Self-Confidence, Dating, Etc...

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hotmomma0612
hotmomma0612 Posts: 651 Member
in Chit-Chat
My name is Rachel and I am trying to lose over 60 pounds to gain some self confidence. I've been really bummed the past few years because I feel like I will never find the one because I feel like everyone judges me on my weight. My question is, do men really not care about weight? I mean, I want to lose weight to be healthier anyways... I'm just so worried about never finding "the one" due to me being overweight. Ugh!! Just wish I could feel pretty.

Thanks, Rachel
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Replies

  • chunkydunk714
    chunkydunk714 Posts: 784 Member
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    Focus on yourself...learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place...

    You're still so young...
  • pjp1125
    pjp1125 Posts: 313
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    Focus on yourself...learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place...

    You're still so young...

    This. It will all come together.
  • Laces_0ut
    Laces_0ut Posts: 3,750 Member
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    most people i know care about weight in varying degrees. most guys want a healthy and fit mate just like women want the same.

    anyone can find love but i think your odds will go up when you are healthier, more fit and as a result more confident.
  • broekte
    broekte Posts: 102 Member
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    Guys love confidence. If losing some weight will give you more confidence than you will find the right guy. This works both ways too as after I lost a lot of weight I found the woman of my dreams by gaining my confidence back. I wish you the best. Start loving yourself and you'll find Mr. Right!
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    My biggest suggestion to you would be to work on the inside stuff in conjunction with the outside stuff. You can end up losing all the weight in the world and still not feeling good about yourself...And then what?

    And as far as "The One" goes, if he's really "The One" he will appreciate you for everything that you are...Imperfections and all.
  • angelams1019
    angelams1019 Posts: 1,102 Member
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    BTW- Once your happy with yourself, you will find that this overwhelming NEED to find "Mr. Right" will diminish.

    You don't need a Mr. Right to be happy. Like someone else said, learn to love yourself and everything else will fall into place
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,022 Member
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    Take it from me, now is the time to focus on improving yourself and figuring out who you really are and what you're looking for.

    I was 27 when I first decided to lose weight. If you had asked me at that time what I was looking for in a man, I couldn't have articulated it, and it's because I didn't know who I was. But that was one of the things that became very, very clear to me as I lost weight, and now I am absolutely sure. It's one of the reasons I am so content with being single right now. I know what I want, and I'd rather be single than settle for less than that.

    As for men caring about weight, I think you will find that most men are attracted to women who are at a healthy weight and are secure with their bodies. If you work hard, you will get there, and you will have your opportunities with men, trust me. If you meet someone great now, while you're in the process of losing the weight, awesome. But I'm glad now that I was single during that time because I'm a different person now than I was then.
  • thisdamselflies
    thisdamselflies Posts: 92 Member
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    Focus on yourself...learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place...

    You're still so young...

    This! If you really focus on caring about yourself and your body, you'll be able to re-think the way you eat and live. Feeding your body good foods (fruits, vegetables, home-cooked meals) and exercising are acts of self-love, and losing weight is an added bonus. :)

    And romance/dating will happen when it does. :) I didn't get married until I was 27, and my spouse was 34. You have a lot of time!

    I'll also add that going into dating with your head in the wrong place (self-loathing) is very likely to put you into a bad relationship (someone who's cruel and reinforces the idea that you're not good enough). Finding that confidence will help you stay aware of your worth, regardless of what gives you confidence in the first place.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
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    Men's taste varies.

    It's best to just be what makes you happy and healthy.
  • NathanFronk
    NathanFronk Posts: 137 Member
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    Yes guys care about weight. What Barnum & Bailey circus are we throwing popcorn in where that is even a reasonable question? It's like asking if bears care about gummy.

    But that is not the answer to what I feel you are really asking.

    "Mr. Right" is such a loaded phrase. What may be right for you is completely subjective. I have to go out on a limb and define what I think you mean by "Mr. Right." - Someone who will love you and that you love.

    If this definition is close to what you are getting at, then really the question of "do men care about weight?" is turned back on you. If you want someone that cares only about what is on the inside, then you'll be expected to love the man for only what's on the inside. Fair is fair. If you want a guy that looks like he strips (or should) at Chip 'n Dales then you need to look like you could strip at your local bar's karaoke stage.

    It's relatively accepted that people are attracted to people that look similar to them. If you love what you see in the mirror, you'll love what you see in your Mr. Right.
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
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    I know how you feel, and I'm working on it myself. I'm definitely trying to work on making myself happier by living a healthier lifestyle and yes, losing weight. Yes, I want to find Mr. Right, but for now I'm working on myself and taking the time to focus on self-improvement in various aspects so that I feel comfortable with myself.

    I'm always trying to remind myself that things will happen when they do, and that Mr. Right should like you for who you are, I know that sounds cliche, but if he's only in it for appearance, than you deserve better!
  • NathanFronk
    NathanFronk Posts: 137 Member
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    Mr. Right should like you for who you are, I know that sounds cliche, but if he's only in it for appearance, than you deserve better!

    I agree. But it is not shallow to care about what the person is like inside as well as outside. Have you dated someone you were not physically attracted to at all? How did that turn out?
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
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    Mr. Right should like you for who you are, I know that sounds cliche, but if he's only in it for appearance, than you deserve better!

    I agree. But it is not shallow to care about what the person is like inside as well as outside. Have you dated someone you were not physically attracted to at all? How did that turn out?

    And I am in agreement with you! I meant more of - he should like you for you, for things such as personality and appearance, some may be weighted more than others. I have dated someone I wasn't that physically attracted to... We got along, but in the end became more like friends. Definitely not something I would do again - BUT I'm not going to be entirely hung up on vanity either.

    :)
  • NathanFronk
    NathanFronk Posts: 137 Member
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    Mr. Right should like you for who you are, I know that sounds cliche, but if he's only in it for appearance, than you deserve better!

    I agree. But it is not shallow to care about what the person is like inside as well as outside. Have you dated someone you were not physically attracted to at all? How did that turn out?

    And I am in agreement with you! I meant more of - he should like you for you, for things such as personality and appearance, some may be weighted more than others. I have dated someone I wasn't that physically attracted to... We got along, but in the end became more like friends. Definitely not something I would do again - BUT I'm not going to be entirely hung up on vanity either.

    :)

    100% in agreement. I'm glad there are people here who can accept that physical appearance plays a role, instead of pretending it is irrelevant. I mean, aren't we all here to look better? Sure, healthy is good. But I would be willing to bet most people want to be healthy AND look better.
  • mestacy010
    mestacy010 Posts: 577 Member
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    Focus on yourself...learn to love yourself and everything will fall into place...

    You're still so young...

    This. It will all come together.

    This, add me if u need support, I just lost a seven year relationship and I was just like u.... I'm beginning to love myself.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    My name is Rachel and I am trying to lose over 60 pounds to gain some self confidence. I've been really bummed the past few years because I feel like I will never find the one because I feel like everyone judges me on my weight. My question is, do men really not care about weight? I mean, I want to lose weight to be healthier anyways... I'm just so worried about never finding "the one" due to me being overweight. Ugh!! Just wish I could feel pretty.

    Thanks, Rachel

    Hi Rachel,

    I wish you could feel pretty too - because you look quite adorable in your photos!

    Something to remember - there are numerous potential 'ones' out there for everyone.

    The main thing about relationships is timing - that two people are in the same place mentally & emotionally is the most important I think. When the timing is right and you are truly happy, Mr Right will generally turn up!

    I recommend you watch the Sex & the City series if you haven't, it has some very funny takes on the different aspects of dating. You are so lucky to have all that ahead of you.

    And it ends with a very nice truism;

    “...the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
    And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
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    Mr. Right should like you for who you are, I know that sounds cliche, but if he's only in it for appearance, than you deserve better!

    I agree. But it is not shallow to care about what the person is like inside as well as outside. Have you dated someone you were not physically attracted to at all? How did that turn out?

    And I am in agreement with you! I meant more of - he should like you for you, for things such as personality and appearance, some may be weighted more than others. I have dated someone I wasn't that physically attracted to... We got along, but in the end became more like friends. Definitely not something I would do again - BUT I'm not going to be entirely hung up on vanity either.

    :)

    100% in agreement. I'm glad there are people here who can accept that physical appearance plays a role, instead of pretending it is irrelevant. I mean, aren't we all here to look better? Sure, healthy is good. But I would be willing to bet most people want to be healthy AND look better.


    As harsh as it may seem, the world does function a lot on appearance - for many various things. Whether finding love or making business deals, unfortunately it has come to that. I do want to look better, and be healthier, I won't push people away based on appearance... but if you're talking about the person I will be spending my life with, I do believe in being attracted inside and out.


    OP: I wish I could be prettier. But I acknowledge that the downfalls and flaws I perceive in myself are self-amplified... I feel like I automatically criticize myself more harshly than anyone else. I am working on, and I would suggest for you too, learning to accept myself in this whole process of change. I have tummy pudge, I have no boobs... the list can go on, but I will try to choose not to let those factors stop me from achieving any goals. The hardest part about this whole Mr. Right thing, is letting it go and not trying too hard. I'm still working on that myself!
  • berriboobear
    berriboobear Posts: 524 Member
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    I recommend you watch the Sex & the City series if you haven't, it has some very funny takes on the different aspects of dating. You are so lucky to have all that ahead of you.

    I do find this show good entertainment and I can see how it is/was a step forward for women's rights and expression, but at the same time it is still very grounded in stereotypes and myths based on gender. Since the OP is worried about weight (hence appearance), I would suggest caution while watching since it perpetuates a lot of appearance based stereotypes and issues under the guise as female empowerment. Not meaning to turn anyone off the show, just playing the devil's advocate :)
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    Please don't worry and I know it's easier said then done, but you have plenty of time. I didn't have my first kiss until I was 22, but it all falls into place. I've also never weighed less than 250lbs since my 20's. You don't want to appear desperate either to get a man because the thing most important to both men and women is they meet a person who is self assured and can love herself or himself. This is the time to start getting your education or focus on finding a career. Go out have fun. Talk to a million different guys, but put no expectations other than you want a friend. Exercise, eat right, take care of yourself, spoil yourself. Smile a lot and laugh a lot.

    You are beautiful you are young and I'm sure youre a fun person to be around. It will happen trust me. Please trust me. One day when you least expect it you will meet the love of your life. Enjoy your life right now and have so much fun you are young and single!

    PS even if you never lose a pound as long as you have the confidence that you are a wonderful, fun person with so much to offer the men will be falling to their knees. TRUST ME TRUST ME!
  • whierd
    whierd Posts: 14,025 Member
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    My name is Rachel and I am trying to lose over 60 pounds to gain some self confidence. I've been really bummed the past few years because I feel like I will never find the one because I feel like everyone judges me on my weight. My question is, do men really not care about weight? I mean, I want to lose weight to be healthier anyways... I'm just so worried about never finding "the one" due to me being overweight. Ugh!! Just wish I could feel pretty.

    Thanks, Rachel

    All men do not feel the same way about every topic. Your biggest obstacle at this point is your lack of confidence in yourself. There are guys out there that do no care about a girl having some fluff, other that are turned on by it, etc. Losing weight will, however, make you appeal to a broader range of men. But your main problem is that you need to learn how to love yourself and realize your own worth or you'll end up settling for the first *kitten* that gives you any attention.

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