Ladies: How did you get to love your body?

shineyapple
shineyapple Posts: 94 Member
edited December 1 in Motivation and Support
I am asking this because i am struggling with my self-image, and recently Ive discovered with helps from friends that i dislike my body no matter what weight. Is anyone else like this?

So, how did you get to change and love our body and feel comfortable in your own skin? Any wisdom ? :)

Replies

  • brb_2013
    brb_2013 Posts: 1,197 Member
    It's a process I haven't managed to figure out at this point. It's a constant struggle to find myself worth the effort to count calories and exercise to become more fit. But I just kind of keep doing it regardless of how I feel about myself.

    Wish I had better advice!
  • MissusMoon
    MissusMoon Posts: 1,900 Member
    2011rocket3touring wrote: »
    While not a lady; hopefully it's ok to throw my 2¢.
    It took a long time to come to terms that I won't ever be able to have the superhero physique I longed for. While this is going to sound horrible but I looked at other guys my age and realized that I don't look bad, I'm strong, have all my hair and can hold down a job, and slowly came to be content with that.

    Thanks for that. We ladies often forget that men face these battles as well.
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    By accepting and realizing that I'm not a super model, I'm not going to be a super model, nor do I want to be a super model. Everyone has flaws. I've learned that I have just one body and I might as well enjoy it the way it is (with all the hard work I've put into it). I'm far from perfect and I don't expect to be.
  • TheChrissyT
    TheChrissyT Posts: 263 Member
    I look at myself in the mirror every day and consciously make note of something that I like. Somewhere I'm improving, somewhere I'm already happy, strike a pose!
  • lauramay1956
    lauramay1956 Posts: 2 Member
    I started my journey hating my body. And it fueled me like crazy. I made myself so angry and i took it out on excercise. Thirteen pounds down and i realized i just like working out..i liked finding out i could do push ups, or squats. I liked learning new techniques and i liked researching foods and finding things to eat that made me feel good. Experimenting with different healthy food and their tastes was pretty fun and new for me. I also liked learning that i had the power to stop my bad habits. I quit sugar and cream in my coffee..challenge yes but turns out i like black coffee now. All these new things in my life. All these things i can do now. Because of me. No one else. I am awesome. You're all awesome too!
  • Lkush89
    Lkush89 Posts: 25 Member
    I've realized that I have to come to terms with my stretch marks. They are here to stay...I can either learn to love them or hate them forever and just be miserable. I have now learned to look at them in a different light, instead of seeing them as these ugly things...they are reminders of the fight and battle that I won. Wearing a bikini this year and people may seem them and ask or look, I can look at them and say "ya I lost 50 pounds and I earned these bad boys".
    That's how I learned to love my body.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
    TheChrissyT wrote: »
    I look at myself in the mirror every day and consciously make note of something that I like. Somewhere I'm improving, somewhere I'm already happy, strike a pose!

    ^ This. And I cut WAY back on the negative self-talk.
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    I started thinking about all the things my body does for me and all the ways it's good. I can run several miles, and because of that, I've done 5Ks in cool places with great people. I can walk all day, which is awesome when I'm traveling and exploring somewhere on foot. I hiked up a volcano and roasted marshmallows over lava because my body was strong enough. I can see muscles developing as I increase how much weight I can lift. I have the dexterity to chop veggies for a delicious meal. I'm flexible enough and have enough stamina for great sex. I'm warm and soft, which makes my husband happy to snuggle up to me. I'm not a mom, but if I was, I'd be glad to be able to carry and play with my kids.

    There's a lot of things my body can't do for me yet. I can't carry 100+ lb objects around at work by myself like most of the men I work with do. I can't run a half marathon. I can't climb Everest. But the key word there is yet - I can keep improving my body so it will eventually do those things. So I'll love it for what it can do for me now, and I'll show it love by making it better.
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    Lifting really helped me gain confidence. How can I feel bad about my body when it can squat such heavy weights? That's where it started. I can't say I truly hated my body before that, but I don't think I truly loved it either.
  • Isabelle_1929
    Isabelle_1929 Posts: 233 Member
    edited May 2016
    It's interesting to consider what people mean by "self-image" issue. It often confuses me.

    Really, when no one looks at me, I am perfectly fine with the way I look, and very comfortable in my own skin. For me, the "self-imagine issue" arises from my LOOK, which means, how people SEE me.

    I don't really understand how someone who is in fact, attractive to others, who is beautiful in the eyes of others, can have a "body image issue". ( Don't get me wrong: I don't deny the issue - I know many suffer from it! I am saying that I do not understand it.)

    Is it that important to like what we see when we look in the mirror? When I look at myself, I am mortified because it reminds me of what other people see. But me, personally? I don't really care. Being ugly does not hurt when there is no actual consequence. If I were on a desert island, all alone, I would not give a fig about my physical flaws.

    Anyway - sorry for the rambling - going back to OP Shineyapple:

    (BTW based on your picture, you are a beautiful young women).

    I think it would help if you asked yourself what would make YOU happy, as regards your image, the way you see yourself, the way others see you, and the place and importance it holds in YOUR life.

    If, for example, it is reasonably easy for you to find a mate, both for love and sex; if you can pretty much dress how you want; and your occupation does not require being attractive (like a model, actress, etc.) well then, why the HECK would you be miserable for not being the hottest girl/guy in town ?

    We are constantly bombarded with two alternate messages:
    A. "Be Beautiful, No Matter What It Takes", and/or:
    B. "Love Yourself No Matter What".

    If you think the second message is obviously better than the first, think again. It can create a dangerous set of mind, especially when "Love Every Bit of Yourself" it is presented as sine qua non condition to happiness. There's no "On/Off love switch" on a human being, last time I checked. So while it's nice to be able to smile at yourself when you pass a mirror, it should not be a condition to happiness, unless your look actually causes a problem or difficulty in your life.

    On these (not so) wise words, I am going to have lunch. With my cats, who think I am the most beautiful catlady EVER. :)
  • celadontea
    celadontea Posts: 335 Member
    I started doing positive affirmations everyday. "You Can Heal Your Life" and other books by Louise Hay are full of great affirmations. At first it will feel silly, but think of it this way: The hateful self talk inside your head is silly, too! How did it get there? Well, you thought it once and it started to echo in your mind. You start to believe and live your thoughts! So for a while I would spend my driving time repeating affirmations, or wake up and say some. Here's a good example of it from her website: http://www.louisehay.com/exercise-create-new-changes/

    There are many other things you can do, too, but I think this is a great start. I really saw a certain thought pattern strengthen to be able to stand up to a stray "I don't like how I look today" thought. Maybe you will, too. :)
  • celadontea
    celadontea Posts: 335 Member
    Also, I started reading some books on self compassion. My favorites are: "Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself" By Kristin Neff, "Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, 3rd Edition: Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships" By Marshall B. Rosenberg PhD and "Taming Your Gremlin: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way" by Rick Carson, as well as self help books that all have bits and pieces of this. Many people deal with this.
  • AlysseTL
    AlysseTL Posts: 2 Member
    About 5 years ago, or so, I decided that I did not give a tuppenny darn about what other people thought about my body, clothing, hairstyle or whatever and just started to do what I wanted to do. If I wanted to wear earrings that reached well below my shoulders, or brilliant neon headscarves, or skinny jeans, or switch from long wavy hair to a super short pixie cut, well then so be it. In the last five years I have received more compliments and positive comments about the way I look (even though at 44 years and 180 lbs I am no slim young beauty!) than in the previous 39. Confidence is the sexiest trait anyone can have. I try to regularly say to myself, "D***, I'm gorgeous!" Sounds silly, but it does help.
  • Zombella
    Zombella Posts: 491 Member
    I've had very low self esteem since I was a child. I'm not going to say that I don't have low self esteem, but I am learning to love myself. I look at myself in the mirror and instead of picking at myself, I see what I like.
  • Isabelle_1929
    Isabelle_1929 Posts: 233 Member
    celadontea wrote: »
    I started doing positive affirmations everyday. "You Can Heal Your Life" and other books by Louise Hay are full of great affirmations. At first it will feel silly, but think of it this way: The hateful self talk inside your head is silly, too! How did it get there? Well, you thought it once and it started to echo in your mind. You start to believe and live your thoughts! So for a while I would spend my driving time repeating affirmations, or wake up and say some. Here's a good example of it from her website: http://www.louisehay.com/exercise-create-new-changes/

    There are many other things you can do, too, but I think this is a great start. I really saw a certain thought pattern strengthen to be able to stand up to a stray "I don't like how I look today" thought. Maybe you will, too. :)

    Good suggestion.

    I think that Hay's books, if not taken too literally, are excellent. While I totally don't believe you can cure disease or influence the universe with the power of thoughts, we all know that thoughts do affect how we feel. No matter what you think about yourself, repeating negative things it as a mantra - "I am fat I am fat I am fat I hate my job I hate my job" - only makes matters worse.

  • stitch56
    stitch56 Posts: 4 Member
    I completely agree with positive attitude! I think you have to be honest with yourself and take responsibility for everything in your life ,that said give YOUR SELF a break if you messed up fix it! Start again it's not a race learn from mistakes what works and what doesn't .Face it we all make mistakes it's how we handle them that defines who we are or will become.There are going to be things that happen out of our control but if you have a ,I can do this! Attitude nothing can stop you!
  • arjeffries136
    arjeffries136 Posts: 51 Member
    I look in the mirror every day and say "Dang I look good!" I've been skinny. I've been fat. I am more than the sum of my body parts. I look at my flaws as my battle scars. I want my daughter to have a healthy self image, therefore I accept my body in all its states. In my life, I see people who would be happy just to have legs and would never worry about having thunder thighs, saggy bellies or whatever flaw that is an issue. It's all a matter of perspective.
  • hzl22
    hzl22 Posts: 157 Member
    It's a thought process:

    -do the best for you
    -don't compare yourself to others (compare yourself with your own progress )
    -own your flaws and virtues
    -realize how much your body does for you and how much more it can if you treat it right
    -be kind to yourself
    -love yourself (it's you against the world)
  • juliefilidei
    juliefilidei Posts: 5 Member
    I've struggled with this for 15 yrs. Cycled through 3 different eating disorders until I was about 22. Still working on it. For me, it takes lots of prayer to keep myself in check but thank God I've been doing pretty good for the past few years.
  • laurchell
    laurchell Posts: 9 Member
    Personally, either I'm in the state of "shoot, girl you look good today", or "ew, bet the guy who hit on me didn't see this fat roll". Everyone goes through lows where the don't particularly love every aspect about themselves. But you gotta get out of that mindset and realize that you totally have some pretty rockin features going on. Working out has also been a big contributor for myself. I realized that I may not have the best physique, but I sure as hell am stronger than the cardio bunny next to me on the treadmill. I take pride in that.
  • ARGriffy
    ARGriffy Posts: 1,002 Member
    shineyapple wrote: »
    I am asking this because i am struggling with my self-image, and recently Ive discovered with helps from friends that i dislike my body no matter what weight. Is anyone else like this?

    So, how did you get to change and love our body and feel comfortable in your own skin? Any wisdom ? :)

    I literally only stopped this type of thinking last week. after losing all my weight, and maintaining a while, i still didn't really like my body, only seeing the 'flaws'. I've finally managed to actually look at it from an outsiders view, not my own and appreciate it for what it is, rather than penalising myself for what it's not. I've finally accepted it, but I wont lie I can't really pin point how, my only tip is to give yourself a break sometimes, i think we can all be over critical of ourselves sometimes!


  • shineyapple
    shineyapple Posts: 94 Member
    hzl22 wrote: »
    It's a thought process:

    -do the best for you
    -don't compare yourself to others (compare yourself with your own progress )
    -own your flaws and virtues
    -realize how much your body does for you and how much more it can if you treat it right
    -be kind to yourself
    -love yourself (it's you against the world)

    thanksss good tips :D
  • chocolate_owl
    chocolate_owl Posts: 1,695 Member
    Isabelle_1929 wrote: »
    It's interesting to consider what people mean by "self-image" issue. It often confuses me.

    Really, when no one looks at me, I am perfectly fine with the way I look, and very comfortable in my own skin. For me, the "self-imagine issue" arises from my LOOK, which means, how people SEE me.

    I don't really understand how someone who is in fact, attractive to others, who is beautiful in the eyes of others, can have a "body image issue". ( Don't get me wrong: I don't deny the issue - I know many suffer from it! I am saying that I do not understand it.)

    I think those self-image issues are often taught. For me, the only part of my body that really, really gets to me is my stomach. There was the ex who told me he hated stomach fat and picked on me to the point that I developed an eating disorder, which, ugh. But long before that *kitten* went down, I remember catching a glimpse of my mother holding her stomach and looking sad. I remember calling her fat as really young kid, not realizing it was mean or hurtful, and her bursting into tears. I remember her buying super-padded bras, saying "As long as my boobs are bigger than my stomach, it's ok." It's still the thing she gripes about all the time. So between all that, it's lodged in my brain that unless my stomach is Victoria's Secret model flat, it's Not Good. But knowing WHY I have that hangup has really helped me to start moving past it.
  • sabillin1
    sabillin1 Posts: 7 Member
    STOP the negative self-talk. We all do it, but it is absolutely the worst. I also believe in daily affirmations, meditation and look at non-scale victories.

    I gained weight during law school, trying to lose it now, but even before I was chubby, I've always had a curvy body. We are not meant to be super models. I have always told myself that I am a Greek Goddess nearly every day or when I am feeling blah. Just because society is telling us we need to be rail thin, does not mean that natural instinct has caught up to society. Look at all of the fertility symbols....these women had hips and curves to be able to survive child birth. I tell myself that natural instinct in finding a mate has not changed, and I am the body type that men are hard wired to seek out....whether or not its true, it works for me, lol.
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