Second thoughts about surgery
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I know several people who have had some type of bariatric surgery. One woman you never would've known had ever been heavy. She was small and thin, and had had the surgery after trying to lose several hundred pounds on her own in every way possible. She also had a body lift, had her arms and legs and stomach tightens with surgery afterwards, so she looked great. She never put the weight back on, and learned how to eat correctly. The other person I know, had gastric bypass, and then the band. She never stopped eating badly, would put herself into painful situations eating incorrectly, or just too much. She never really went for counseling, to stop eating emotionally. I think this was her biggest downfall. With any type of major surgery, there are psychological effects. If you knew that you get triggered by certain things, is definitely important to get some type of assistance so that with your new sleeve, you will be able to continue eating healthy, small portions. You can be successful anyway you want to be, but you won't be as long as you allow triggers to get in your way. This is not just for people having bariatric surgery, but for anybody who is struggling to lose weight. We all have our triggers one way or another.0
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Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.0 -
Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.
This made me smile. I remember so clearly all those times when I allowed stress to influence my eating habits. Finding a different way to cope is so important. I like swimming. It helps clear my head.0 -
Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.
THAT! Work on that! Maybe next time it could be a stroll, chores, knitting, reading, whatever.0 -
Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.
This is a victory. Stress eating is hard to break but this is how it starts. You find something to do to relieve the stress. I usually tell myself to wait an hour doing something I enjoy and if I still feel like I want something, then try to find a healthy snack to satisfy the need. Great job!! Journaling about your stress/feelings, a hobby, exercise, etc. All of those are great outlets for stress.0 -
Just wanted to say that I have the sleeve... I drink through a straw, and I don't have dumping syndrome, and I have never thrown up. Please don't let a few misconceptions about surgery prevent you from getting the info you need to make a well informed decision.0
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I'm so sorry I'd started writing and was nearly through a massive reply to you but it disappeared so sadly I have to keep this short.
I completely agree with pp who said to remove talking to those who stress you out about your weightless. Practise what they said over and over and do it - I've had to cut out conversations with people who stress me out and hurt me.
Regarding surgery whilst we can support you and I completely agree you need somewhere to air your fears we aren't knowledgeable of you, your blood work or health issues. For that reason please keep talking here but please consider taking your husband with you to your next consult so you are both fully informed and can come to a decision together. He sounds a great support. I take a friend to important appointments because I forget things. I can't imagine the fear and upset you must be going through, it's important you tackle this together.
Your doctor and you have all of the facts.
Please take care and good luck in your journey whichever path you take.0 -
I would try talking to your mom less, and when you do and she brings up any weight topic, change the topic or hang up. You are the only one who can control your life. You don't need Toxic people in your life who are not going to support or help you. Parents are weird it's hard to let them go but sometimes you need to separate to become your own person. Surround yourself with loving, non judgmental supporting people, for someone so hurt by what people say or do This is important. Cut the negativity out and it will be harder to sway you away from your goal0
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I agree, it is the so called "loved" ones who are doing the most damage. It seems that she can lose the weight on her own, but the "loved" ones throw a fly in the ointment. Plus once she loses the weight, for them, it won't be fast enough, she didn't lose enough, etc. She really wont win with them.I don´t think your mom knows all the risks you face doing the surgery. I´m pretty sure she prefer you to be a curvy healthy woman over you being slim and suffering *the-worse-case-scenarios* of surgery. PS.. surgery will not cure all your insensitive relatives and friends... ;-) you still have to deal with them ;-)
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Christine_72 wrote: »OP this might not apply to you, but an interesting read nonetheless
http://www.salon.com/2015/11/02/weight_loss_surgery_was_easy_it_was_becoming_thin_that_drove_me_to_the_brink/
That's interesting.
They say the road to heart is through the stomach, but that bariatric surgery doesn't fix emotional eating would tend to dispute that.0 -
Surely if having surgery means you have to eat a low calorie diet, can't you just do that anyway without having to have the surgery and lose weight naturally? Or am I missing the point?
You are missing the point on weight loss surgery. You don't have to eat a low calorie diet, just smaller portions. People who fail after the surgery eat or drink small portions of high calorie foods over and over. If they try hard enough, they stretch out the small pouch of a stomach the surgery created and can eat larger and larger portions of the same calorie dense foods.
You must change your eating habits permanently for the surgery to be effective.
You are on point with a change in diet to lose weight naturally.
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Naptownbabi wrote: »I would try talking to your mom less, and when you do and she brings up any weight topic, change the topic or hang up. You are the only one who can control your life. You don't need Toxic people in your life who are not going to support or help you. Parents are weird it's hard to let them go but sometimes you need to separate to become your own person. Surround yourself with loving, non judgmental supporting people, for someone so hurt by what people say or do This is important. Cut the negativity out and it will be harder to sway you away from your goal
This! Read this over and over. Tape it to your wall, fridge, phone or all three! I had a toxic relationship with my father, not over weight loss but how to parent a troubled teen, and once I let go of needing his approval (and thinking I needed his financial help with those problems), somehow things starting working out. He would leave me in such an anxious and negative state, it over-spilled to my troubled teen, his sibling and my husband. It affects everything! Like others have said, I still send him a text every now and then, cut face to face contact at first to once a month, now once every 3 months. Funny thing is, you will also be doing your parent a favor. My dad (80 years old) ended up in the heart hospital with what ended up being a panic attack over my family's problems and I had to endure my stepmother blame me for it in the waiting room! That's when I started taking steps back from him. Now his health is better too, and although I know it won't be forever, at least I won't get blamed for it! Go home and hug your supportive husband! I promise this change will benefit that relationship as well!0 -
Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.
Good job!
Part of the solution may be replacing the old habit with a new response to stress. Go for a drive, go to the gym, dance around the living room like a maniac...there are so many better ways to react, and you can train yourself to find a more positive response.
Surgery doesn't go away as an option--it is still there if you need it down the road--but it sounds like some therapy might make you a happier person and help with your eating issues at the same time.
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Interesting thing happened after I replied to everyone here. Work became very stressful and I was ready to go home. But then my coworker accused me to eating all the Easter candy. I know I didn't because all I had for a snack was yogurt and fruit. Anyway, I was already upset by that and thought about picking up a late night snack. Instead, I took a 30-minute drive to visit my husband at his job and just cried. Not long after that, I went home and went straight to bed.
The drive on the highway saved me from binging last night.
That's great!
I am reading a book called Spark that is about the effects of exercise on the brain. The author is an MD who has treated people with everything from anxiety to depression etc. One of his patients used to have a glass of wine every time she was stressed. Because she wanted to reduce her alcohol consumption, and because she used to enjoy jumping rope, he suggested she keep jump ropes at locations around her house. Then when she felt stressed and the urge to have a glass she jumped rope instead. It basically provided the same immediate stress relief.
Also, since presumably you aren't going to cut off contact with your mom, could you reduce contact to fixed times? Then maybe try to go for a brisk walk before hand. I used to workout at lunch when I had a stressful job and it was extremely helpful in calming me and making me prepared for the afternoon. Sometimes I'd read an email in the morning and it would make me upset and anxious but after my workout I could be calm about the email and it didn't effect me as much. I don't think exercise is a magic bullet for weight loss, but I firmly believe in its effects for mental health benefits.0 -
Hiya I am also on the bariatric pathway, after months of self a steam , cbt, courses making sure I feel worth it. I have just started an liver shrinking plan 8 weeks milk based diet 4 pints of semi skimmed milk a day with 2 litres of sugar free liquid , tea coffee etc , then I have another 8 weeks of half milk and half limited range of foods, then 8 weeks of dietitians then see if I want surgery still or have managed my demons with food. It's a tough route to go down . First question you have to ask yourself is am I worth it. Surgery is not a quick fix I have met people that are going down the same route I am going that have had surgery , but their head was not in the right place and now weigh more than their initial surgery. I have been on every diet lost loads of weight but put it and more back on. You have to be there mentally before you can focus on YOU X good luck x0
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I hope you can find the strength to keep losing weight on your own at a moderate pace. I also struggle with emotional triggers, it's hard but it can be done. Just don't aim for too quick a weight loss, a moderate or slow pace is good too!0
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ronjsteele1 wrote: »ClosetBayesian wrote: »Mavrick_RN wrote: »Your mom does not know what "all costs" mean.
Sadly, she still doesn't get the meaning of tact. Earlier today while I was talking to my mom on the phone, I told her that I lost 15 pounds since my colonoscopy in February. You know what's her reply? "Oh you should try this oatmeal water diet from Dr. Oz to lose a lot of weight." Trust me, those first 15 pounds were hard. That's early morning workouts, changing my portions, the on-going temptations at work, and eating small meals throughout the day (except for Ash Wednesday and Good Friday). Now is not the time for quick fixes from online or a syndicated tv show. I quickly ended the conversation with her.
Warning: I'm about to say something that may come across as really rude.
.... Why do you talk to your mother? At best, it sounds like she is not helping. At worst, it sounds like she may be contributing to your problem. Maybe you shouldn't talk to her about anything having to do with weight. She just doesn't sound like she can provide the kind of support you need, and she's not going to change.
Maybe I am wrong. Maybe not.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I finally had to decide that my health was more important then any conversation (which was going to be hurtful anyway) with my mom. Perhaps you need to decide to only have a superficial relationship with your mom? I'm not rude, or unkind to my mom. I just choose not to call her. I do not share really any aspects of any importance with her. It's kept very surface level. If you know she's going to make comments about your weight, why even bring it up? I know for me, emotional distance has been hugely important in my mental health. It sounds like she may be part of your emotional issues!
Thirding reconsidering how you interact with your Mother and how much. Quite frankly, she sounds like she isn't helping you at all and is contributing to your problems. I'm very glad you have a supportive Husband, he sounds like a treasure, turn to him and stop involving your mother when all she appears to do is hurt you so. Been there BTW.
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I know several people who have had some type of bariatric surgery. One woman you never would've known had ever been heavy. She was small and thin, and had had the surgery after trying to lose several hundred pounds on her own in every way possible. She also had a body lift, had her arms and legs and stomach tightens with surgery afterwards, so she looked great. She never put the weight back on, and learned how to eat correctly. The other person I know, had gastric bypass, and then the band. She never stopped eating badly, would put herself into painful situations eating incorrectly, or just too much. She never really went for counseling, to stop eating emotionally. I think this was her biggest downfall. With any type of major surgery, there are psychological effects. If you knew that you get triggered by certain things, is definitely important to get some type of assistance so that with your new sleeve, you will be able to continue eating healthy, small portions. You can be successful anyway you want to be, but you won't be as long as you allow triggers to get in your way. This is not just for people having bariatric surgery, but for anybody who is struggling to lose weight. We all have our triggers one way or another.
I am nearly positive your unsuccessful acquaintance first had the band then the bypass. The bypass is the more radical surgery and there would not be enough stomach left for a band.
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melonaulait wrote: »I hope you can find the strength to keep losing weight on your own at a moderate pace. I also struggle with emotional triggers, it's hard but it can be done. Just don't aim for too quick a weight loss, a moderate or slow pace is good too!
I believe now that the emotional courage comes with hopping back on the wagon after a slip-up. Everyone slips. It's what we do afterwards which determines if we cross the finish line.
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On Monday, I went to my appointment. She did answer my questions about dumping, straw drinking, and triggers that put my mind at ease. She did warn me about one thing: in order for my insurance to accept me, I can't be lower than 260 in the next three months. I still want to go to the classes to learn more stuff as well as see a therapist but she said that if I change my mind or have too much success, they'll find another non-surgical way to my goal.
As for my mom, I did feel bad not answering her phone calls. She's been trying to call the last several days but I never call her back.0
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