Living with a Spouse who eats unhealthy
EyeWant2bethin
Posts: 25 Member
My spouse can not eat healthy has too high of a metabism as a result always eats unhealthy. Our house is littered with sodas and he lives on a fast food diet. But it is killing me in weight and pressure. I find it a really big challenge ironically to say no, and choose a different eating path. I don't know if it's my medical conditions or if I really don't wish to eat healthy but I need help overpowering this challenge any ideas?
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Replies
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I had the same problem (still do in some ways) what I did was I talked to him and explained that, unless he stops bringing all of those chocolates and sweet things I will never lose weight and I can never say no. So I told him that if he wanted me to feel good about myself, he`ll stop buying these things and eat them at work if he wants to so badly. The other thing, I started cooking alot more than before, so now he eats only what I have cooked (which is based oon what I think I should eat) and from time to time I make some sort of biscuits from oats and honey, so we can both have a tasty snack.4
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This isn't an uncommon problem. Realize that it's your uptaking and not anyone else's if weight loss isn't in their daily plans. Expecting them to adhere to your eating lifestyle isn't fair if they don't need to lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
9 -
plami_9209 wrote: »I had the same problem (still do in some ways) what I did was I talked to him and explained that, unless he stops bringing all of those chocolates and sweet things I will never lose weight and I can never say no. So I told him that if he wanted me to feel good about myself, he`ll stop buying these things and eat them at work if he wants to so badly. The other thing, I started cooking alot more than before, so now he eats only what I have cooked (which is based oon what I think I should eat) and from time to time I make some sort of biscuits from oats and honey, so we can both have a tasty snack.
Cooking more definitely seems like it could help me a lot. Help me to control what foods I put into my body. Sadly talking with my spouse does not help, he could care less about healthy eating. He is a very picky eater and only eats unhealthy foods.0 -
This isn't an uncommon problem. Realize that it's your uptaking and not anyone else's if weight loss isn't in their daily plans. Expecting them to adhere to your eating lifestyle isn't fair if they don't need to lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
While I will agree the bottom line lies with me, it doesn't help me to, while I'm eating a salad no dressing etc eating my very restrictive diet due to many health issues, my husband is sitting next to me eating pizza, hburgers, cookies, ice cream to boot. Part of my medical condition is I crave sugar constantly. I'm trying to find a happy median to where I can adhere to my dr prescribed diet and not have temptation on the plate next to me. As to my spouse healthier eating would actually help him more than I could express, but as he could care less, I'm struggling to make my way back to taking control of what I eat. My main fault is stress causes severe cravings. I need to set myself up for success, which is why I asked. What hurts me is one slice of pizza, one cheat day kills my weight loss. I can not cheat at all if weight loss is to occur. My body makes fat way too quickly for me to have any weakness.1 -
Unfortunately if you're dealing with a health issue, it's still something you have to deal with. While it's helpful if your husband was on board, it has to be a decision he WANTS to make. And while it should seem that your health should come first, what he's eating isn't directly affecting it. It's what you're eating that does.EyeWant2bethin wrote: »This isn't an uncommon problem. Realize that it's your uptaking and not anyone else's if weight loss isn't in their daily plans. Expecting them to adhere to your eating lifestyle isn't fair if they don't need to lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
While I will agree the bottom line lies with me, it doesn't help me to, while I'm eating a salad no dressing etc eating my very restrictive diet due to many health issues, my husband is sitting next to me eating pizza, hburgers, cookies, ice cream to boot. Part of my medical condition is I crave sugar constantly. I'm trying to find a happy median to where I can adhere to my dr prescribed diet and not have temptation on the plate next to me. As to my spouse healthier eating would actually help him more than I could express, but as he could care less, I'm struggling to make my way back to taking control of what I eat. My main fault is stress causes severe cravings. I need to set myself up for success, which is why I asked. What hurts me is one slice of pizza, one cheat day kills my weight loss. I can not cheat at all if weight loss is to occur. My body makes fat way too quickly for me to have any weakness.
Understand that you aren't always going to get support. Even if you didn't have a health issue, lots of SO's, relatives, friends, etc. aren't that concerned about your body and health as much as you'd like them to be.
So carry on and do what you need to do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
8 -
My husband has an entire cabinet full of sweets, chips, and ice cream n the freezer. Has pizza almost every damn night. Is it hard for me to watch him eat that and not be able to...hell yes.
But I take a look at ALL THE CALORIES and sugar and carbs n those sweets and ask myself "is this snack REALLY worth it?" Most of the time it's no but it that doesn't work for me and I go and look n the mirror. Or at pictures where I was thinner. It's all about you and your choices n the end. No one said it would be easy. But if you want it bad enough you will say no.
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EyeWant2bethin wrote: »My spouse can not eat healthy has too high of a metabism as a result always eats unhealthy. Our house is littered with sodas and he lives on a fast food diet. But it is killing me in weight and pressure. I find it a really big challenge ironically to say no, and choose a different eating path. I don't know if it's my medical conditions or if I really don't wish to eat healthy but I need help overpowering this challenge any ideas?
Have you discussed this with him? You know what us men are like sometimes we just dont even think.1 -
How about tackling this as a neatness and tidiness issue? Could he have an assigned space for his snacks; no more leaving them around the house, on the kitchen counter, and on the table? It may be a little easier on you if it is out of sight.
For yourself, keep a fresh tossed salad in the refrigerator for easy access, and an attractive bowl of fruit on the table. Meal plan and know what you will be having in the evening. Pack your lunch the night before.
Can you find a nice salad dressing that fits with your health requirements? How about a quarter cup unsalted sunflower seeds? Salads are much nicer when they are at least a little filling.0 -
Great advice from people on here, cooking more really helps I did that too everything I make is fresh and tasty no processed food and its really easy it's more like old style cooking that your grandparents would have done years ago they didn't get fast food or eat rubbish and still in my eyes made beautiful meals, I eat currys, stir frys, chilli, fajitas, stew, casseroles you name it I have it and I know what's going into it.
My husband used to come home from work and say that looks gorgeous and I would serve him what I was eating and he lost over 2 stone !! He still had some treats but in work and if he wants to eat bad foods then I say go on and it's hard to sit watching them like the last two weeks he was drinking beer and nibbling on snacks on the weekend and normally I would chill and have some drinks too but this time I drank tea and ribena and had a small bowl of 50% less fat popcorn and you know what it was great !
This week my husband ate 5 packets of my low fat rice crisps in one day so none left for my lunch if I wanted them , he didn't see a problem with that he has about 2 stone to lose but again it's up to him if he wants to do it but for me I am powering ahead. I turn 40 in two weeks and I am the heaviest I have ever been I am active and always have been but food got the better of me so this time I am sticking to my guns.
Partners won't always support you so you need to just power ahead and lose that weight and feel and look great.
If you can't talk to your partner about something as simple as being supportive you need to think why is that ??
You are life partners and friends and should be able to say anything to each other.
1 -
I have the same issue, and at first, I expected my husband and kids to get on board with my new way of eating. But you know what? That's not fair to them. As @ninerbuff said, what thy eat has no effect on me. So we have come to a compromise. There is a snack cupboard. All it contains is their junk food treats- granola bars, chips, candy, etc. I never have any reason to open that cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind. I stock the rest of the cupboards with healthy alternatives and the fridge with fresh veggies and fruit. If I want a cheat snack, it's there for the taking. I hardly ever even think about it honestly.
I also do 99% of the cooking. That way I can control the ingredients and the portions. If the kids want pizza or burgers, I make it myself and control my portion. It's hard, but it can be done if you want it!2 -
Unfortunately if you're dealing with a health issue, it's still something you have to deal with. While it's helpful if your husband was on board, it has to be a decision he WANTS to make. And while it should seem that your health should come first, what he's eating isn't directly affecting it. It's what you're eating that does.EyeWant2bethin wrote: »This isn't an uncommon problem. Realize that it's your uptaking and not anyone else's if weight loss isn't in their daily plans. Expecting them to adhere to your eating lifestyle isn't fair if they don't need to lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
While I will agree the bottom line lies with me, it doesn't help me to, while I'm eating a salad no dressing etc eating my very restrictive diet due to many health issues, my husband is sitting next to me eating pizza, hburgers, cookies, ice cream to boot. Part of my medical condition is I crave sugar constantly. I'm trying to find a happy median to where I can adhere to my dr prescribed diet and not have temptation on the plate next to me. As to my spouse healthier eating would actually help him more than I could express, but as he could care less, I'm struggling to make my way back to taking control of what I eat. My main fault is stress causes severe cravings. I need to set myself up for success, which is why I asked. What hurts me is one slice of pizza, one cheat day kills my weight loss. I can not cheat at all if weight loss is to occur. My body makes fat way too quickly for me to have any weakness.
Understand that you aren't always going to get support. Even if you didn't have a health issue, lots of SO's, relatives, friends, etc. aren't that concerned about your body and health as much as you'd like them to be.
So carry on and do what you need to do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I was in the same boat with my husband except for the last 8 months he had medical issues which limited his choices of foods. In the meantime I resumed my MFP program and started making healthier choices. He was welcome to join me or not and surprisingly he has come on board with me and for the most part is eating the same healthy foods I am and actually attempting to control his portions. It helps that I do most of the grocery shopping. Ninerbuff always has good advice so listen to him.0 -
Unfortunately you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do, and also unfortunately you won't be able to succeed until you learn to say no, and worry more about your health than a cheese burger and a soda. There really aren't any tricks to make it easier if you aren't ready to take is seriously.0
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My husband has an entire cabinet full of sweets, chips, and ice cream n the freezer. Has pizza almost every damn night. Is it hard for me to watch him eat that and not be able to...hell yes.
But I take a look at ALL THE CALORIES and sugar and carbs n those sweets and ask myself "is this snack REALLY worth it?" Most of the time it's no but it that doesn't work for me and I go and look n the mirror. Or at pictures where I was thinner. It's all about you and your choices n the end. No one said it would be easy. But if you want it bad enough you will say no.
Thank you1 -
robboughton wrote: »EyeWant2bethin wrote: »My spouse can not eat healthy has too high of a metabism as a result always eats unhealthy. Our house is littered with sodas and he lives on a fast food diet. But it is killing me in weight and pressure. I find it a really big challenge ironically to say no, and choose a different eating path. I don't know if it's my medical conditions or if I really don't wish to eat healthy but I need help overpowering this challenge any ideas?
Have you discussed this with him? You know what us men are like sometimes we just dont even think.
I have discussed this with him, and he does act like he cares but then goes right back to same behavior. I think honestly he forgets. I don't believe he does this to harm me or even intentionally but it does effect me none the less.2 -
How about tackling this as a neatness and tidiness issue? Could he have an assigned space for his snacks; no more leaving them around the house, on the kitchen counter, and on the table? It may be a little easier on you if it is out of sight.
For yourself, keep a fresh tossed salad in the refrigerator for easy access, and an attractive bowl of fruit on the table. Meal plan and know what you will be having in the evening. Pack your lunch the night before.
Can you find a nice salad dressing that fits with your health requirements? How about a quarter cup unsalted sunflower seeds? Salads are much nicer when they are at least a little filling.
I can try that thank you something has to help
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Great advice from people on here, cooking more really helps I did that too everything I make is fresh and tasty no processed food and its really easy it's more like old style cooking that your grandparents would have done years ago they didn't get fast food or eat rubbish and still in my eyes made beautiful meals, I eat currys, stir frys, chilli, fajitas, stew, casseroles you name it I have it and I know what's going into it.
My husband used to come home from work and say that looks gorgeous and I would serve him what I was eating and he lost over 2 stone !! He still had some treats but in work and if he wants to eat bad foods then I say go on and it's hard to sit watching them like the last two weeks he was drinking beer and nibbling on snacks on the weekend and normally I would chill and have some drinks too but this time I drank tea and ribena and had a small bowl of 50% less fat popcorn and you know what it was great !
This week my husband ate 5 packets of my low fat rice crisps in one day so none left for my lunch if I wanted them , he didn't see a problem with that he has about 2 stone to lose but again it's up to him if he wants to do it but for me I am powering ahead. I turn 40 in two weeks and I am the heaviest I have ever been I am active and always have been but food got the better of me so this time I am sticking to my guns.
Partners won't always support you so you need to just power ahead and lose that weight and feel and look great.
If you can't talk to your partner about something as simple as being supportive you need to think why is that ??
You are life partners and friends and should be able to say anything to each other.
You are most certainly right. He does act as though he hears me but honestly I think he thinks of himself more. Just in his nature I suppose. You are really inspiring thank you so much.1 -
Unfortunately if you're dealing with a health issue, it's still something you have to deal with. While it's helpful if your husband was on board, it has to be a decision he WANTS to make. And while it should seem that your health should come first, what he's eating isn't directly affecting it. It's what you're eating that does.EyeWant2bethin wrote: »This isn't an uncommon problem. Realize that it's your uptaking and not anyone else's if weight loss isn't in their daily plans. Expecting them to adhere to your eating lifestyle isn't fair if they don't need to lose weight.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
While I will agree the bottom line lies with me, it doesn't help me to, while I'm eating a salad no dressing etc eating my very restrictive diet due to many health issues, my husband is sitting next to me eating pizza, hburgers, cookies, ice cream to boot. Part of my medical condition is I crave sugar constantly. I'm trying to find a happy median to where I can adhere to my dr prescribed diet and not have temptation on the plate next to me. As to my spouse healthier eating would actually help him more than I could express, but as he could care less, I'm struggling to make my way back to taking control of what I eat. My main fault is stress causes severe cravings. I need to set myself up for success, which is why I asked. What hurts me is one slice of pizza, one cheat day kills my weight loss. I can not cheat at all if weight loss is to occur. My body makes fat way too quickly for me to have any weakness.
Understand that you aren't always going to get support. Even if you didn't have a health issue, lots of SO's, relatives, friends, etc. aren't that concerned about your body and health as much as you'd like them to be.
So carry on and do what you need to do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
I was in the same boat with my husband except for the last 8 months he had medical issues which limited his choices of foods. In the meantime I resumed my MFP program and started making healthier choices. He was welcome to join me or not and surprisingly he has come on board with me and for the most part is eating the same healthy foods I am and actually attempting to control his portions. It helps that I do most of the grocery shopping. Ninerbuff always has good advice so listen to him.
Thank you0 -
Maybe he couldn't care less about healthy eating..but he should at least care about you. My husband hates some of the stuff i make now, but he tries it if i cook it. It is your spouses house too of course but he should at least try and make life easier on you. Like suggested earlier have a place for all his goodies out of sight. I have to practically force my husband to eat something if he knows i like it and dont have the calorie budget for it.2
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Ha. Well, we all think of ourselves more, don't we? I mean you are expecting him to think of you more - sounds like the same thing.
You could eat in different rooms or at different times until you figure out what to tell yourself. In the end, this is a very difficult process to learn to do food differently. I understand how difficult it is, we all have to deal with others eating the things that got us into trouble. You're doing great! Keep it up, keep looking for ways to change your mindset.1 -
Unfortunately you can't make him do something he doesn't want to do, and also unfortunately you won't be able to succeed until you learn to say no, and worry more about your health than a cheese burger and a soda. There really aren't any tricks to make it easier if you aren't ready to take is seriously.
That is very true. I am definitely ready to take seriously believe me. I'm battling a brain tumor, a failing liver and various other health problems. It doesn't get any more serious for me. I'm just trying to find a way to make my way. It's hard going for me, my tumor therapy and various illnesses does kind of reset my memory mostly short term so I'm trying to find my own way again, and need to find a way to make it more permanent. When your memory is jarred as mine is, it is difficult to keep on a path you make for yourself, and sometimes much easier to follow paths of others. I don't wish to make excuses, no I simply want to find a way to remove any other issue that stops me from succeeding. What I have learned from this thread, is I have to stop viewing my spouse as a wall, more as an obstacle, that I most overcome as many times a day as it takes. I have also learned by cooking, organizing my kitchen and house it will set me up for a better success rate. I will try this and put every effort I have into making this work.2 -
I have the same issue, and at first, I expected my husband and kids to get on board with my new way of eating. But you know what? That's not fair to them. As @ninerbuff said, what thy eat has no effect on me. So we have come to a compromise. There is a snack cupboard. All it contains is their junk food treats- granola bars, chips, candy, etc. I never have any reason to open that cupboard. Out of sight, out of mind. I stock the rest of the cupboards with healthy alternatives and the fridge with fresh veggies and fruit. If I want a cheat snack, it's there for the taking. I hardly ever even think about it honestly.
I also do 99% of the cooking. That way I can control the ingredients and the portions. If the kids want pizza or burgers, I make it myself and control my portion. It's hard, but it can be done if you want it!
Excellent post! Any trigger foods are kept in a special cupboard here, too. I have the willpower not to go in there. I just have trouble if I have to look at it all the time.1 -
This is a problem for quite a few people, per the threads on this topic frequently. What you're doing now is starting a whole lifestyle change. It's actually better for your long-term success that you DON'T have your spouses support as far as changing his eating habits to fit with yours because this way you learn to do it for YOU and not anyone else.
Sure, it seems easier for both spouses to decide they are going to change their diets and do it together, but for one, men and women have largely different caloric needs so while you may be eating the same foods you still wouldn't be eating the same quantity. And then what if one or the other changes their mind? You have to then figure it out on your own anyway.
Bottom line is, eat the foods you LIKE but make sure the portions fit into your new plan. Once you see that overfeeding your body (whether on fast food or raw vegetables) is a bad thing you'll no longer want to eat the same quantities your spouse does. You won't be envious of what they eat because you will (or I should say "should") be eating foods you enjoy as well.1 -
That's what I do at home. There is one cabinet with the "bad" stuff. He loves ice cream, fortunately for me I don't as much so it's good. He complains I keep "eyeing" his food tho. Lol. But I am not in a restrictive diet. When I was on a restrictive diet (keto) well I just didn't eat much with him honestly and he prepared his own stuff.0
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This isn't meant to sound mean, but it's up to you to say no when there are temptations. You have to have will power. My husband eats poorly as well. When he offers me junk food I immediately say no and that I want to do good on my diet. I also tell him to stop offering me anything in a firm voice.
You have to practice saying no. Seriously. Prep yourself before you get home by thinking of how the conversation will go and how you will say no. I know it may sound corny but it really works...at least for me it does.
Hope this helps in some way. Good luck!2 -
I also struggle with this problem. We have been married a long time and we have tried snack cabinets, eating separate meals, but I have given up. Currently there is an open large bag of M&M's on the kitchen table, shortbread cookies on the counter, potato chips in his office. I put it away and within hours it is in my face again. It is up to me. The sugary, readily available high calorie foods have made me nuts long enough. I want to lose weight and not die early. So since that is what I want I have to be responsible. When he makes me mad, I focus on what I can do.....1
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It sounds like you are battling some serious issues and even if your spouse does not want to change his eating habits, he should be willing to do anything possible to help you succeed in your case (if he wants to still have you around). I think your best bet would be to start cooking the meals you eat at home to what your needs are. You can offer him what you are eating and if he prefers to eat fast food, and you know its an issue for you, politely let him know that you are not trying to be rude, but that you need to go eat in a different room in order to not be tempted. I can't see anyone taking offense at that. You can't make him change, you can only change your responses. Remove yourself from the situation. Anytime he sits down with a snack, go to a different room. He will get the point eventually.0
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I know your pain my fiance is super picky (if its green or healthy for you he wont touch it) and would rather eat unhealthy calorie dense meals, snacks, and drinks than healthy. He was also super resistant towards my trying to change my lifestyle. At first i heard things like "I don't like that your starving yourself" or "What happened you used to laugh at health freaks who counted every calorie" "you can't even have a piece of cake with me, you used to be fun" (the cake just didnt fit in the budget for the day) finally one night after he got mad at me cuz i wouldnt have a bigger bowl of ice cream i blew up i got tired of feeling like he didnt care about my health i got really mad and it was a big fight but turns out after i explained the whats and whys of what i was doing he stopped and after a little while he even started to help a little he kept his snacks and stuff out of my sight and stopped getting mad when he saw me weighing and portioning my food and recently hes even be open to trying new things (including green stuff!!!) he goes on walks with me and generally tries not to hinder my progress now but my point is just stick with what u need to do sometimes you have to make yourself an example and they may begin to change their mind and you may just rub off on them0
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