When friends aren't supportive?
Tierasaurus
Posts: 7 Member
Today I hit my first "goal weight." Obviously I was excited and texted a picture of the 100% to my friends. I have been working for months to achieve this, as I'm sure all of you understand how hard it is. My BEST friend gave me a one word reply. Am I wrong to be disappointed? I am hurt by her lack of support. She is getting married this year and she just got a new job and I've been overly excited when she tells me news. But whenever I share a fitness "win" with her it feels like she couldn't care less. It makes me not want to share with her but I want to have friends to talk about these things with. Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do?
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That sucks... Yea i have certain friends i discuss certain things with.. It is messed up because she is a close friend and you express excitement over her news so she should be doing the same... Is she heavy? I am curious if she is jealous that you are working towards getting fit and she is not..2
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I get trolled every time I pick up a healthy food while going out,but my friends are basically supportive. Just remember you're doing it for yourself.I guess.2
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That sucks. I cannot say that I have been in the exact situation as I am just starting on my journey. I would, however, absolutely say to my best friend, "It really hurt my feelings when you did not show any enthusiasm when I told you about my accomplishment, which I had to work very hard for." And, by the way, Congratulations to you!!!!!!1
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Tierasaurus wrote: »Today I hit my first "goal weight." Obviously I was excited and texted a picture of the 100% to my friends. I have been working for months to achieve this, as I'm sure all of you understand how hard it is. My BEST friend gave me a one word reply. Am I wrong to be disappointed? I am hurt by her lack of support. She is getting married this year and she just got a new job and I've been overly excited when she tells me news. But whenever I share a fitness "win" with her it feels like she couldn't care less. It makes me not want to share with her but I want to have friends to talk about these things with. Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do?
Sorry about your disappointment and congratulations for your achievement.
I never talked/talk about my diet or fitness goals with friends or family (not even my husband!!!) unless I was/am 100% sure that they are in my same frame of mind. I don't need a cheering crowd to accomplish my goals or to maintain my accomplishments, and constantly sharing the information with love ones can back fire. If they ask, I give them information without going into a lot of details.
If recognition is important to you and if you need that push to continue reaching your goals, just share it with your friends in MFP, if you have them, or post in the success forum. Most of the people in here are in the same boat.4 -
Could be she's jealous. Yes, it is REALLY REALLY REALLY hard to do this - and you're better off figuring out who is going to support you on your fitness efforts - and who isn't. Some people will support you in your efforts at X, Y, and Z but NOT Q, because your success at Q hits too close to the bone for them. That's just the way it is.
But! That's why you're here on MFP, right? WE support you.
Congratulations!!!!
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Well CONGRATULATIONS!!!! on making it to your first goal... i'm almost there myself... its tough, but be glad you did it for yourself.... keep up the great work
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In the nicest way possible, nobody cares. Unless you went on some fad diet or took some magic pill, nobody cares. Yes, actual legit real weight loss is hard and I get that you want a pat on the back for that hard work, but your friends are already bombarded with "look at me" crap from literally everyone else on the planet. Seriously, it's just another selfie and not everything is about you.9
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Good job! Don't give up your friends just because they aren't interested in talking about fitness. You deserve the pat on the back, but the reality is that your weight loss is for you and that's good enough.
My perspective: I don't tell my friends, and I especially don't tell my sister, when I've lost weight. Many of my friends are overweight and don't need to hear about it. My sister is thinner than me, completely bonkers about her weight, very capable of starving herself, and I don't want her to feel like we're in a competition.3 -
There are a million different reasons that you didn't get the responses you wanted- people are busy, jealous, just don't care, etc., but the main reason is you. You're expecting entirely too much from OTHER people. You do you. Do what you need to do in your life and worry about yourself and stop relying on others and their opinions to keep yourself motivated. Next time you hit a goal, tell your close friend or family member- the one you know will verbally support you and be excited for you.
If I want more motivation outside of my own head or need to express my excitement about something, I reach out to my MFP friends, who I KNOW are like-minded and interested in hearing about my endeavors.
Good luck to you! Congrats on your success thus far. Keep at it!3 -
Please don't take this the wrong way...
... but if you expect others to always show the same amount of enthusiasm towards your successes that you feel, you will always be disappointed. I found it discouraging to be excited about losing X amount of weight... and no one else felt quite as happy. And why should they? It's my body, not theirs. And so I tried to reframe it as something I was doing for myself, and thus something I would rely solely on myself to celebrate. And this isn't a bad thing - you know better than anyone how to reward yourself and make you feel proud and good about your hard work
People love drama and uniqueness. No one celebrates those of us who do the boring thing; no one cares when we go to work, pay our bills, treat people well, and obey the law. Along this same vein, others won't care about weight loss unless you lost weight using some *kitten* fad that others hoping to hop onto... no one wants to hear about the person who lost weight by eating well, exercising, and doing all the stuff people know is what works but is ~too hard.5 -
Wow, a lot of different perspectives that I had not considered. And, a lot of what y'all say is absolutely true. However, when I think of my own friends and my sister, I cannot imagine them being disinterested or rude no matter what accomplishment I shared and, likewise, I would not be with them.0
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That would motivate me to work harder! Haters are going to neg.0
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Ok maybe I am different from the others on here because some of the responses are just harsh. I agree you should do it from yourself 100% but I also think that is perfectly ok to be disappointed in the fact that your best friend doesn't seem to care. I wouldn't expect any of my just regular friends to care, to be honest I hang out with different ppl at different times due to like interest in certain things. But my Best friend I expect more out of just as she should expect the same of me. I expect a 'congrats, so happy for you' or something that shows me she shares my excitement. One of the differences between being just a friend or a BEST friend includes that.
I also think there are a dozen reasons for a one word response. If she is your bestie then you should be able to be honest and open about your feelings towards her response. You may be reading too much into it but if it is truly bothering you just ask her what's up.2 -
I know exactly how you feel. My so called best friend is so wrapped up in her own life I can't tell her anything about mine, so I've been slowly distancing myself away from her. Another very good friend of mine, however, I've known for so long that when I said I lost 2.4lbs she was genuinely thrilled for me.
It sucks when you are excited and another person isn't. Tell your friend how her disinterest makes you feel. She might not realize she's doing it or she might not actually care, either way you'll get your voice heard and can decide where to go from there.0 -
Your life, your body, your goals, your effort, your achievement. You do it for you. You're winning. Be happy for you. Don't dwell on the responses of others.4
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Not being in your shoe she probably does not understand your weight loss commitment . First and foremost you are getting health and losing weight for yourself. Treasure this emotion, it will keep you motivated. If you continue to express your goals and how important this is to you she may come around when you achieve your next goal. Keep focused and excited about your goals for as you can see you have plenty of motivation on My Fitness Pal.
Congratulation on hitting your first goal, I think this achievement is awesome1 -
Wow so many great responses! It is so true that I should not let her underwhelming reaction diminish my satisfaction.
And even though I've been using mfp for months now I have never utilized the forums. I think that I can find all the support I need here0 -
I recommend NOT sending pictures to people. Regardless of your intention, it will look like you are coming to them for compliments or praise. It could come off as bragging, or (to more neurotic people) a personal attack on their own weight. As a general rule of thumb, I would wait for people to come to YOU to say anything, unless it's a significant other or a close family member who is more invested in your health.
I rarely share my weight loss goals or achievements with ANYBODY because it's very personal to me. People are bound to misunderstand what it's like, anyway, so I try to avoid talking about it. It makes compliments seem that much more genuine, because I didn't ask for them 3 -
First off, CONGRATS!!!
I'm sure your friend doesn't see fitness achievements as a big deal but she should, as your friend, go out of her way to support you! I guess shes not the friend to share fitness excitement with. Friends should be happy for one another.
Maybe confront your friend and tell her that you are excited and just wanted more congrats for your earned achievement:-)0 -
Yeah it kinda sucks. For me no one I know really appreciates how much effort goes into it and how much it means to me. Some members of my family are even concerned for my health thinking I'm doing too much, while they are all completely sedentary and overweight.
I just do it for me, but my friends on here are a fantastic source of motivation for me too.
Oh, and congrats on the goal weight btw!0 -
I go through the same thing with coworkers, friends, and even family. I have recently started a new fitness challenge and when I tell people about it because I am so excited I always get back, "why the hell do you need a diet." I know I am not fat, but I am very out of shape and unhealthy. I have a great coach and some other girls that are doing the challenge with me, but it would be nice to have some friends or family to support me. I am not doing this for weight loss. I am doing this to learn how to be healthy and get into shape. I am a future nurse and to be able to do what I have wanted to do my whole life, I need to be in shape. I have tried to explain my goals to them but they just don't listen.
You could message me on here, and we can share recipes/ give eachother support!1 -
I find weight loss is like fight club......rule number 1....never talk about fight club.5
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suzyjane1972 wrote: »I find weight loss is like fight club......rule number 1....never talk about fight club.
Exactly! I've been at this for a year now, well on my way to losing 60 pounds, and literally four people in my life even know what I'm doing. I only ever even talk to one of those people about my weight loss, and he's my husband!0
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