Why does it have to be like this!?

browneyes1520 · May 2016

I work part time as a transcriptionist in a hospital. I have someone who works with me but in another hospital. In the past when I wasn't trying to lose weight I told this other woman who is significantly older than me that she makes the best chocolate sandwich cookies I've ever tasted. They are delicious! I have since gotten my *kitten* together and lost 54 pounds. Been struggling a but lately but have finally managed to get back on track and needless to say I don't want to eat cookies or anything I don't plan into my day. So today she sent me a message saying she made the cookies and sent some over to my department and that I needed to go get a couple before they were gone. I politely declined and explained that I am trying to lose weight and watch my calories and my day is already planned out. She hasn't talked to me since. I don't get it. Why can I not politely decline food without having her (or anyone really) be upset at me. Is it not my body? ? Do I not get to decide what I eat?? This doesn't make sense to me. I realize people have put up posts like this before I just needed to vent a tiny bit. Thanks!

mommazach · May 2016

She probably made them because she knew you liked them. It's okay to say no to food. Check with her to see if she really is offended. She may have just got busy.

puffbrat · May 2016

I would guess she made them as a thoughtful gesture specifically with you in mind and was hurt when you rejected them. You do have the right to turn down any food you don't want to eat, but you have to recognize that people may not always respond well to that for a variety of reasons, particularly in certain situations like this one.

quiksylver296 · May 2016

Next time, tell her "Thank you! I'll go get some as soon as I can." Then never go get them. She'll never know.

extra_medium · May 2016

It's also possible the reason she hasn't talked to you since that exchange has nothing to do with the cookies. Don't overthink it, she might have not been offended at all.

junodog1 · May 2016

^^^ This

browneyes1520 · May 2016

Thanks everyone. I messaged her again and apologized again. I work closely with her despite being in separate hospitals so I don't want to have an awkward working relationship with her over cookies but I'm not willing to cave either. We'll see I guess.

sanfromny · May 2016

I absolutely agree with you. This was the first thought that popped into my head, but my 2nd thought is Why can't she just be honest? I can understand if OP had asked her to make them and then she changed her mind, but the woman freely and willingly made them and obviously not for the OP exclusively or she would not have placed them in a community area. @browneyes1520 I don't see anything wrong with how you initially handled the situation. Hopefully the no response is temporary and your co-worker is not that sensitive.

AlyM725 · May 2016

This, but you didn't really do anything wrong with your response though. I would give her some time. She'll get over it. Either way, you did great resisting temptation!

Queenmunchy · May 2016

Do you normally message each other several times in a day? Maybe you're reading too much into the situation. OR maybe she was busy messaging other people to ask them to take cookies because you didn't want them.

I'm sure it's fine!

msf74 · May 2016

Your friend stopped talking to you because you politely told her "no thanks"?

Your friend sounds like a nutjob...

Zombella · May 2016

Some people take things really personally. Obviously she has, which isn't right because you weren't being mean or telling her you don't want her as a friend. As others have said, just tell her you will next time and thank her.

skinnyminikendra · May 2016

My coworker is purposely trying to torment me with cookies, cupcakes, and donuts.
I just take them and put them back on his desk.

He has yet to stop talking to me but for yours, maybe it just hurt her feelings a little bit. It may be the way you declined them?

2011rocket3touring · May 2016

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!! I do that all the time now.
Oddly enough no one has caught on to me yet!

geekyjock76 · May 2016

I would have taken 1 cookie, thanked her, ate it and went about the rest of the week.

carmkizzle · May 2016

My first thought, too. That way, no explanations are needed should you feel obligated to provide one for some reason.

Lounmoun · May 2016

As it just happened today how have you concluded that she was so upset/offended/not talking to you since?

Yes, you decide what to eat.
No, not everyone will understand right away if you are turning down food you previously loved. Stay polite but firm and people will get used to it.

Queenmunchy · May 2016

That's what I was wondering. Did you try to ask her a question after the cookie thing that she ignored?

BeYouTiful94 · May 2016

THIS times one billion and five

I also wondered this. Maybe she was on her way to a meeting but before she left her desk wanted to make sure she sent you a message about the cookies before they were gone. Or maybe she did see it, but wasn't offended, she just didn't know what to say back. "Oh good! I'm glad you've decided to lose some weight"???? Well that would imply that she thought you needed to lose weight and was glad you finally got the memo or something ...

I'm sure it's totally fine. Give her time in case she did get busy, and maybe message her about something unrelated (like just a general question or convo you two would normally have) and see how she responds. As you are both adults, she's likely not upset over a thing of cookies, but if she is, then that's on her, not you

kirstenb13 · May 2016

Yep, me too. No need to be rude, food is still also a lot about social interaction and one cookie won't change anything about your weight.

browneyes1520 · May 2016

Just to clear a few things up, we routinely message back and forth throughout the day and with our work messenger system u can tell when someone looks at your message etc. At the end of my message to her politely declining and explaining why I had asked her a couple work related questions. I know she looked at my message but along time went by without any response. It's not the first time she has chosen to just not respond to me there have been other times in the past and there have also been times when she has had conversations with me and has berated and name called other Co workers to me cuz she was mad, so I know her personality. Probably should have just said I'd go get one at some point then just not gone. Next time I know better. Anyways I apologized again for not taking a cookie and after a while she responded it was fine. So I'll take that at face value.

jlemoore · May 2016

Yep. Just a simple thank you.

randomtai · May 2016

This right here.

Meganthedogmom · May 2016

Yep, this!! OR you could actually take one and save it for a day when you have the extra calories - especially if a treat you really enjoy!

cerise_noir · May 2016

I agree with this.

markswife1992 · May 2016

i don't like the idea of saying you are going to eat one and then not eat it. simply because why should YOU have to lie?

my suggestion would be to go to the break-room (or where ever she had them sent) and get a cookie, take a photo of you with the cookie, eat the cookie, then send the photo to her. tell her how much you love them, but that cookie was your last due to a special diet you have recently started.

honestly if someone is truly offended that you are turning-down food (even if it was made especially for you) THEY are the one with the problem and probably not much of a true friend. i "get" that you don't want things to be awkward for business reasons, but lying about it will likely come back to bite you in the end...she could send over a dozen more each week!!!

acheben · May 2016

You don't even have to lie. OP could have simply said "Thanks for letting me know!" and left it at that. If the co-worker remembers to ask again you say, "Thanks, I haven't had a chance to go get one yet."

People get uppity when their gift/gesture of friendship is rejected or when others make them feel inferior (I'm so much better than you because I'm watching what I eat).

snikkins · May 2016

I think where the disconnect happened is that it sounds to me like she took the time to make the cookies for you specifically, and then you sent a message that was perhaps not received well.

I'm going to go with the people who suggest that working in a cookie here and there isn't going to derail your efforts. Instead, perhaps, being able to be a little more flexible would help. At 50+lbs lost, you clearly know how to get it done. And life happens sometimes.

brb_2013 · May 2016

Right? Love this route. No one ever comes back and demands proof

Moxie42 · May 2016

I would have taken one and saved it for the next day, telling her the same reasoning you provided to refuse it entirely...but it really shouldn't be a big deal so unless she's completely crazy it'll blow over...and if she IS that crazy, that's 100% her problem...sucks to deal with but not worth your time and energy. You can't rationalize with someone who's being irrational.

It's also possible that the sudden refusal might have made her think you don't really like them and were just trying to be nice in the past. If things still feel awkward tomorrow and you feel the need to clear the air you could say something like "I hope I didn't make you feel bad earlier- I've just been trying REALLY hard to stick to my plan and this caught me by surprise." You shouldn't feel obligated to justify your eating habits but I can understand wanting to avoid awkwardness.

AlphaCajun · May 2016

If I'm honest I would've eaten half of the plate and felt bad on my next weigh in.

Why does it have to be like this!?

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