about to give up, losing my motivation n ab to break up w ahole bf

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  • BinaryFu
    BinaryFu Posts: 240 Member
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    First off, you're a beautiful woman. You don't need him. There's a long line of men who would treat you like a princess and take exceptional care of you out there - they're just harder to find until you love yourself.

    As for the diet, why stop? Did you do it for him or for you? If you did it for yourself, then nothing's changed, it's still for you. If you did it for him, then stop and think about it. The only person you should do it for is yourself.

    His actions are his own responsibility. That being said, he feels you are to blame for his actions. Very well then, accept the blame and use it against him as the reason you're leaving. *Obviously* you're no good for him, you're making him do these terrible things. One of two things will happen - he will man up and take personal responsibility and realize he needs to grow up, or he will continue to cling to this illusion that someone else can make him act a certain way.

    If he owns up, then the decision to work it out is 100% up to you. You can make it conditional, you can give him a time limit, you can give both of you a cooling down time and then try again.

    I see on your picture you wear a cross. Is it for decoration or do you follow the tenants of your faith? If it is not just for decoration, perhaps going to the leader of your church for a serious conversation might help.

    I doubt it would hurt.
  • easilypleased
    easilypleased Posts: 4 Member
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    Dump your boyfriend, stick with your diet. You're not doing this for anyone other than yourself.
  • ubermofish
    ubermofish Posts: 102 Member
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    Dump him. Keep going with diet and exercise. Weigh everything you eat, and see success. Every week you will feel better about yourself. This is relevant, just switch the genders.
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
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    Yup, what BinaryFu said...if you are religious, you can get some faith-based counseling often at no or reduced cost and there are usually lots of social activities available. If that is part of your belief system, church is a wonderful way to find supportive, like-minded people. You get only one life...I vote for taking control of it. If you're bi-polar, I hope you are able to get some medical treatment and regular counseling...a social service agency should be able to recommend sources for you to get help. A good man and friends can make you feel good, finances and family are a bonus, but I am a big believer in getting happy solo first - it means you'll be more self-reliant and you'll have more to bring to your relationships. Count ANY blessing in your life and build on that. Wishing you the best!
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    desireeharper1 wrote: »
    Krisstastic u r fit n beautiful n surely have a parent, bf, or friend to turn to. I'll b alone n slip into a depression wo a person n my real life to turn to. I've been suicidal n almost died on purpoe twice before from bipolar lows mixed w heartache n I'm scared to go back there. No one I want will want me at this weight. I feel so alone n sad.

    I really thought depression was going to kill me after a gut-wrenching divorce, and you might be surprise at how much easier it is to focus on your own needs and your own goals when you're not also trying to compensate for the emotional needs of a person who stresses you out. My ex didn't abuse me -- and your boyfriend certainly is abusing you emotionally -- but our marriage was still draining.

    Get help for your issues, be it via something faith-based or through your community health department; most have income-based mental health services, which can help you manage your depression and bi-polar disorders. Eat at maintenance for a while, while you work out the more chaotic aspects of breaking up; when you're feeling more steady, go back to a moderate deficit. Take care of yourself, and know that you're worth loving exactly as you are. At any size, any shape, any mental state: you are worth taking care of, both from yourself and other people.
  • CharlieBeansmomTracey
    CharlieBeansmomTracey Posts: 7,682 Member
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    desireeharper1 wrote: »
    Well, I didn't want to speak with my bf so since he's up n bored I found links for anger mngmnt counseling n emailed them to him n he texted me n told me to stop. Ouch. I told him when I get this weight off I'll get the loving relationship I deserve w him or not. I offered him time apart n he wanted it n blamed his temper on me again. I picked a bad time to get fed up tho bc he was going to put his $600 tax return with mine to pay a legal bill due end of june but I can't take his crap till the. I said, c ya whe n I c ya, n I refuse to contact him again first. I won't lie tho I have tears rolling bc I left everyone behind n lost contact bbc I was always tied up w him n w/o him I'll truely have not one person to call n chat n text with. I'm so sad n so let down by him.

    sounds like he is mad because he wanted that extra money to pay a bill. is it his legal bill alone? if so its his responsibility to pay it and not yours. you didnt pick a bad time to get fed up,hes just pissed and he will get over it.anyone that blames their temper on someone else needs some help as well.and if you lost contact with people because you were with him,why did you lose contact? did he not want you to contact them? did they try to warn you about him? dont be sad,life will get better if you let it and make it happen. you are in charge of your happiness only you can decide whether to be happy or not. you have to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.
  • desireeharper1
    desireeharper1 Posts: 33 Member
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    AliceAxe wrote: »
    " he's always rude or yelling at me then blames me for his bad behavior." shiftign the blame, gaslighting, narcisisit, run the other way!

    you say you dont want to be alone, honey with someone like that you ARE alone, there is no support for you there, no wonder you feel bad and low self esteme youve got someone like that in your life. you need people close to you who will build you up not tear you down!

    you say you cant get someone fit they way you like , because they will judge you and not have you. When you say you have to have someone already fit, arent you doing the same thing you dont like to others? Perhaps now is the time for self reflection about your own thoughts and views. How about changing your perspective and taking a chance on someone who isnt fit and is a good person in the process like you are and instead then get fit together?

    you say you cant afford a therapist. There are tons of self help books, free articles, meditation, internet support groups like this, where you can meet people and work on your issues yourself.

    you mention uncaring parents. Some use their children as 'scapegoats' . You were drawn to a narcissistic abuser, sounds like you may have been the victim of the same kind of parents. This is where it all starts. I would look into help for the abusive childhood you suffered that lead to your low self esteme.

    Take it from someone who knows first hand. and a tip. give yourself the love you havent been given. nurture your inner child and your body, say all the good things to yourself in the mirror you might say to a dear friend or you wish your boyfriend or parents would have said to you. You are obviously craving love and attention, give it to yourself. because you know all the love you feel and experience realy only comes from inside us that we have to give anyway. And dont let any of these abusive emotional vampires and thieves rob you of your joy anymore.

    take care and wishing you healing

    Thanks hon, yes I felt alone with him often n he wasn't very supportive. I did get w him even tho he was older n n bad shape n not attracted but his heart won me over until he became mean then I regretted getting attached.
  • ArmyofAdrian
    ArmyofAdrian Posts: 177 Member
    edited April 2016
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    Go to college full time far away start over. If you're going to be broke either way might as well get a degree. Beats a dead end job. You can live on financial aid and student loans. Major in a science, technology, engineering or math. Do not go to any for profit schools they will rip you off. (Or just keep making excuses, it's your life)
  • thathelenagirl
    thathelenagirl Posts: 24 Member
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    I've been on this site for over a year... up again and down again... I've recently started using It Works products to supplement cleaner eating and eventually hardcore outdoor trail bike riding. I've lost 7 pounds in about 2 weeks... which isn't a HUGE loss... but more than I was getting simply going to the gym... I love the gym, it just didn't fit with my busy schedule! I wish everyone tons of luck! Feel free to add me! :smile:
  • kmbrooks15
    kmbrooks15 Posts: 941 Member
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    Don't let him win. He's abusive. If you need help getting out, turn to the social services agencies in your area to help you. The longer you stay, the more he will beat down your self-esteem, making it that much harder for you to leave. You are worth fighting for, and there will be a man out there that understands that. He will be worth waiting for. Until then, do what you can to learn to be content with just you. Keep eating right (though I'd up your calorie intake a bit--you're going to need your strength) and exercising--remember, exercise has mental health benefits, too, in the form of endorphins. You've got this!
  • sshaw226
    sshaw226 Posts: 5 Member
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    Hun the only person who can make you happy is YOU! You don't need a man to make you happy. Maybe being alone for a while will be good for you. You have to get on track and make you feel good about yourself. You have to love yourself FIRST. you have to look in a mirror and smile about who you are. If you aren't happy do something about it. If your not happy with him, leave him. If your not happy with your job, find a new one. If your unhappy with your weight, change that. But only you have to power to make those changes. No one else can tell you or make you do it. Only you! You are your number 1 coach and your number 1 bully. Try and find who is stronger! Find yourself!
  • Antd420
    Antd420 Posts: 161 Member
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    desireeharper1 wrote: »
    Between living w my uncaring parents, working for no money, bipolar anxiety, n lows, he was the only person n my life I had to turn to but he's hurt my heart for so long there's nothing happy about us together but I feel the fit guys I'm attracted to won't want me untill I'm n shape, n I have nothing but a job I hate w little pay, tho I'm down on med leave now bc of my back, n w/o him I literally have not one person to call, no friends.. got rid of them a yr ago bc they were trouble. Very sad n lonely tonight.

    That's not true, I'm a fit guy and I don't necessarily look for just fit women. It's all about the personality for me.

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