Daily Motivation Needed After Breakup

norchids

Hi everyone,
This is my first post, and I'm brand new to MFP. I've just come through a terrible breakup with someone who I thought would be my life partner, and my weight (thinly veiled as "health") was one of the prime reasons given for the breakup. I searched for websites that would email me daily weight loss motivational thoughts, but couldn't find one. (If you know of one, I'd love to hear of it.) But it also occurs to me that the MFP community would be a great place to get encouragement and motivation from real people! Has anyone else ever lost a partner due to their weight? How did you cope?

New friends and anyone with insight warmly welcomed!

Rushbrook60

Hi hun.

I've never lost a partner because of my weight but I do struggle a lot with how I'm perceived by my partner. I have a lot of weight to shift (about half my current weight)...I avoided the mirror as much as possible in the past but one day I couldn't help but notice just how awful I looked and it kicked me into gear. My partner tells me he loves me regardless but that doesn't stop my fear of a prettier, slimmer girl winning his attention over mine and him leaving because I'm not attractive to him anymore. I have been cheated on many times in the past and although my ex's have never told me it was because of my looks/weight, I gather it probably has been a contributing factor simply because they've always been with girls that are everything I'm not.

Something I have learnt about this though is that I need to learn to love myself and for me, part of that is shifting the weight. Having said that though, I love my personality (I know that sounds big headed but that's something that's always got me by) and that one thing is something that helps towards loving myself.

If your ex partner couldn't see further than skin deep, he wasn't the man for you. Someone else would love you warts and all...in the meantime, focus on truly getting to grips with what YOU want and not what you think someone else wants you to be. Learn to recognise what you like about you and what things you think need a little work...you will learn to love yourself and a mass of confidence will follow.

Feel free you add me...I'm an active user of this app (just usually a bit later in the day once I'm home from work).

Chin up hun. You can do and be whatever you want to be :-D

dinkyhector24

The above message says it all. I've never been in that situation myself but any heartbreak is enough to shatter all confidence. Stay strong. Take small steps. And you'll get to where you want to be. Good luck Hun all the best x

norchids

Thanks for your lovely reply. It's particularly rough since my background supports radical acceptance, body positivity, sex positivity, and rejects fat-shaming and body-shaming as a general rule. It's how I was raised, and what I believe to my core. So while I was in this relationship, I was perfectly happy with my body. Well, as happy as a person can be while still trying to battle the constant media inundation of thin = beauty and self worth. Then this happened, and it made my beliefs much harder to cling to. Now I find myself at odds, fighting with two parts of myself. One which believes (and adamantly supports) the idea that people can be beautiful and are worthy of love at any size, and the other side which is struggling not to shame myself for losing a partner due to my weight. I've always worked hard to love myself at all sizes, and I've actually managed that seemingly insurmountable task in a world that wants to treat me as sub-human for being heavy.

Now I find I'm walking a fine line between wanting to lose weight because it's healthy, and buying in to the negative media that tells me my only worth as a human, and especially as a woman, is linked to my appearance.

n2meuc2

I ended a relationship 2 months ago, but the push that ended things for me was once he started talking about my weight and him being unattracted to me because of it. Where it was hurtful, I knew I was not going to stay in a relationship with someone if they were unattracted to me. I knew that I did not want to have my weight be a point of focus in a relationship because no matter what I did, it wouldn't be "good enough". I knew that it was just a level of pending emotional abuse.... I was not going to do that to myself. He has every right to like what he liked and to be attracted to what he was attracted to. The sad reality I had to face was that I felt there was a level of sabotage where we would go out to eat a lot (way too much to be honest) but I knew this was not the kind of dating relationship I wanted to be in.

Now I knew I needed to lose some of the extra weight that I was carrying around, but I do not need the pressure of another persons's opinion. I have to lose weight for ME, not for anyone else. Break up are tough... but like it was stated above in another post "If your ex partner couldn't see further than skin deep, he wasn't the man for you. Someone else would love you warts and all". Take this as a blessing and push forward. You deserve to be happy and to be truly loved by someone who will respect and support you completely. Me too!!

clarag617

I have been going through a brake up for couple of months. It takes time to heal.. But you have to stay positive and do things that make you happy ,be around positive people. What really helped me with everything was my commitment towards staying healthy and not because for someone else but for myself. You know everything happens for a reason and trust me life is not over. It's a new begging and a better one.

geoff9491

I broke up 2 months ago with a very abusive and manipulative person. I had never treated weight loss or just generally eating in a way that would induce weight loss and maintain a healthy weight and body before then. For some reason it made me, I have no idea why it didn't make me want to just stuff my face more, but it didn't.

I don't have much to add, other than food is not comfort. but you can PM me if you need to talk about anything.