Need to Talk- Weight Gain!

jlp419

It seems every year right before Thanksgiving, I start a diet. I lose 10 lbs, then the holidays screw it up.
I'm really concerned now because my husband says he is "concerned" for my weight now. I am 230 lbs. 5' 7". When I married him, I was around 165 lbs. I feel my weight gain is attributed to mental health issues I've had since about 4 years ago. I've been on multiple anti depressants, and found the side effects of weight gain very disturbing.

My point is I'm finding it very hard to be motivated. I feel pressured, and it doesn't help.
Any advice?

MissusMoon

Wow, that is a lot of pressure.

Do you have a therapist?

CorneliusPhoton

Don't think of it as "starting a diet." Think of it as making a permanent change towards better health. A few thoughts kept going through my head right before I dove into this full-force. Maybe some of them will resonate with you...

"If I want to look like a fit person, I have to act like one." ("act" includes eating like and moving/exercising like)

"My future self will thank me for starting TODAY." (and I have!)
Similarly, "If not now, when???"

"I am currently eating to maintain a (starting weight)-sized person. Unless I change my habits, I will always be a (starting weight)-sized person."

jlp419

Thank you both for your quick responses!
No, I used to have a therapist, but now I do not.

And wow! I am going to write down these quotes! Thank you so much!

hypodonthaveme

I'm glad your starting your weight loss now instead of around the holidays. It's virtually impossible to start at those times. Now, you have a few months to get healthy eating started, to be more active as nicer weather is among us. As for the pressure, I will just tell you this. You Must do this for You. I have tried to lose weight for my dr. Nope put on 40 lbs. I tried losing for my kids. Nope lost 10 put on 20. I decided I would do it for me. I was doing good. I lost 30 lbs and was ridiculed and told I needed to do this. I needed to that. I shouldn't be eating this. And so I put on 50 lbs. during this process I had to have a completely hysterectomy, and then a few years after that, I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and just gave up. Then last summer, I said No More! Starting in January 2016 the whole year is going to be about me! I told my kids. I told my husband. I told friends. I am so thankful I did. Several of them said its about time. I am here to tell you at the age of 46 , and almost 5 months into my journey I am several sizes smaller. I am more confident , I have more self esteem. And I have bought 3 new skirts something I have not done in over 20 yrs. I have bought used skirts but not new.
So I guess what I am trying to say is this. Do it for you. One step at a time. People will be negative. Some will be overly supportive. Others just won't care either way. Do the best you can. There will be rough days. There will be joyful days. Just stick to your plan. Vent on here, ask questions. Just learn to love yourself the way you deserve to be loved.

DylsGrandma

Although you husband has said, he is "concerned" about your weight, please don't let this be about him. Weight loss is your journey, when you decide it is time to lose, it is your decision. You deserve to be happy and have a healthy body, not because of outside pressures, but because you are worth it. Do this for you, for how much better you will feel physically and how much more confident you will feel. You have our support and encouragement!

Nachise

I struggled with my weight until I gave up, stopped struggling, and took ownership of the things I could control. I get guidance from a nutritionist and an exercise physiologist, and track my food intake. I eat what is suggested, do no special diet, and work hard. I prepare most of my meals, but still have dinner at a restaurant on Sundays, and date night on Friday nights with my husband. I forgive myself for going a little nuts on holidays and resume my normal eating habits as soon as possible.

I will be 65 in July, and have lost nearly 60 pounds. My weight loss commitment started before I found MFP. I walk, swim, lift weights, practice yoga, and have just discovered BodyVive. I went from being afraid of water over my head this past August, and have been swimming laps since December. I devote two days a week as workout days.

I know where you've been, jlp419, because I was there. That was then, this is now. You can establish a new normal, and I wish you the best of luck.

__leis__

Hi, I don't have a weight loss success story to share (I have been sticking to this for 6 weeks and lost 12 lbs, still have a long ways to go) but I can share my beating depression success story! I can give more details if you would like to message me or send a friend request but basically my therapist recommended a book that changed my life. It's called Feeling Good the New Mood Therapy by Dr. Burns. It's all about cognitive therapy and how you can change your mood by changing the way you think. I know it sounds too simple to actually work but it really does! I was severely depressed, and within months I was better. I still get depressed or down every now and then but I can usually talk myself out of it in a few hours or days instead of weeks or months.

jlp419

Hi there! I haven't checked this post in a week, but when I saw how many of you posted, I cried. Thank you so much for your support! And you all are so right, we all need to do this for "us".

The nice weather makes it easier to go for bike rides. Walks are a bit hard for me if I don't have anything to hold on to. I have balance problems.

I am so grateful for all of you. God bless.

emdeesea

Okay in his defense, you have gained 65 pounds. I don't know what time frame we are talking here, but placing myself in his shoes, if I married a guy who gained 65 pounds I have to admit, I would be concerned too. Not just for his health, but for his mental status, because someone who gains that much weight is compensating for something.

Anyone can bash me if they want, at some point your weight and appearance do affect your partner, especially if you seemly aren't addressing the issue.

(And I'm not talking about some vanity 10 pounds or even 20 pounds. And this is coming from someone who has lost 60 pounds - and not for anyone, I did it because I wanted to. And yes, I have been on anti-depressant medication before as well, so I am well-aware of its effects on appetite.)

I do hope you are finding ways to cope with your issue, because eating too much is not the way to do it or to handle pressure.

cmriverside

I understand the weight gain, like emdeesea said - I was compensating for [many] stresses in my life. I alternated between drinking too much and eating too much for years. It takes a lot of inner work to learn to accept life as it comes and to roll with it or change it. Some things may need to change in your life - of course I can't possibly know what those things are, but some things that helped me were:

1. Starting a journal. Just write for 15 minutes a day. Mine was on my computer, and it helped me tremendously. It helped me get "out" the stuff that was spinning around in my head.
2. Beginning a Gratitude list. Every day I wrote five things I was grateful for onto the list.
3. (This is a little woo, but do it anyway) Go in the bathroom, close the door, look into your eyes and say, "I love you. Thank you. Forgive me. I'm sorry." Do that every day for a week. If it helps, keep doing it.
4. Getting some exercise every day. It helps with mood and weight loss. You say you have balance problems, there are still many ways to exercise with balance problems.
5. I read a lot of self-help books. A lot. I also spent time on several different forums. People are incredibly generous with ideas for getting well, if you ask. Lots of us have battled this, you can beat it too. Whatever inner demons you are battling, someone else has defeated them.

jlp419

There is so much truth here. Yes, I eat because I'm unhappy with my life. The mirror is my worst enemy. My husband does care about my mental health al9ng with the risk of diabetes. I don't blame him. It hurts to hear the truth sometimes.

My life changed dramatically when I suffered an anxiety attack 6 years ago. Since then, I suffered from depression. Some days I wouldn't even get out of bed. So food was my best friend.
I know stuff happens to all of us. We need to push though. It's hard, but I'm putting my foot down. I'm logging on MFP until I reach my goal weight.