Issues with family meal-time

chunky_pinup

If she's cooking from a recipe, can't you just log the recipe? You're saying recipe, so I'm assuming she's not just throwing mindless amounts of stuff into a pan...

brb_2013

I had to move back home to be able to quit a terrible job and leave behind a mentally unstable roommate, and I was 24. It sucks to have to live at home as an adult for whatever reason.

But either deal with it or make your own dinner. I never ate dinner with my family living at home for the second time. I always did my own thing by prepping on weekends for the week. I suggest you do the same! It's not so difficult.

MorganMoreaux

MsChucktowski wrote: »

Hi everyone! I'm 20 and live at home with my parents. This past week, my mum decided that we would make 'fancy' meals (ie, trying out recipes rather than just having veg, protein, carb every night). These have been great, but I am struggling to log these meals calorie-wise. I explained this to her last night, and she took it badly, saying that I don't like anything she cooks and scoffing when I said I want to lose more weight. Weight is a touchy issue with her, she is quite overweight, and I think seeing me lose weight so 'easily' upsets her.

Veg, protein, carb meals used to be really easy for us, because I'd take care of my own protein (vegetarian) and weigh everything. But now, my brother is a vegetarian, and he gets bored with those 'simple' meals, hence the 'fancy' dishes.

I want to just make my own meals most nights, but my mum takes that as a personal attack on her and her cooking.

Anyone have any advice?

Get the recipes from her and enter the recipes into the recipe builder in MFP. You can then select your portion and log it. Logging your own recipes is probably more accurate them selecting items from the database, and long as you record it correctly.

RobD520

tlflag1620 wrote: »

So your mom largely accommodated your vegetarian meals, now your brother (you didn't say how old he is) wants "fancy" vegetarian meals and your mom is accommodating that, and now you also want low calorie "fancy" vegetarian meals...

Your poor mom.

I thought my kids were picky. I'll tell you what I tell my nine year old - if you can't find something you are willing to eat from the meal I serve, go fix yourself a bowl of cereal or something. Yeesh.

Read her original post and decide whether your condemnation is fair. She would be happy to prepare her own food.

I think people project a great deal on these kind of posts.

BeYouTiful94

tlflag1620 wrote: »

I'll tell you what I tell my nine year old - if you can't find something you are willing to eat from the meal I serve, go fix yourself a bowl of cereal or something. Yeesh.

OP definitely said, and I quote, "I want to just make my own meals most nights, but my mum takes that as a personal attack on her and her cooking". So she wouldn't mind going to fix herself "a bowl of cereal or something" that suits her and her lifestyle, but her mom gets upset about that as well.

Anyway, OP, why not just sit her down and have an adult-to-adult conversation about it?

My mom has been wanting to lose weight, and I think seeing me be successful in it while she's not frustrates her as well. Oddly enough, all my family eats is fast food. When I go home for the major breaks, I don't eat the multiple fast food meals they bring home and instead opt to make myself something to eat. Of course, then "I think I'm too good for fast food", or "I'm trying to say that they are unhealthy". My dad and bro don't care, but my mom does. I simply told her, like the 21 year old adult that I am, that I'm thankful that the family includes me when purchasing meals whenever I am home, but that I am used to eating a certain way at my apartment and I would prefer to keep it like that. Watching what I eat is something that is important to me and I would appreciate it if she would support me, or at least not get upset about it.

Try that. Maybe she takes it the wrong way because she honestly feels you don't like her cooking, or feels you are being ungrateful. Maybe if you explain it to her, in a calm conversational matter, she'll understand from your POV and not take it as an attack. I know you said you already tried to explain, but let her know that you actually do love her cooking (and really lave it up), and that you are super grateful, but that this is something that is really important to you personally, and ask her to actually converse with you in a constructive manner. My mom is scoff queen. And I simply ask her what's on her mind, and talk until understandings are had and a good resolution is met

Edit: of course, if that was already tossed into your initial convo and she took that bad, then my next suggestion is to tell her you love her cooking so much that you would like to help. Then, not only is it something you can do together and something she'll feel happy about, but you can also toss some ingredient weighing in there on the sly and be able to put the exact whatnot into MFP

smiles4jo

Do you think that involving your mom in building recipes on the app, etc might help her to see that losing weight isn't 'easy' for you either, just takes a lot of work?

bevhillsilly

I think she would be thrilled ( secretly or not) if you cooked a meal for the family once or twice a week.

icemom011

bevhillsilly wrote: »

I think she would be thrilled ( secretly or not) if you cooked a meal for the family once or twice a week.

Second that. As a mom of a daughter who likes to experiment with different degrees of vegan diet, aka asking to cook with water, instead of oil, because she decided to try oil free diet (!!!!!), i would appreciate every effort on her part to get involved and cook either for herself or the family, even if it's vegan. We eat a lot of vegan dishes, and all meats or non vegan sauces prepared and served separately so she can partake and we don't have to make so many different meals every time. But i can tell you, if i cooked vegan with water for her, and subsequently for us, and she comes home and tells me that she isn't going to eat, for whatever reason, not hungry, got herself some takeout, eat with friends, whatever, i will be upset and offended too. I took my time to accommodate her, and she didn't bother to tell me her plans? Doesn't seem fair to me, and on top of it we are stuck eating oilless dinner by ourselves? Not very cool, imo. I'm sure your mom is trying her best, talk to her, communication is the key.

MsChucktowski

Update: My mum and I have been working together to make the recipes she has been using a bit healthier (more veg, less cheese, etc).

To everyone who suggested that I move out, that's not really possible at the moment. Here in Australia, 20 is a perfectly reasonable age to still be living at home. I work part time, I study full time, I can't afford to move out right now. While I would like to (to experience living alone, to be closer to uni, independence), it just isn't an option, and I don't appreciate being told (quite rudely too) to do this, especially when it is not relevant to my original post.

Thank you everyone who gave some ideas of how to deal with this. I realise that ultimately, I am responsible for what I eat, and I am working on having smaller dinners and guesstimating as accurately as possible. I know that my mum just wants the best for me, so I'm working harder to show her that I do actually appreciate the effort she goes to to cook good food for the family.

icemom011

So happy to hear that! Yeah!!!

MarziPanda95

MsChucktowski wrote: »

Update: My mum and I have been working together to make the recipes she has been using a bit healthier (more veg, less cheese, etc).

To everyone who suggested that I move out, that's not really possible at the moment. Here in Australia, 20 is a perfectly reasonable age to still be living at home. I work part time, I study full time, I can't afford to move out right now. While I would like to (to experience living alone, to be closer to uni, independence), it just isn't an option, and I don't appreciate being told (quite rudely too) to do this, especially when it is not relevant to my original post.

Thank you everyone who gave some ideas of how to deal with this. I realise that ultimately, I am responsible for what I eat, and I am working on having smaller dinners and guesstimating as accurately as possible. I know that my mum just wants the best for me, so I'm working harder to show her that I do actually appreciate the effort she goes to to cook good food for the family.

It annoyed me when they said those things, too. Like what's been said, it's generational. A lot of people of our generation (and in certain countries) really can't afford to be moving out yet because house prices and rent prices have sky-rocketed. I'm at uni during term time and I do rent a place in that city (with my student loan (UK)) and live at home during summer break. My sister is 22 and lives at home because she can't afford to move out - she does pay our dad rent though. She has a full time job, and still can't afford to move out because it's minimum wage. She can't find a better job because our area has none - it's all fields and retired people. Luckily we don't have your problems, OP, because our dad has left all our meals up to us since I was 15! Happy to hear that you're working towards a solution with your mum