Are you ever embarrased?

nlevesque11887

chatterbox3110 wrote: »

I do tell people that I've lost 165lbs "so far" - this is a journey that I've committed to and I want to feel proud of myself after so many years of feeling ashamed. Only a few people know my actual weight, and the rest don't ask anyway, but most know that I still have a way to go as I'm waiting for surgery and my BMI has to be a certain point.

Be proud of your achievement, you're doing this for you x

Great job Chatter. That is awesome. And you're correct, this has to be a commitment. I am committed to getting to a healthy weight and staying there for the rest of my life, however long that will be. Good luck with the surgery. I hope all goes well for you!

Kerryatoon

I can understand this completely. I have other "addictions" that I have recovered from and I can use all the tools in my journey to fitness as well. I was told what others here have already said, you don't have to disclose anything you don't want to about your journey. It's your business. In my experience, you will most likely reach a point where you detach "who you are" from "your behaviors/body/past" and the shame will no longer be there. You will realize that you are valuable and loved no matter what, and that you have the unique ability to help where others can't.

What we are doing is a form of recovery.. we are changing our lives through self-love and commitment, and our experiences will be our greatest gift to those around us. We can offer compassion, understanding, and hope, as someone who has "been in the trenches". We are uniquely qualified by our past.

This is an excerpt called "The Promises" from a great book that changed my life.

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear."

Congratulations on all you have accomplished!! You're a miracle!

amusedmonkey

I'm not embarrassed. Having been heavy is not embarrassing to me. I just don't associate "fat" with "bad" in the pure sense of things one should be embarrassed about. Yes, it's bad for my health and that's why I chose to change it, but it was not something I feel I need to apologize for or a character defect. It's interesting how we go all up in arms when people fat shame, but fat shaming ourselves or our past selves is okay. I just feel I'm a decent gal, regardless of my weight. If anything, I'm awesome for having set a goal and worked my butt off to achieve it. I didn't magically become awesome when I lost weight, I made that decision and stuck to it when I weighed more than 300 pounds.

laur357

I feel weird about it. I'm proud that I've lost 60 pounds so far, and I know I can handle the next 50 to get to my goal weight. I'm proud that I can do difficult exercises I wouldn't have even tried in the past. I'm proud that I've done it without fads or pyramid schemes and that I'm much healthier than before.
But, I'm really ashamed that ever I allowed myself to hit my highest weight, so I have a hard time talking about exact numbers with family and friends. Especially since they're supportive of my efforts (and they could physically see that I was very fat - it's not like it was a secret). I get really embarrassed if they ask direct questions about what I'm doing and how much I've lost, even though I can see they're impressed by my progress. I finally admitted to my mother how much my highest weight was because I was so happy I was finally back in the 100s, though I felt uncomfortable doing it. It was too hard to be vague about leaving the 200s behind.

rumswood

I definitely know what you mean! I started out at 201 and I'm down to 155 on my way to goal of 130-135. I feel proud that I've lost what I have a far, bit at t h e same time I feel ashamed of letting myself go to that point.

AllSpiceNice

Congrats on your success! Always remember, YOU get to choose what you share and with whom you share it! My starting weight, current pounds lost, goal weight, current weight - all are personal information and no one else's business. If others are comfortable sharing this info with anyone and everyone, that's great! I, however, am not.

Oddly, it is the people who I don't know well who seem most compelled to ask what I perceive as overly personal questions. I appreciate support, and understand the curiosity - I lost almost 90 pounds in less than 2 years, the change was visible and significant. So I would politely respond with a smile and something like "making progress but still working on it".

If they keep pushing, I look them straight in the the eye, smile, and repeat my first statement.

Anyone that pushes the question a third time gets "kitten" slapped. ;-)

The good news is that those questions are decreasing now that I'm in maintenance and no longer in loss mode.

OlyCapitalChick

I tell people with pride after I feel like it is appropriate in a conversation.
People are shocked generally. I figure its part of my healing. I also told each man I talked to when I was doing online dating. I figured why hide what I eventually could need their support in. Plus weeded out shallow people.

fidangul

I don't feel embarrassed. But for me to give an answer It depends on who's asking and why... If I feel it's a genuine question, yeah I'll share. But if I feel it's just to judge or size me up, then no. At the end of the day it's up to me if I want to share info or not.... However, I always share on MFP, I feel like its the whole point of it.

AllSpiceNice wrote: »

Oddly, it is the people who I don't know well who seem most compelled to ask what I perceive as overly personal questions. I appreciate support, and understand the curiosity - I lost almost 90 pounds in less than 2 years, the change was visible and significant. So I would politely respond with a smile and something like "making progress but still working on it".

^^^ It's the same in my experience!!

AliceAxe

you should be proud of your accomplisment! and also in the telling is a chance to raise awarness for people with wieght issues and tell your success story. They might have a loved one who is strugglign with weight issues or misconceptions of their own and it is a chance to enlighten them. No one should ever have to feel ashamed of who they are and where they have been in their journey. if they are going to judge negativly or use that info for the wrong reasons its on them, not on you. Keep on your good path and dont let the fear of others opinions bring you down. And if its your opinion of yourself, when ever you feel ashamed it is a lesson and wake up call for you that you have inner work to do and drop some of the weight of all those negative thoughts and feelings. And they do weight us down, our spirits and our effots as much as the physical weight does.

nlevesque11887

Thanks for all the great responses. I am grateful to have a safe place on MFP to ask questions and get support. Everyone here "gets it" whereas outside of MFP, not everyone does. I am proud of what I've achieved thus far. My dh has been a huge support and has lost 65 lbs himself! I guess I'm still a work in progress dealing with the emotional issues that contributed toward the weight issues and probably always will have to work at it.

I'll post pics when I get to my final goal. Sometimes, I forget just how far I've come and then I catch a look at myself in a full length mirror and think "hmm, it really does show". lol

rldeclercq4

laur357 wrote: »

I finally admitted to my mother how much my highest weight was because I was so happy I was finally back in the 100s, though I felt uncomfortable doing it. It was too hard to be vague about leaving the 200s behind.

I recently told my family, after I'd checked in at 299, that I'd started at 367. This was a shock to all of them as they knew I was big but not to what degree. It was pretty hard telling them all, I actually broke down in tears when I told my brothers. But I have all of their support to never get that way again.

snowflake930

Not embarrassed to admit it on MFP, but I have never told anyone else the exact amount I have lost.
It is embarrassing to admit I let myself get to the weight I was (290), but I am eager to tell anyone that asks that I have been maintaining at 130 (give or take a few pounds, mostly take) for 30 months.

Quasita

When I still believed that I was disgusting 24/7, I was embarrassed to talk about it. Sometimes, I still feel that way... admitting that feeling is what brought my boy person and I closer together, actually But nowadays, I am defiant.

I'm still fat, and I still get lots of rude comments from people... But my 100+lbs gone has given me something I didn't have before, which is knowing that it is hard but it can be done, and that your body doesn't look like great change even if you have MADE great change. So now I proudly talk about where I was and where I am, and how much I've lost... People often say they don't believe me, and I get on my scale that shouts it out loud just to prove that yes, I *am* over 400lbs still. Why? Because there are so many people out there still struggling with feeling like the fight is worth it and that they can be loved as they are right now... So many people still distracted by the fact that they need to lose 300lbs, so much so that they don't let themselves celebrate when they lose 2lbs. This world is so mean, I cannot continue to be mean to myself and expect my psychological results to change alongside my body change.

You can take off all the pounds in the world but if you cannot be proud of how hard you've worked to make that happen... which does require honesty about the starting point, the downfalls, the wins and the losses... I suspect you'll never find the satisfaction you're seeking in the end results. I may be taking the long road to get to my goal but I really want to arrive there with the mindset of happiness, and not be trying to hide who I once was in some semblance of a guise to convince people that I never was that person.

Josh_lol

I wouldn't say embarrassed but I often never really tell people. I've had a few people tell me they've seen the weight I've lost but unless they ask me how much I've lost, I never really say anything.

Is that just me not knowing how to be proud of my achievements or just being humble?

yusaku02

I've never been embarrassed (online or in person) about what I weight now (172), what I used to weigh (200) or how much I lost* (46).

*I've intentionally put on weight while lifting so the used to weigh number minus the weight lost doesn't equal my current weight

erockem

I tell everyone where I started, where I was during, where I ended. The up's and down's. The failures the triumphs. What I've learned. Where I'm going now. I do it in hopes it gives someone else the motivation to start.

Ready2Rock206

I would never give the actual number - except on here. If people ask me how much I've lost I either say "some" or "a little".

chel325

I don't care at all. My body has changed so much in the last few months that I feel a little disassociated with it at the moment so when I speak about it it's as if I'm speaking about a separate entity.

That's a weird way of putting it but no, I'm proud of how far I've come and I know I will get to the end.

2011rocket3touring

enterdanger wrote: »

Unfortunately, I think I have a character defect where I don't feel embarrassed about anything. ...

..it's not a character defect, it's a gift.

agzram

What I'm more embarrassed about is that I walked around at my before picture for 10ish years of my life.

I felt terrible because of the 100+ extra pounds I was lugging around and I looked terrible too. I'm still hoping to get down another 30 pounds and and then I'll finally be out of the "overweight" BMI and firmly into the "normal" range. I'm slowing my loss down now that I've been at it 9 months and focusing more on my fitness goals and truly maintaining this new and improved lifestyle.