Looking for some support-Feeling helpless-Please read & share your stories

helpmereachmygoals

Hi guys,

I have been struggling with losing 10-15 lbs for as long as I can remember. I will be so good for a couple of weeks then I will fall off the wagon and I cannot stop eating. When I get this way I eat when I am not even hungry and past the point of enjoyment resulting in feeling sick in the end. I cant help myself from eating thing after thing even though I do not really want any of it and then feel absolutely terrible after. Something inside of me just doesnt want to stop eating. I know I am not very over weight, I only need to lose 10-15 lbs. However, I am very worried that if I keep up what I have been doing down the road I will be very unhealthy and over weight. It has hit the point of wanting to hit my goals so badly and trying and failing and ending up in tears due to it and being so angry with myself. I have hit my ultimate low as I feel in a sense helplessness and I decided to try using this as a way to channel other people who are possibly going through the same struggles as well as to help with motivation. In a sense I feel like I have a food addiction. I know some people would argue that that is not possible, or that I am not over weight enough to be able to say that about myself. But I feel that it has just not caught up to me yet. The fact that I can binge eat till I feel sick and the next day wake up feeling so terrible I am in tears but then do it again that day scares me. Sometimes I do eat healthy but when I eat healthy it is easy and then as soon as it becomes hard I cannot help but cave into eating the food and that is when I go completely off the deep end. Sometimes it will last a couple days, a week, two weeks, but when I get in that mode I have a very hard time getting back on the health wagon. When I do finally get on the health wagon its just because I wake up one day and suddenly it is easy again. I really dont understand what I experience. It is like my brain switches back and forth and I have no control over it. Anyways, sorry for my rant. I hope that everyone on this website can help get me through this. I just want to hit a day when I am not thinking about food all day and I can walk by a candy bowl without eating it. I want to feel confident in my own skin and failure after failure has really brought me down because I absolutely hate how I can want something so bad and feel so helpless because I cannot just say no and obtain my goal. The helplessness feeling has really ruined me lately even though I could say no and it is my decision. Alot of the time it just does not feel that way. I dont know what takes over me and why my mind switches when I just want something. I hope you guys can help!

Thank you.