Any other recovering anorexics/bulimics??

skazzmatter
skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Ive also been a compulsive overeater... and lately ive been in a constant cycle of relapse recover repeat w all my EDs so i figured i should try to start staying accountable w this while still trying to lose weight in a healthy way.

Anyone else that struggles w eating disordered behavior? Particularly restricting or purging? I find the entire process of losing weight triggering sometimes. idk.
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Replies

  • stephanie20314
    stephanie20314 Posts: 81 Member
    You should probably talk to your gp, therapist, and nutritionist if you need to lose weight so that you can be properly monitored and break the cycling.
  • MelaniaTrump
    MelaniaTrump Posts: 2,694 Member
    edited March 2016
    Many therapists will tell you not to use places like this.
    You need to "un-focus" from food (calorie counting).
    What is your current weight? 110?
  • Linvala
    Linvala Posts: 53 Member
    I've been bulimic for almost 10 years and recovered for about 2. I'd highly recommend seeking a dietitian and going to therapy. They'd be more knowledgeable on how to help or at least make the path a bit easier.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    I like what @JanetYellen says, un-focus from calorie counting. And using a calorie counting site is really the last place you should be putting time and total focus into.

    You need to reset your mind and prioritize and the only thing that is going to help you are doctors and therapists. Since you have been doing this for years and you appear to not be able to get your self out of this on your own, it is time to reach out for professional help.
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    i went to an eating disorder treatment center for a year, have been working a program for four, and have my eating disorder therapist's permission to be on this website. i only log my food when i binge so i can figure out whether it was a binge or not w my therapist, or when i think i may have restricted and need to check calories to hold myself accountable. i've never been a normal eating disordered person with numbers. and i dont understand why someone is asking my weight??? that's a really crummy thing to do to an eating disordered person?

    i asked if anyone else was eating disordered and got a bunch of people telling me what to do so im a little annoyed, tbh.
    RoxieDawn wrote: »
    I like what @JanetYellen says, un-focus from calorie counting. And using a calorie counting site is really the last place you should be putting time and total focus into.

    You need to reset your mind and prioritize and the only thing that is going to help you are doctors and therapists. Since you have been doing this for years and you appear to not be able to get your self out of this on your own, it is time to reach out for professional help.
    Linvala wrote: »
    I've been bulimic for almost 10 years and recovered for about 2. I'd highly recommend seeking a dietitian and going to therapy. They'd be more knowledgeable on how to help or at least make the path a bit easier.
    JanetYellen wrote: »
    Many therapists will tell you not to use places like this.
    You need to "un-focus" from food (calorie counting).
    What is your current weight? 110?
    stephanie20314 wrote: »
    You should probably talk to your gp, therapist, and nutritionist if you need to lose weight so that you can be properly monitored and break the cycling.

  • misskarne
    misskarne Posts: 1,765 Member
    The reason people will tell you to seek the help of your professionals is because none of us are qualified eating disorder specialists (as far as I know) and frankly it doesn't take a genius to see that someone who particularly has restrict/binge tendencies really should not be on this site. Let me guess. you binge, log it, see the huge number, then restrict again? This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    People aren't asking your stats to be "crummy". They're asking your stats because this is important information - and because also there's a considerable chance you are actually healthy weight/underweight and do not need to lose. You also look very thin and pale in your profile picture. Excuse us for being concerned...
  • kaitlinteeter
    kaitlinteeter Posts: 13 Member
    Wow, people get really upset at the mention of EDs...skazzmatter, what I am hearing is that you are looking for peers, people to support you on your journey through recovery of your ED. I have never been diagnosed with ED, but I can identify that I struggle with the occasional binge. Having disordered thoughts about food is very tough, and it sounds like you and your therapist are working on that. I just wanted to advocate for you, as it seems like most responses are from a good place, but maybe they don't necessarily understand. I hope there are people on here you can connect with, as there is lots of positive evidence for peer support in recovering from these types of concerns.
    Best of luck on your journey!
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    kaitlinteeter wrote: »
    Wow, people get really upset at the mention of EDs...skazzmatter, what I am hearing is that you are looking for peers, people to support you on your journey through recovery of your ED. I have never been diagnosed with ED, but I can identify that I struggle with the occasional binge. Having disordered thoughts about food is very tough, and it sounds like you and your therapist are working on that. I just wanted to advocate for you, as it seems like most responses are from a good place, but maybe they don't necessarily understand. I hope there are people on here you can connect with, as there is lots of positive evidence for peer support in recovering from these types of concerns.
    Best of luck on your journey!

    thank you, kaitlinteeter. it just frustrates me that im not asking for opinions on my recovery and yet im always getting them. my eating disorder stems from ptsd and anxiety, its mainly about abhorring the actual act of eating, and my eating has been disordered for so long i still have trouble telling what a normal meal is. i don't give a *kitten* about calories or what i look like, tbh. my eating disorder isn't about weight, it's about the act of eating. and it's hurtful when people decide what my eating habits must look like, or talk about "the huge number" that must show up when i binge. it's just sad to reach out for community and literally be shunned by like, five different people. i really appreciate this message a lot. it honestly made me a bit teary-- so thanks xx
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    misskarne wrote: »
    The reason people will tell you to seek the help of your professionals is because none of us are qualified eating disorder specialists (as far as I know) and frankly it doesn't take a genius to see that someone who particularly has restrict/binge tendencies really should not be on this site. Let me guess. you binge, log it, see the huge number, then restrict again? This sounds like a recipe for disaster.

    People aren't asking your stats to be "crummy". They're asking your stats because this is important information - and because also there's a considerable chance you are actually healthy weight/underweight and do not need to lose. You also look very thin and pale in your profile picture. Excuse us for being concerned...

    you have absolutely no right to ask my weight. i was not asking for opinions about my recovery. and if you knew anything at all about eating disorders you'd know most eating disordered people are really *kitten* up about numbers. i'm five foot one and almost 140 lbs. im not underweight by any means.
    you would pull off the "concerned" angle better if you weren't advocating triggering questions, assuming you know what my relapses look like and shaming me about them, or judging my profile picture. but good try. :)
  • Tricia7188
    Tricia7188 Posts: 135 Member
    I do think the people responding were mostly trying to help. People with disordered eating post here alot and most of them aren't as insightful as you and have not had the extensive treatment you have. If the first few to respond would have known you have been through treatment they wouldn't have been quite so blunt probably. Also if you look through nearly every other post, esp on the weight loss specific forum, asking weight is just like any other question like how many cals someone eats or burns. I think it was an honest mistake to not realize that its probably not a good thing to ask. It's fairly common for people with disordered eating to post here that they're less than 80,90,100 lbs and wanting to lose more on 500 etc cals. In which case other posters try to insist this person get help, which is really all we can do to try to help.
    Just thought I'd try to clear that up and congrats on going through that much treatment, you must have put in alot of work. To answer your original question about support I believe if you look in the "groups" on the site there is one for people recovering from ED.
  • Becky_charles29
    Becky_charles29 Posts: 125 Member
    I have bipolar which links to bulimia when I'm down. If I let myself go with no thought of food, all hell breaks loose! I use MFP to keep my mind on track and in its comfort zone. I feel more comfortable when I'm in control of my food so I try to log on MFP but I try to make sure I eat 1200-1300 a day so I'm not controlling to the point of restricting.

    I do have a psychologist and psychiatrist who are happy for me to use this to help me control my weight in a healthier way to purging but often check I'm not restricting

    Good luck with your recovery and I hope you get the help you need- both from professionals and peers
  • Gamliela
    Gamliela Posts: 2,468 Member
    Best wishes Skazzmatt. Its not easy is it? I second the suggestion of joining the ED group here on mfp.
    I log calories to make sure I'm accountable and stay over 1200 and under 2000. I don't binge or purge. Is that I gained a substantial amount of weight after a crisis in my life. Then found it easy to lose by calorie restriction. So as I got to a low weight I just kept going down, it seemed thrilling at first. After 5 years at a below underweight bmi I made a decision to eat more and gained. Too much! In the ED group here you will find all kinds of people in different stages of awareness. They are all nice people and nonjudgemental. Best Wishes. :)
  • samoshka
    samoshka Posts: 13 Member
    I have been bulimic for 15 years and recovered for 2.5. feel free to ping me if you wish :)
  • acarpenter6
    acarpenter6 Posts: 19 Member
    Becky_charles29 wrote: »
    I have bipolar which links to bulimia when I'm down. If I let myself go with no thought of food, all hell breaks loose! I use MFP to keep my mind on track and in its comfort zone. I feel more comfortable when I'm in control of my food so I try to log on MFP but I try to make sure I eat 1200-1300 a day so I'm not controlling to the point of restricting.

    I do have a psychologist and psychiatrist who are happy for me to use this to help me control my weight in a healthier way to purging but often check I'm not restricting

    Good luck with your recovery and I hope you get the help you need- both from professionals and peers

    I found out about a month ago I'm also bipolor after cycling between bulimia and restricting for 10 years.
  • Becky_charles29
    Becky_charles29 Posts: 125 Member
    acarpenter6 wrote: »
    Becky_charles29 wrote: »
    I have bipolar which links to bulimia when I'm down. If I let myself go with no thought of food, all hell breaks loose! I use MFP to keep my mind on track and in its comfort zone. I feel more comfortable when I'm in control of my food so I try to log on MFP but I try to make sure I eat 1200-1300 a day so I'm not controlling to the point of restricting.

    I do have a psychologist and psychiatrist who are happy for me to use this to help me control my weight in a healthier way to purging but often check I'm not restricting

    Good luck with your recovery and I hope you get the help you need- both from professionals and peers

    I found out about a month ago I'm also bipolor after cycling between bulimia and restricting for 10 years.

    I used to purge and restrict overusing exercise and laxatives then my ED got worse as my BP did. It's so odd they go hand in hand
  • SydneyGallek
    SydneyGallek Posts: 1 Member
    Hey! I'm a recovering bulimic. I struggled with restricting and over exercising for a long time. Counting with MyFitnessPal has provided both a good recovery strategy and a multitude of challenges. On the one hand, it's nice to know that I am staying healthy with my eating, BUT when I relapse or have difficulty staying on track I tend to beat myself up. I would urge you to tell someone else about your using this website so that you have a support system if you fall off track. What's most important is your mental health. Please be careful, you deserve to be happy above all else! :)
  • mctrimble3
    mctrimble3 Posts: 1 Member
    I was an active ED (anorexia and bulimia depending on year) from age 9 to 26. I'm 45, but I still have disordered eating. I'm not "active," but I still don't eat a balanced diet and learned to respect the boundaries of the actual disorder (ie...I am not recovered, but inactive from fully engaging for almost twenty years). Writing that doesn't make sense, but it does in my head. :)

    Anyway, I'm here and understand. I'm not overweight and it's not about the weight, but the mental hurdles with proper eating. I'm struggling to learn the proper balance and am glad you're here.
  • kaitlinteeter
    kaitlinteeter Posts: 13 Member


    thank you, kaitlinteeter. it just frustrates me that im not asking for opinions on my recovery and yet im always getting them. my eating disorder stems from ptsd and anxiety, its mainly about abhorring the actual act of eating, and my eating has been disordered for so long i still have trouble telling what a normal meal is. i don't give a *kitten* about calories or what i look like, tbh. my eating disorder isn't about weight, it's about the act of eating. and it's hurtful when people decide what my eating habits must look like, or talk about "the huge number" that must show up when i binge. it's just sad to reach out for community and literally be shunned by like, five different people. i really appreciate this message a lot. it honestly made me a bit teary-- so thanks xx[/quote]


    You are most welcome! Add me if you'd like. I do not have personal experience with eating disorders, but I totally get the warped view of eating and food! Let's foster a community of support for anyone at any point in their health and lifestyle journey :-)
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    Becky_charles29 wrote: »
    acarpenter6 wrote: »
    Becky_charles29 wrote: »
    I have bipolar which links to bulimia when I'm down. If I let myself go with no thought of food, all hell breaks loose! I use MFP to keep my mind on track and in its comfort zone. I feel more comfortable when I'm in control of my food so I try to log on MFP but I try to make sure I eat 1200-1300 a day so I'm not controlling to the point of restricting.

    I do have a psychologist and psychiatrist who are happy for me to use this to help me control my weight in a healthier way to purging but often check I'm not restricting

    Good luck with your recovery and I hope you get the help you need- both from professionals and peers

    I found out about a month ago I'm also bipolor after cycling between bulimia and restricting for 10 years.

    I used to purge and restrict overusing exercise and laxatives then my ED got worse as my BP did. It's so odd they go hand in hand

    I was diagnosed as Bipolar for a long time, but recently got rediagnosed with borderline. Eating disorders are just another type of addiction, and addictions and mental illnesses are best friends, haha. Hi to other mentally ill, learning-to-eat-properly folk tho!!
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    Tricia7188 wrote: »
    I do think the people responding were mostly trying to help. People with disordered eating post here alot and most of them aren't as insightful as you and have not had the extensive treatment you have. If the first few to respond would have known you have been through treatment they wouldn't have been quite so blunt probably. Also if you look through nearly every other post, esp on the weight loss specific forum, asking weight is just like any other question like how many cals someone eats or burns. I think it was an honest mistake to not realize that its probably not a good thing to ask. It's fairly common for people with disordered eating to post here that they're less than 80,90,100 lbs and wanting to lose more on 500 etc cals. In which case other posters try to insist this person get help, which is really all we can do to try to help.
    Just thought I'd try to clear that up and congrats on going through that much treatment, you must have put in alot of work. To answer your original question about support I believe if you look in the "groups" on the site there is one for people recovering from ED.

    You're definitely right, and looking back my reaction was a lil harsh, but not a single reply managed to actually address my question, and I felt really attacked just for having an eating disorder, which i'm not trying to promote... i was actually on the dr oz show about having a blog tracking my eating disorder, and they had a dude from a site called PrettyThin on who was just... evil. an evil person. the entire "pro-anorexia" thing is truly bizarre to me, tho i was definitely p immersed in it when i was just out of highschool, pre-treatment.

    im gonna look for that group now!! i was on mobile when i posted this originally so im a bit embarrassed it's probably under the wrong section, coz the website is much easier to use, but oh well! ;)<3
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    I'm a mostly recovered anorexic binge/ purge subtype who went through inpatient and day hospital programs. I am weight restored but have bad body image and easily fall into the restrict/binge pattern. I am 40 but was very active between 10-30 though I do tend to overexercise. My body dysmorphia is really bad at the moment and I am fighting against urges to go back to old habits so I am reentering therapy (eek).
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    cloudi2 wrote: »
    Best wishes Skazzmatt. Its not easy is it? I second the suggestion of joining the ED group here on mfp.
    I log calories to make sure I'm accountable and stay over 1200 and under 2000. I don't binge or purge. Is that I gained a substantial amount of weight after a crisis in my life. Then found it easy to lose by calorie restriction. So as I got to a low weight I just kept going down, it seemed thrilling at first. After 5 years at a below underweight bmi I made a decision to eat more and gained. Too much! In the ED group here you will find all kinds of people in different stages of awareness. They are all nice people and nonjudgemental. Best Wishes. :)

    Thank you so much!!! That's a lot like what I use this website for too, except I only log stuff on days when I'm worried I haven't done well. I'm finally off a meal plan and trying intuitive eating and it started going really poorly so my therapist recommended we do this together.
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    Oh I also have bipolar 2 and anxiety
  • skazzmatter
    skazzmatter Posts: 20 Member
    singingflutelady wrote: »
    I'm a mostly recovered anorexic binge/ purge subtype who went through inpatient and day hospital programs. I am weight restored but have bad body image and easily fall into the restrict/binge pattern. I am 40 but was very active between 10-30 though I do tend to overexercise. My body dysmorphia is really bad at the moment and I am fighting against urges to go back to old habits so I am reentering therapy (eek).

    oh my gosh that's like exactly where i am basically!! i mean i never left treatment, just lowered it substantially, but my body dysmorphia is OUT of control lately because i'm barely allowed to exercise anymore after semi-ruining my bod w compulsive over-exercising for years, and i've been eating a regular meal plan for over a year now. good luck to you! please add me if you'd like xxxx
  • singingflutelady
    singingflutelady Posts: 8,736 Member
    I have always fought issues but I was diagnosed with (and almost died from) Crohn's disease (an autoimmune GI disorder) and lost weight down to my lowest weight in 2 weeks without trying. I also had to take Prednisone for 4 months which makes you retain fluid like crazy and ravenously hungry. I have since gained the weight back (and fast as it was from a medication) but hitting that low weight (and still seeing fat as it was all water/ muscle loss) was very triggering! My exercise is now very limited (I lift heavy not allowed cardio) because of extreme exhaustion and chronic pain. My diet is highly restricted for medical reasons which is a very slippery slope for me! Ugh it never goes away.
  • caffeinatedcami
    caffeinatedcami Posts: 168 Member
    I do not have an ED but both my twin sister and my older sister have suffered from anorexia. My aunt died from the disease. I just want to say I recognize the bravery it takes to seek treatment. My older sister is recovered but my twin sister's anorexia is currently active and she refuses to see a therapist. It is so hard to see her suffer like this and I feel that I am powerless to help her. I hope some day she reaches the point that many of you have. Obviously disordered thoughts/tendencies may never disappear completely. But nevertheless you keep fighting to take care of your mental and physical health. You should be very proud of that.
  • asyouseefit
    asyouseefit Posts: 1,265 Member
    I am a recovered bulimic. Only after 10 years being mostly b/p free, I feel confident enough to be on a website like mfp. EDs are often about control and calories-counting site can give you a false sense of control. Until one day, you feel like you are too much and fall back into the habits... Be cautious, remember what your therapists told you about controlling weightloss and food and take a step back if you feel you're spending too much time weighing food r yourself, obssessing about those calories or any other bp behavior. Good luck!
  • cosmiqrecovery
    cosmiqrecovery Posts: 171 Member
    anorexic with b/p from 14 on. recovery's a little shaky right now but i've been working on it for over a year and been purge-free since last april. confession: i was in the whole prettythin scene too. cringe. that guy was vile.
  • livelovebbg
    livelovebbg Posts: 45 Member
    I have struggled with disordered eating for 16 years (since I was 12). I initially used MFP to help me gain weight after my last relapse in 2013. I took a break from using it after I gained 15lbs as I did find it to be quite triggering, but I use it off and on to help me be mindful about my eating patterns. I think MFP can still be a good tool as long as you are in tune with the way it effects your overall well being. If it feels harmful, stop logging.
  • lorellelove
    lorellelove Posts: 5 Member
    Oh boy I too have had ever eating disorder known to man lol. I was anorexic for about a year. I then learned of bulimia and thought this was genius. Yes, I know this sounds ridiculous :) I had a very very bad deranged corrupt image of food. After a couple years of therapy, counciling, and going to a nutritionist (who was trying to convince me food is not the enemy) I finally (one day at a time) stopped purging. It was scary and hard. I gained a tremendous amount of weight, but I would never wish bulimia upon my worse enemy. I am so grateful for the life I have today (even if I do need to lose 40 pounds). Another part of my battle with bulimia/anorexia is I am a recovering drug addict. I have been free from the bondage of bulimia longer than I have been clean (I first got clean about 3 1/2 years ago, and that's how long it had been since I last practiced eating disorder rituals), but for me they went hand in hand :) sending love and light to all those who have gone through the same battle <3

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