Why is it ....

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riverspirit63
riverspirit63 Posts: 20 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Why is it whenever you ask someone for support with your weight loss they think that entitles them to tell you how much you should eat and what kinds of food you should eat? That's not support. That's control. Because of a recent illness (which I'm still recovering from) I managed to lose 10 pounds in a week) and now this person thinks he has the right to say what goes into my mouth. People, I am 63 years old and I didn't get to be this age by not knowing what to put into my mouth. Gods know I love this person dearly, but I just can't get him to see my viewpoint.
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  • MommyMeggo
    MommyMeggo Posts: 1,222 Member
    edited March 2016
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    When you ask for "support" what are you wanting...?Motivation?..Keep going?
  • Erik8484
    Erik8484 Posts: 458 Member
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    ^^ Also my question
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,203 Member
    edited March 2016
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    The only time I've ever asked for support, it was to my husband and I was very specific about the type of support I wanted.

    Maybe you needed to be more specific ... such as ...

    "I don't care if you want to eat a bar of chocolate on your way home from work, but would you mind not eating it at home in front of me."

    "Could we have lots of steamed veggies with dinner. I find that they fill me up without being high in calories."
  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
    edited March 2016
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    Guess it's sort of hard to know what you are looking for. No offense, but if you are asking someone for support with weight loss you apparently have some problem keeping the weight you want to maintain, so maybe you don't know what to put in your mouth (or what quantities) assuming no medical issue.

    Are you just wanting them to tell you good luck?
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    this is why i support myself and don't ask anyone for anything ....
  • oolou
    oolou Posts: 765 Member
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    Many people, when presented with a problem, will try to solve it. Sometimes we aren't looking for a solution but empathy and encouragement - while we solve the problem ourselves in our own time. I've found that if I'm looking for the latter, it's best to be upfront about the kind of support I'm looking for.
  • concordancia
    concordancia Posts: 5,320 Member
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    When asking someone for support, it helps to be specific about what you want.

    If you aren't quite sure, how are they supposed to know.

    As for your current situation, try sitting down with them and telling them that their current behavior bothers you. And causes the type of emotions that could trigger overeating ( if that is one of your issues).
  • ASKyle
    ASKyle Posts: 1,475 Member
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    Be more specific with the type of support you're looking for.

    Not "I want to eat healthy at home" but "I'd like to eat dinners with 4-600 calories that are high in protein".
  • ASKyle
    ASKyle Posts: 1,475 Member
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    oolou wrote: »
    Many people, when presented with a problem, will try to solve it. Sometimes we aren't looking for a solution but empathy and encouragement - while we solve the problem ourselves in our own time. I've found that if I'm looking for the latter, it's best to be upfront about the kind of support I'm looking for.

    I definitely find this to be true, especially with men. Many can't comprehend a problem being brought to them and not taking action to fix it. With my boyfriend, it helps to add a statement like "I just need to vent", so I don't get a list of actions and ideas from him when I just want him to listen.
  • riverspirit63
    riverspirit63 Posts: 20 Member
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    You're all right. I"ve not been specific and there lies the problem. I'm going to bring this up again be more specific what I want the support to entail.
  • faithsstaircase
    faithsstaircase Posts: 97 Member
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    I don't understand why support is such a confusing term for so many people. When I thinking about giving support, it means encouragement, and being present and available. Am I crazy?
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,203 Member
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    faithsstaircase wrote: »
    I don't understand why support is such a confusing term for so many people. When I thinking about giving support, it means encouragement, and being present and available. Am I crazy?

    Not specific enough.

    What does "present and available" mean ... does that mean that they have to be there, right by your side all the time?

  • Packerjohn
    Packerjohn Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    faithsstaircase wrote: »
    I don't understand why support is such a confusing term for so many people. When I thinking about giving support, it means encouragement, and being present and available. Am I crazy?

    Not specific enough.

    What does "present and available" mean ... does that mean that they have to be there, right by your side all the time?

    It's a male/female difference. Men want to solve the problem, women want to talk about it. Lots of stuff in the literature about it. Here's an example.

    http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/13967/1/Problem-Solving--Differences-Between-Men-and-Women.html
  • VioletRojo
    VioletRojo Posts: 596 Member
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    Support means different things to different people. For my husband it means he wants me to nag him to exercise every day. For me it means encouraging me and not putting up roadblocks. What does it mean to you, OP?
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 25,203 Member
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    Packerjohn wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    faithsstaircase wrote: »
    I don't understand why support is such a confusing term for so many people. When I thinking about giving support, it means encouragement, and being present and available. Am I crazy?

    Not specific enough.

    What does "present and available" mean ... does that mean that they have to be there, right by your side all the time?

    It's a male/female difference. Men want to solve the problem, women want to talk about it. Lots of stuff in the literature about it. Here's an example.

    http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/13967/1/Problem-Solving--Differences-Between-Men-and-Women.html

    I'm a woman ... and I tend to be more "male" when it comes to this sort of thing. My husband will come home with a problem he just wants to talk about, and I'm busy putting up practical solutions.

    The vagueness of "being present" or "not putting up roadblocks" and stuff like that just doesn't work for me. :) It doesn't mean anything to me.


  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Don't discuss weight loss with people without expecting them to give you their advice or opinion. In lala fairyland that may work but in the real world it does maybe 2% of the time.
  • KateTii
    KateTii Posts: 886 Member
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    I've never really needed/wanted support - i'm stubborn and no matter how much someone encourages/pushes me to do something, if I don't want to, I won't. However, having people congratulate me on my progress is really really nice.

    My mother, on the other hand, needs "mean" support. The support she needs from me involves taking the chocolate from her hand (not the "just a treat" chocolate, the "8th chocolate bar of the day" chocolate) and poking her squishy bits, while telling her she doesn't really want it. She hates me for it in the moment as she doesn't get the chocolate, threatens to punish me, but later thanks me for it.

    Lay out what you need and i'm sure they will come through for you :)
  • chastity0921
    chastity0921 Posts: 209 Member
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    There's a difference in support and advice, and some people don't get it. Just be specific, and if he still doesn't understand then go to someone else for support :smile:
  • ilex70
    ilex70 Posts: 727 Member
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    Packerjohn wrote: »
    Machka9 wrote: »
    faithsstaircase wrote: »
    I don't understand why support is such a confusing term for so many people. When I thinking about giving support, it means encouragement, and being present and available. Am I crazy?

    Not specific enough.

    What does "present and available" mean ... does that mean that they have to be there, right by your side all the time?

    It's a male/female difference. Men want to solve the problem, women want to talk about it. Lots of stuff in the literature about it. Here's an example.

    http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/13967/1/Problem-Solving--Differences-Between-Men-and-Women.html

    I'm a woman ... and I tend to be more "male" when it comes to this sort of thing. My husband will come home with a problem he just wants to talk about, and I'm busy putting up practical solutions.

    The vagueness of "being present" or "not putting up roadblocks" and stuff like that just doesn't work for me. :) It doesn't mean anything to me.


    Agree, not so much male/female as Thinking vs. Feeling. Another woman who falls under Thinking.

    OP good plan to be more specific.
  • Montepulciano
    Montepulciano Posts: 845 Member
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    riverspirit63 wrote: »
    You're all right. I"ve not been specific and there lies the problem. I'm going to bring this up again be more specific what I want the support to entail.

    Good luck and I hope they hear what you need from them. :)

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