Support from spouse

SeanW79

Good morning!

Let me just jump right into it. My wife and I both need to lose weight. She has diabetes and high blood pressure. She has not kept her glucose under control and has developed neuropathy. With that said she knows she needs to change her eating habits and we are both at fault for doing this to ourselves.

Last night as I was trying to stick to my guns about eating right she fought me on it. I love my wife but when it comes to getting healthy we are horrible when it comes to supporting each other. She always wants to put off till tomorrow or say "just one meal won't hurt". This made it very difficult last night. I did stand my ground and we ended up eating a sandwich instead of mexican food. I must say though that this really makes it hard for me when she doesn't want to support what we both need to do. I want her to eat right and get her health on a better path. I am afraid I will have to watch her continue to suffer if she doesn't change. It's hard enough now to hear how bad the neuropathy hurts her.

Anyway, didn't have anyone else to talk to about this. Thanks for listening.

cathipa

It is difficult when the significant other is not on board. I have found when I make the decisions about eating that's what happens. I cook and there fore we eat better. Since I made this change we may eat out once a week. I can't remember when I last had fast food. You just have to make the change and she will probably follow.

As far as one more meal won't hurt...just remind her of her poorly controlled diabetes and neuropathy. It already has. You both are too young to have these medical problems. Change starts now and not after the next bad meal.

Feel free to add me for support!! You (both) can do this!!

jprewitt1

You can't force her to do anything. You can however, make changes for yourself. If she doesn't want to follow a diet but you do, then do it. She can eat what she wants and you can eat what you want. If you want to have a healthier meal instead of going out to eat, then cook a healthy meal for you. If she chooses to eat with you, then that's great! If not, it's okay to be disappointed but it isn't up to you to force someone to make a change. Maybe once she sees you sticking to your diet and doing well she'll join you. The best way you can support her now is talk openly about how you feel and that you're worried you won't have her in your life for as long as you want due to her health, and be there for her when she needs you.

TLDR: Make the change for yourself first, be supportive but honest, and hope for the best.

jemhh

I'm sorry that you and your wife are going through this. It hit home with me. My family is filled with Type 2 diabetics and my uncle passed away after experiencing many complications (dialysis, amputation, etc.) Have you told your wife "I am afraid I will have to watch [you] continue to suffer if [you don't] change. It's hard enough now to hear how bad the neuropathy hurts [you]"? Because that is exactly what I would say. I would also say that I refuse to stand by and ignore her declining health because I love her too much to do that. And then stick by it even when she fights you on it. Eat healthy meals. Take walks. As you get fitter, become more active. I hope for you both that she starts to do these things with you but for now lead by example and continue to remind her that you love her and want the best for her.

courtneylykins5

When it comes to how the household eats, the one who cooks generally has control. If you want to eat a certain way, you may have to make enough of your preferred food for everyone, but be prepared for others to choose to go their own way. If they want something else, they should feel free to get it for themselves.
More active meal planning may help too. If the two of you together think of some ways to make your usual meals healthier you will both be more likely to eat them.

mulecanter

I agree with the above comments. You can't force anyone into this, we all have to conquer our own demons. Can you change the subject to exercise? Will she go on walks or bike rides? Perhaps find some non-eating physical activity that she enjoys since working the calorie expenditure side of the equation is also effective. Try and make it a positive instead of a negative. Model the right behavior and get results for yourself. She will get the message and follow suit when she is ready.

Zombella

As others have said, you can only control what you do. Does she emotional eat? I know that some of what she does sounds like what I have done and sometimes still do. I don't have a good relationship with food and tend to think food = happiness or that only one snack or meal won't hurt.

Lounmoun

SeanW79 wrote: »

Good morning!

Let me just jump right into it. My wife and I both need to lose weight. She has diabetes and high blood pressure. She has not kept her glucose under control and has developed neuropathy. With that said she knows she needs to change her eating habits and we are both at fault for doing this to ourselves.

Last night as I was trying to stick to my guns about eating right she fought me on it. I love my wife but when it comes to getting healthy we are horrible when it comes to supporting each other. She always wants to put off till tomorrow or say "just one meal won't hurt". This made it very difficult last night. I did stand my ground and we ended up eating a sandwich instead of mexican food. I must say though that this really makes it hard for me when she doesn't want to support what we both need to do. I want her to eat right and get her health on a better path. I am afraid I will have to watch her continue to suffer if she doesn't change. It's hard enough now to hear how bad the neuropathy hurts her.

Anyway, didn't have anyone else to talk to about this. Thanks for listening.

It would be hard to watch your spouse not taking care of their health. Has she been given a diet plan to follow? Do you plan meals and cook?
I'd sit her down and tell her how you feel and what you fear. "One meal won't hurt" is denial and doesn't work as an attitude when she is not on top of her serious health issues.
I have an immense amount of control over food for my family. I plan meals, make the grocery list and cook for our family. I pack dh's lunch for work. We only eat out one meal a week. It still doesn't mean they eat perfectly but it is the best I can do to help them.
Maybe start making healthier versions of favorite foods at home.

DianeHelfer

Sounds to me she maybe doesn't have a good grasp on enough info and experience to be able to see herself without cravings for the foods she desires. No one likes that starving or deprived feeling. A wonderful eye opener is a book called The Diabetes Solution by Dr Richard Bernstein. Very informative and empowering. Also, if you're on FB, a group called Keto Saved My Life is amazing! Living life without hunger or cravings is what is made possible by these two resources. Hope this helps!