Terrified

KristenNagle1

I am scared. I have tried losing weight many times. Sometimes I have even succeeded! Many times I stop after a few weeks, many times I have gained the weight back. I always start out thinking that NOTHING can derail me. I feel great, I am looking better, I am full steam ahead. But then something happens and I fall off the wagon. I gain the weight back. Right now I am having that same feeling of, "Nothing can stop me!" but if I look at the past I should expect to quit, I should expect to fail. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you know when it's different? That this time it's going to work?

xbowhunter

I lost weight a few years back & gained it all back & then some.
Last time I was running a lot and eating very little. I didn't really know how I did it but it worked.

This time I know exactly how I lost the weight & exactly what to do to keep it off & maintain thanks to MFP.
So if I fail to keep it off this time It's all on me because now I know better...

enterdanger

I don't think you ever really "know" it's going to work. I'm still on here and trying and I've lost weight without really gaining too much back but I'm not even close to my goal weight. It's been 2 years. It sucks, but everyone is probably right when they say you have to find something "sustainable" For me that means eating at a very small calorie deficit and accepting that I'm probably going to only lose .5-1lb a week. That's ok though. It means I'm not miserable. Just that it will literally take me another 2 years. I tried super low calorie and shed lbs really quickly, but I hated life and would always gain it back.

dragerk

I'm still working on this myself, but I've found some success in realizing that weight loss is not a "kill or be killed" kind of deal. I think using language like "nothing can derail me" and "nothing can stop me" is setting yourself up for failure. Don't be so hard on yourself! There WILL be derailment. There WILL be bad days. And you know what? That's okay! No one is perfect in anything they do 100% of the time.

I think the key to success in weight loss is being able to recognize that once in a while there will be slip-ups, allow for those (sometimes they are needed!), but continue on anyway, learning all the while.

KristenNagle1

Finding what works long term - such a simple concept but I needed to hear that. I KNOW how to lose weight - I think that's the easy part but you're right, finding something sustainable and healthy is the tough part. I am so used to all or nothing. All good (baby carrots and big salads) or all bad (Extra Cheese and a side of ranch). I need to be able to live with the changes I am making forever.

rileysowner

You can do this, but, you need to consider things. You say, "something happens". It seems to me it might be wise to figure out what that something is. Is it that you think you need to deprive yourself of the things you like to eat rather than learn to eat less of them? Is it that you have a week were you weight goes up and you say to yourself my weight went up, why bother to continue? Is it that you have a day you eat way over your calories, then say to yourself I already messed up, so I might as well give up? Answering what those "somethings" are can make a big difference long term. They could be some I mentioned or completely different, but if you don't consider what it was, and why you took that thing as a reason to quit, it is far more likely you will quite again.

I know for me the big issue was I always wanted things to happen fast, so I tried for fast. To achieve that I needed to cut out a lot of things I loved. The combination of a really demanding calorie goal and having to avoid things I loved to eat wore me down over time so eventually I would stop complying. Now I am taking the approach of the number of calories I will need to maintain my goal weight is what I eat. I am in essence eating the way I will for the rest of my life. The weight loss is slower, but I am fine with that as my goals are mainly being more active and strong, and secondarily to lose fat rather than simply weight.

Also realizing that not being able to eat the foods I loved was an issue for me, I now still eat them, I just fit them into my calorie goal. That is much easier as my calorie goal is higher, being they are the calories I would need to maintain at my goal weight, so I can do it, and doing it I am learning every day what eating the way I will for the rest of my life will be like. (I hope that sentence makes sense)

So don't be terrified. Instead take some time for honest evaluation of why you quit before, and how you could do things differently this time to perhaps have success. Also remember that the only true failure is to not try again.

Penthesilea514

KristenNagle1 wrote: »

Finding what works long term - such a simple concept but I needed to hear that. I KNOW how to lose weight - I think that's the easy part but you're right, finding something sustainable and healthy is the tough part. I am so used to all or nothing. All good (baby carrots and big salads) or all bad (Extra Cheese and a side of ranch). I need to be able to live with the changes I am making forever.

^This is so key and what I have realized on this (my millionth attempt at weight loss). Additionally, there are a lot of great forums and threads on MFP and I recommend taking advantage of the information available. I like to use it to find some extra motivation from time to time, and I find some recipes that I like too. Look around, don't be afraid to ask questions, and good luck!

vikinglander

Just like you wouldn't drive across America without a map, just like you can't get from Point A to Point B without knowing where you're going, you need a PLAN. May I recommend a GREAT book: "Always Hungry?" by Dr. David Ludwig. I found it amazingly helpful, and quite inspirational.

Come take a look at my profile if you want to know what I do, and add me if I can help at all.

kommodevaran

I can't predict the future I never wanted to regain, but I still did. Most people regain, even with the best intentions. So just wanting to keep the weight off, trying, and hoping for the best, can't be enough, you need a lifestyle that keeps the weight off, and if you happen to like that lifestyle, it's going to be quite effortless.

I know that I stopped eating what I perceived to be "right", and exercising, because I wanted my old food instead, and planned exercise takes effort and quite a lot of logistics. I think what's different now, is that I don't want to stop eating what I'm eating, and I don't want to go back to eating how I did. Some moving daily, mostly just walking, is enough exercise. I'm normal weight now and have maintained goal weight for 17 months, for a large part thanks to MFP.

EliseTK1

KristenNagle1 wrote: »

Finding what works long term - such a simple concept but I needed to hear that. I KNOW how to lose weight - I think that's the easy part but you're right, finding something sustainable and healthy is the tough part. I am so used to all or nothing. All good (baby carrots and big salads) or all bad (Extra Cheese and a side of ranch). I need to be able to live with the changes I am making forever.

I've felt the exact same way about getting derailed sooooooo many times. I am now the healthiest/fittest I have ever been, but it was a slow and rocky process to get here. The biggest difference now is that I finally adopted an active, sustainable habit- weight lifting. I absolutely adore lifting weights with my friends, and it keeps me coming back to the point that it's an inextricable part of my life. (Let's be honest- it kind of sucked at first. Getting into it was a process.)

For my sister, it's pole fitness. (No, not stripping.) For other friends I know, it's training for races. Each of us spent a long time, years even, searching for something we love to do so exercise became a fun extracurricular activity instead of a chore. The motivation comes more easily when you're eating to perform. You'll gain traction as you see yourself meeting fitness goals you didn't even know were possible.

As far as food goes... I strategically plan my meals and snacks. I cook ahead of time, make my lunches the night before work, and map out what/where I will eat when we're out and about. Some days I know I will stray from the "perfect" eating plan. I'll eat too many calories and not enough protein. I have realized it is not possible for my sanity to eat perfectly 100% of the time. When I deviate from the plan, I allow myself to accept it and move on. One snack, one meal, one day, or even one weekend will not interfere with your long-term goals if you change your daily habits.

I will admit, it was very hard for me for many years to develop this attitude. I was an all-or-nothing person for a long time. It takes practice.

endlessfall16

KristenNagle1 wrote: »

Right now I am having that same feeling of, "Nothing can stop me!" but if I look at the past I should expect to quit, I should expect to fail. Does anyone else feel this way? How do you know when it's different? That this time it's going to work?

You know it's different when you are doing something different from the past.

You know you have a better chance when you can recognize all the positives and the negatives. You have to know to make a difference.

Lastly, you are what you tolerate. If you tolerate failure, it will happen.

I have never ever tolerated or entertained or accepted obese level. The worst I ever got to was the middle of "overweight". At that point, I hated myself, life, any "fat" comment directed at me. Hence the current effort..

Right now I no longer accept "overweight" for myself. It's just totally unacceptable. Not the life with risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, knee injury. I'm heading to the middle of normal BMI.

tryin2die2self

To the OP, "What are you prepared to do?" I think anyone who starts out on a task really needs to think about that sentence long and hard. Are you serious? Are you determined? To start with, sure you are. We all are. It is when there is resistance that your metal gets tested. Blade don't break sitting in a scabbard. They get used and pressured, then you see what the tool is really made of. I saw this time and time again while I was in the Army. New recruits are not made, they are forged. Either the metal can take it or it can't. Then there are the times when the metal is broken and reforged stronger. Broken, reforged, and become stronger again. Then all is left it to put an edge on the weapon and put it to use. If you meet resistance and just give up, you are never going to get anywhere. No one walked a mile buy giving up after then first 100 yards. YOU are going to have to get up, even when you screw up and get back to it.

Now, how do you do it? I can tell you what works for me. Go take a picture of yourself in something as modest as you can to your birthday suit. Then put all your dimension (neck, hips, bust, waist, etc), weight and body fat on it and date it. Then add in a few bench marks. These are completely up to you. Maybe how long you can hold a plank, run/walk a mile, resting blood pressure, perfect push ups, squats, the list goes on and on. Now on the back, put your goals. I put three tiers down, at thirds toward my goals. I think got busy making my goals realities. Am I there yet, no. Have I stumbled? Heck yeah I have. Have some of them been out of my control? Yes. Are some my fault? Yep. I own up to all of them. Get back up and keep on keeping on. Whenever you reach a tier, take another pic and add in your new stats. You now have something to look back on. Where you have come from. Where you are going.

Lastly, you can't out run a bad diet. I don't care if you can run a 5k in record time. A cheeseburger, fries and a soda will blow away all your deficit and then some. Your diet is going to HAVE to change to some extent. To be sure, we put fat on by consuming more calories than we expend. To take that fat out of the bank, you will need to spend more than you consume. Get a digital food scale and weight everything. You would be surprised how eyeballing or estimating food consumption will shoot you in the foot. I recommend eating whole, nutrient dense foods. Stay away from the processed crap. However, if you like the processed stuff (I know I do) then just keep it in line with your calorie intake.

Use the tools that are out there and OWN it. No one else is going to be accountable to the loss. You have to want it bad enough, long enough and then keep on doing it. After all, getting fit takes a life time. You want a friend to give a shout out too... add me. If you want someone to PM about diet and/or exercise, PM me. If you want to look at someone's diary... mine (and all my success/failures) are open for all to see.

Good luck. Own it!

KristenNagle1

tryin2die2self wrote: »

To the OP, "What are you prepared to do?" I think anyone who starts out on a task really needs to think about that sentence long and hard. Are you serious? Are you determined? To start with, sure you are. We all are. It is when there is resistance that your metal gets tested. Blade don't break sitting in a scabbard. They get used and pressured, then you see what the tool is really made of. I saw this time and time again while I was in the Army. New recruits are not made, they are forged. Either the metal can take it or it can't. Then there are the times when the metal is broken and reforged stronger. Broken, reforged, and become stronger again. Then all is left it to put an edge on the weapon and put it to use. If you meet resistance and just give up, you are never going to get anywhere. No one walked a mile buy giving up after then first 100 yards. YOU are going to have to get up, even when you screw up and get back to it.

Now, how do you do it? I can tell you what works for me. Go take a picture of yourself in something as modest as you can to your birthday suit. Then put all your dimension (neck, hips, bust, waist, etc), weight and body fat on it and date it. Then add in a few bench marks. These are completely up to you. Maybe how long you can hold a plank, run/walk a mile, resting blood pressure, perfect push ups, squats, the list goes on and on. Now on the back, put your goals. I put three tiers down, at thirds toward my goals. I think got busy making my goals realities. Am I there yet, no. Have I stumbled? Heck yeah I have. Have some of them been out of my control? Yes. Are some my fault? Yep. I own up to all of them. Get back up and keep on keeping on. Whenever you reach a tier, take another pic and add in your new stats. You now have something to look back on. Where you have come from. Where you are going.

Lastly, you can't out run a bad diet. I don't care if you can run a 5k in record time. A cheeseburger, fries and a soda will blow away all your deficit and then some. Your diet is going to HAVE to change to some extent. To be sure, we put fat on by consuming more calories than we expend. To take that fat out of the bank, you will need to spend more than you consume. Get a digital food scale and weight everything. You would be surprised how eyeballing or estimating food consumption will shoot you in the foot. I recommend eating whole, nutrient dense foods. Stay away from the processed crap. However, if you like the processed stuff (I know I do) then just keep it in line with your calorie intake.

Use the tools that are out there and OWN it. No one else is going to be accountable to the loss. You have to want it bad enough, long enough and then keep on doing it. After all, getting fit takes a life time. You want a friend to give a shout out too... add me. If you want someone to PM about diet and/or exercise, PM me. If you want to look at someone's diary... mine (and all my success/failures) are open for all to see.

Good luck. Own it!

I want it. I feel like there is a healthy fit person inside me. I will get there!

PaytraB

MFP really got me thinking about and realizing the reality of "portion size" and how much I personally could eat in a day.
That said, the hardest part is maintaining my weight since reaching my goal. I had learned how to portion my food over the day but slowly the rationales started ("one chocolate bar won't hurt; you're at a healthy weight", for example) and the pounds slowly started to come back. Now I've lost those and am once again working on maintenance.

You can do this. Use MFP to learn what works for you. There's a lot of support here; use it, too.
Welcome to the site.

pebble4321

How do I know that this time it's going to "work"?
Honestly, I don't. I just know that I can't continue to eat an ever-increasing amount of crap and stay healthy and able to do and enjoy the things I want to do.

For me, it's about re-defining the idea of "did it work". Can I lose weight over a few months? Sure, just about anyone can do that. I'm already down two kg in a month, I can say that counting calories "works".
But finding a way of doing stuff FOR EVER that keeps me healthier rather than unhealthier is much tougher to define. There is really no way to say that it's worked until I'm dead.

This time I'm not starting out with any excitement. If anything, I'm feel a bit down about this whole thing. I'm resigned to the fact that I have to make smart choices every single day. I don't have a goal weight. I don't see any end point to this. Eating better/moving more isn't something I'm going to do for three months or six months or a year, I have to just get into better habits and keep on keeping on. Somehow. If I do something stupid with my eating, well, that's just the way it is. That's no excuse to do that repeatedly.

I read it multiple times a day on this forum, but personally I'm not a fan of the phrase "my weight loss journey"... that implies something with a start and an end point, but this isn't a single event with a single destination.
It's just my life. And I need to be smarter about it.

WendyLaubach

Sometimes the idea of eating as carefully as I do now, forever and ever, seems daunting. (And if something is daunting enough long-term, why not give us right now, right?) There are two ideas that help me with this: First, eating at maintenance levels won't be as stringent as eating to lose as quickly as I am losing now. Second, once I'm at maintenance, I can alternate brief periods of casual eating with periods of counting calories, until I find a balance that works. Why lose 100+ lbs., then wait until I've regained 50 before I change things again? How about seeing how casual eating goes, and do something decisive about it after I've gained, say, 5 lbs.? I know losing 5 lbs. is no big deal, so it's not a huge risk. I think the dangerous way is reverting to a purely instinctive face-stuffing until I've gained so much weight that the task of losing it again is huge and daunting. So the idea will be to intervene quickly--and to try relaxing the food discipline just a bit rather than taking the brakes off completely and going hog-wild. Now that I've learned what a reasonable food portion is, I can put that information to use permanently. In the meantime, I haven't given up any favorite foods even during this reduction period, let alone for life. I've just gotten used to eating less of them every day.

vixtris

Set very small goals for yourself along the way. Maybe 5 lbs at first, or going down 1 pants size. Little things like this will keep you motivated the whole way through. And whenever you hit those milestones, set a new one. Also set some mentally challenging goals such as denying a doughnut or pizza or cake at work, or physcially challenging goals like being able to do a push up or jog up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

zoodocgirl

vikinglander wrote: »

Just like you wouldn't drive across America without a map, just like you can't get from Point A to Point B without knowing where you're going, you need a PLAN. May I recommend a GREAT book: "Always Hungry?" by Dr. David Ludwig. I found it amazingly helpful, and quite inspirational.

Come take a look at my profile if you want to know what I do, and add me if I can help at all.

AH is totally my jam too! I heard Dr Ludwig on Science Friday and it models a lot of what my colleagues (I'm a veterinarian working in animal nutrition) have found about successful weight loss in dogs and cats. Calories in:calories out is definitely a big part of the story, but there are ways to make that miserable and hard, and ways to make it much easier and more sustainable, not to mention that the TYPE of calories you eat absolutely affects your energy levels, satiety and metabolic efficiency. I'm on Day 11 and have lost 4 lbs and we are loving the food and not missing crap snacks at all really. I've come to appreciate the taste of nuts and fruit as treats in their own right. I love the Facebook community with the Ludwigs to answer questions too. I like that the program is phased to add back in treat foods eventually and that it's not drastic - no ketogenic-level restrictions forever.

NatiaGonitellie

I have a little bassackward saying.

"You cant fail if you don't try"

This is something I say to motivate myself and sometimes people that are close to me.
We all learn from our failures, how can we learn or even succeed if we don't try.


When I find that I have faild at something, I say to myself........

• "Well congratulations you have failed, now get your fanny back up and try again."
• "What did you learn form this failure?"

and then finally

• "How can I do better this time?"

So failure is nothing to fear, its just a part of life.

The only fear you should have, is looking back on a life regretting all the things you did not accomplish, just because you were afraid to fail.