exactly to let go.

marieegg

hmmm.... interesting topic. there is a lot of neuroscience that explains the pleasure centers in our brain and what a powerful interaction that takes place when we eat. as far as will power goes, I've been clean and sober since 2002 and I have heard it said at AA meetings that it's not about will power, but want power. so i have to ask myself, how bad do i want it? what price am i willing to pay? on some days, the comfort of over-eating wins out, but thank God, on many days the desire to eat on plan wins out. I just try to keep an 80/20 balance of doing what i need to do and slacking off. 80 percent of the time i make good choices and let it slide the other. it's working so far. Yeah, i am losing at a slower rate, but this feels more sane and healthy for me. this way i don't get resentful and binge later on. Thanks so much for posting such a cool topic!

leanne0627

Does it maybe have to do with the fact that you have to be accountable to other people when your paying bills going to work etc. Even getting to bed on time is so that you will be rested for the next day at work right? But for food you are only accountable to yourself. You may think if you eat too much it effects only you so its ok? No idea if this applies to you but maybe worth thinking about. If it is the case maybe having a diet partner or someone to hold you accountable for your food choices would help you? I also love the idea about going crazy in another area of yout life! Nothing better thab getting to act like a kid once in awhile.

ModernRock

leanne0627 wrote: »

Does it maybe have to do with the fact that you have to be accountable to other people when your paying bills going to work etc. Even getting to bed on time is so that you will be rested for the next day at work right? But for food you are only accountable to yourself. You may think if you eat too much it effects only you so its ok? ...........

Not only that, but the consequences of eating even a little too much take months to fully appear. Plus, any given over-indulgence can't be tied to the negative outcome, but a pattern of them can. It's rather easy to justify a single instance of over-indulgence....and keep doing that over and over again.

By the way, here's a link to that research mentioned above on finite willpower.

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower-limited-resource.pdf

Francl27

Been this weight for 2 years and it's still a struggle every day. Because food is delicious.

cerise_noir

Agreed. I feel like Vincent Adultman at times.

yarwell

WTF is "adulting"

zyxst

yarwell wrote: »

WTF is "adulting"

It's the verb form of the noun adult. You can always insert "acting like an adult" and the meaning is the same.

yarwell

must be an Americanism

arditarose

I'm having the same problem. I mean I'm in a bulk and gaining weight but I'm still OVER over eating. I wonder what is wrong with me sometimes. And I am one of the ones who still can't shut down my computer and get 8 hours of sleep per night. I feel like hot mess right now. Over eating, not sleeping enough...

cerise_noir

arditarose wrote: »

I'm having the same problem. I mean I'm in a bulk and gaining weight but I'm still OVER over eating. I wonder what is wrong with me sometimes. And I am one of the ones who still can't shut down my computer and get 8 hours of sleep per night. I feel like hot mess right now. Over eating, not sleeping enough...

Huh. Sounds very familiar to me right now.

Pass me the fruity loops and nerds!

elphie754 wrote: »

Sorry, couldn't resist!

But yes, your mind set can always change.

I love this. Sounds like a puuurrrfect idea.
Then, I'll run around for 5 minutes chasing imaginary fluff.

arditarose

@jaga13 When I started really feeling that way a few weeks ago I pushed myself to take a logging break. I just couldn't leave ANY calories on the table, and then I would end up eating or feeling like I needed more. I thought maybe a break with a bit of intuitive eating might be beneficial. It went well. It was nice to let go of the training wheels for a bit. I pretty much stayed on track. When I felt myself taking too many little bites here or there I started logging again.

ETA: Part of the reason I took the logging break as well is because I felt like I was sabotaging myself and wanted to experiment to see if I would be more "careful" if I wasn't so sure of my intake all day. Might sound counterintuitive to some but when you've been doing this for awhile..sometimes weird things start to happen lol

jaga13

Great points. I do think I feel very responsible for everything and probably need to find some safe outlet to go a little crazy outside of eating. I'm not sure what that looks like.

Yes, also it makes sense that it's hard because I don't see the immediate consequence of overeating.

LKArgh

I think you are overanalysing this. To get back to your example, you like food more than TV. Simple as that IMHO.

neldabg

jaga13 wrote: »

It's been a slow and tedious task over the past few years of losing weight. As I crawl slowly towards the finish line, I still struggle daily with making sure I don't overeat. I worry it will always be a struggle even in maintenance.

It feels like it is the one area in life where I behave childishly.

I starting thinking about other areas where other people may have a tough time being the grown up where I excel. Came up with this: after a long day with my kids I love to watch tv but have no problem watching two shows and then turning it off for a reasonable bed time allowing me about 8 hours sleep every night. Tons of people don't do that and suffer the consequences (lack of sleep). Why is this an area where I have plenty of willpower? Why am I able to say "that's enough for today. There's always tomorrow." Shouldn't food be exactly the same? I'm going to put more thought into this comparison. Actually, I'm pretty good at adulting in almost every aspect. Responsible with money, work, kids, home, etc.

maybe overeating is my one act of defiance? Something to think over. I'm fully capable of eating in deficit and losing weight as evidenced over the past few years. But can I change my mind set? Can I teach myself to enjoy a moderate and reasonable amount of food, then walk away happily until tomorrow?

Feel free to discuss.

I understand completely. I'm young, and for me, weight loss was not just about weight loss itself, but also about growing up. I lacked willpower in many areas of life, and for me, my weight was a reflection of that lack of discipline. This adulting thing is indeed hard, but I believe we are doing ourselves the greatest favor in choosing discipline over impulse. I actively worked, and still work, to get my life together, and my stress levels have decreased so much. In learning how to enjoy the process it takes to finding balance through food and exercise, I've learned to find balance in other areas of life too.
I asked myself the same questions when I first decided to get healthy, questioning how I managed to control myself enough to get good grades and to not buy everything in sight, yet overeat daily. By using that very logic to compare food habits to other aspects in life, and by using the power of habit, I have been able to control myself better.

Francl27

OP, we all have different hobbies/needs.

Some people will stay up too late watching TV because they need the relaxation time and the next thing they'll do once they get up is go to work... Or they just spend hours mindlessly browsing the web instead of watching TV.

Heck when I go somewhere... the first thing I looked at is what restaurants are in the area. Because I love food. And I get plenty of me-time during the day so I go to bed relatively early because, well, I love sleep (and guess what... the first thing I get to do when I get up is eat more food!).

I don't think it has much to do with being childish. It's willpower too... as much stopping a binge watch on Netflix to get some sleep than saying no to a 3rd cookie... But I've lost the weight and I still think of food all the time... same as when I was a kid... but I just didn't care about the consequences then. But sometimes I'll still stay up too late to finish a book or watch one of my favorite shows... or I'll go over to have a piece of my favorite treat... it's just being human.