Trying again after epic failure

stephicozar

I lost 20kg in 2013-2014 and felt great. I was active, walking 5km every day, my back problems were less acute, my skin was clear and I was generally happy with how things were going. I was optimistic and positive.
My grandmother died suddenly in 2014. My back, ever a negative shadow in my life, ruptured a disc (my third) a few weeks later. Work got crappy. I got depressed. I gained 30kg!
I hadn't stepped on a scale for over a year until this morning. To tell the truth it wasn't as bad as I thought. Its still awful and dreadful and shameful. 30kg?
I am ashamed, uncomfortable, sore, embarrassed, sweaty, lazy, sad, sick, sleepy, none of my clothes fit, I can hardly wipe my own *kitten*, my back hurts every day, everything aches, my stomach is constantly queasy. You'd think pain avoidance would be a stronger motivator.
But I am also determined, turning over a new leaf, putting my best foot forward and trying again. If I just keep trying again, every day, it will be okay. Day by day.
I know MFP helps keep me accountable. I don't want to feel guilty, I want to feel motivated.
That's why I'm back here and trying again.

Anaris2014

It's not a failure. Its a life experience. Sure, it may not have turned out the way that you would have liked, but it's still something to learn from and grown from. Many of us go through ups and downs, significant losses and then finding ourselves back at a place that we didn't want to be. Not matter how many times you fall, just remember to get up and go at it again.

Good luck!