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Give me your best joke :)

allie644
allie644 Posts: 164 Member
edited December 19 in Fun and Games
I have to do a speech thing for my class in front of a group of other students. Does anyone have a no fail joke that I can throw in? We're supposed to throw in a joke and I think that all the ones I know are lame or sweary. :)
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Replies

  • VikMcAnik
    VikMcAnik Posts: 17,222 Member
    @DWBalboa is your man in that case... He's got the one liners
  • ClubSilencio
    ClubSilencio Posts: 2,983 Member
    Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?

    A: He ate pizza before it was cool.


    Welcome to popularity, girlfriend. You're welcome.
  • allie644
    allie644 Posts: 164 Member
    Heh. Thank you!
  • mbryon
    mbryon Posts: 130 Member
    A Logician and a rhinoceros walk into bar. The bar left.

    (~possibly too absurd and heady for small minds. But a good professor would love it!)
  • fjellrev
    fjellrev Posts: 5,078 Member
    What's the difference between a duck?

    One leg is both the same.
  • sniper300_Rum
    sniper300_Rum Posts: 1,073 Member
    Q-Know why people dont eat wookies
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  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Why are ghosts such bad liars?

    Because you can see right through them.
  • Mean_Spice
    Mean_Spice Posts: 279 Member
    A grasshopper sits down at a bar.
    The bartender says, “We have a drink named after you!”
    The grasshopper replies, “Who names a drink ‘Steve?’”

    I went into a store to buy some books about turtles.
    “Hardbacks?” asked the shopkeeper.
    “Yes,” I replied. “And they have little heads, too.”

  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

    He was dead
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  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    I went to donate blood today...but they kept asking too many questions like:
    "Who's blood is this?" & "Where did you get it?"
  • Reckoner67
    Reckoner67 Posts: 3,344 Member
    Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    Because he was dead?
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  • steve_bb
    steve_bb Posts: 675 Member
    Crocodile walks into a bar.
    Bartender.. “why the long face?”
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  • Tigg_er
    Tigg_er Posts: 22,001 Member
    ^^ :D:D:D
  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    What time did the man go to the dentist?

    Tooth hurt-y.
  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

    Because they taste funny.
  • Reckoner67
    Reckoner67 Posts: 3,344 Member
    Because he didn't have the guts
  • Mean_Spice
    Mean_Spice Posts: 279 Member
    Have you heard about Murphy’s Law?
    Yes. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

    How about Cole’s Law?
    No.
    It’s julienned cabbage in a creamy dressing.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    gvz8orzqm2bg.jpg
  • Kevin_Hassenpflug
    Kevin_Hassenpflug Posts: 70 Member
    A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So each one goes into the woods, finds 
a bear, and attempts to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion.”

    “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy Word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

    They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the 
circumcision.”
  • Bill9160
    Bill9160 Posts: 8,600 Member
    Wife: I think the vacuum is broken, it won't suck anymore.

    Husband: Maybe it got married when we were out.
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