Sadness

pknopf57

Feel pretty rotten today. I lost a little over 100 lbs last year, I've gained 40 back in just the last few months.

Overwhelmed with feelings of helplessness, self rejection, self loathing and a deep sense of hopelessness. Like my love will just never be ok.

I'm already on meds for depression and panic attacks. Not suicidal just feeling like life is too hard to live so why try.

Obviously I have lots of problems besides my weight but it does seem that when I lose weight I feel better about me and I come out of this cloud of despair.

Anyway, I'm sounding out because I have no one else to tell how I feel or they freakout and feel obligated to 'help me'. I can't help but believe I'm not the only one who feels such extreme high and lows. I've always been so outgoing, you know the type who has to keep conversations going; but I feel I need time to reflect, to pray, maybe even forgive myself like I know God has forgiven me for all the things I've done in my life.

Anyway, that's it.

sbc514boston

I lost a 100lbs 5 years ago and put it back on. In the process of losing it again. Down 45lbs. It's tough but it sounds like you only had a minor detour. I hope you get back on track soon. I know that feeling.

BestWishesForYou

Pknopf57, I know that feels awful. You may have a chicken versus egg kind of thing going – – are you depressed because you gained weight or did you gain weight because you're depressed? Turns into a vicious circle, doesn't it?

All the more difficult because some of the meds that you must have might also cause you to gain more weight.

I also have trouble with extreme highs and lows – – recurring clinical depression and panic attacks. And it often seemed / seems to me that if I could just lose a little more weight, everything would be better. I'd be happy with myself, could accept myself.

Funny thing is, the same feelings first led to a diagnosis when I was back down to my high school weight. I looked the best that I have looked in my entire adult life. And I was dying inside.

Sometimes what we think is a reflection of our weight actually has very little to do with our weight.

Since you're feeling so bad today, maybe you are near or at the very worst of the cycle. Fight fight fight your way through it! I hope it's sooner rather than later that you come out the other side.

Hang tough.

aleencarraec

Sounds like your medicine isn't right for you. Talk to a clinical psychologist, not just a family practioner (if that's what you've done). I switched to an antidepressant that focuses on anxiety, and it's been a day and night difference. Don't live in the darkness when a workout and doc appointment is within reach!!