My family gives me no support

Francl27

You're looking at this all wrong. Stop thinking about cheat. It fits your calories? IT'S NOT CHEAT. It's FOOD.

That's the bottom line. So what if your parents comment on it? Tell them that you can eat what you want as long as it fits your calories. The end.

This is not just on your parents, IMO. You need to change your relationship with food too. That's what I get from your posts... Clearly in your own opinion too you're already failing because you had a cookie. It's not the case. Then once you realize that you CAN have pizza and cookies and still lose weight, just take 10 minutes to explain to your parents how it works (that food have calories. That you'll lose weight if you eat less calories than you burn in a day. That you can absolutely have a cookie as long as you still eat less calories than what you burn in a day).

Parents can be very annoying but you can't use them as an excuse for what you perceive as your failure.

LivingtheLeanDream

I don't reckon most families give much support when it comes to weight loss......
but personally I never let that stop me.

angelica_lisa

I was reading what you had said, and this part stood out to me:

"This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. "

Do you have to eat with your parents? If it's going to be such an event with them scrutinizing what you eat, maybe it is better to visit them during non-meal times. And like nuttynanners said, I wouldn't talk to them about it except that it is going well and thanks for asking.

Also, do you know what caused you to binge? Was it you reacting to how your mom made you feel...or something that happened earlier that day...or pressure from starting your healthier diet? I think that is important to figure that out if you want long term results. If you are an emotional eater, then all the planning in the world can go out the window. But if you are aware of what triggers you (people, places, etc), then you can make a plan on how to handle that. Eventually, you will even be able to communicate with your parents and not be concerned with what they have to say because you will be fully in control.

LINIA

It sounds like your parents have given up and are very in need of a lifestyle change, even if they are 50plus years old, they can still take steps to exercise and eat healthier---it's good that you mentioned that to them. Don't let them off the hook, they are not too old to include fitness and healthy eating in their lives.

One of the things all of us have to realize is that decisions about our bodies are "personal". You're so lucky to have people here on MFP to support you and listen while you "vent". It's great that you are sharing your struggle, not everyone is here to lose weight, not everyone will reach their goals but you're heading in the right direction. You're developing great food awareness and learning your limits---it may just be that you find you can fit pizza and/or cookies into your Macros/daily calories etc OR it may not be something you want to eat once you realize those foods are "trigger" foods for you. One slice of pizza never did very much harm, you'll find what works for you.

In a perfect situation, after indulging in a few treats, all of you could take a long walk, move more and worry less about every calorie. People love to say "oh, aren't you on a diet"...it is very hard not to just tell them "*kitten* you"--so yes, vent here and we are here for you to be your support.

MommyL2015

Smile at your mom, kiss her cheek, tell her you love her and that you will always respect her opinon but you're a big girl wearing big girl pants and you can handle your own food choices.

I am very glad I live far away from family. I love them, but they drive me batty.

msf74

lillyy23 wrote: »

i was having a major binging moment

As in actual bingeing or are you using the term loosely?

If you suffer from binge eating then your family dynamic really isn't helping. You're parents are probably trying to help but their methods just won't work and if anything will be counter productive.

I would recommend seeking to address the root cause of the problem (seek proper advice on binge eating - there are numerous resources online in this regard).

paperpudding

LINIA wrote: »

It sounds like your parents have given up and are very in need of a lifestyle change, even if they are 50plus years old, they can still take steps to exercise and eat healthier---it's good that you mentioned that to them. Don't let them off the hook, they are not too old to include fitness and healthy eating in their lives.

.

Well,yes - if they want to.

If they are happy as they are OP should not be foisting change onto them - that would be the equivalent of what she is complaining they are doing to her, ie interfering in the choices of others.

I think OP would be better setting boundaries - ie she makes her decisions for her and let them make their decisions for them.

bagge72

This doesn't make sense to me, you start a diet, and then tell everyone you are one a diet, and then you are mad at the people that are trying to help you when on the very first day of your diet you have a major binge? What is support suppose to look like? Are they supposed to just sit there and blindly support you no matter what you do? I mean isn't support telling you when you are f'ing up on your first day of your diet? I'm mean believe me we have all been there, it happens but I have also noticed that all the times I have been mad at somebody for doing something like that, I have always failed, but the times where I've been like "your right, i'll put this 10th piece of pizza down" I have come through a lot better at the end. I think your best bet is to figure out what you actually want to do, don't tell people about it, and just adjust what you eat no questions asked. Go to your parents house, and have a couple of pieces of pizza, because you have been eating great all day, and it fits into your calories, and nobody asks any questions because they don't know you are on a "diet".

kshama2001

lillyy23 wrote: »

I just wanna cry right now. I ate prettty well all day and same *kitten* happens every time. I just started my diet today. And like its always the same damn thing. My mother or dad both either both take sides and tell me not to eat this or that. This time it was my mom i went down to eat i was having a major binging moment i know i slipped but it was the FIRST *kitten* day and she's talking *kitten* like saying im always making excuses and that its always my first day. Im allowed to *kitten* have slip ups. So as long as im dieting i cant ever have another cheat as long as i live??? Is that even human. So i wont be able to ever have pizza or burgers and *kitten* if i wanna be skinny. She puts me down all the time to the point where i don't even wanna try cause every time i tell them im dieting or even if i dont tell them they guess cause when im drinking tons of water they know im dieting. So they know im dieting and they see me try to eat at night or have a *kitten* cookie and they put me down for it like telling me ill never be good enough if i keep doing that. Wow i cant have one slice of anything. I even told her I JUST STARTED AND IT TAKES WEEKS TO FORM A HABIT WTF. SORRY IM JUST RANTING

I see two things here:

1. You're cheating on your first day. That means something is wrong. Likely, you are being overly aggressive with your weight loss goals. Unless you have more than 100 pounds to lose, do not chose the goal of losing two pounds per week. This is a common error. We all want to lose weight fast, but large calorie deficits are not sustainable unless we have a lot to lose.

2. Boundaries with your parents. I especially like this, although the way I was taught Conscious Communication via "I" Statements the request for change was part of the formula rather than being optional:

So maybe try it with this formula: "When you (insert action), I feel (insert feeling). The result is (insert result). (Add an optional request for change.)"

It's a way of stating your feelings without blame. I imagine, for you, it might sound something like, "When you tell me not to eat certain things, I feel frustrated and discouraged. The result is that I don't want to include you in my life." I know I'm probably way off there.. I just wanted to give you an example. You can also add to the end of it something like, "Please try to avoid commenting on what I'm eating." Obviously you gotta say it how it's natural for you, but the formula has to be there.

I think cognitive behavoral therapy would be helpful for you to develop healthier relationships with food and your parents. I've done a lot of work on boundaries, most recently in my early 40s, and it's been very useful, as has CBT to help me not self-soothe with food or alcohol.

kandeye

I see your negative reaction with your parents just as a way to make an excuse to not lose weight. I believe you want to lose weight, but you don't want to make the effort of changing your eating habits. It's easier to blame others than blame yourself. You don't need the whole world, or your parents, holding your hand or telling you "aww it's ok, you're trying" when losing weight. As others have mentioned this is all about you. Only you. You have to actually commit to it. Also you are looking at it wrong. Use the actual calorie counting tool. Weigh and measure your food, eat whatever you want as long as it fits within your calories and see results. It really is that simple. If you do have an eating disorder, I.e. bingeing, then seek professional help.