Someone help me :'(

cassiegotto

I have used this program in the past but fell off the bandwagon and gained 40 pounds over a year. I can't believe I have damaged my body this much. I didn't care about what I ate and NEVER worked out. I stepped on the scale three weeks ago and saw the highest number ever: 208. I have never been over 200. I still can't believe it.

I am so disgusted with myself. I have been using MFP and exercising for two weeks so far and I am already feeling better. The workouts have been very difficult because I am so out of shape. I haven't gone over on calories except for one day, yesterday, when I had a piece of cake. I don't want to deprive myself, but I have to lose weight. I love sweets and pizza and all of that. I am learning how to control my portions and eat things in moderation. I am allowing myself one high calorie meal per week. This week it was that delicious cake.

Right now I am disgusted with my body. I hate getting dressed in the morning because I hate looking at myself. I don't even own any pants that fit me. I am fatter than my mother, and I can't even wear her clothes anymore. Her pants used to always be big on me, and now I can't get them on. I feel like such a loser and I am really disappointed in myself. I cry almost daily over this. My fiance loves me and supports me no matter what, but I feel awful for letting myself get this fat; I'm grateful that he's still with me even though I look this way.

I am determined this time. This is a lifestyle change. But I'm having a hard time being patient. It's only been two weeks, I know, but I'm so ready for this weight to be off.

Any support would be appreciated.

SisterhoodoftheShrinkingPants

you are doing great! Give it a little time for your body to realize that a full fledged make-over is in effect Get connected, stay with this and the results will keep you motivated. Try not to beat yourself up. If you want the quick fix thats going to give you anxiety. Instead KNOW that if you keep doing what you're doing, in 3 months you WILL be smaller. Cals in/cals out. I was eating twice what I eat now and not exerising at all. Now I do and eat well and Im down 50 lbs in 7 months. REALLY. so keep at it, ot works and you will feel better and you'll get skinnier than ever most likely, but th first step is to commit to th long haul. Give yourself a year to work at this thing. I always gave up because I didnt see result in like a week lol. Just think: I could have gotten skinny 6 years ago if Id had a healthy attitude about it and stuck with it! Better late than never I guess Im rooting for you! *hugs*

AJ_G

The most important thing is realizing that you're not going to change your body overnight. It will take a good amount of time, and hard work, and a lifestyle change. Don't view your new diet as a short term thing to get the weight off, this has to be the new way you eat now. Good luck

michellekicks

I say get in it for the long-term... set your sights on no more than 1 lb/week weight loss and commit. If you want cake, fine, but fit it in your calories for the day. Don't aim for 2 lbs/week... it will be very restrictive and you're more likely to cheat.

Set yourself up for success...

Bobanji

Feel free to add me. I feel your pain. I've gained substantial weight since especially since getting married. It just kinda creeps up on you so fast! Keep strong and take it day by day. Its hard but we can do it.

BlondeBop

Oh, you sound so low.

First of all, you've taken a step in the right direction!

Now, make sure you have clothes that fit you as you are now. Stop comparing yourself to other people/how you used to look. Accepting, even embracing, the weight you are right now doesn't mean you've given in. It just means you're ready to work WITH your body.

Then... step by step, week by week, you'll get there!

naterciarodrigues58

I felt EXACTLY like this when I started... I woke up one morning, wanted to use some jeans I hadn't touched for ages and they didn't fit. I couldn't believe it. Though about it all day and cried so much.
Got home and cried even more and my fiance was a star, saying he'd loved me no matter what, but I just couldn't believe I'd let myself get to that point. And so I decided. I HAD to change, I DESERVED a better body. So I started working towards it. Had bad times, specially when I was having exams in uni it was all about chocolate and redbull and for three weeks it was just bad choices and not caring, because I needed to deal with the stress from exams. But as soon as they were over, I picked it up right where I left it and now I'm fully back at it. I also allow myself the occasional treat that usually comes in the form of a beer, a slice of the fiance's pizza, or a sort of healthy chocolatey treat in moderation when I'm really craving it.
But that's ok, it's slow but steady. Last night I went for a run with my fiance and we were out for 55min! (sure, we walked some of it, but still!), and today I'm treating myself to a tofu burguer (:

that's how it goes, slow, we learn to make better choices, and one day, soon, you'll think "I never want to give up this lifestyle". I started this as a "let's get rid of the fat so I can be ready for the bikini" kind of thing, and now I'm full on "let's be healthy" (: You'll get there too, just hang in there and keep at it! Don't ever stop and remember that NO FOOD tastes better than the feeling of accomplishment (: STAY STRONG!

HollisGrant

You can do this. Be patient, stick with it every day, and consider it a new lifestyle, not a diet.

Watch this short, amazing video if you're feeling low today. It's a true story. If this guy can do it, so can you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

CookieCrumble

I relate to your post so much, Cassie, it's so easy to let things slide a little bit and before you know it you've got used to being bigger than you were and it's then like steering a cruise ship to turn things around, by which time you're a little bit bigger again.

Of course we want things to move quickly once we've made the decision to change. I used to get so miserable when my body wouldn't co-operate to drop pounds just like that. You know that it can't do that but still you expect it. I know exactly how that feels. It's nice to read that you're feeling better already. I do too - even after a couple of days of keeping at it, I feel so much better and I use that as my motivation - that and my fab MFP friends here.

In reality, you wouldn't want to drop all the weight you want to in a drastic way because it would tell on your skin, your 'wellness' and the way you feel when you look in the mirror. You might not see the changes but your body is making them just the same. Keep going in the direction you are and you can't fail to achieve the results you want.

:flowerforyou: ... it's hard. Being fat is hard. Pick your hard.

(that's not my quotation, it's the best one I've ever read though).

You can do this!

Francl27

I was in your shoes 6 months ago. Just keep pushing. I was so out of shape it's not even funny (first work out video put me in such pain I was practically unable to move for 3 days), but I stuck it out and now I can walk forever and not get tired (I'd love to try running, but asthma and humid weather don't mix) and my fitness level has increased a lot.

All I have to add though is to give yourself a reasonable goal. That way it's easier. Make sure you eat your exercise calories back, or at least some of them. And try to be patient. It's a long process. I've lost 46 lbs so far (more or less, dealing with water retention at the moment, lol) and it still seems like this is taking forever.

jimmcnab

A couple of thoughts. Everybody that's overweight feels that way....disgusted with themselves. You've got the right mindset and motivation to succeed. People only make changes with their lives when they reach that "I'VE HAD IT!" moment. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired - you're where you need to be to make changes. So don't beat yourself up. I would make this suggestion, the weight gain and lack of care about what you were eating doesn't seem to me like it's the cause, but rather the symptom of something. I would do some reflection and find what the impetus was that made you compensate with food. Another thought, your fiancé is marrying you - the person - not you the number on a scale or a body image. He fell in love with you as a person. You haven't changed; your body image did. You're still the same person he fell in love with and you still deserve to be loved. If he left you because you gained 40 lbs. then I'd say you were better off without him. Serious weight gain is no different, in my opinion, than a serious medical issue. You wouldn't expect him to leave you if you got cancer (God forbid). Those marriage vows are in sickness and in health. I'd say his continued devotion is a good sign. My suggestion would be to get him to be a part of the transition back to a healthier you. My wife and I are currently overweight and we both decided together that we were going to get back into shape. We have been rather like each other's accountability partners with helping to make sure we eat well, stay motivated, etc. In the end, your experience and your emotions sound very similar to mine so I completely empathize with you. The fact that you had the courage to post this is a huge step towards making a chance. Simply put, I got tired of being in a prison of flesh and I'm breaking out! Turn your disgust into fuel and use it to keep the motivational fires going. And when you experience hiccups along the way, because you will, don't relent. Be dogged in your determination and you'll succeed! :happy:

geetarGayle

steady as she goes girl...........the slower the wt comes off the more likely it will stay off. do not deprive yourself but eat 1/2 of anything you want to eat.
cake , pizza etc....only allow yourself a taste( one bite)
try and always eat the toatal calories allowed, so as not to feel desperate.
if you want more calories, exercise them off prior to eating them, then you know what it costs you to eat that special treat.
Good luck

tjthegreatone

I have used this program in the past but fell off the bandwagon and gained 40 pounds over a year. I can't believe I have damaged my body this much. I didn't care about what I ate and NEVER worked out. I stepped on the scale three weeks ago and saw the highest number ever: 208. I have never been over 200. I still can't believe it.

It's probably worth taking some time to reflect on why you did this to yourself. Not caring about yourself, not exercising etc. 40 pounds in one year is a staggering amount of weight and I'm sure it didn't all pile on one day. Your body must have felt terrible at times but you didn't respect it.

I think it's the only real way that you can really begin to accept yourself and your body, move on and lose the weight and get fitter for good. The feelings of disgust, disappointment etc can motivate you this time round to lose the weight again, but what's to stop you from 'falling off the wagon' again in the future?

Yo-yo dieting is a strong feature on this site with people coming back two/three/four times and everyone saying 'don't worry, start again', without addressing why these diets fail so often.

Your body is a temple. Listen to it and respect it instead of loathing it. It doesn't mean you can't eat sweets or icecream, just treat it with the respect that you have for a treasured object.

sunshine4me

I would recommend you try making a list of small goals like getting your breakfast routine down or kicking a problem that you have... One of mine was an addiction to diet soda! (There are many others) I had to learn that this is who I am today... not forever. It got so bad I didn't even want to go to work. Couldn't wear any of my clothes, hated seeing myself in the mirror. I was creating a downward spiral. I finally decided I had to get out of this funk, so I did something positive and started listening to upbeat music. Made me feel a little better! Then I decided to go have a manicure and a pedicure. Again made me feel better. Then I decided I had to go get some clothes to wear to work.... like it or not! That was the hardest thing. But I did it and shoes and accessories too. One outfit at a time. Even though I am still heavy, I know I am working on it at a pace I can handle without missing out on my life! ( did I mention I didn't like to leave the house and stopped doing just about everything except what I absolutely had to do. ) Now.. I am going to be 52 years old. If I can change my perspective, you can too! Don't let this thing consume you and control you. Push it back into perspective and defeat it one small success at a time. Anytime that ugly negative viper starts to sneak in put on some positive music on (What doesn't kill you makes you stronger or You are Beautiful by Pink.) Whatever it is that makes you feel like you can do anything, because.. Guess What! You can! If you want to send a friend request I would be honored to help anyway I can.

KyleB65

First, take some body measurements. Sounds silly, I know! But, weight is only one metric to use to measure success. As lean muscle is around 5x denser than fat, at some point your weight loss may "plateau" while your body continues to change. I did not take body measurements when I started and I regret it! I suggest weighing yourself and taking measurements once per week. Same day & time every week. Your weight will go up and down during the day and week. By comparing a week to week value from the same day & time you will be able to track your progress.

Second, make a commitment to a life style change. The commitment is to yourself, no one else! From the moment you make that promise to yourself, LIVE IT EVERY DAY! There will be challenges and there will be times when you stumble. These are just moments to reflect, adapt adjust and re-commit! Too often I see on this sight people who say that have a goal them premise that goal with things like "As long as I can still have my cola" or "How much beer can I have and still meet my calories?" If you are truly committed, forget about what and how you lived before you made the choice to change. That life style is what got you to this point in your life.

Now, make a plan. Start simple, include exercise to your ability 3x + per week. Start with walking if that is all you are able. Include a change in what you eat. My first step was to cut out soft drinks (pop). Now follow you plan for at least 3 weeks. Until it becomes a habit. Then adjust with another change, increase the duration, frequency and or intensity of your exercise. And further adapt your food. Remove another poor choice and add in a healthy choice. Keep repeating this process every 3-4 weeks.

Drink lots of water! I cannot explain why this works! But it does! Take a drink as soon as you get up and more before every time you eat. along with lots while you exercise!

Lastly, log your eating every day! Keep this private if you want, but log everything, everyday! Studies have shown that the success rate for people who count calories is much higher than for those who don't. I found that logging my food gave me a sense of the cost of my food choices. It helped me slowly curve my food consumption down to a healthy and sustainable volume. Without any major pain or suffering.

If you want, send me a friend request. I will add.

Note: I am further down the road than you are. My goals have changed from weight loss to fitness. So, we are not in the same place at the same time. But, I have been where you are at! At one point I stepped on my home scale and it spun around to past the max of 275lbs. At that time, I dreaded power failures because I would be out of breath and sweaty walking up 3 flights of stairs to my office. Today, I weigh 190lbs and I am training for my first marathon. Weight loss, health and fitness are possible! You can get there!

All the best on your journey!

bigdaddysmama

I have been on diets all my life and I realized that the best thing to do for myself was to QUIT the so-called dieting and to make a life-style change. There are many ways to do this and using my fitness pal is like using any other tool, it only works as well as YOU allow it to in your lifestyle. The second best thing I ever did was weigh ONCE A MONTH at my physician's supervised diet visit. By eliminating that stressor, I lost 20 pounds in one month! It is all about changing the way I think about myself, how I feel about myself and finding that special person in my life who doesn't give a damn about what I LOOK like, but WHO I am as a person. That bolstered my self-esteem enough that I didn't need the food as a comfort because the rest of my life was in the crapper. Love yourself enough to want to look good for YOU; after that, it's all downhill from there. Don't get down on yourself because you are over 200. The number doesn't define who you are, the smile on your face does about 10,000 times more. We are in a society driven by looks and when we as women who have curves band together and say that enough is enough, the standard will change. Look for the beauty within yourself and hang the numbers! Good luck with your goals and hang in there!

mlogantra76

I know how you feel. I feel like our stories have some similarities. I lost 120 lbs 12 years ago and 2 years ago, I allowed myself to regain 30ish lbs. I was so depressed/in denial/and then really upset when I realized how far I let myself slip. I went from a size 10 pants size at goal(I'm a pear shape) to a super tight size 16W pants. I was so ashamed having to shop in the plus size section as I knew I had let myself. January 2nd I found mfp and started exercising and I'm now within 5-10 lbs of my goal! I'm wearing size 10 shorts now that I wore at my goal. They are not as loose on me (yet). You can do it! If I can, you can. Take it slow. Don't expect to lose it all at once. Celebrate as you go. What helped me is to concentrate on increments like maybe every 5 lbs or even pants sizes in between your goal weight.

FitGeekery

It sounds like you've got your head on straight and you have a solid plan going for you, so you're certainly setting yourself up for success

I completely understand what it feels like to go past 200 lbs, a number I swore I'd never touch... and I ended up jumping in waaaaay past that. I can also relate to what it's like to have body image issues. What I would say is... try and see what your body can do for you. See how hard it can fight to deal with everything you throw at it, how much stronger it can become. Maybe that'll help you to learn to appreciate and care for it as time goes on Feel free to add me, I'm always happy to have new people to exchange support with!