How do you stay within your cal limit while socializing??

leaj1984

Hi!

So, I do pretty well when I'm on my own - choosing a lunch for myself, making dinner, etc. But very frequently I go out to eat with friends or my husband, and yes I look up the menu before we go and know what I am getting ahead of time, but these days so much is ordered to share. Fried calamari to share, one person orders the bread basket, another the meatballs... and for the first 20 minutes that these foods are in front of me, I am able to avoid them... but then my willpower gets depleted and I inevitably reach for the shared plates. And it adds up! 10 fried calamari rings later, 2 pieces of bread, half a meatball with sauce and parm.... and then bam, I am wayyyy over my goal for that day.

I haven't mastered the social situations part of this journey at all. And i can't stay away from my friends forever!!! How do you guys do it?

PS: people are pretty unsupportive of this, generally speaking. By that I mean that they will STILL order whatever they want (always to share). They're not going to NOT order what they want to eat just because of me. So it is on me to figure out how to be sensible about it and stay strong.

Please give me some tips! Thanks!

AmyRhubarb

Hmmm, that is tough if everyone is ordering appetizers to share - so tempting! There are some restaurants I go to where I not only check the menu first, but I pre-log the foods. Texas Roadhouse for example - if I don't put in my diary just ONE of those amazing piping hot rolls, I'll eat three. And then I get my salad before my meal, and I'm full before the entree ever hits the table!

But yeah, if you don't know what they are going to order, it's tough, other than to just do your best guess, maybe only take one or a small piece of each appetizer and put them on your plate all at once so it looks sort of full, and others are less likely to make comments (so annoying, isn't it?). Drink plenty of water, eat the appetizers very slowly, and maybe your meal will arrive before you've eaten them all, and you can have your server take the small plate away.

Best of luck - if nothing else, as long as you're not doing this every day, even once a week shouldn't be too bad as long as you're consistent the rest of the week!

ryry_

I have the same problem as you. What i have been doing with good success is just leaning into it and enjoying myself. If I go over my calories on that day its fine, I just focus on weekly net total. If I go over by 500 calories that day, then maybe I'll add a couple of extra cardio sessions that burn 250 to make up for it.

I've been doing this for seven weeks and I'm down about 8 lbs over that timeframe.

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Jams009

I don't socialise.

Seriously though, depending how often it happens I usually just treat social situations as my cheat day and stay strict the rest of the time. If it happens too much and starts to affect my progress I might try to fit in some extra cardio during the week or go for the lower calorie options, but I try not to stress and generally things work out OK.

SezxyStef

I don't typically but due to my activity through the week and left over calories I am typically still in a calorie deficit.

but I do make smarter choices.

For example I will eat 3 wings not 6, drink vodka and club soda not spiced rum and rootbeer.

callsitlikeiseeit

i dont eat other peoples food?

or i eat at maintenance.

or I get in an extra workout.

not hard.

jennyonthespot

I also focus on a weekly total, rather than a daily one. Just shave 100-200 calories off for a few days so your weekly deficit remains the same.

gnarlykickflip

It sounds to me like your biggest problem right now is that you're relying on willpower alone. I would say that it's a little inconsiderate for people to continue to order these things to share after you've asked them not to. Maybe they'd be willing to just order it for themselves? Or keep it on a side of the table that's out of your reach?

There are a few things you can try otherwise. One might be to order a lower-calorie appetizer if you can. You still might go over your calories, but if it keeps you from eating higher-calorie food it might be worth it to you? Another idea would be to try meeting at different restaurants, ones with healthier options. Yet another thing that might work is to invite friends over for dinner at your home instead of going out. This can be a "my place this week, your place next week" kind of thing, or maybe a potluck (or pitch-in, depending on where you're from) where everyone brings a dish.

Another idea would be to try social activities that don't revolve around eating food. Shopping, playing cards, sports (playing or spectating), board games, movies, hiking, stargazing, crafts, and volunteering are all things you can do together that don't necessarily put you in a restaurant setting.

Good luck and I hope you find something that works for you!

emdeesea

I bank calories throughout the week so I can go out once on the weekend and pretty much have what I want.

CassidyScaglione

Order something that you can eat without blowing your calorie goals (Like the veggie platter). Sitting there and not eating while everyone else is eating is not an option that works, obviously. And you are right, you CAN'T expect people to forego ordering food that they want/like because you are on a diet... so it is always going to come down to your self control.

Finally, you do not always have to go eating to socialize. Try an outdoors activity with your friends. Or invite them to your house for dinner, where you can control the kinds of foods that will be served.

GraceAnneU95

I like to keep my Diet Coke close and keep on drinking that instead of snacking (this is not to say that Diet Coke is a health food, but it is zero calories...) also it helps to not be totally starving before dinner (have a little healthy snack before going out to help curb cravings)

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brb_2013

Pretty sure it's not fair to tell a whole table of people to order salads just because you don't have room for excess.

Don't share. Order your own plate of something you know fits into your goals, bank calories for your social evenings, or eat before you go so you're not hungry and will power is easier.

I also live by the motto, if I didn't buy it, it's not mine therefore not a temptation. I work in someone's home, they always always offer me a muffin from breakfast, pizza with the kids when I stay late, try to pawn leftover sweets off on me etc. I just politely say "Oh, thanks!" and never indulge. If they've noticed they haven't said anything or been offended. If they ever insist I'd probably take it home for my husband and roommate if they'd like. But this motto of "it's not mine!" really really helps. Like right now there is Nutella in my cupboard, but it was given to my husband as a joke gift and doesn't belong to me so it's so incredibly easy to leave it be. Adopt this sort of mentality to the shared plates and you'll see it as less tempting. At least if you have morals against taking things that aren't directly yours

Oh and of course I know it's simply polite to share this is just a way to resist for me

nuttynanners

This is why I have no friends. Because my friends like to drink... and drink... and drink. And yes, I've gone out with them and set a limit for myself or abstained from drinking altogether. But this rarely ends up being fun for me because everyone else is much more drunk than myself.

Just kidding, I still hang out with them, I just don't go drinking with them 3 nights a week. I tag along for other things.

I know it's food with your friends. But honestly, I suggest cutting down the frequency of these outings. Once every two weeks instead of weekly. Or just order your own entree and don't touch the shared food. It takes a great deal of willpower but it's doable. You have to make sacrifices one way or another, I am afraid. Or instead of going out to eat, maybe do another activity instead? Go to a movie (and don't touch the shared popcorn lol). Just some thoughts.

kshama2001

GuitarJerry wrote: »

I don't share my food. So, I think it's weird to be a hypocrite and take food from other peoples plates. I don't understand this. Why would people share food. It's mine or yours, not ours.

In my circles appetizers are meant for sharing.

callsitlikeiseeit

gnarlykickflip wrote: »

I would say that it's a little inconsiderate for people to continue to order these things to share after you've asked them not to.

seriously?

yeah, let me tell my 150 pound boyfriend that he cant order breadsticks or something covered in cheese because i cant eat it.

let me tell my close friend who is trying to gain weight she can't order whatever the hell she wants.

gotcha.

you and you alone are in charge of what food goes in your mouth. if you dont want to eat it, DONT EAT IT. dont try to force your requirements on other people!

kshama2001

When I'm just eating with my OH, I don't have much of an issue. I plan to take half the entree home and go easy on appetizers and drinks.

When we eat with friends, I know this far in advance and budget calories that week and exercise more the day of. I can expect to consume triple my normal calories. (I rarely drink at home.)

kshama2001

gnarlykickflip wrote: »

I would say that it's a little inconsiderate for people to continue to order these things to share after you've asked them not to. Maybe they'd be willing to just order it for themselves? Or keep it on a side of the table that's out of your reach?

I would agree with you if there were just two people ordering. When it's groups of people, however, it's not reasonable to ask all the people who want to share with other people to not order accordingly.

chunky_pinup

If you're actually socializing, you're not eating. If you're sitting in a social situation, but being one of the less social participants, that leaves time to eat, and typically over-eat. The more you are the one being social, the less time you have to stop and take bite after bite after bite. The more you chat everyone up, the less time they have to analyze how much you're putting on your own plate! I'm a big-talker, and I find I end up taking about 75% of my food home in social/food gatherings because I've spent so much time talking that I've hardly touched my food. Become the chatty one of the group!

ReaderGirl3

I split things frequently with my husband when we eat out and I still pre-plan it. If you know you're going out with say 4 people, then just figure out what the appetizers are divided by 4. If you don't know ahead of time which ones people are ordering, then it's not a big deal to discretely look up the info on your phone after the appetizers have been ordered (I look up stuff all the time at restaurants). You can even have the restaurant's nutritional info bookmarked, to save a few seconds of searching. You usually order main dishes after appetizers have been ordered, so you'll have time to do some quick math to figure out what main dish (calorie wise) goes with what appetizers you're sharing (calorie wise).

jlemoore

Order the salmon; order a side salad instead of fries; drink water not alcohol; bring veggies to "potlucks"; tell everyone "that" makes you sick; make exercise playdates instead of at bars.

Or- Get pregnant, have a baby, and give up socializing.

LazSommer

SezxyStef wrote: »

I don't typically but due to my activity through the week and left over calories I am typically still in a calorie deficit.

but I do make smarter choices.

For example I will eat 3 wings not 6, drink vodka and club soda not spiced rum and rootbeer.

3 wings??????

AnnPT77

There are two circumstances where I'd indulge: If I have caloric room to do so, or if I consciously decide to go over goal.

To me, it's only partly a "willpower" problem. Mainly, it's a "habits" problem.

Others have had good suggestions to make room in your calorie goals for extra indulgence. These may not work for you, but there are a few others I'd add, that have helped me in similar situations:

1. Don't arrive hungry. If I eat something satiating before I go out (even when I plan to order some reasonable thing from the menu), I'm less likely to nibble when people offer. I keep shelf-stable satiating pre-portioned snacks in my car for impromptu hunger abatement.
2. Write a new script for yourself, and rehearse it in your head repeatedly. Think about the triggers for grazing on apps, and visualize how you'll respond differently. Start creating some new habits in your head, and apply them in real life. Every social outing, even if you can't hold out through the whole event, make sure you go a little bit longer (time-wise) before indulging. Practice the new habits as long as you can. For example, you might visualize yourself turning down the calamari with "Oh, thanks . . . but I had a really late lunch today, so I'm going to keep it light tonight." (I avoid talking about my calorie-cutting. It's a downer for those who aren't cutting, and most people give less push-back if you don't make a big deal of refusing.) Imagine yourself drinking some of your water after refusing, maybe, and do that, too.
3. Consciously think of some negative aspect of the food you're being offered, even if you're kind of faking yourself out at first. "Oh, the calamari here is always so salty!", "That grease swimming around the cheese bread is kinda gross." (Keep it in your own head, don't share it out loud, of course!)
4. Think about your future self. What I'm doing if I go over goal is gratifying my current self (some minor food-related pleasure, maybe), and damaging my future self (making her be more unhealthy, more unhappy). Usually the benefit to my current self is less significant, it just seems more real in the moment.
5. Observe the effect of alcohol, if you're consuming it. Sometimes I can put a little editor in my head who says "Would you still do this if you weren't all relaxed from that glass of wine?" Being conscious about it can help.

stealthq

All the comments about not eating other people's food make no sense to me. Appetizers are meant to be shared, they're usually ordered for the table.

That said, you have a couple of options.
1) make sure a lower cal appetizer is ordered and eat mostly, or entirely that
2) don't eat any appetizers. It doesn't make you rude, especially if you tell your friends up front not to order extra for you
3) control yourself with the appetizers that are ordered
4) bank calories during the week for these meals

I've done all of the above depending on the occasion.

Lounmoun

If you know they always share then you can choose to be a part of that and save enough calories to accomadate trying several things- or order your own thing and do not eat off the other's plates just because you can reach them. It isn't yours even if everyone else at the table is sharing because you opted out.
If you are done eating but there is still food then pop a piece of mint gum in your mouth.

cbihatt

Just don't eat the appetizers. If you are feeling like you need something, get a small side salad for yourself and let the others at the table enjoy the fried stuff. Alternatively, you could eat from the appetizers and skip having a main meal of your own.

Additional things that could help:
1. Place the foods to be shared as far from you as possible.
2. Fill up on water.
3. When everyone else is done eating the shared food, ask the waiter to take it away so you aren't tempted to pick at it just because it's there.
4. Take one piece and make it last as long as you can.
5. Stick to the garnishes. Eat the celery that comes with wings or the lettuce under the chicken wraps, or whatever.

katharmonic

I do a couple of things. I might say to friends to feel free to order an appetizer but I won't be having any, I'm saving all my calories for my delicious meal and a drink. Then I've said it out loud and can stick to it (usually). OR I will portion some of the appetizer onto my plate and eat that (not going back to the main plate), and then take home some of my meal if I want to cut down on total calories). Just say it factually and then follow through.

upoffthemat

aim_3 wrote: »

Just don't eat the appetizers. If you are feeling like you need something, get a small side salad for yourself and let the others at the table enjoy the fried stuff. Alternatively, you could eat from the appetizers and skip having a main meal of your own.

Additional things that could help:
1. Place the foods to be shared as far from you as possible.
2. Fill up on water.
3. When everyone else is done eating the shared food, ask the waiter to take it away so you aren't tempted to pick at it just because it's there.
4. Take one piece and make it last as long as you can.
5. Stick to the garnishes. Eat the celery that comes with wings or the lettuce under the chicken wraps, or whatever.

I like this answer a lot. It doesn't make you the center of attention, you just quietly do less.This is what I do in situations like this except for number 3

happymom221

I do a couple things
I drink one beer really slow
I order "tapas" , small plates or an appetizer especially things like ahi tuna or fish tacos. Those are small size splurges and I don't make
Them at home
If dessert is being ordered, I will decaf. I try to keep my hands busy and stay inconspicuous

dragon_girl26

stealthq wrote: »

All the comments about not eating other people's food make no sense to me. Appetizers are meant to be shared, they're usually ordered for the table.

That said, you have a couple of options.
1) make sure a lower cal appetizer is ordered and eat mostly, or entirely that
2) don't eat any appetizers. It doesn't make you rude, especially if you tell your friends up front not to order extra for you
3) control yourself with the appetizers that are ordered
4) bank calories during the week for these meals

I've done all of the above depending on the occasion.

^^This, particularly 1 and 4.

I think a lot of it is subconscious. If everyone around me is sitting and eating, and I am not, I feel like the odd one out. Sometimes people eat because it's something to do, rather than just sitting when they aren't talking (ie, eating out of boredom). If you have a lower calorie option that you order, sitting right in front of you, it's easier to reach for that.
Barring that, you could grab one of those little individual plates, grab just a few items and set that little plate in front of you rather than just mindlessly reaching for the full plates each time. Tell yourself to eat slowly, because once your little plate is empty, you're finished with appetizers.
You could also eat lighter throughout the day to save the extra calories for that evening's meal.