Diagnosed with an eating disorder, now what?

hrod215

I have just been diagnosed with an eating disorder. Now before images of purging and bones sticking out of the skin fill your head realize that eating disorders come in many forms. I have been diagnosed with binge eating disorder and I can't believe how stupid I have been to not realize I've had a problem all these years. Growing up I've always known that my relationship with food has always been complicated. I was a chubby kid and remember sneaking into the kitchen to get my hands on whatever treats my mom had brought home from the grocery store. The problem was that I'd already had 1 of those treats. It just wasn't enough, nothing has ever been enough. I remember my mom yelling at me and shaming me for always sneaking into the kitchen. I hated myself and what I was doing. Fast forward to my adult life and now I'm living on my own and thinking YES, I can finally eat what I want when I want! Why didn't I realize still I had a problem?! Moving out on your own meant freedom but for me it was a different kind of freedom. You can all guess I gained plenty of weight. And along with gaining all that weight was losing any self esteem I had left. My out of control behavior was affecting my life and causing me to make very poor decisions and not just food choices. One day I just got sick and tired and started going to the gym and really stuck with it. It helped give me some structure and for the most part I stuck to a semi-restrictive diet. But at least once a week I'd just lose it and for no reason other than that the food was available I'd inhale whatever I could get my hands on. The whole time I'm shoveling food down my throat I'm asking myself wtf is wrong with you, why are you doing this? Complete and utter disgust that I was sabotaging all my hard work and for what reason, I had no idea. I somehow managed to keep my weight steady and not gain but I can tell you I was working extra hard at the gym to make up for my foolishness. Now, 33 years old, tack on a very traumatic experience and 20 lbs worth of out of control binge eating over 6 months I again made the decision to get back on track and lose weight. I was able to keep it together for 6 weeks and lost 14 lbs. Then it struck, a wild binge eating episode. I wasn't hungry I just knew the food was there. It was all I could think about, the food. The push and pull of why I shouldn't eat it but how good it would taste. How I'm trying to reach a goal but how 1 bite wouldnt kill me. How Im not even hungry but it would eventually go to waste. I circled around to the kitchen and it was over. Will power eliminated, self esteem obliterated, soul crushed. Just... Why? Then I saw an article about binge eating in my MFP feed and dammit, it clicked. Every behavior characteristic was describing ME. Every second I spent wondering why I ate faster than everyone else, or why I needed to continue eating when everyone else would push their plates away while there was still food on it. Every moment I spent fighting an internal battle about what I would or wouldn't eat. Every single time I'd go into an eating frenzy the second my husband would walk out the door. The shame, the guilt and the disgust... It just made sense. My mind has been my enemy all along. I finally understood and now I can truly work on taking care of myself because it's not just about my body and how I look but about my mental health and how I feel. This type of eating disorder is real and should be recognized just like anorexia and bulimia. But some people think it's normal and part of the process of learning to lose weight. If you don't treat your mind you will never be able to treat your body. I hope this helps someone take the first step towards healing and know they are not alone. My road to being healthy is just a little longer than most but I guess in the long run that's okay.

samanthassperry

I know exactly how you feel.

jgnatca

1. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself, even after a binge episode.
2. Get referred to a counselor with experience.
3. Find a BED support group.
4. Get yourself a BED sponsor you can call when seriously tempted.
5. Always have a bowl of attractive fresh fruit available (this tip from a foster mom who raised several children who came to her with hoarding/eating disorders).
6. Read Habit by Duhigg, and do some personal analysis what your triggers are.
7. Redirect your addictive tendencies on to something other than food.
8. Try a mindful eating exercise with a raisin.

hrod215

samanthassperry wrote: »

I know exactly how you feel.

How are you dealing with these feelings when your heart is into wanting to get healthy? Also, thank you for the add. I promise to be as truthful as possible with my food diary even when binges hit.

hrod215

jgnatca wrote: »

1. Forgive yourself and be kind to yourself, even after a binge episode.
2. Get referred to a counselor with experience.
3. Find a BED support group.
4. Get yourself a BED sponsor you can call when seriously tempted.
5. Always have a bowl of attractive fresh fruit available (this tip from a foster mom who raised several children who came to her with hoarding/eating disorders).
6. Read Habit by Duhigg, and do some personal analysis what your triggers are.
7. Redirect your addictive tendencies on to something other than food.
8. Try a mindful eating exercise with a raisin.

How do I do #8? Seems interesting...

Unknown

This content has been removed.

hrod215

Noel_57 wrote: »

I find it disturbing that you were diagnosed with an eating disorder, and then sent out the door with no help or recommendations from your Dr. I hope you can get some good help, searching the internet for b.e.d. or bulimia support would be a good start. There are support groups here also.

I've been diagnosed but now working the corporate intricacies of private insurance to see how I can take care of myself without drowning in medical bills from the counselors and nutritionists. It just sucks. I hate that my goals seem a bit out of reach now but at least knowing what the cause is means I can focus on figuring out how to get better.

Mersie1

I have had every type of ED. Am doing much better than before but feel I need more support- specifically w bingeing. Just reached out to the eating recovery center (in Denver). The national eating disorder assoc has a chat line and they can help give you lots of resources. Add me if you like! Hugs to you!

hrod215

Mersie1 wrote: »

I have had every type of ED. Am doing much better than before but feel I need more support- specifically w bingeing. Just reached out to the eating recovery center (in Denver). The national eating disorder assoc has a chat line and they can help give you lots of resources. Add me if you like! Hugs to you!

Definitely need support! I appreciate the sentiments. I will add you now! I hope we can overcome this and be the super Rockstars we all know live within. I'm just trying to stick with the one day at a time and one meal at a time mantra. I find that just getting out of my house for a little while really quiets those little food demons. Maybe it's the sunshine???

ReadyWillingEager

Mm
I am bulimic but I totally relate to every word of this.
I've been to treatment centers twice, and I'm still bulimic, but I am a lot beter and stronger than before.

hrod215

ReadyWillingEager wrote: »

Mm
I am bulimic but I totally relate to every word of this.
I've been to treatment centers twice, and I'm still bulimic, but I am a lot beter and stronger than before.

That's all we can do, make today just a little bit better than yesterday. I'm trying to kick the all or nothing mentality. Trying to be kinder to myself but it's definitely a habit that we easily go back to because it's something we think we can control. I'm way too hard on myself and just saying that is a small step towards a better tomorrow. Hugs friend!