Battling Body Image

msteele377

I've 5ft and have typically been between 115-125pounds. My mom has suffered from an eating disorder the majority of her life (she's 5'1 and has only been 105lbs at very biggest). Growing up with her constant critique has jumbled my self image big time. My high school grad gift was lipo on my thighs when I only weighed 115. Crazy I know, but I didn't know better then! I'm 25 now, recently married, my self confidence has plummeted. After college I put on some weight (my first years of teaching I didn't take care of myself) and am up to 145. I see the height and weight charts and it crushes me. I want to get back to a weight around 124. But The only way I've ever seen diets succeed was through my mom who starved herself or lived off cottage cheese for weeks at a time. I feel that at 5ft and 145 I look like a whale. I wish I could understand what I really look like to others. I know that sounds so weird. But I often feel so huge I'm too overwhelmed to stick to one diet for very long. I'm having trouble seeing what healthy and realistic weight loss looks like

ladymorevna

Ah hun, that is so hard. I watched my mother yo-yo between 130lb and over 300lb so I know what it's like to grow up where body image and weight are such a huge focus. I also despaired hugely when it came to loosing weight and was overwhelmed. What helped me was reading as much as I could on the different diets until I found one that actually made sense. You need to not just follow what someone is telling you blindly, but once you understand exactly what it is that you are doing and why, it's so much easier and less overwhelming. The body image thing is really tough to get over. Even after losing nearly 70lb I still feel like I did 70lb ago sometimes. Talking to yourself negatively really sets you back though, whether you realise it or not. My old therapist used to say "mind your language" to point out the way I spoke about myself. Would you call your best friend a whale if she/he was your weight? You need to ask yourself why you are being mean to yourself about it. Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one if they were going through this - honestly, but kindly. You'll soon feel less overwhelmed and more empowered if you actively stop berating yourself. Even if it's just changing your words to begin with, your mind will soon catch up Feel free to add me if you need a bit of help. Big hug.

bellabonbons

I have a eating disorder therapist in my family. What you're going through is unfortunate. And it's not your fault. It stems from the messages of your mother. It will take time please be patient with yourself. I encourage you to surround yourself with positive and loving people who will reinforce your value and your worth. And also if you can, seek therapy for yourself with an experienced therapist who is educated and trained to help you. You have every reason to love yourself. And the further you educate yourself and realize where your problem stems from, you will be on the road to complete recovery. I wish you the best. Good luck. You can overcome this.

bellabonbons

And please feel free to add me as a friend.

Happyagain2013

Hi there

I've just started in here to and would love to get some friends in here to help and motivate eachother!! Bellabobons be great to add you too!

Add me if you like

Suze

PenguinGirl1234

There is a book called NUTRITIONAL ALIGNMENT that I read a little while back, it was immensely helpful in framing weightloss (or rather, "alignment" of the body and image and function) in a healthy way. I'd highly suggest it! I've struggled with image for a long time, and my diet tactics have ranged from starving myself to binge eating to what (in my humble opinion) is now a healthy approach. Perhaps you will find it helpful, too!

myfavoriteyear

Great suggestions here. I grapple with this too. I never felt valued as a person growing up in my family. It seems that only at times when I lost weight did they pay much attention to me. Now I'm maintaining the lowest weight in my adult life ever but still struggle with the low self-image. Hugs to all of you going through this too.

G007ANA

Hi,

First off you need to realise one thing straight off the bat. That is simply put that you need to visualise your own version of what you wish to look like. Thus far you have set a goal of being 124lbs. That's great. Now write that down on a piece of paper or a notebook and set it aside. This is a key object that you can use to motivate yourself when you feel you are giving up. In the same place put down a treat you will treat yourself too (a holiday with your husband, a spa etc...)

Realistically speaking if you want to drop weight and this is according to government guidelines (yeah I am doing a nutrition course) you should be aiming to drop at a steady rate which will be maintainable about a pound a week. So doing the maths if you can drop half a pound a week you are looking at 40 weeks so 10 months.

Now bear in mind the beginning is always faster in weight loss. However you can also change weight in a day of about 3kg (6lbs) based solely on water retention! So don't become obsessed with the scales. I have fallen into that trap myself and it becomes depressing.

The other trap people fall into your mother included it would seem is cutting calories too far too fast. Your body is designed to preserve itself. If it is not getting enough nutrients first off it will canabalise muscle then it will store everything you eat as fat. It is called starvation mode. So you need to see a nutritionist who can calculate exactly how much protein, fat and carbohydrate you need to eat. The reason is that you start high with a certain training program and when you plateau you can then reduce the food a LITTLE and increase the sport.

The diet should be cleaner and you can allow yourself a treat here or there but everything needs to be counted.

I feel your toughest battle will be your wanting of a fast result, but you need to stop looking so far ahead and focus on the small things. Don't think kt will happen in a day. Note a weekly change. A monthly change etc...

In the beginning you might drop 2lbs+ in a week but don't expect it to continue at that rate. Remember 2lbs in a week averages to about 150g on the scales! Get a digital one at least you can see the decimals clearer.

If you want any help etc... Am very happy to do so for you. I am still studying my nutrition course and I cannot prescribe anything but I can help advise you and do the basic calculations for you.

More importantly though, try to remember that you need to feel comfortable with yourself and you have the power to follow through. It's not easy at the beginning but it gets easier after.

Also remember don't flame yourself if you drop off the bandwagon. Just continue the next day, accept that it was a hiccup, we are all human after all, and get back on.

Good luck with your goals and if you want help send me a message/ add me etc...!!

Oh and for the record I am on a weight loss mission too and I am currently eating 3000 calories a day and dropping weight! (Although I am much heavier than you!)

msteele377

ladymorevna wrote: »

Ah hun, that is so hard. I watched my mother yo-yo between 130lb and over 300lb so I know what it's like to grow up where body image and weight are such a huge focus. I also despaired hugely when it came to loosing weight and was overwhelmed. What helped me was reading as much as I could on the different diets until I found one that actually made sense. You need to not just follow what someone is telling you blindly, but once you understand exactly what it is that you are doing and why, it's so much easier and less overwhelming. The body image thing is really tough to get over. Even after losing nearly 70lb I still feel like I did 70lb ago sometimes. Talking to yourself negatively really sets you back though, whether you realise it or not. My old therapist used to say "mind your language" to point out the way I spoke about myself. Would you call your best friend a whale if she/he was your weight? You need to ask yourself why you are being mean to yourself about it. Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one if they were going through this - honestly, but kindly. You'll soon feel less overwhelmed and more empowered if you actively stop berating yourself. Even if it's just changing your words to begin with, your mind will soon catch up Feel free to add me if you need a bit of help. Big hug.

Wow, thank you! This makes so much sense. I never thought about how my mental state needs to change along with my physical state. You're so right about "minding my language" the crazy part about it is that I would never consider anyone to be "a whale". I feel like through my circumstances Im more sensitive to others after watching my mom critique everyone's weight. I find myself finding beauty in others without judgement but not the same to myself. She always filtered people by their weight first and so I guess when she would bring up someone's weight whom I never saw to be heavy or look any different I stared juding myself harder. Like if she thinks that of them what the heck does she think of me!

msteele377

bellabonbons wrote: »

I have a eating disorder therapist in my family. What you're going through is unfortunate. And it's not your fault. It stems from the messages of your mother. It will take time please be patient with yourself. I encourage you to surround yourself with positive and loving people who will reinforce your value and your worth. And also if you can, seek therapy for yourself with an experienced therapist who is educated and trained to help you. You have every reason to love yourself. And the further you educate yourself and realize where your problem stems from, you will be on the road to complete recovery. I wish you the best. Good luck. You can overcome this.

Thank you! I'm in limited contact with my parents due to a handful of really unhealthy behaviors. (probably TMI lol!) I have been seeing a therapist who has been helping me sort through it all but it gets hard day to day. Luckily my husband is nothing but positive. He supports healthy behaviors but doesn't play into my moments when i'm hard on myself. I appreciate you sweet words. I never tall about this and it gives me hope with such a sweet response.

msteele377

Happyagain2013 wrote: »

Hi there

I've just started in here to and would love to get some friends in here to help and motivate eachother!! Bellabobons be great to add you too!

Add me if you like

Suze

added!

msteele377

PenguinGirl1234 wrote: »

There is a book called NUTRITIONAL ALIGNMENT that I read a little while back, it was immensely helpful in framing weightloss (or rather, "alignment" of the body and image and function) in a healthy way. I'd highly suggest it! I've struggled with image for a long time, and my diet tactics have ranged from starving myself to binge eating to what (in my humble opinion) is now a healthy approach. Perhaps you will find it helpful, too!

I found it and will order today! Thank you! Yes a basis for a healthy understanding of weight loss is essential

msteele377

myfavoriteyear wrote: »

Great suggestions here. I grapple with this too. I never felt valued as a person growing up in my family. It seems that only at times when I lost weight did they pay much attention to me. Now I'm maintaining the lowest weight in my adult life ever but still struggle with the low self-image. Hugs to all of you going through this too.

YES! you said it perfectly. It's hurtful to be so judged on a number on the scale.

msteele377

G007ANA wrote: »

Hi,

First off you need to realise one thing straight off the bat. That is simply put that you need to visualise your own version of what you wish to look like. Thus far you have set a goal of being 124lbs. That's great. Now write that down on a piece of paper or a notebook and set it aside. This is a key object that you can use to motivate yourself when you feel you are giving up. In the same place put down a treat you will treat yourself too (a holiday with your husband, a spa etc...)

Realistically speaking if you want to drop weight and this is according to government guidelines (yeah I am doing a nutrition course) you should be aiming to drop at a steady rate which will be maintainable about a pound a week. So doing the maths if you can drop half a pound a week you are looking at 40 weeks so 10 months.

Now bear in mind the beginning is always faster in weight loss. However you can also change weight in a day of about 3kg (6lbs) based solely on water retention! So don't become obsessed with the scales. I have fallen into that trap myself and it becomes depressing.

The other trap people fall into your mother included it would seem is cutting calories too far too fast. Your body is designed to preserve itself. If it is not getting enough nutrients first off it will canabalise muscle then it will store everything you eat as fat. It is called starvation mode. So you need to see a nutritionist who can calculate exactly how much protein, fat and carbohydrate you need to eat. The reason is that you start high with a certain training program and when you plateau you can then reduce the food a LITTLE and increase the sport.

The diet should be cleaner and you can allow yourself a treat here or there but everything needs to be counted.

I feel your toughest battle will be your wanting of a fast result, but you need to stop looking so far ahead and focus on the small things. Don't think kt will happen in a day. Note a weekly change. A monthly change etc...

In the beginning you might drop 2lbs+ in a week but don't expect it to continue at that rate. Remember 2lbs in a week averages to about 150g on the scales! Get a digital one at least you can see the decimals clearer.

If you want any help etc... Am very happy to do so for you. I am still studying my nutrition course and I cannot prescribe anything but I can help advise you and do the basic calculations for you.

More importantly though, try to remember that you need to feel comfortable with yourself and you have the power to follow through. It's not easy at the beginning but it gets easier after.

Also remember don't flame yourself if you drop off the bandwagon. Just continue the next day, accept that it was a hiccup, we are all human after all, and get back on.

Good luck with your goals and if you want help send me a message/ add me etc...!!

Oh and for the record I am on a weight loss mission too and I am currently eating 3000 calories a day and dropping weight! (Although I am much heavier than you!)

WOW! I screen shot your response! Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this. My husband has hidden the scale due to this fact. I have been running close to 13 miles in a given week. havent had any soda in MONTHS and drink tons of water a day (where as up until now i had hardly had a glass a day). i wasnt seen the scale change. now i have gone from drinking hardly any water to 2 liters a day i assume im maintaining my water weight. I am getting frustrated because i thought i felt skinner but could the scale really hold 5 pounds of water weight?

I think I am definitely going to look in to a nutritionist. Coming from my background thats a great suggestion. I need to understand my calorie intake for my height and weight. my mom was convinced that you had to stay under 1000 cals a day if you were under 5'1. I found that unless you sleep for 50% of every day its near impossible..

G007ANA

One other thing that is quite important, that I actually just had today. Your weight sometimes goes back up a little. Your body every so often needs to reset it's homeostasis (neutral point). So today for instance, even though I did not make my macros, I was under in calories, protein, fats and carbs, my weight went up. In theory I expended more energy so blah blah blah. However as I mentioned water retention, digestion and meal times etc... I will see what happens tomorrow.

Another thing you have that scales cannot help is something called moving average. There is a free app you can download called Happy Scales. I cannot remember if the free version gives you the moving average but I think it does. This essentially tries to show you the general trend of your weight over several weigh ins. It takes into account that scales are never particularly accurate and also the fact that other things such as water retention, digestion etc... have different times.

To explain I have attached an photo of my results. Notice two things, the drop in weight is nuts, and btw I train 5 times a week and only do 1 day of cardio. The second thing is the top reading. My weight on the scale was up but the moving average was down...



It's demoralising seeing a number go up when you have been used to the dropping on the scales. Just remember to keep going.

Look into trying to get some Personal Trainer at least for the beginning. You need to get workouts that start developing strength over pure cardio. Yes cardio will get you results faster but all you will do is shed the excess weight and not help yourself with an underlying problem of your Base Metabollic Rate. Long story short, the more muscle you have, the more energy you burn at rest.

Now don't take this as a go into bodybuilding etc... And no, I promise that if you have a balanced diet then you will not bulk up! Trust me, I am a guy and it is easier for us to put on muscle than women! Squats, lunges, farmers walks, step ups, chest press, etc... YOU HAVE TO EAT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH to put on muscle!

Try incorporating strength workouts and cardio into your routine. First off it will give you variation to the treadmill etc... Secondly it will challenge you differently. Take the weekend off training! Go for a walk in the park, city, beach etc... But seriously 5 days of training a week is what I am on and look at my results for my weight, and I am on 3000 calories a day!

My journey has only just started and I want to drop the equivalent of 40+ pounds by July so my targets are double yours in the same time frame, but I know how my body responds and it will be different from yours. Remember no one is the same and honestly you can do it at a steady pound a week. That will be a realistic target to get you down without making too many sacrifices diet wise.

Anyway, I am going to stop pontifying as if I were a preacher! Hope this helps and as I said if you need any motivation or want to check out my diet etc... just add me!