When do you stop helping someone?
zyxst
Posts: 9,149 Member
Was talking about this on my feed and got some good feedback, but wanted to see if others had ideas/opinions.
My husband has asked for my help to get him to lose weight. He *wants* to lose, but he's quite lazy. He'd rather come home from work and sit at the computer the rest of the night. He drives a cab, so doesn't get much activity during work, and dislikes exercise. He eats out of boredom, stress, to keep himself awake, and when he sees me eating.
I portion out his meals and snacks. I'm doing mine, so it's not more effort to do his as well. I suggested keeping a food diary on MFP since he seems to like keeping track of data (he lasted 2 weeks before giving up). He's seen me lose a lot of weight over the last 4 years and knows a few tricks, like eating half a take-out meal. Today, I put a couple notes on our snack containers that say "Are you hungry, or bored/sleepy? 260#". I even considered locking up the snacks when I go to bed (I know that's over-the-top BS that won't work). He's the sort of person who needs someone to shove him out of the door before he'll actually start putting in any effort, which is why I've been doing what I can to help him on board the weight loss train.
I understand I can't force him or make him change. He has to want/do it for himself.
Is this the point when I should chuck it in and stop helping? No more portioning out food or asking him to go on a walk? I don't want him to think I don't give a poop about his health, but it's damned frustrating to being asked to help him and there's no effort on his part.
Yeah, I realize I probably sound like an over-controlling, nag-a-lot wife who "changed my life, so can you!". I don't want him to get hot and sexy. I want him to stop suffocating every time he ties his shoelaces.
My husband has asked for my help to get him to lose weight. He *wants* to lose, but he's quite lazy. He'd rather come home from work and sit at the computer the rest of the night. He drives a cab, so doesn't get much activity during work, and dislikes exercise. He eats out of boredom, stress, to keep himself awake, and when he sees me eating.
I portion out his meals and snacks. I'm doing mine, so it's not more effort to do his as well. I suggested keeping a food diary on MFP since he seems to like keeping track of data (he lasted 2 weeks before giving up). He's seen me lose a lot of weight over the last 4 years and knows a few tricks, like eating half a take-out meal. Today, I put a couple notes on our snack containers that say "Are you hungry, or bored/sleepy? 260#". I even considered locking up the snacks when I go to bed (I know that's over-the-top BS that won't work). He's the sort of person who needs someone to shove him out of the door before he'll actually start putting in any effort, which is why I've been doing what I can to help him on board the weight loss train.
I understand I can't force him or make him change. He has to want/do it for himself.
Is this the point when I should chuck it in and stop helping? No more portioning out food or asking him to go on a walk? I don't want him to think I don't give a poop about his health, but it's damned frustrating to being asked to help him and there's no effort on his part.
Yeah, I realize I probably sound like an over-controlling, nag-a-lot wife who "changed my life, so can you!". I don't want him to get hot and sexy. I want him to stop suffocating every time he ties his shoelaces.
0
Replies
-
I have a son who was over weight...if he asked questions I answered them but that was it.
I suggested MFP he tried didn't like it...
he went back and forth for about 2 years but in the last 9 months he has lost the fat and has gotten fit..without me doing anything but what he asked me to do. I make him healthy meals but don't dole out the portions.
My husband same boat except he didn't ask me for help...he was the heaviest he's been his entire life (not fat at all) but he didn't like it...I did nothing...he made the changes.
He has to want to make the change...otherwise you are wasting your time and effort...and he may begin to feel resentful of the notes and do not do not lock up anything he is a grown man.
As for the walks ask away once...if he says no...get going.2 -
First off, I love the profile pic. I used to use the same one of Richard as my phone background, lol. He's beautiful! Second, I have the same problem with my mom and at this point I barely try anymore. She would constantly be upset and tell me how she hates that she gained tons of weight and wants to lose weight. It took a bit of time before I could get her to eat anything healthy but she's super picky. She always asks to work out with me but when I tell her I'm going to she won't. She won't listen to any tips and does everything she knows is wrong.
The best thing I can say is find out the few healthy things he will do, what he likes to eat, what active things he likes. For my mom I've found if I cook meat and veggies I can get her to eat good once a day and she likes walking around parks once a week or so. Maybe he would enjoy going somewhere to walk here and there? Maybe if you can get him to enjoy something enough to fit his minimal effort he'll eventually see he won't melt if he puts in more.
I hope you find something that works
1 -
I would keep asking about the walks because it's so easy. "I'm going for a walk. Wanna come?" If it's the norm for you to make his meals and it's quick and easy for you to measure them, I'd probably do that too. But if it's out of the norm I'd probably say "I notice you're not tracking your food. Do you want me to keep portioning it out or not?" And then I'd just let go of other things. I wouldn't make it difficult for him to try to lose weight (not that I think you'd do that) but I wouldn't push or handhold at this point.2
-
These feels? I know them.
I think it's gonna be very individual as to when/where to stop actively trying to help. As this thread isn't about me, I won't go into detail with my frustrations regarding trying to help loved ones - so, I'll keep this short.
I've said my peace about fad diets and most of the stuff in magazines being nonsense. I've demonstrated how to lose weight by sensibly cutting down (while eating - less of - many things I want, and simply putting certain others off) for a couple of PL meets. I've offered help - but not pushed it - a few times. Since the individual doesn't really want to put in the effort (although following the fad diets every few months takes more effort than necessary, but I digress), I don't ask any longer. If help is wanted, this person knows I'm here. If not, there's not a damned thing I can realistically do about it.1 -
Unsolicited help is rarely helpful. Lead by example, either they join or they don't. Resent is not a good motivator.1
-
Tell your husband you are finished helping until he is willing to help himself. He has to know on some level losing weight and getting healthy can't be done without effort on his part.1
-
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".0 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
On the portioning part -- I think I'd keep portioning the stuff out, if only for the reason that it takes him longer to eat the snacks.
On the walks, I'd get my shoes on and put my hand on the doorknob and then say "I'm leaving right now, wanna go?" If he says he needs to do XYZ, say "okay, I'll see you when I get back in 30 minutes." And then go. It sounds like he isn't respecting your time and while I don't think he is trying to be annoying/disrespectful on purpose, it's rude and definitely annoying. No need to cater to it.2 -
Good advice from @jemhh above. And, from your first post: "I don't want him to think I don't give a poop about his health, but it's damned frustrating to being asked to help him and there's no effort on his part." I'd tell him just that. You'd love to help him but he has to help himself as well. Good luck! I'm sure that is a tough position to be in.0
-
You could say you're going for a walk in half hour and see if that helps?
I'm in a similar situation1 -
meissastar wrote: »You could say you're going for a walk in half hour and see if that helps?
I'm in a similar situation
I was thinking the same thing. If you have a set time you typically go on walks, let him know you'll be walking at x o'clock, and if he would like to go with, he's welcome to. Of course you'll probably have to remind him once or twice before you actually DO leave, because I know my husband forgets things all the time, too.1 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
I think your husband knows when he is eating 2 bags of doritos..and a package of cookies...
ETA: you could always buy single serving packages btw.
and if he wanted it bad enough he would learn how to portion himself and figure out if he is hungry.
He has to make the changes for them to stick.
As for the walks it should be more like this...
I am going for a walk in about 15mins (just gonna grab my shoes and sweater) wanna come?
Sure honey....
15 mins passes he is sitting on the sofa checking emails....you walk out the door with a wave and a bye love see you when I get back.
It is his health, his life he gets to make the choices himself. You live by example and yes they do come around...both of mine did...;)
I understand being concern with his health etc and that conversation should happen that it is on him to take care of himself so he is around to take care of his family and that you are scared if things don't change he will be dead too quick.0 -
Trying to help a person you love is so frustrating. He knows you will do stuff for him--you always have. How far should you push him? I think I'd lay off for awhile, just do the minimum. I'd tell him that I'm going for a walk in half an hour, then say "bye" and go if he isn't ready, no notes, portion food if he asks, but no more than that. If he doesn't get with the program, you can't force it.1
-
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
I'm beginning to wonder if we are married to the same man....
0 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
On the portioning part -- I think I'd keep portioning the stuff out, if only for the reason that it takes him longer to eat the snacks.
On the walks, I'd get my shoes on and put my hand on the doorknob and then say "I'm leaving right now, wanna go?" If he says he needs to do XYZ, say "okay, I'll see you when I get back in 30 minutes." And then go. It sounds like he isn't respecting your time and while I don't think he is trying to be annoying/disrespectful on purpose, it's rude and definitely annoying. No need to cater to it.
The last few times I've gone on a walk and he's been "busy", I just left when I was ready since I knew he wasn't coming. Those times I've walked in the door and he's standing there dressed with this "you left without me" look on his face. He acts a lot like a dog.
I guess it's just hard to watch someone slowly kill themselves and not help them, especially when they ask for help. And it's hard to face up to the fact that I'm causing more problems for him. I never thought I was treating him like a toddler because I was doing things he asked me to do.
Time to start getting serious about lifting despite my dislike of the activity. I'll need the strength to help hubby get around in 5 years.
1 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
I think your husband knows when he is eating 2 bags of doritos..and a package of cookies...
ETA: you could always buy single serving packages btw.
and if he wanted it bad enough he would learn how to portion himself and figure out if he is hungry.
He has to make the changes for them to stick.
As for the walks it should be more like this...
I am going for a walk in about 15mins (just gonna grab my shoes and sweater) wanna come?
Sure honey....
15 mins passes he is sitting on the sofa checking emails....you walk out the door with a wave and a bye love see you when I get back.
It is his health, his life he gets to make the choices himself. You live by example and yes they do come around...both of mine did...;)
I understand being concern with his health etc and that conversation should happen that it is on him to take care of himself so he is around to take care of his family and that you are scared if things don't change he will be dead too quick.
I know he knows he's eating all that food. I also know he knows he's morbidly obese and shouldn't be stuffing his face like there's never going to be food again. Thank you for pointing out the obvious. Single servings won't work since it will just be the "eat all of it in one shot and rebuy everything tomorrow" cycle. Doesn't much matter if it's a snack bag of Doritos or 300 g family bag.0 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
I'm beginning to wonder if we are married to the same man....
If we are, you have my pity.
0 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
On the portioning part -- I think I'd keep portioning the stuff out, if only for the reason that it takes him longer to eat the snacks.
On the walks, I'd get my shoes on and put my hand on the doorknob and then say "I'm leaving right now, wanna go?" If he says he needs to do XYZ, say "okay, I'll see you when I get back in 30 minutes." And then go. It sounds like he isn't respecting your time and while I don't think he is trying to be annoying/disrespectful on purpose, it's rude and definitely annoying. No need to cater to it.
The last few times I've gone on a walk and he's been "busy", I just left when I was ready since I knew he wasn't coming. Those times I've walked in the door and he's standing there dressed with this "you left without me" look on his face. He acts a lot like a dog.
I guess it's just hard to watch someone slowly kill themselves and not help them, especially when they ask for help. And it's hard to face up to the fact that I'm causing more problems for him. I never thought I was treating him like a toddler because I was doing things he asked me to do.
Time to start getting serious about lifting despite my dislike of the activity. I'll need the strength to help hubby get around in 5 years.
For the record, I do not at all think that you are causing him problems. Portioning his food while you are doing yours is not treating him like a toddler. My husband and I share cooking duties. I'll measure his food and he'll measure mine at times. When I build a recipe in MFP I'll login to his diary and copy over the meal at times. To me that is normal and within the bounds of appropriate support for somebody who is actively trying to lose weight. Your husband doesn't really seem to be trying too much but, like I said before, I'd probably portion out stuff just so the treats weren't gone so quickly. Almost like a grocery management technique more than anything else
And I'd ignore the puppy dog look. He's got to meet you at least halfway for that to work.0 -
How long ago was it that he asked you for help?
Maybe ask casually, "Do you still want me to help you with portioning? Do you still want me to ask you to go for walks? Do you want me to still help you lose weight?" If he says yes, then you'll know to keep going. If no, well, then there you go, his heart isn't really in it.
I know where you're coming from though. Other than the lead by example thing though, I'm not sure what else you can do other than ask him if he still wants your support/help.0 -
The best you can do is do what you need to for yourself. If portioning out his food is something that seems to help him and he appreciates it, I would keep doing that. Giving him 30ish minutes warning that you're going for a walk is about all you can do on that front. If he's not ready, he's not ready, and there's no point in delaying so long you skip your walk to accommodate him. If he asks, tell him that. Let him know that you want to walk with him and you welcome him along, but you only have a limited time frame to do so and still get everything else done, so he's not able to join you when you're ready to go, even with short advance warning, you not going to skip your walk. You might also try scheduling a regular walk at a specific day(s) and time. Let him know you're doing so, and that you would like him to join and you're doing a schedule to make it easier for him to remember it.
A person can ask for help all they want, but if they're not willing to meet you halfway, there's not really anything you can do to force them. All you can really do is let them know that you're there for them, you're willing to help when they ask for it, and let them make up their own mind. I would skip the notes and comments for the most part. Let him know what you're doing, and make sure you let him know that you do love him as is. Yeah, it would be better for him health-wise to lose weight, but it's very easy to get the wrong impression that you're nagging him to lose weight because you would love him more when he does. Not saying that's what you're saying, but if that's what he's hearing, that can be demoralizing. Speaking from experience here!1 -
Just to clarify, hubby asks me to portion out his food for him because it does help on a small level that he's not eating 2 bags of Doritos (250 g each) and a package of Chips Ahoy! cookies (21 cookies) every night. With the portioning, he's eating around a third of his snacks, so it takes 3-4 days rather than 1 before everything is gone.
I know I'm becoming a pushy, "bad" wife with the notes. I'd just like him to take a moment and *think* if he's really hungry when he goes to get his fourth packet of crackers for the night.
Anyway, I supposed I'll tell him I'm not helping him and he can deal with gaining more weight and suffocating himself from tying his shoes and let his GP harp on him about being morbidly obese. Hopefully he'll clue in before he explodes from his HBP.
ETA: About the walks, when I ask, I want to go walk. It takes him 30 minutes to an hour to "get ready" - read all his emails, check his comics, finish his game to the next save point, go through Tumblr - and that's if he actually remembers that he was going on a walk with me. When I ask a second time, he gets all "oh, I'm sorry I forgot, just give me a sec" and 2 hours later he's like "I'm ready now".
Do you think it might have anything to do with driving a cab all day? If I had a job where I had to be polite and interact with people all day long, all the while dealing with the stress of other drivers, I would probably go home and zone off into the internet or a game in silence for awhile as well. Have you talked about the possibility of a stationary bike, treadmill, or elliptical where he could watch a show while exercising, or maybe an under the desk bike he can use while he's screwing around on the computer? That might make it seem more manageable for him without being yet another commitment eating into his downtime.
As for when to give up, I'm not sure there is a hard and fast rule. I think you just decide for yourself how much longer you're willing to do it, and come to terms with your feelings about the possible outcomes.0 -
I wish I had an answer. I have the same problem with my husband. He'll whine about how tired he is or how his clothes don't fit and how he *should* do something about it, but he never does. He tried MFP... for about a day. I thought maybe he'd gotten some motivation when he bought himself a fitbit. Nope.
He tells me all the time how proud he is of me for losing weight. Then says he'd never be able to do it because he can't work out like I do. HELLO?! Have you not lived with me the past 23 years?! I lost nearly all my weight by eating less and walking on the treadmill before I ran a single step. Dumbass.
The worst part is he's pre-diabetic. I told him if he thinks tracking his food to lose weight is a PITA, wait until he HAS to track his food to calculate his insulin dose. His father and uncle are both diabetic, but I don't think he realizes how serious it really is, because they're managing OK (so far).
I know how unhelpful his little comments about my smoking were, so I never say anything. Hopefully he'll get it soon, though. I don't want us to turn into his mom & dad, with me lecturing him on what he can and can't eat in front of everyone when we go out.0 -
He's your husband, you never stop helping. You may back off abit if it seems he's not as interested in following thru, but that doesn't mean you stop helping. Then, you just do it a little quieter, in the background if you will. But you don't stop helping, just tweak the method of help. Good luck!0
-
The last few times I've gone on a walk and he's been "busy", I just left when I was ready since I knew he wasn't coming. Those times I've walked in the door and he's standing there dressed with this "you left without me" look on his face. He acts a lot like a dog.
This is a relationship question, not a weight loss question. So we need a different kind of answer, because "eat less and exercise more" isn't working. It's awful when you can clearly see what the right choice is for somebody but they won't make it, you want to help them and you can't, at least not directly. And going about it indirectly is hard, I can't speak for anyone else but I never know what to do, and the right thing changes every day!
Based on what you just said, I'd keep it up. If you get back from a walk and he has that puppy dog "you left without me" face, tell him about all the great stuff you saw and how it was a nice mood lifter on a Tuesday afternoon. The goslings have hatched, they're so cute! The neighbor's garden is really nice. There was this naked lady dancing in front of her window without a care in the world.
You tried bringing him with you, it didn't go well; I'd put the carrot away and bring out the "stick" if that seems to get a better response. Next time, remind him how nice it was and give him 30 minutes notice before you leave. I'd hope after a few times, he'll be tired of being left behind.
Also, the stuff about having to check his email before he can walk through the neighborhood - does he have a smart phone? Sometimes you have to push back on this stuff, sometimes you have to take excuses away like "if an urgent email comes in you'll still get it."0 -
Well first on him getting home and not doing anything...that's his choice. Plenty of people lose weight with no physical activity. He may not like the same sorts of things you do.
Secondly, who buys all the chips/cookies? Who does the shopping? Does he specifically ask for those things?
Continue to do the things he asked you specifically to do (does he ask you to portion out cookies? that seems weird. Cooking dinner is one thing...) Don't leave notes.
My huz is obese (as am I still) and he's seen me lose weight. He's asked that I start running with him a few days a week so I come home early and we jog those days. But I know him running sporadically a few times a week won't result in him suddenly becoming healthier. I don't nag him about what he eats. I can't imagine if he nagged me? I'd find it incredibly irritating. I had a friend on MFP that would see my food log and occasionally text me things about it like "wow you ate a lot of fast food yesterday". I thought it was an achievement to log all the food I ate, good or bad. But she made me feel so sh--y for having to share that I debated making a 2nd profile that was private just so I could be honest with myself and have no judgment. Like most of us, he has to want it for himself. You can't be his diet coach AND his wife. Some husbands will better take the advice of a third party: like a doctor, personal trainer, or nutritionist before they will listen to their wife's advice.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions