Any stuggle daily with husband or wife

heatherdoll40

OK here it goes.
I'm about 105 days into my second try here on mfp. I'm craving chips horribly. That's pretty much how I got here in the first place, I could eat two bags of potato chips and still be looking for food. I need a little help figuring out how to create a healthy diet while living with a person who doesn't support me at all. As an example I was going to make chicken tenders for dinner a suggestion he made he also mentioned chili dogs. I decided chicken and coleslaw was a good choice, no he wanted chili dogs. So he had chili dogs and I had chicken sausages and had to listen to how disgusting they are. Most people argue over money, 90% of our arguments are over food, it's a daily struggle. Most days beef is what is for dinner. I'm free to make my own choices for breakfast and lunch, Mon-Fri.
I'm tired of saying cook your own crap and leave me to eat what I want in peace. I'm tired of hearing "why does everyone say wow you've lost weight I'm pretty sure I could stick my finger in your bellybutton up to the second knuckle." I'm tired of having someone breathing down my neck if I try to get a walk in. I'm tired of explaining that I'm sick and weak and overweight that if I don't try to get healthy now I'll be sitting in a corner crying into my oxygen bottle. I tired guy's I'm so overwhelmed, but I keep chugging along. I have a goal 160. If I can pass it cool, but I can't stop ever I'm sure I'll be on mfp for life.

MelodyandBarbells

That sounds exhausting! Have you politely asked him to refrain from commenting on your health or fitness activities? That may be best since his comments tend to be discouraging

NoelleEnglish

He wants you to stay overweight because if you get in shape, he'll feel bad about himself and insecure and jealous. It is pretty typical. He does not sound helpful or caring? How invested are you in this relationship? It just doesn't sound good. I'm sorry.

camy4dfied

I'm sorry you have to deal with that perhaps voice how you feel to him or tell him that it needs to stop. Have you tried kale chips? Much healthier, tasty and easy to make.

hzl22

He sounds all consuming .. If it comes down to it choose yourself over anyone.. Anyone who really cares for you would not make you choose between yourself and them . Be strong and work on yourself .. If that is a problem for him .. Let it be his problem not yours.. You are doing this for you. don't let anyone stop you. For the chips try to find other healthier alternatives to munch on .. Like cucumbers or nuts or sunflower seeds (I know not the same thing but at least there's a crunch) also I don't know if you like pork rinds but those have about half the calories and zero carbs .. Just have to try out different things see what works for you . You can do it!!

kuranda10

Probably not a popular opinion, but you need to take care of you.
Would you accept this behaviour/attitude from a child? No. So why even entertain accepting it from a fully functioning adult. Don't even tell him to cook his own meals. If you know he's going to argue about it (and it's an otherwise perfectly acceptable meal) , cook enough for one. He'll figure out he's on his own for the night when there isn't anything left in the pot for him to eat. If he comments on what you eat, eat somewhere else.

AnneMelody

JaneiR36 wrote: »

That sounds exhausting! Have you politely asked him to refrain from commenting on your health or fitness activities? That may be best since his comments tend to be discouraging

It sounds like being polite will not work with this one! Sadly he sounds like a non caring bully, I am so sorry, but you do have to be strong here, and put your own health and well being first, he really wants to belittle your effort, it's time to invest in you!!!!

cabstar69

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship???

floridagirl7264

heatherdoll40 wrote: »

I'm tired of saying cook your own crap and leave me to eat what I want in peace. I'm tired of hearing "why does everyone say wow you've lost weight I'm pretty sure I could stick my finger in your bellybutton up to the second knuckle." I'm tired of having someone breathing down my neck if I try to get a walk in. I'm tired of explaining that I'm sick and weak and overweight that if I don't try to get healthy now I'll be sitting in a corner crying into my oxygen bottle.

If you're tired of it, when are you going to wake up? No man is worth risking your health over. Put yourself first.

jen_bush

Although my boyfriend is mostly supportive, he also doesn't want to eat what I eat, so I have started cooking 2 meals for each meal. One for him and one for me, and made him realise if he comments on my food he can go and cook his own tomorrow.

As for the abusive comments, you should really let him know it's not okay. Relationships should be about supporting each other and not bringing each other down...

Heartlight441

I'm so sorry you aren't being supported by your husband. That hurts, I'm sure.
Glad you are <here> where you can find alternate sources to cheer you on your path to health!
Try and keep focus on YOU and feel good about what you're doing. I think getting healthier and stronger will help you feel more empowered overall. Just remember to take it one day at a time.

DarthSamson

someday very soon when you're calm and its quite, decide what your life goals are and write them down
now decide decide what your fitness health goals are and write them down.
then make up a 2 week plan how you can do them with or without his support
and do it like you life depends on it
2 weeks from now tell him
Honey here are my fitness goals I have been doing them without you and now I want you to help me with them
See how he reacts
respond accordingly...

heatherdoll40

floridagirl7264 wrote: »

heatherdoll40 wrote: »

I'm tired of saying cook your own crap and leave me to eat what I want in peace. I'm tired of hearing "why does everyone say wow you've lost weight I'm pretty sure I could stick my finger in your bellybutton up to the second knuckle." I'm tired of having someone breathing down my neck if I try to get a walk in. I'm tired of explaining that I'm sick and weak and overweight that if I don't try to get healthy now I'll be sitting in a corner crying into my oxygen bottle.

If you're tired of it, when are you going to wake up? No man is worth risking your health over. Put yourself first.

First and foremost as a Woman being first in your own life is a rarity. It is the stuff of girly dreams. I have a life and that encompasses all the obligations I have put into it. Husband children pets home hell even the plants in the yard. And job.
Life didn't start this way, I think he's afraid and hasn't got the coping skills to manage. Does it hurt, yeah sure does. Does it wear on my already frazzled nerves, you bet. And if I were to win the lottery I'd be gone in a heartbeat, but I'd make sure he was taken care of. Because despite it all still I love him(don't like him a bit at the moment), I suppose that can't be helped after 30+ years and three great kids.
And sure I could run away from my responsibilities just abandon my pets like so many do, but I would be immediately terminated from the only job I've ever had that I love, and rightly so since I spend my days trying to find homes and caring for displaced pets.
I'm sure you understand. There are worse situations to be in.

lithezebra

Verbal abuse is real abuse. This guy denigrates what you accomplish, shows indifference to your health needs, and uses meals as an opportunity to bicker.

TavistockToad

How over weight is your boyfriend?

DarthSamson

yes 100% correct you kids may come first church 2nd job 3rd husband 4th house 5th pets 6th you 7th
I just want you to move up a spot or two probably to two would be great 3-4 ok

jackie_van_d

I agree for the most part with the other posters. Take care of you, a hard lesson I've had to learn

You don't need his "support".

We are all here for you we ALL struggle and we ALL have bad days

brigg9

I've been told many times in the past that "you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first." It took years of hard knocks until it finally sunk in, but it's very, very true. Take care of yourself first, it's important. Then you can take care of others more efficiently, effectively and passionately. Good luck to you.

jackie_van_d

brigg9 wrote: »

I've been told many times in the past that "you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first." It took years of hard knocks until it finally sunk in, but it's very, very true. Take care of yourself first, it's important. Then you can take care of others more efficiently, effectively and passionately. Good luck to you.

I fully agree,

2011rocket3touring

Your in a toxic relationship.
To some degree I can relate. This is my 2nd time trying to drop off some weight. The first time almost ended my marriage. When I weighed less than she did, she did not handle that well. Was jealous with steroids...
...now back to you, at the rate your going something IS going to give, it has to. You cannot sustain your relationship "as is" indefinitely.
His position as a rectal cavity is easy to hold, so he's not likely to give ground.
Your choice to do something positive for yourself is a much more precarious position, and your far more likely to buckle.
If it's any comfort (and it's probably not) I may be in similar shoes in a few months.
I'm so sorry.

mom23mangos

He's insecure. You are changing after 30 years of marriage and he is not dealing with it well. Continue with cooking what you want to eat and let him cook his own meals. If he negatively comments, get up and leave the room.

As for your chip craving, I love Quest Protein chips. Some flavors are not so hot, but I like the Sour Cream and Onion and the Salt & Vinegar.

heatherdoll40

Thank you all. I'm carefully considering my options. I'm not giving up on me, oh no not this time. I'm excited that my eldest daughter is available for me to talk to about some issues, but you guys rock!
Sometimes we just need someone to let us know we are worthy.

ElJefeChief

He does sound toxic. I would question the value of staying with someone with his kinds of behaviors.

In the meantime, if it's too provocative for him to see you preparing things like chicken sausages or "healthier" foods, why not just cook the beef and hot-doggy kinds of things, and then eat less of it - just, no matter what you eat, make sure you end up in a calorie deficit? I tend to think it's less about what you eat and more about how much you eat anyways.

You can supplement with other varieties of foods, "healthier" foods, if you like, on the side. Might result in less arguments and you still reaching your goals. Then again, he might just pick fights with you over other things.

jennifer_417

I'm going to guess that your hubby's problem really isn't with food, it's that he's uncomfortable with you changing the status quo, and he has no idea how to express this. I know you probably don't want to, but it may be helpful for him for you to explain that the change has nothing to do with him or how you feel about him, that you love him and only want to change so that you can both have a better life.