When the doctor says I'm in trouble, it's time to get serious

LillianNewman

Hi Everyone

My name is Lillian and I used to love donuts. Dieting was always a choice for me. I could choose to diet but it would always be temporary. I did one of those $$$ plans and went all the way down to 120, but gained it all back. I leaned towards carbs. I cheated my body of the nutrients it needed. I lived to eat, not ate to live.

Then I got severe apnea and in a life changing operation that lasted 5 hours with a stay in the intensive care unit, the surgeon moved my jaw and the middle of my face forward so I could breathe. I was 204 lbs.

I ate for comfort. My older sister took my elderly mom away from me, out of my life. The inheritance was sweet for her, though to know of my mom and to talk to her daily was a comfort for me. She took possession of mom's assets and mom and cut me out of my mom's life.

I turned to food. My husband comforted me. He answered my call for the Sunday morning donut and coffee, because he didn't want to dissappoint me but his beloved wife was getting more depressed, felt out of control and ate to comfort the pain.

I went on an antidepressant to deal with the fact that I no longer have a birth family of origin.

Then, my last visit to the doctor, he asked that I be weighed. 217 lbs. In just 3 weeks, I had gained 14 lbs. I was out of control.

He ordered a cholesterol test. I don't know the results, only that immediately I was given a statin drug that's not the entry level dosage but one for people who are very ill.

I will briefly touch that I was in his office just a month before, after a triple digit blood pressure scare resulted in paramedics giving me an ambulance ride to the hospital.

My understanding is I can make my life better if I choose to. In grieving the loss of my family, I was poisoning myself with food.

After a few years of not being on myfitnesspal because it was always "just a choice" I came back for good. This is not a diet for me anymore.

It's a lifestyle change and my choice to save my life, and hopefully get off the statin drug to fight the high cholesterol that could give me a heart attack. I don't want to leave this life, but stay in it.

I have been eating to comfort myself for the beloved ones who left my life because they wanted a scapegoat, someone to dump on. I had to feel good about something.

Well, if anyone is going to be my big sister now, it's going to be me.

I have lost 6 lbs, mostly water weight. I am active in my job and my husband and I brought the recumbent bike into the parlor of the victorian house we live in. I have an artificial knee, another casualty of being 204 lbs, and my doctor doesn't want me doing the gym. The recumbent bike. Every day. But I have to choose it. If I get pressured to choose it, it's not my choice and I feel helpless and want to give up. So I am giving myself the freedom to actively choose to save my life.

Food tastes good, but I truly believe that I should not live to eat, but eat to live. How do I get my joy then? Looking into my husband's blue eyes, or working on the oak staircase of my 116 year old Victorian house that my husband bought because he knows I love living in 1899.

To find things that bring me joy that are not food. To take all those who negate me, push me into the ground and show me grief, and have them exit stage left from my life. I don't deserve that.

They will not hurt me anymore. Food will not hurt me anymore.

I'm in charge. For good.

Nice to meet you all )

Lillian

Healthydiner65

Oh how I know what families can do to you! When my Mom died my sister took over control of everything and locked the rest of us out. My Dad was an invalid and she abused him but we had no control. She talked him into changing the will with threats and intimidation. I do feel for you but we must get our back bones up and go on. I gained 40 pounds while that was going on but finally realized that I can't make my siblings something than what they are. So I don't talk to them anymore. Please live for yourself and nobody else! We can't rewrite the past so best to just let it go! I had to lower my carbs due to high triglycerides and I have lost 30 pounds but it has taken me 3 years due to medical problems. I wish you the best and send me a friend request if you plan to participate by commenting! Good Luck! Cindy

SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage

Thanks for sharing this. Welcome back, both to MFP and to life.