Regained 88 out of 119 lbs :( Looking for motivation and support.

GatorDeb1

In June 2009 my dad died and on July 3rd, 2009 I went into a 24 Hour Fitness. I went from 230 lbs at 5'4" to a lowest of 111 lbs (still a healthy/normal BMI) with most of the time being 130-140 lbs. Did a full Ironman, marathons, half marathons, triathlons, hiking, boot camps, Zumba, I did it all.

September 2014 I met my soul mate. Oct 2014 we started dating, Dec 2014 we got engaged, Jan 2015 I moved in, Dec 2015 we got married. I'm now 199 lbs.

He won't work out (with me or without me), is not interested in fitness, won't go to the gym with me, and won't eat healthy. I don't care about all that, I love him for him and he'll always be my soulmate.

But I do want to get back on the wagon. We're now trying to conceive and I'm worried about this weight. I've read about exercising during pregnancy. Main points are to hydrate, maintain cool core temperature, hover HR around 140, don't lie on your back, don't do heavy weights, etc.

I'm also a binge eater. He was my first date, my first boyfriend, I'd never held a guy's hand before I met him (I was 36 when I met him, 37 now), so it's a LOT of changes (I lived home with mom like all nice single Jewish Hispanic girls do).

Going to try to start turning it back around tomorrow. I can't even last an hour slow on the bike anymore, so I'll start walking, 20 minutes on the bike, light weights, and of course healthy eating. I do have a lot of things in my favor in that I KNOW what to eat, I can make eating plans, I know how to build up workouts, I'm comfortable around weights, etc.

Before 2001 I had been overweight/obese my whole life. I've only been a normal weight 2009-2014.

I feel so ashamed about the weight gain. I've been to the gym twice since I gained the weight (I used to do a lot of group classes) and I hate going and seeing people I know. I hated the BodyPump where I could barely do anything.

What sucks about trying to conceive is that I can't go on crazy mode with the workouts and it's going to have to be a long-lasting moderate weight loss and I can't have too much deficit or go too low on calories or go too high intensity with the workouts. That's the part I'm most down about. I'd feel better if I could go all out. I saw an OBGYN for the regular checkup and she said to eat 1500-1800 calories while TTC and not have a deficit of over 500 a day.

I have a bike trainer at home (A Wahoo Kickr, it hooks up your outdoor bike to use inside and has adjustable resistance), a mini-trampoline, a step with four risers and a slanting riser, eventually the treadmill will make it from mom's house to ours but until then I have a good mile route away from cars around home, tons of weights, a weight bar and dumbbell bars and tons of plates. I have a membership to two gyms within 10 minutes from home (both with pools), and a SmartTV with a Roku. I have what I need inside and outside the house.

I lost use of a car since we left it at mom's for her use and we were sharing a car (I work nights, he works days) so after he left for the day I didn't have use of a car until he came back from work. We just acquired a second car so having a car will make a huge difference. I think not having access to a car had a big impact on the weight.

So just looking for encouragement

Anyone else lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of back, lost it again?

scolaris

I haven't, but I want to encourage you...

First, you did this once before. You can do this again!

Second, you've weathered some big big life changes, both good & not so good. Don't waste time beating yourself up now. Just go forward...

It sounds like you have a lot of resources available. But they don't make a difference if you don't use them! Get some routines in place pronto. Start small & simple. You can add complexity over time. And I'm a fan of modest deficits.

Best wishes to you. xo

GatorDeb1

Thanks Not a lot of replies though

LKArgh

My first advice would be to seek a therapist (no, I am not implying there is anything wrong with you) because you have been through a lot of life-altering changes in a short time, so gaining some professional advice about how to cope with all this, without resorting to binge eating, will help.
Second, if getting your weight under control is important to you, postpone ttc. You do not know how your body and mind will react to pregnancy and even to the period after birth. If you are having negative thoughts now about your body, chances are you will feel worse during and after pregnancy. Again something to discuss with a therapist, but if it were me, I would focus e.g. on getting back into shape for the next half or one year and once things have settled into a routine, then proceed to ttc. Plus it would also probably be good for your relationship to not ttc so soon, so you have time to adjust. The stress of a pregnancy and a baby might be "happy" stress, but it still is stress.
On more strictly weight related advice, I get the impression a lot of your success in the past was due to lots of training. Since this might not be feasible in the near and not so near future, especially with family life and hopefully a baby, I would suggest you focus on diet more than exercise. Keep exercise to a moderate level since you plan to ttc, and focus on limiting calories to create your deficit. Hopefully you will be soon able to focus again on more intense training if you enjoy it, but for most people with new babies, this is very hard if not impossible the first years. So you might find a more diet-oriented approach to be more effective.

GatorDeb1

I'm almost 38 so we can't really wait, since we want 3-5. I don't have a negative self-image about my body because it's easy to gain and lose weight.

3 days of gym and 1000 deficit per day! There ARE some benefits to that time of the month... back to moderate workouts by the end of the week.

jtessandori

No worries mate! Everybody who has lost a lot of weight has also gained it back and lost it again. It happens to everyone even people who keep "perfect" bodies for a living. You have nothing to worry about totally normal even though it doesn't feel like it! You got this!

CraftyScooby

I did lose a lot of weight. I am 5'2", and when I got to 200 pounds, I just didn't like myself anymore...so I changed. It took me a year, but I lost down to 125 pounds. That was back in 2006. A lot has happened, mentally and physically, to me, since then. I have been in a mentally and physically abusive relationship, and at one point I got back up to 175, then got very sick and got (quickly) down to 115. I am now at 130. It is a constant struggle for me. I have hypothyroid, which plays havoc with my metabolism. I do what I can to workout every day. Some weeks I do 5 days a week, some weeks 3. I do not always eat the best, but when I get off track...I step back and remind myself why I want to treat myself better. I workout at home, have lots of workout DVD's.
Like, aggelikik said, it might be best to focus on diet for a while. Maybe think about yoga, so help keep you balanced and limber. That would be wonderful for when you do get pregnant.
Wishing you the best!

GatorDeb1

Since I started working out in 2009 I've only started binge eating twice, once when I got hit by a car while on a bike and I used food instead of painkillers to deal with the pain (took me 6 months to get back to normal, I could barely walk at the beginning and couldn't sit down) and this past year and a half, so we're talking major major events, a stressful day doesn't set it off thankfully.

5 days binge free! Set my MFP account to have that as the current streak so it's easy to tell

Latitude11Courtney

Yes.... I've been there. Don't look backwards, you'll get tripped up. This is a new phase for you!! Keep pushing forward!

CollieFit

Hi there. My weight gain was also due to bereavement (both parents in the last three years). Before that, like you, I was an Ironman triathlete and hence thought nothing of three hour runs, six hour bike rides, 4km swims etc. Then I gained just short of 50lb and after three years of doing nothing I came back to some level of fitness two months ago. For me the hardest thing is to reign in the ego and accept that I can't presently do what I used to be able to do, not even half of it. But you also need to remind yourself that you are able to demonstrate a degree of commitment, and will power and effort that is really quite extraordinary!! Remember that!!! Anything you've done before you can do again. X