My obsession (advices please)

myname20

This wont be so much of a weight loss problem but I want to share it anyways because it is disturbing me and controlling my life totally.

I have always had "obsession" with beautiful women and I always felt a bit jealous when I see someone my type, but usually I forgot about her few minutes later. Now it is different, I dont just get VERY jealous, I also get very sad.

It started just around 2 months ago - I dont even know when or how, but now I see every (beautiful) women as an enemy for me. If before I had a very specific type in women (model type, tall, natural beauty etc) then now I am jealous of almost every women who has something better than me - hair, body, *kitten*, face.. Just something about seeing them makes me very very sad. I cant watch a movie with my bf if I dont check if there are no nude scenes, cant concentrate at gym if there is a nice woman near me, cant feel confident after I binge-watch youtube videos of models again. I am jealous of women who know they are beautiful, all the men staring at them and they enjoy it. It makes me sick, angry and sad. I cry often. Seems childish but thats the way I live right now.

What is this all obsession about?! I cant control it anymore and I think it is ruining my relationship too, I get sad all the time- I always feel like he is staring at other more beautiful women, wishing he was with her, imagining I had a body like her (although He never sad any bad thing about me ).

I would like to talk to someone who has experienced anything similar or just hear whatever you would like to say. I could write more, but it may get boring ... But I can answer any questions if you would like to ask

What should I do?

queenliz99

Maybe you should see some sort of therapy.

Redbeard333

^^ this. While I'm not a psychologist, you may have body dysmorphic disorder. Speak to your primary care physician about it and see what s/he recommends.

myname20

I understand I should visit therapist but at the moment this choice is nearly impossible.. So I am just trying online theraphy

CollieFit

Asking a bunch of strangers is not going to help you find the answers that you seek. Why is formal therapy an impossible choice?

myname20

Because I would like to visit a therapist who can speak in my native language which is impossible right now.

CollieFit

Okay. Do you feel your command of English would be insufficient to express your emotions well enough to be able to benefit from therapy?

RespectTheKitty

I have the exact same problem, maybe not to the extent that you do. I get very jealous of other women who are thinner or more attractive than I am, and it makes me depressed and angry that I can't be like them. Since you say you can't do therapy right now (which would be my first suggestion), then try really hard to find one or two good things about yourself that you like, and focus like mad on those things. That way, when you see another woman who upsets you, you can think to yourself, "At least I have (x) going for me!" It's little things like that which will help out you on a path to better self-acceptance. I imagine you feel pretty low about yourself, and that's why you're always comparing yourself to others (at least, I know that's how it is for me). Find something good about yourself... it could be anything at all, and focus on that. And as soon as you possibly can, try to find a therapist or maybe even try online therapy at sites like betterhelp.com where you can talk online and maybe that will help with the language barrier.

Big hugs to you, I know what you're going through. Remember that you are beautiful in your own way.

tulips_and_tea

Sounds like you're feeling insecure around other women for some reason. Instead of focusing on them, do what makes YOU feel confident. What things do you enjoy? What makes you feel good about yourself? Work on that and never compare yourself to others. It's self-defeating and negative. Find the positive things about yourself and celebrate them!

CollieFit

This is about feelings of envy, competition and relational aggression. While your focus is on appearance, the root cause of your feelings are likely to be running a lot deeper but something will have triggered them recently.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201309/women-who-hate-other-women-the-psychological-root-snarky

LessofAJ

Comparison is the thief of joy, hon. Sending you the hugs and strength to work through it, because you deserve to be happy ❤️

bubble_wrap0428

I feel similar. Instead I find myself looking at fitness models' instagrams and such quite a bit. I don't get "jealous" per say but I more so view them as motivation. I accept the fact I'll never look as flawless as them, they have lots of money and their job is to look good in sports bras and tight leggings, I'm just a girl trying to be as healthy as I can. You can't compare yourself to these woman, just admire their beauty and you will find beauty in yourself. Of course there are always going to be women that are more fit, have clearer skin, etc than you but what's the worth beating yourself up over it? And the whole boyfriend looking at attractive women, that's nature.... You're doing it as well. He has a bond with you that he doesn't with them. Do t beat yourself up Hun.

coalz

Try & find a therapist who can do Skype or phone sessions with you. Try & just focus on you and tune out the rest of the BS. You're over exposed to a propoganda pushing exploitive world that just wants to make you feel bad about yourself by creating this completely unattainable standard so they can sell you their latest product. & that woman next to you at the gym, she's a victim too! We all are! A lot of what you are seeing is not real! And the real women you see, they have all sorts of insecurities & baggage too.
Try this little experiment for me will you? Go buy yourself one of those magazines you like with all the supermodels in it then rip out every page that is just an add with some hot girl on it. See what's left of that magazine of actual content that holds substance.
Realize you have the power to choose where you focus your energy. Happiness is a choice. So set all those glossy photoshopped girls on fire & start living life for you! We are all beautiful unique beings & it's our differences that make us special.

cgvet37

Forgive me for being blunt. You need to get over the fact that everyone is different. Worry about you, and the rest will fall into place. I just feel we live in a society, where many people will tell you to go see a shrink. Without first trying to work it out on your own. Again, just my opinion.

PeachesNcreamgal

I had this same problem when I was a teenager. I used to stare at gorgeous women as if they are going out of fashion. It was a sad scary tough phase where I used to cut myself for not looking like them. Thankfully, that phase is over and I don't even throw a second glance at another woman. I hope and pray you grow out of it like I did

saraAmcd

Nobody likes to be compared unfavorably to other people, but you are the one doing that to yourself.

When I was very young I had this problem. I thought that other people's good qualities diminished my own. But they don't. I look at photos of myself from then and think that youth is wasted on the wrong people.

hdatres

There is not one person on this earth , that doesn't have insecurities about themselves. When you stop comparing yourself to others you have an inner light Will shine through ,you will have peace and less stress.
Please embrace your self, Each of us are miraculously made different, in our own ways.
Look at your self and see the beauty in you! You are unique and wonderfully made. ((Hug))

m303psss

See a Shrink

navybrat822

I think it's fine to look at others who may inspire reasonable weight loss goals, but it sounds like you may have an unreasonable streak of jealousy/envy that doesn't sound healthy.

If you're just starting your weight loss plan then good for you. But I believe any change (personal or professional) has to first come from within. It's a mind over matter sort of thing. I would suggest watching some self help videos in your native language and possibly search out some self help type books in which you "connect" with the author, message and writing style.

woznube7

I do also have this problem... and it's easier said than done to "just get over it... or see a shrink, etc." It's not that it is something "we're" doing on purpose, and I know I have never been rude/cruel/etc to anyone, but I am a lot harsher on myself because of it. I know that when I workout/eat better/etc. that my confidence seems to boost and that helps. It's a journey. I'll get to the point where maybe i'll be the "role model" or "inspiration" to someone who wants to look like me... because that's a lot of what I do when I compare myself to someone else, just wishing I could be that pretty or look like that, etc.