Critical family members + wedding + struggling!

kateraichu

Hey all,

I wanted to start a forum because I'm getting married in October and know I want to look great for it. Some back story: a year and a half ago, I lost 15 lb in a short amount of time and was really proud. (I got down to 110, which, at 5'4", I was pleased with.) Then over time, it creeped back on, and then some... now I'm bigger than I was before and I'm really depressed about it. I know what I need to do to fix it, but I just can't seem to do it.

Since I'm the only one holding myself back, I'm determined to fix it. I'm going to the gym after work today and counting EVERYTHING.

I'm also seeing my mother in two weeks, which is an added source of stress... does anyone else have a really critical parent who comments on your weight every time you see them?? I'm panicking trying to make my face less puffy in the next two weeks because I know she'll say something. Ugh.

Love to hear others' stories here. It's cathartic to share things like this, isn't it?

Anyway, off to NOT eat the office cookies and drink water instead. Gotta keep trying...

acbraswell

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Use that as motivation for making healthy choices. You want to look damn good in those pictures!! Not a lot you can do about pre-wedding stress and seeing your mother, but you can control your eating habits. Tell your mother that you have enough stress about the wedding without her criticism. Maybe even see if she's up for a friendly weight loss challenge before the wedding, that would be a way to get her on your side. Just a suggestion.

You are correct in that you're the only one holding yourself back. It sounds like you've made the decision to make healthier choices, just stay consistent with your logging and stay focused on your goal, ROCKING that wedding dress!

Good luck!

BrokeBirkin

Congratulations on the marriage! I have a mom and grandma who bring up my weight. I always remember this one event that happened. I was going to spend the day with my bf and his family and wore a top a little more adventurous than usual (I had been feeling good about my weight loss). My mom took one look at me and said I either need to lose weight or buy new clothes that fit. I went from feeling good to really embarrassed until my bf showed up. He took one look at me and said you look so beautiful today! Which is not common for him to just say. If she mentions anything say you're losing it right now, you've just been so caught up with being happy or something.

kateraichu

BrokeBirkin wrote: »

Congratulations on the marriage! I have a mom and grandma who bring up my weight. I always remember this one event that happened. I was going to spend the day with my bf and his family and wore a top a little more adventurous than usual (I had been feeling good about my weight loss). My mom took one look at me and said I either need to lose weight or buy new clothes that fit. I went from feeling good to really embarrassed until my bf showed up. He took one look at me and said you look so beautiful today! Which is not common for him to just say. If she mentions anything say you're losing it right now, you've just been so caught up with being happy or something.

Aw, what a nice bf. Moms can be so hurtful to our self esteem sometimes, even when they think they're meaning well. Yeah, I tend to gain weight when I'm happy in life—I realized this when I gained weight living with my fiancé because he's a good cook and we eat meals together. Also, it's tough finding motivation to lose weight when I'm only with him... he says he loves my big butt! Sorry buddy, I'm trying to make that smaller! Hahaha.

skinnymalinkyscot

sending you hugs and kisses, as the mother of two girls I would die if I made them feel bad about themselves, you are beautiful and Im sure you will look fab in your wedding dress, youre just a wee thing, so plenty of time between now and october to eat healthy and get to your target, best of luck and I hope you enjoy every moment of your wedding day to come

Wicked_Seraph

I'm going to be the odd one out. If my mother kept commenting on my weight, I would tell her curtly that she has two choices: drop the weight comments or drop seeing me until she learns some f-cking manners.

You don't deserve that garbage. She needs to address her own insecurity without dragging you into it - and that's exactly what she's doign.

Lovee_Dove7

It's a happy time, you won't be able to repeat it, congratulations!
Enjoy this time and avoid the drama!!
Other people are not responsible for your weight.
Do you have a food scale? Weigh in grams and log it, so you know what you are eating, then make changes as needed.

runner475

Congrats on your upcoming marriage!

You mentioned "I'm also seeing my mother in two weeks, which is an added source of stress"
Can you express this to your mom? If I were you I would start a polite conversation.
If you haven't told her she doesn't know and that is not fair for both of you.

I had an aunt who always focused on my weight every time she met me when I was little. Now that I look back she had issues with her weight and struggled with it all her life. She didn't want me to be in the same spot as she was.
She did so because she was concerned for me.

Hopefully things work out for you.

kateraichu

Thank you all for the kind words! I really don't think my mom has ever meant to make me feel bad. It's really mostly my own insecurities.

SoozeE512

If you know she's going to find something critical to say regardless of what you do, don't waste your time worrying about it. You could stress yourself about making your face 'less puffy' but she would just find something else to criticize, so what's the point?

Just take it as it comes and let it roll off your back. When she makes her critical comments, give her a hug and a big loving smile and say, "It's nice seeing you, too, Mom!" and then steer the subject away from your appearance. Hopefully that will help her to realize that you love her but can take care of yourself without her hurtful comments.

The more you focus on the joy that lies ahead, the less you will stress about what others may perceive as flaws or imperfections. I've been to many weddings, been in a few bridal parties, seen brides of all sizes, seen all sorts of things go wrong -- so I speak from experience when I say that the best weddings were the ones where the brides didn't stress about their weight, were able to laugh about the mistakes, and only cared about the fact that they were marrying the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. After all, a wedding is meant to be a celebration of love!

kateraichu

SoozeE512 wrote: »

The more you focus on the joy that lies ahead, the less you will stress about what others may perceive as flaws or imperfections. I've been to many weddings, been in a few bridal parties, seen brides of all sizes, seen all sorts of things go wrong -- so I speak from experience when I say that the best weddings were the ones where the brides didn't stress about their weight, were able to laugh about the mistakes, and only cared about the fact that they were marrying the person they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. After all, a wedding is meant to be a celebration of love!

mallygirl420

As 5'4 with 40 extra lbs on me, I think 104 is something enviable!! All I can say is that it's your day as a couple, your commitment to each other is all that matters. What I've known from mom's that comment is that they are taking out their own insecurity and weight issues and living through you. She probably doesn't realize the effect it's had. You can't change her and I'm not thinking a convo about your feelings will effect change in the way you want it to. All you can do is change how you react to it and how you let it bug you. Be proud of your body that you carry - even if it's not perfect to other people's standards.