Starting over..

MartialAngel

My name is Traci. I'm almost 26 (in a week) and I have two beautiful children, a 4 year old girl (Gabriel), and a 7 month old son (Dougie). I am happily married to their father, and have been for 5 years, this June. I used to be very fit in high school, and I have had a hard time getting back into shape since having my children. I am 75-80 lbs over my ideal weight, and I hate that I have such a hard time running around to play with my daughter. I don't want to miss out on the years of running and playing with my kids, so I am trying very hard to get back into shape again.

However, I am very discouraged, and I'm trying to find my motivation to get started again.
About 2 years ago, I tried getting into shape, and I started using MFP. I found a few friends on here and got into working out and walking, and eating better. I was doing fairly well, but I was trying to do all of this while raising my daughter, keeping up with housework, and going to nursing school. It was a lot to juggle, and sometimes I would falter. I met a fitness coach, and started a challenge group with her and several others. Every day, she would ask us how we were feeling, how our motivation was, and one day, I was having a hard time with it. I was very upset, because I was told by another student in my nursing classes that I needed to "lose some weight off my fat *kitten*". I was very hurt by this, and when we had our daily check in, I talked about it, because I was needing encouragement from the group. Instead, I was met with hostility from the fitness coach who was supposed to be building us up. She told me that she didn't think that was actually said to me, and that I should be posting positive things in the group, not negative things. I should be actively trying to build the others up. I was made to feel worthless, and I was called a liar, and was ultimately kicked out of the group. I don't know if it was because me having an off day was ruining her "image" as a fitness coach, or if it was because she only wanted positive things ever said in the group (which isn't realistic). But it came across like I wasn't welcome, and eventually I was kicked out. I was needing encouragement, and was abandoned and insulted. I was made to feel so worthless that I didn't see the point in continuing and I fell off the bandwagon BIG time...
By that point, I had lost almost 20 lbs and was only about 40 lbs away from my goal. But because of that incident, I stress-ate and gained quite a bit more weight. I felt at my worst, and I am trying very hard to fight past that feeling of worthlessness now. Every time I have tried to start over since then, I have given up because of that feeling. I am trying very hard to not succumb to it this time, and really stick with it.

I am determined to get healthy again and set a good example for my kids.

The hardest part for me is going to be working out, and cutting out cokes. Definitely not going to be easy, but I am determined. This mama's gonna get healthy and fit again!