managing expectations

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drcrusher
drcrusher Posts: 21 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I'm 5'9, sw 162, cw 156. Have been losing slowly but steadily the last 40 days, set mfp to 0.5 lb loss per week and came in under most days.

But as a former anorexic I'm noticing that as the weight comes off I start to feel that rush of euphoric control. The last few days I've put off eating for as long as I can in a day. When I'm stressed and angry with myself I don't eat because I want that 'pure' 'empty' feeling.

This is such classic ED thinking. The good thing is that when I was at a really low weight I could never have articulated the addiction. I can see it now. And I feel like I'm 'safe' from doing harm because I'm 'so heavy' so what's a little bit of disordered thinking to help me cope with stress?

Also in my mind I've adjusted my goal down and down, now I think I won't want to stop until I'm in the 120s. That's still not even underweight. I'm not really seeing a problem with this goal.

I know this is bad, and I'm not writing this because I need to be reasoned with -- it's more to acknowledge and articulate the struggle and see if anyone else has some perspective on managing expectations when you've been so extreme in the past.

Replies

  • RosieRose7673
    RosieRose7673 Posts: 438 Member
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    I understand the feeling. I was in treatment for anorexia about 9 years ago. Those thoughts have gone away for the most part now. It's also good you recognize that type of thinking isn't normal.

    However, it can spiral downhill really quick and you don't want to go to that place at all. You really need to get in touch with a therapist to help sort out your thoughts and get to the bottom of it. Even though you are a normal weight now, you know very well that could change and things could be worse than they ever have been.

    Go see a therapist asap.
  • capaul42
    capaul42 Posts: 1,390 Member
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    You should probably talk to an ED therapist or ED support group. They may have some coping mechanisms for you.

    All I can really offer is my hope that you figure out a way to cope. Good luck!
  • JenMc14
    JenMc14 Posts: 2,389 Member
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    You need to go to a group or see your therapist, and make sure you have the right coping techniques.

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