Depressed mommy :(

NonfatLattexo

Time to confront the ugly truth. I'm not even sure how much weight I've put on because there is no scale in our new house. However, swimsuit season tells me it's a lot. Have not worn a bikini once this season, except to take this photo, which really horrifies me.

http://img200.imageshack.us/img200/1/q448.jpg

I lost my job almost 2 months ago and have been at home with my 4 yr old son. He has Down Syndrome and is absolutely precious, however I can never feel like I am doing a good enough job with him. Something about teachers telling me how great he is doing during the school year really helps me emotionally. Staying home and being unhealthy has driven me down a nasty spiral of anxiety and depression, which is really visible to the people around me based on my mood and appearance. I'm so tired of it and want to do better.

Would love to hear any tips on how to start digging out of this hole...

katekross

Put him in a buggy and go for a walk! Exercise will boost those endorphins and you will feel awesome! Plus some super awesome my fitness pals will help you along the way

laurenshapow

You are still very beautiful and I've seen much heavier mommies.
I think you just need to not weigh yourself and measure yourself instead, my friend told me that you will think you aren't doing anything right when you really are.
I've had problems with weight my whole life. I honestly believe that if you eat right (not a lot of carbs and lots of protein) and walk a lot you will have that weight off in no time.

hollyc_612

I'm sorry to hear your feeling down. I didn't have a job for a year and its being at home and feeling down that led to my weight gain. By tracking my food it has made me feel more in control and a bit better. Unfortunately my relationship has just ended so I know what it's like to be a depressed mummy. But we have our children to keep us going and to motivate us. I'm waiting on my ex coming to move his stuff out tomorrow. . . Hoping the 1 benefit will be a bit of weight loss on the heart break diet. Try and take things day by day and keep track of everything and exercise helps to make you feel better and gives you more energy. If like me you can't get to the gym buy workout dvds or invest in a cross trainer etc. Good luck and feel free to add me.

oddyogi

You really need to go talk to a professional about the depression you're experiencing.

Otherwise, some small things you can do are taking a walk in the sunshine daily. The walking and vitamin D will help you feel better. Also try picking up a new hobby, and make sure you get in a lot of fruit and veggies throughout the day.

I would also recommend yoga. It is great for fitness as well as anxiety, depression, relaxation, and so many other ailments.

And p.s. girl, you still have a great shape to you!

daylilies

You are cute! And I understand the depressed mommy thing. My son doesn't have special needs but even so, it's very stressful. Like your son, he is doing great in school and that gives me hope. Imagine how much harder it would be if he were struggling in school! You can add me if you want. I also struggle with depression.

122ish

Well u won't feel better if u don't do something about. I know first hand that sitting around dwelling on it will just make it harder. If you don't like smoothing change it!!! So since u are home u have the ability to cook healthy meals and a healthy diet goes a long way with mental health, next exercise. U can watch u tube and do workout vids my son likes to participate some times or go for long walks with your beautiful baby. Learn to catch your excuses and shoot them down, you can do this I am willing to bet many of us felt like u did, down and un motivated but eventually the motivation was found and even if it wasn't we kept on going. You can so do this I suffered with depression for 14 years and have finally found a way to keep it at bay (still feel it but its tolerable) and if what it takes is eating healthy, working out and vitamins then I'm in. You can do it!

Make plenty of supportive friends here, their chatter with u will go along way!

Oh I couldn't see the picture

glovepuppet

i think you look seriously cute in your bikini! i know it means nothing, because it's how YOU feel that matters, but your body is what a lot of women here are aiming for. sure, you can improve on it but don't for one minute think that makes you unattractive.

if it helps, that feeling like you're not quite good enough for what your kids deserve? never goes away! and it's usually the sign of a great parent, that you always strive to do a better job for their sakes.

jlynneh91

You've taken the first step - you have told yourself that you want to make a positive change for yourself and for your son. That's great.

I don't have a child with special needs myself, so I don't know your specific challenges, but having worked with children as a teacher for many years I'm sure you are like many parents I work with -- bending over backwards to do anything and everything to make sure their child has the best care, education, experiences, etc. If your son's teachers are giving you positive feedback then you are, in fact, doing a wonderful job with him. It's hard being a parent because there are never enough "thank-you's" and "good job's" to fill you up emotionally when things get hard. You have to find support from others.

Make some small goals, with food & with exercise. And don't get down on yourself if you aren't 100% with meeting them all the time every day. Feel free to add me as a MFP friend - I've only been here 2 weeks but I have never had so much support from people I don't know! It's the emotional support I didn't have before.

NonfatLattexo

Thanks all, it really helps to bring it out in the open and talk about it.

Buffcupcake - ya, I've been seeing help long term. One of my goals is to reduce the anxiety and depression meds I'm on. I can only do that when I'm exercising regularly

Gwen_B

You don't really have a lot of weight to work with!! Your job a a mom is harder than the average mom and it looks like you doing a great job!! So now you just have to concentrate a little more on yourself and you caught yourself before it got too bad!! As well as eating right and keeping only healthy food in the house, you need to set aside a time everyday to workout!! I find that time as my escape from my problems or whatever is going on at the time. I just turn up my mp3 and give the exercise my all!! Cheer up, you don't have too much to loose!!

OspreyVista

One thing that will help your depression is exercise. I know. I'm depressed quite a bit. ESPECIALLY when I don't get my exercise in. I love the feel afterwards of getting a work-out in, and it helps improve my mood for the rest of the day. I havn't had a job for over a year now as I quit Walmart in April 2012. I'm looking for a job now, but am being picky about it. I also live an hour away from town and most of my interaction is with my Fiance, and I've come to realize that I NEED interaction with other people.

I wish you luck on your journey, you can do this! If you want someone to talk to or just want help with motivation you can add me

NonfatLattexo

i think you look seriously cute in your bikini! i know it means nothing, because it's how YOU feel that matters, but your body is what a lot of women here are aiming for. sure, you can improve on it but don't for one minute think that makes you unattractive.

if it helps, that feeling like you're not quite good enough for what your kids deserve? never goes away! and it's usually the sign of a great parent, that you always strive to do a better job for their sakes.

Thanks, that last part brought tears to my eyes.

Karenvonw

First let me say I think you look awesome in your bikini!!! Second the only advice I can really offer you is to get out and get moving.If you eat well and exercise well your body will find where it is happy at and your mood will naturally improve. I agree with putting kiddo in a stroller and heading out for a nice walk. I too stay at home with my children and I know it's different when they aren't in school. Hearing the teachers report about their progress makes you feel like it is all worth while. Just remember that summer break is just that, a break. As long as your son is happy and enjoying spending his break with his Momma then you are doing a fantastic job!! I didn't become a stay at home mom by choice either and it has taken me over a year to feel like I am contributing more to the family now that I am staying at home than I did when I was working. It's a difficult adjustment to make. Feel free to friend me for some extra support!!

OspreyVista

And p.s. girl, you still have a great shape to you!

^correct.

Lleldiranne

It sounds like you're overwhelmed. My son has just been diagnosed with a chromosome abnormality that causes a lot developmental challenges, so I sort of know how you're feeling (It's not Down Syndrome, it's called 18p deletion, and has some similar characteristics, but not all, of course). I have been blaming myself for his major delays a lot (at almost 2 he doesn't talk and is still really wobbly when he walks). I'm telling you this just so you know you're not alone.

May I suggest you find a support group of some sort - not necessarily anything official, but other parents who have children with disabilities. You're in a new situation as a stay at home mom, and you're dealing with new challenges, and you need people who can tell you it's normal and okay. (BTW it's normal for kids to perform very differently at school than at home, so don't blame yourself or think you're not doing enough).

It sounds like, once you're feeling better about your role as mommy, and feeling less depressed, the weight issues won't be so much of an issue. So please do try to get help (if not a group, maybe a bit of counseling can help - as your doctor for a referral). In the mean time, I agree with katekross that exercise will help you. Take your son on walks and point out what you see (flowers, ducks, whatever), go play at the park, even throw a ball with him - you are doing things that are good for him and good for you, too. Win-win (EDIT - I was typing as you responded to others, I see you are seeing someone. I hope it does help! Give it time )


I'm no expert, but as another mommy dealing with a child with special needs, feel free to mssg me or add me if you want. :flowerforyou:

epie2098

With the weight and self-image... one day at a time. Establish a plan, and get on a routine. My personal routine is a smoothie for breakfast and a salad with a grain/carb and a protein now that it's summer and I'm not working. Find an exercise you can do that you like and stick with it. Exercise is awesome for improving mood and mind-body connection.

For your son... I am a special education teacher and mother of a 12-year old son with autism. My advice to you is to guide every decision you make for him to maximize his quality of life on his terms. This is what guides me with my kids, either shared or my own. Parenting is hard even with typically developing kids. There's a constant fear that what we do will screw them up in some way. See if there are support groups for families or parents in your community.

Friend me, and PM me any time you need to. Hugs.

coco3382458

You have already taken the right step by joining MFP so look at it as you have just started your journey and are moving toward the right direction. I really do not think you look bad at all but I also know it does not matter what anyone else thinks except you. So just start logging your food and do some exercise videos while at home. I am very sorry to hear about your job but maybe flip it around and look at it on the positive because now you get to stay home with your son. And just so you know I think all of us parents feel like we do not do good enough at times for our children. I had a day like that just yesterday with my 2 year old. Just remind yourself that you are beautiful and doing your son a great service by just being there for him!! Congrats on your decision to start turning things around!! You can add me as a friend if you want to have someone else to go through this journey with you :flowerforyou:

madmaxcody

Please don't let depression stop you I know it hard for you now but you are a nice looking lady. I'm sure your son is the light of your life and he brightens your days. Just know there are people out there willing to listen to you and you reaching out was the first step. I don't have any children of my own but I'm willing to listen and be a big tender shoulder to rest on from time to time I know things will get brighter and better for you. Please add me to your friends list and I do my very best to respond as quickly as I can.

CarlaNeverGivenUp

Glad you are here! Such great advice from everyone. I wrote something on my profile today that might really encourage you. Something someone shared with me. Id copy and paste but cant get to computer. Feel free to friend me. I struggled with depression in the past. It can be overcome.

I'm a mom too!

Here to encourage you!

JDY36

Depression hurts A LOT! Glad to hear that you are seeking help. As far as reducing the meds you are on, consider that maybe they are helping keep you afloat during this very challenging time. I take some meds for depression, and tried messing with them, discontinuing one of the little pills, but felt like crap! Having to take medication for diabetes is not that much different than dealing with depression. Just keep it under control, no matter how you do it!

sassymanatee

I'm sorry to hear about the struggle you're going through. I was fired from my dream job and I gained so much weight from depression. I found the best way to get out of the funk is to create a routine and not let yourself sit with your thoughts too much. If you haven't gotten a job yet dedicate a few hours a day (maybe during school hours when you're not distracted) applying to jobs. Once that is done, do some things that make you happy or tidy up (cleaning burns calories too ). A suggestion someone mentioned earlier about taking walks with your son was a perfect idea. My mom did this with me when I was your son's age and it was some great memories and put me into a lifelong habit.

MamaCatO

Get out and take your son for walks! The fresh air, sunshine and exercise will make you feel worlds better. I know how depressed being stuck in the house all day can make a person. I've been there. Now I get outside at least twice a day. I started a garden and I walk when it's not too horribly hot. I live in Phoenix, so getting out and walking can be miserable, especially when it's 119 like it was last week. You'll likely find that the more active you are, the less depressed you will be. Do you have a park somewhere near you that has a pond or something? That would be a perfect place to put your son in a stroller and take a nice long walk. Good luck!

"Food is the most widely abused anti-anxiety drug in America, and exercise is the most potent and underutilized antidepressant."

Yarrowdays

I can't begin to understand what life is like being a mother, so I'm going to skip over giving you any emotional advice and leave that to the more experienced And as others have said on here, it's not important what I think of your shape in a bikini, but what YOU think that matters.
So, since you do want to lose some weight, I'll just share with you some things that I got into, that has helped me go from 136 pounds, down to 114 pounds in the past year and a half or so.
I watched a film on nutrition called Forks Over Knives, and another called Planeat. Both of those films showed me how to live a lifestyle where the weight easily came off, without me having to do much more than do moderate exercise. Tons of people have had successful weight loss from what I'm doing, without having to change their exercise in the least. It's not a diet where you can't eat. You can actually eat as much as you want. And it works.
Try reading the books The Starch Solution by John McDougall, The McDougall Program for Maximum Weigh Loss and see if those help you There's also a book that goes with the movie Forks Over Knives, called, well, Forks Over Knives. It has 125 recipes in it that are pretty dang good.

LMT2012

You look adorable and your closet is SO tidy!!! You know, it's not selfish to take care of yourself. Take lots of walks and spend one full, uninterupted hour per day doing EXACTLY what you feel like (watch a show, take a bubble bath, do a workout, call a friend).
It will get better.

red0801

I can only empathize with how you feel. My oldest son (Gene) was born with Cerebal Palsy. Watching him throughout the day can make me feel guilty for how easy I have it. He works harder to get dressed than I do all day, and yet there are so many areas that I have fallen short of. It was when Gene was about 7 that I came to the realization that if I could accept Gene for who he is and tell him his best was good enough: why couldn't I accept myself & let my best be good enough. Don't forget to breathe, & give yourself credit for what your doing. Beating myself up doesn't help Gene learn how to accept himself. But if instead I focus on doing my best, and being an example of showing up even when it's hard. Gene & I can talk through the things that come up in his life that are hard, & we can get through them together.

You look great! But please remember to give yourself a break. Life with handicap children is not for the weak of heart. It can be an emotionally & physically draining life. But he didn't pick just anyone, he picked you!

NonfatLattexo

Really, thank you everyone for all of the support. It helps me so much to read each and every one of your messages. Made a healthy dinner for Joey and me tonight http://s1215.photobucket.com/user/AnnaNBee/media/image.jpg.html

Mario_Az

That which does not kill us makes us stronger. use what you are going through to motivate you to do better and also help others that will help you as well good luck and stay strong




“For me life is continuously being hungry. The meaning of life is not simply to exist, to survive, but to move ahead, to go up, to achieve, to conquer.” Arnold

amaysngrace

I know how you feel because my son has autism and I get depressed many times because of how strenuous and demanding caregiving duties take on my mind. I had ballooned all the way up to 238 pounds with no end! I was extremely sick and tired of people telling me that I have a pretty face but I am heavy, then looking at myself in pictures really made me analyze whether I wanted to continue being this way or become proactive in getting the weight off and leading a healthier life so that I can have the energy I need to handle a 6-year-old boy. So, my advice is to take the first step and try to commit to at least logging daily and then fit in some form of exercise and then continue to challenge yourself once you accomplish those goals. You will be surprise how fast time passes and how much progress you began to make! Even with something as minor as a 7 pound lost, you certainly can feel a difference and as you continue to log in on MFP, you will began to feel a change in your depression and demeanor for the better, and so will others!

Orfygirl

Oh my gosh, he is so stinking cute! Now that I have said that, I can see where you are coming from. Not only do I have a 14 year old son with an anxiety disorder and developmental delays (no not nearly as severe as downs syndrome, but still very difficult), I also am a special education ed tech. I know how a child can be one way at school and a totally different child at home and how difficult that can be. It can be so overwhelming and exhausting taking care of him all of the time. It is ok to ask for help and take some "me" time. If your son is anything like the children I work with, I'm sure he is a bottle full of energy and would love for you to take him out for walks and join you in some "mommy and me" activities to keep you both active and moving. Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like. You can send me a message anytime even if it is to vent about a tough day and I will try to get back to you as soon as possible.

TeachTheGirl

Looks like the little guy enjoyed his dinner!

Activities together would be beneficial for you both, but if there is someone who can help you with the 'burden' now and again, don't be afraid to ask for help. You are important too and you're better equipped to help your son if you have chance to relax.