Is it impolite to ask "so how much have you lost "

Drine85

So I have been getting this question a lot lately and it really irritates me because number one I feel this is my journey and my story to tell and if I don't feel like discussing it the polite thing is to say you look good keep up the good work . Two I am not sure whAt the actual number loss would mean to someone that isn't me . I am doing this as part of a life style change and I think the number isn't important . But my health and well being is most important . Right ?

lmhbuss

The question certainly can feel invasive to the receiver. However, because it is mostly assumed that weight loss is a good thing & something to be proud of, we tend to assume that people will be proud of the number dropped. It's almost an invitation to brag in some folks view. I guess what I'm saying is it feels rude to me when I get the question, especially when it's followed by "what do you weigh now?" or "How much do you have left to lose?" but I get that most of the time people are just curious and mean no harm.

Drine85

I get what your saying . But I usually respond by saying thank and nothing else and I know on social norms that's not an appreciate response

pebble4321

Yeah, I think it's pretty rude. I might ask someone if they've lost weight - if I know they have been making an effort and have been openly talking about it. Or I might just say "you're looking great today".
Then if people want to tell me more - new haircut, lost weight etc, they can, or they can just say "thanks".

Honestly, I think "thanks" is socially appropriate, it's the other person who is being rude not you. If people push you for more "so, how much have you lost?" then I'd just come up with a standard answer that you can use each time... something like "yeah, I have lost weight, enough to make me feel a whole lot healthier". And if they are rude enough to keep asking, then I'd be a bit more blunt and just say "oh, the numbers aren't important" and try to change the subject, or better still, walk away.

Having said that, I know that different cultures have different social norms. One group that I'm in regular contact with are much more blunt about such things, and might say "oh, I met you a year ago but you are fatter now", and that's not considered rude within that culture.

But, you still get to choose how to respond, and you aren't obliged to give people more information than you are comfortable with.

lmdmatt

I think it's rude, yes. I know a lot of people who have lost weight for undesirable reasons (depression, cancer, etc) and it can be really distressing to have it be pointed out. I also know a lot of people who are happy with their *weight* but are trying to change their *shape* and don't like the focus to be on the pounds lost or gained. Or people who think that a compliment after weight loss means that they didn't look good before, which is upsetting.

I personally think we should stop giving each other compliments on our physical appearance unless we are close enough to know how they will be taken. I am not going to tell a stranger or an acquaintance that they look good because they've lost or gained weight -- it's like asking a woman when she's due if you don't know if she's pregnant or not!

I wish people would just say "you look so happy!" instead of focusing on how skinny or fat we are.

I like what pebble4321 said about replying with "oh, the numbers aren't important" to people who are being pushy. I just wish people wouldn't be so presumptuous in general!

CassidyScaglione

Apparently not in Brazil.

I think it depends on the situation. If someone just asks out of the blue it is a little weird... But if you were talking about working out or dieting or whatever with someone, then it might be reasonable for them to ask.

I'm confused by the people who get upset when people comment on their weight loss though. I'm quite pleased when people notice that I've changed. And if they ask questions about it I don't mind. Maybe they want to try the same thing and see the same results.

Therealobi1

Really people cant win. Some will wonder why people are not commenting others don't want people to comment
I personally don't think it's rude, and I don't mind the compliments
I had two people at my daughters school just yesterday asking if I lost more weight, one even said I shouldn't lose anymore. No big deal.

But if you don't like it just carry on as you are and say thanks and change the subject

rbfdac

Weight is generally a touchy subject with most people. I'm not sure if it's necessarily rude to ask that question, as I know a lot of people who have lost weight enjoy talking about it and whatnot. I also think it depends on the situation, the relationship you have with that person, etc.

distinctlybeautiful

Here's a picture I saw on Instagram recently. It totally gave me a new perspective on commenting on people's weight.

MsBuzzkillington

I think it's one of those things that has no real right answer. I would personally love it if someone actually commented on my weight loss. I worked really hard and I want to know it shows and that people notice. When no one says anything, it really sucks. Recently a couple people asked me about it and asked me if I had lost weight. It felt good that someone noticed. But then again, people are also worried about offending someone so they never know if it's okay to comment on it or not.

In response to the above picture post, it could also be a way to potentially open up a conversation if someone was struggling with something. "Are you okay?" "How have you been? You look like you've lost weight." Because some people are screaming on the inside for help, for SOMEONE to notice that they are struggling and need help, dying for someone to just ask and reach out. But then again, people get annoyed when people ask if they are alright after losing weight. So you just can't win.

Meganthedogmom

I think people are too easily offended, honestly.

kaatieeeeeeeee

meganridenour wrote: »

I think people are too easily offended, honestly.

I agree.

Alluminati

distinctlybeautiful wrote: »

Here's a picture I saw on Instagram recently. It totally gave me a new perspective on commenting on people's weight.

I would definitely comment on her legs.

kasparkid

For me, it depends on my state of mind. When I'm on the right track (thinking long-term, lifestyle change, et cetera), I don't mind the question. Most of the people I know even make sure it's "a good thing" before getting too excited about the way I look (in case it was related to a disease or some unfortunate circumstance).

JustMissTracy

I think it depends on who you are talking to, and what your relationship with them is like. I love when people ask me, because I'm proud of how far I've come, and all the hard work it took to get there. I also love to share HOW I got there if they want to listen, which most people don't...lol
Recently I ran into my granddaughters teacher from last year; When she turned around I was shocked at the difference I could see in her face, and without thinking asked that same question...Mrs M's face OPENED up in a huge smile, and she HUGGED me!! She said "OMG, can you tell? Noone ever says anything to me!" She had lost 25 lbs!! I think I may have made her day, and I'm glad I was blonde enough to blurt the question out without thinking

a_candler

Can answer "enough to fit into my skinny jeans again" lol or something similar. A real # isn't needed just come up with a couple comebacks to the questions and you'll be OK.

And just because someone asks doesn't mean we have to answer

kar328

For me, it depends on who is asking. It's nicer and easier with family and friends who are happy for me. It's harder with people like some coworkers who are just nosy. I do tell the specific number of pounds lost when asked, I'm proud of it. But I will say when I was hitting the 100 lb loss, I started to feel embarrassed about that big a number, but then slapped some sense into myself and got over it. I do not give out my current or starting weight, or how much more I have to lose, except here on My Fitness Pal - not to family or friends either. I'm also bad at seeing weight loss in other people, so I don't expect others to comment on mine, so I don't mind when people don't.

I don't think there's a right answer to this and my feelings on it change depending on how I'm feeling about what is going on with me at the moment.

conniehealthygirl

I actually had a lady at work tell me I looked a normal size now. Is that ksuppose to be a compliment?? I have list 14 pounds I have 10-15 more to go. I was size 14 but now size 10. I am working hard. Going to fitness class. I only eat my own portion controlled food for lunch now Just a strange comment. Did not know how to respond. Just said thank you and went back to my office

brb_2013

I think it's super rude. I don't like my weight acknowledged heavy or not, it's just none of anyone's business. If I bring it up its fair game but just because a person notices a change in me does not require a comment on my appearance. "Nice hair cut!" Way more polite than "hey you're not as fat as you were last time I saw you, allow me to ask insanely personal questions!"
When I'd lost over 100 I got it all the time and honestly hating it so much is probably part of the reason why I ended up fizzling out and slipping to old habits. I'm a very private person, my conversations with others are superficial at best. I had people at the kids school asking how I did it and how much etc. It feels so violating. Even if it's something to be proud of I don't need the outside approval so I do wish as a society we'd decide these questions are rude. Like we all seem to know to never assume a woman is pregnant because it's rude, so why cant asking about weight be universally rude too?

mulecanter

I always took it as a compliment. My experience is that most people ask out of genuine technical curiosity as they might be assessing their own weight situation. If you are sensitive about it you might answer in with a percent lost and if they probe further just wink and say you'll have to come up with the denominator yourself.

cwolfman13

IDK...people are damned if they do and damned if they don't...people here *kitten* and moan when people don't comment on their weight loss and people *kitten* and moan when people do comment...I think people tend to be overly sensitive and just like to *kitten* and moan.

ETA: for myself personally, I don't really care. Usually people don't ask though because they know if they do they've just opened the door for me to start jabbering on about fitness and nutrition and I can go for days talking about fitness and nutrition...and then they usually just feel bad because they aren't as awesome as me.