I had a rough day

smrxtie

I started my morning by getting really anxious due to a spontaneous unplanned family breakfast at this pizzeria. I honestly didn't want to go, and although it might have been easy for me to just refuse- it just seemed inappropriate given the circumstances that I was being very anti-social ever since my diet, and not spending as much time with my family anymore.

I'm on diet pills, and anti-depressants that help curb my appetite. I have been for two months now, and it's helped me a lot. Food to me seems like my worst enemy, and the medicine helps me muster up some self control, and not succumb to it. I try to avoid unhealthy foods at all cost, and sometimes this even results in me canceling plans with friends, and family when they go out to eat. I just don't like seeing others eating food. It makes me very anxiety filled.

You can see why going would take a toll on me... and when I went, I immediately regretted it. I kinda just sat really quiet, trying to sip my water while everyone was ordering. Two large pizza pies where set down right in front of me. As if this wasn't bad enough, it occurred to me when the hunger pangs started that I had forgotten to take my medicine. I hadn't eaten at all, and the pizza was kinda just there.

All that food... the cheese, the bread, the sauce... there was also pasta, various dipping sauces, and chicken wings. I just couldn't handle it. I know that having one little cheat food, or splurge wouldn't affect my diet, but It's the thought of eating something unhealthy that messes with me mentally. When I eat food like that, it makes me freak out, and believe that I have no self-control. I guess my body decided to be an *kitten* right then, because I started getting headaches too, and all I could think about was the fact that my family decided to drag me to a pizzeria despite knowing of my diet, and strong medications. My palms got twitchy, and I resulted to pinching myself, scraping my nail polish off, or doing anything with my hands to distract myself. However, when my uncle asked if I wanted a slice, I kinda just snapped.

I ended up crying my eyes out at the pizzeria like a creep, and even worried some bystanders. My uncle just started freaking out, asking me what was wrong- and my dad got pissed, and just left. The family breakfast got canceled early, and everyone just left home.

Of course, that resulted in me kinda retreating back home too. All puffy eyed, and whatnot.
I guess I just feel bad. I don't know why I had to react like that. It sort of happened out of my will, and I was trying my hardest not to freak out. My mom sent me a text telling me how it was very selfish of me, and that I only think of myself. I just... ugh.

Everything is always okay when I stay home every time I go to gatherings like these, all I do is affect people around me. It stresses me out too, because I never mean for it to happen. I just don't know how to express that to them, because they aren't in my shoes. I just want to please them, and spend time with them.... but I don't know how to act in situations like that.

I honestly just want to sleep, or stay in bed all day.
Maybe forget that this even happened

robs_ready

Over the last 3 years of the weight loss journey I probably messed up 150 of the 1000 days I spent 'dieting'.

I was also on antidepressants back then and I remember feeling the guilt of messing up.

In the long run, it's not going to hurt you. I still got to where I am now.

The fact you recognise it is a goood thing, and tomorrow you can get up and pick yourself up and carry on.

Dont be too hard on yourself, it's good to enjoy once in a while.

tamrae2217

Hi Sharper Than Stone,

This is my first read out outreach via My Fitness Pal and am so glad I saw your post. I want you to know that I fully understand your emotional upheaval. I'm Bipolar as are many in my family. I've learned a lot and continuously try to teach others about Mental Illness. (The teacher and mother in me can make me a pain, but I view everything in life as a teachable moment.) My undergraduate degree is in psychology and Master's is in Special Education. I'm not a professional in this field, but as a patient, parent, and educational background, I've gained a lot of knowledge. Remember that I'm not a professional.

Anyway, I've learned that anxiety and depression are two sides of the same coin. I believe that you're on the right path with medication therapy. I don't know who you're working with for medication management, but I highly recommend using a psychiatrist, not just a general practicioner (which is what most people do, so don't worry if you do, but consider switching). Also consider adding therapy to your treatment. Combining therapy with medication is typically in your best interest. If therapy is new to you, maybe try both group and individual therapies to see what is your best fit. If you coordinate with a psychiatrist, I'd recommend seeking a referral from her or him after you begin treatment. Usually you're first visit to a psychiatrist is about an hour and through this process of getting to know you, she or he may be able to best direct you, given your particular needs. It seems like food/diet is the crux of your current issue, so maybe a therapist whose specialty is eating disorders (not saying this is your specific issue, but maybe your realm) would be best. Go with a professional's recommendation first, then friends. Friends may have great suggestions, but friends' issues are likely different than yours and therefore require different kinds of therapies. Therapists typically advertise their areas of specialty. Trying to find the right one may take some time and patience. Shop around for the right fit. You'll probably know when you've hit your "home". If finances are an issue, remember that there are often support groups throughout your community. Also, most employers offer Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), which are free. They can usually do an intake and referrals that meet your specific needs. This may be s good place to start.

I have much more info to share, but need to get my day started. I'll try to respond further later. You need to also cultivate and educate your family/friends/sorry network, etc.

I hope this helps you.

Maybe a broad focus, beyond " diet" will be most beneficial with all parties involved.

Peace, Tamra

Scamd83

My mom sent me a text telling me how it was very selfish of me, and that I only think of myself. I just... ugh.

That's not right at all, sorry to speak ill of your parents but for them to expect you to magically overcome your insecurities and anxieties just because they feel you should have to take part in their idea of a meal is truly selfish. All you've done is try your best to please others at your own expense, I'd be making this very clear to her if I were you. You're owed an apology, you have done everything within your control here. You cannot help how you feel.

But just for future reference, stop trying to think of food as healthy or unhealthy, that isn't necessary and isn't helping you.

sarahfadell87

xSharperThanStonex wrote: »

I started my morning by getting really anxious due to a spontaneous unplanned family breakfast at this pizzeria. I honestly didn't want to go, and although it might have been easy for me to just refuse- it just seemed inappropriate given the circumstances that I was being very anti-social ever since my diet, and not spending as much time with my family anymore.

I'm on diet pills, and anti-depressants that help curb my appetite. I have been for two months now, and it's helped me a lot. Food to me seems like my worst enemy, and the medicine helps me muster up some self control, and not succumb to it. I try to avoid unhealthy foods at all cost, and sometimes this even results in me canceling plans with friends, and family when they go out to eat. I just don't like seeing others eating food. It makes me very anxiety filled.

You can see why going would take a toll on me... and when I went, I immediately regretted it. I kinda just sat really quiet, trying to sip my water while everyone was ordering. Two large pizza pies where set down right in front of me. As if this wasn't bad enough, it occurred to me when the hunger pangs started that I had forgotten to take my medicine. I hadn't eaten at all, and the pizza was kinda just there.

All that food... the cheese, the bread, the sauce... there was also pasta, various dipping sauces, and chicken wings. I just couldn't handle it. I know that having one little cheat food, or splurge wouldn't affect my diet, but It's the thought of eating something unhealthy that messes with me mentally. When I eat food like that, it makes me freak out, and believe that I have no self-control. I guess my body decided to be an *kitten* right then, because I started getting headaches too, and all I could think about was the fact that my family decided to drag me to a pizzeria despite knowing of my diet, and strong medications. My palms got twitchy, and I resulted to pinching myself, scraping my nail polish off, or doing anything with my hands to distract myself. However, when my uncle asked if I wanted a slice, I kinda just snapped.

I ended up crying my eyes out at the pizzeria like a creep, and even worried some bystanders. My uncle just started freaking out, asking me what was wrong- and my dad got pissed, and just left. The family breakfast got canceled early, and everyone just left home.

Of course, that resulted in me kinda retreating back home too. All puffy eyed, and whatnot.
I guess I just feel bad. I don't know why I had to react like that. It sort of happened out of my will, and I was trying my hardest not to freak out. My mom sent me a text telling me how it was very selfish of me, and that I only think of myself. I just... ugh.

Everything is always okay when I stay home every time I go to gatherings like these, all I do is affect people around me. It stresses me out too, because I never mean for it to happen. I just don't know how to express that to them, because they aren't in my shoes. I just want to please them, and spend time with them.... but I don't know how to act in situations like that.

I honestly just want to sleep, or stay in bed all day.
Maybe forget that this even happened

It kind of sounds like it's a little deeper than someone telling you to not think of foods as "healthy, & unhealthy"

Seems like it may be something you need to work through.

It kind of sounds like your relationship with food is unhealthier than the unhealthy food.

Try to relax.

Maybe try talking to a professional to work thru the anxiety with food issues.

No bad foods. Foods are foods.

You have to find something you're comfortable with changing forever.

Work at it slowly.

If you'd like to add me i'd be more than happy to be a friend and try and help you in any way that i can.

Don't lose hope, everything is gonna turn out fine once you find what works for you.

And for future references, just eat the pizza and work it into your calories.