BIG OL GIRL

rbfdac

This might sound whiney to some, but I'm just looking for a little extra support and kind words. Today a co-worker was describing her daughter to me. She said "She's like you. She's a biggg ol' girl" and even did the deep throaty voice with the "bigggg". I was smiling in the conversation before that sentence and I immediately felt my face fall after those words came out. I've lost 48 pounds so far and in 8 pounds I will be at my lowest in years-- the same low that I hit and then derail every single time. I'm really trying to keep that from happening this time!!

I suffer from binge eating disorder and I feel like in the past this is something that would make me want to binge and just quit. I'm not feeling like that right now, so I'm hoping it doesn't come, but I'm feeling very sad!!

I've never been bullied, I've never really had anybody make fun of my weight, even when I weighed 320 pounds. I am not used to it. My soul just feels crushed right now. I'm fighting those feelings that want to say "well, if people are just going to view you that way anyway, might as well shovel some food in your face".

I know that I should ignore her words and use them as motivation rather than something to throw me off track. I also know that she's a large woman and some large women say things like that to make themselves feel better, so maybe that's it. I know that the opinions of some random co-worker do not matter. I know that my husband finds me beautiful and is very proud of how far I've come. I know these things, but at the same time, I am having such a hard time pulling myself out of this funk!

Malenurse51

Haters gonna hate. Looking at your profile pic, whatever you are, you're wearing it well. Don't let the bas***ds get you down.

tabithajoy3

I right there with you!!!

sweatingforthesoul

I understand what you're going through- I deal with BED as well. My best piece of advice would be this: you can't change other people, you can only change your reaction to those people.

This is your journey...are you going to let anyone else (especially someone who isn't family/friend) derail your journey?

I wouldn't use it as motivation or as a reason to derail...id just throw the comment out like an old piece of trash and keep plucking along. You've done SO well so far, don't let stupid people and stupid comments bring you down.

donnaw3kids

How rude! People really should chew their words before spitting em out! BRAVO TO YOU. Wow what great loss youve had! Continue to focus on that! Feel free too add me as we all can use a "thata girl!!"

OyGeeBiv

I'm sorry this happened to you. I feel reallllly sorry for her daughter. Yeesh.

jemhh

I'm so sorry that this happened. I can see how it would be upsetting even if you know *logically* that you are doing really well.

rbfdac wrote: »

some large women say things like that to make themselves feel better, so maybe that's it.

This stuck out to me. I have a person who says stuff like this and I know it is an attempt to make herself feel better by trying making me feel bad. I try to remind myself of that whenever I am going to see her and have learned to kind of prep by jokingly thinking "Okay, what crazy thing is _______ going to say this time?" Doing that provides a bit of self-assurance that she's the one with the problem, not me. Now that you know this coworker is prone to such rudeness, you might be able to prep yourself better for interactions with her.

puffbrat

Malenurse51 wrote: »

Haters gonna hate. Looking at your profile pic, whatever you are, you're wearing it well. Don't let the bas***ds get you down.

64crayons wrote: »

I'm sorry this happened to you. I feel reallllly sorry for her daughter. Yeesh.

These!

Continue to focus on the reasons you are losing the weight and ignore this thoughtless person.

GrooveMerchant

Could it be that she's jealous of your 48# loss, and that comment was designed to get to you? An intentional dig?

If she's jealous, you're doing something right. And if she'd dig at you that way, she's not the kind of person that should have any influence over you. Let your haters be your motivators.

sungoddess337

Write that sentence down. Rip it to pieces and throw it out of your life. Focus on you.

rbfdac

Guys, thank you all so so so very much for your responses. I am so aware that this is a "firstworldproblem", so I felt bad even asking for support for such a silly little thing. After taking all of your responses to heart, I've decided that I'm over it. I'm over her. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. No binging in my future!

My husband often says in certain aspects of life when I overreact "Does it affect you directly? Does it affect me? Does it affect our kids? If the answer is no, then forget about it". I won't tell him, but maybe there's something to that

tulips_and_tea

rbfdac wrote: »

Guys, thank you all so so so very much for your responses. I am so aware that this is a "firstworldproblem", so I felt bad even asking for support for such a silly little thing. After taking all of your responses to heart, I've decided that I'm over it. I'm over her. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. No binging in my future!

My husband often says in certain aspects of life when I overreact "Does it affect you directly? Does it affect me? Does it affect our kids? If the answer is no, then forget about it". I won't tell him, but maybe there's something to that

Very wise! I like this. The comment is a direct reflection of the person who said it. Could be she did it intentionally to be mean or could be that she didn't think anything of it. Despite the vast majority of us being aware of our weight, size, how we are perceived and judged, etc. I've found that there are some people who attach no emotions to size and it's JUST that - the size and shape of your body, therefore unaware of how it effects others.

Either way, you look great so keep up the good work!

Meganthedogmom

Pshh, you look great. Don't sweat it.

fastfoodietofitcutie

Ugh, people can be so ignorant at times. I also dealt with a co-worker who would say things that would humiliate me in front of other people like, "have you lost weight, you're fitting in your chair better." She honestly didn't realize what she was saying hurt my feelings but it would crush me. Try to brush it off. I know, easier said then done but just chalk it up to one unhappy woman and try not to let it ruin your day or great progress so far.

Fursian

Hmm, wondering if one of the reasons is your weight loss is causing this co-worker some inner anguish, guilt over her own daughter's weight, and anything that reminds them of this, gets attacked.

Sorry you experienced this. I think it can be quite easy to let this type of stuff derail us, and it's good to see that you're not going to let it.

trisH_7183

rbfdac wrote: »

Guys, thank you all so so so very much for your responses. I am so aware that this is a "firstworldproblem", so I felt bad even asking for support for such a silly little thing. After taking all of your responses to heart, I've decided that I'm over it. I'm over her. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. No binging in my future!

My husband often says in certain aspects of life when I overreact "Does it affect you directly? Does it affect me? Does it affect our kids? If the answer is no, then forget about it". I won't tell him, but maybe there's something to that

He sounds like a great guy. Count your blessings & brush her remarks to the curb. How jealous she must be! Hey,I'm jealous too,but will use your huge loss as inspiration. You look beautiful in your picture.Good luck to you.

Malenurse51

rbfdac wrote: »

Guys, thank you all so so so very much for your responses. I am so aware that this is a "firstworldproblem", so I felt bad even asking for support for such a silly little thing. After taking all of your responses to heart, I've decided that I'm over it. I'm over her. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. No binging in my future!

My husband often says in certain aspects of life when I overreact "Does it affect you directly? Does it affect me? Does it affect our kids? If the answer is no, then forget about it". I won't tell him, but maybe there's something to that

Your husband is very wise and you are the much better person for putting it behind you and realizing that some people have to make other feel bad to make themselves feel good. No need for "thanks", that's what "community" is all about.

rbfdac

patceoh wrote: »

rbfdac wrote: »

Guys, thank you all so so so very much for your responses. I am so aware that this is a "firstworldproblem", so I felt bad even asking for support for such a silly little thing. After taking all of your responses to heart, I've decided that I'm over it. I'm over her. I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. No binging in my future!

My husband often says in certain aspects of life when I overreact "Does it affect you directly? Does it affect me? Does it affect our kids? If the answer is no, then forget about it". I won't tell him, but maybe there's something to that

He sounds like a great guy. Count your blessings & brush her remarks to the curb. How jealous she must be! Hey,I'm jealous too,but will use your huge loss as inspiration. You look beautiful in your picture.Good luck to you.

Thank you so much for your response- you made me smile. And he's an amazing man. I'm so very blessed. When I type that, it makes me feel even more silly for letting her get to me.

saraAmcd

I still remember when someone called me a big girl 15 years ago. He didn't even mean to be offensive. What a weenie.

bebeisfit

Words hurt more than we know.

KittyInBoots

This made me sad to read cuz I know how that feels.

One of things that has always bothered me as an overweight person is that we KNOW we are overweight, we know we need to change, but it is not easy as it seems. It is sadly a flaw we can't hide...but we don't need people pointing it out constantly!

But anyways, just realize she is ignorant. You are trying and from what I see in your pic you are pretty! And you are pretty on the inside too!

rbfdac

If anybody cares for a little update-- the binging urge never came! The support from you guys helped tremendously. I brushed it off like I said I would and literally climbed a mountain this weekend!

MFP sometimes gets a little flack, but honestly, this community is so supportive and special.