Feeling like quitting this!

chrissievet

I think you have much bigger problems than your own personal weightloss, sorry - I think your husband is the biggest, deadweight you will ever have to lose. While he is still there, emotionally and physically beating you down, you aren't going to win. Focus all your willpower on leaving, and then you will be in a much, much better position for this journey!

musicteacher40

MFP tells you to eat 1700 and limit yourself to 1200 average, which means you probably eat less than 1200 regularly. No wonder why you want to give up.

Eat your 1700 cals and you will lose. Try to limit your sodium and have more veggies. Walk a bit more than you have been.

Even though your husband does the cooking, do you really have to eat the food he cooks. Cant you eat food you cook and he eats the food he cooks, .I understand that you might not have the funds to do separate shopping so that might not be possible.

You can still enjoy meals with him but add a salad to your dinner or heat up some frozen veggies to eat with what he cooks. You can get more cals that way and still have healthy options with the processed meals.

I have issues with my feet and severe cramping in my arches (have a doctor's appt regarding this in August)...and that keeps me from walking or running... Would adding more of my stationary cardio and strength help?

i have convinced him to keep lettuce in the fridge so I can at least have a lettuce salad (use Basalmic Vinegar for dressing)...

quirkytizzy

He won't let me cook... it causes fights and I just don't want to deal with those... as they used to get physical... His almost 500 pound body coming after my 190 pound body would do a lot of damage to me...

:noway:

If he is getting physical with you then why are you still with him?

Agreed. Losing weight is not your biggest problem at this time. The possibility of landing in the hospital due to a domestic violence situation is.

Decide which is worth more to you. Your life or your weight. Act accordingly.

luckydays27

I have issues with my feet and severe cramping in my arches (have a doctor's appt regarding this in August)...and that keeps me from walking or running... Would adding more of my stationary cardio and strength help?

i have convinced him to keep lettuce in the fridge so I can at least have a lettuce salad (use Basalmic Vinegar for dressing)...

Are you wheelchair bound or do you use a cane/walker. If not, you can walk an extra 100 feet a day. Just pace your house or park farther away from the entrance of where you are going. All of these things will help.

Also you can do a seated weight training routine using household items for weights Do a search online and you will find lots of routines. That will help you burn more cals. Cans of soup and bags of flour weigh the same as an equivalent dumbbell. Trying doing a fwe more exercises until you can get your feet looked at. Burn a few cals and eat the ones that you are supposed to and it will get easier.

Would your husband throw away food you buy. So if you went to the grocery store and bought a frozen bag of veggies, placed them in the freezer and cooked them one night, would he toss the cooked food or the bag of veggies in the freezer. If he wont beat you (which he should not do) or toss them, buy that and cook it with your meal.

PikaKnight

He won't let me cook... it causes fights and I just don't want to deal with those... as they used to get physical... His almost 500 pound body coming after my 190 pound body would do a lot of damage to me...

:noway:

If he is getting physical with you then why are you still with him?

Agreed. Losing weight is not your biggest problem at this time. The possibility of landing in the hospital due to a domestic violence situation is.

Decide which is worth more to you. Your life or your weight. Act accordingly.

Agreed with the above

musicteacher40

If what you are saying is true, your problems are much bigger than the refusal of your scale to reduce. This is becoming sadder and sadder, from your husband won't cook in a healthy way, to him belittling you when you exercise, to him not letting you cook, to your fear that if you try to change any of this, he will physically abuse you and in fact has in the past....while you earn all the money.

You have a responsible job, you earn money, you are educated and smart enough to be concerned about your long-term health and fitness, and yet you are allowing someone who sounds like, from your description, an unemployed bully to control aspects of your life that you care deeply about. No one here can help you with this. It is a huge thing you're facing here, and the real question is: How do you want to live the rest of your life? And if the answer is that you want to live it differently than you have been up to know, then the question is, do you have the courage to do something that feels so earth-shattering to you now in order to have a freer life in the future?

My husband and I have gone through counseling...Keep in mind we have been married 27 years... I just stated that he has in the past been abusive...and he has not done anything like that in 10 years (probably cause of his weight), however... I always keep that in my mind and try not to create arguments to prevent the possibility of him snapping... (this was recommended to me by my counselor)....

Since I am a band teacher (as well as a choir teacher), last year when parade marching with my band, I had issues keeping up and was exhausted by the end of the parade...this feeling went on through out the year with other activities... I wanted to gain my energy level back up and get to the point that I could keep up with those teen-agers that I teach... or in some cases out do them... I want to be healthy and live life to it's fullest... would be nice to have someone that would hold me accountable, but I don't have that... I've not had friends that would keep me accountable in over 20 years, so now I need accountability and I'm here using MFP....

JingleMuffin

Never let the time it takes to reach a goal discourage you. the time will pass no matter if you do it or not.

CandelLife

I realize there are always reasons women have for staying with men they shouldn't stand by so I hope (even though I think you would be better off without him) that you will still keep coming back here for the moral support you are lacking at home even if you feel awkward after being so honest about how he treats you to everyone here. The good thing is, it sounds like he has no interest in being healthy so he would never see what you write here.

I've been in bad relationships before but after the birth of my first son it changed things for me, better to not be in a relationship at all than to be with the wrong one. As you stay focused on your goals you will find yourself feeling stronger everyday and that's probably the last thing he wants. It's easier for him to belittle you so you won't get better (and thus possibly leave him) than it is for him to join you and get healthy together,

What benefit is he to your life? Only that he cooks for you? That doesn't sound like a benefit at all. Take it one day at a time, eat smaller meals at night when he cooks things you know you shouldn't be eating, heavier meals should be eaten during the day when you have time to burn them off anyway. Stash a health bear in your purse if you get hungry at night. Just always keep your goal in mind and hold on to it strong.

There's a good life waiting for you, and you deserve it. As you grow stronger, you'll see what you need to do and be strong enough to do it. Unless of course you're strong enough to walk away now... *smile* of course that would be ideal. Just stay safe.

chrissievet

My husband and I have gone through counseling...Keep in mind we have been married 27 years... I just stated that he has in the past been abusive...and he has not done anything like that in 10 years (probably cause of his weight), however... I always keep that in my mind and try not to create arguments to prevent the possibility of him snapping... (this was recommended to me by my counselor)....

Since I am a band teacher (as well as a choir teacher), last year when parade marching with my band, I had issues keeping up and was exhausted by the end of the parade...this feeling went on through out the year with other activities... I wanted to gain my energy level back up and get to the point that I could keep up with those teen-agers that I teach... or in some cases out do them... I want to be healthy and live life to it's fullest... would be nice to have someone that would hold me accountable, but I don't have that... I've not had friends that would keep me accountable in over 20 years, so now I need accountability and I'm here using MFP....

To be honest - that is TERRIBLE advice from your councellor!!!! You should not have to walk on eggshells around your husband to prevent arguments that may turn physical. You should not have to have a huge fight to have the right to buy some healthy food for yourself. You should be able to communicate in assertive, constructive ways to reach a compromise. Can you honestly say that you are happy in your relationship? It doesn't matter how long you have been married - imagine how much better life can be and how much living you still have ahead of you if you leave.

CandelLife

Did your counselor recommend that because he's bipolar or something? I just realized how similar it sounded, my brother is bipolar and has snapping points we avoid and then he's all good. If it's not because of a condition like this.... I have no idea why she would recommend that unless she was giving pointers to both of you?

musicteacher40

Did your counselor recommend that because he's bipolar or something? I just realized how similar it sounded, my brother is bipolar and has snapping points we avoid and then he's all good. If it's not because of a condition like this.... I have no idea why she would recommend that unless she was giving pointers to both of you?

I didn't really want to say, but yes he was diagnosed in our sessions as bi-polar.... and that was why she suggested what she did. To those of you that say leave him, you really don't know the whole story or situation...you know just what I have said... I will not leave him (our 2 grown children and myself is the only family he has, everyone in his family are no longer living...

I measured myself this morning before working out... I will measure myself again on Sunday when I do my weigh in (one of my two rest days). We will see what transpires... maybe the difference will be noticed in my measurements rather than my weight!

To those of you that offered advice, thank you!

musicteacher40

I've had a heart to heart with my Husband as we were driving to my daughter's to babysit the grandson today...kind of hard to run away for either of us when you are stuck in a car for 40 minutes each way...

I told him how frustrated I was with his cooking and how fat it was, etc... He told me that he would "try" to start cooking more healthy, such as boiling my chicken rather than frying it, etc... he also said that he will try to have a veggie for me to have with my meals... The big problem I am seeing is that he said he would not do away with his sweets...I have a severe sweet tooth and this is something that I've struggled with cutting out of my diet... and yes I've partaken several times, but it fits within my calorie count....

I don't know how long it will last, but at least he is aware! I also mentioned that I don't appreciate his comments when I'm exercising and that I'm trying to improve myself and that if he wanted he could join me as well.... This evening I had been outside doing some yard work and came in to see him sitting in the chair lifting one of my dumbells...he quickly put it down... so maybe?!

I also have to mention something that I realized today, that my knees are not hurting as bad, (Doctor told me to lose weight for my knees to prolong knee replacement due to injuries from my softball/basketball/volleyball playing days 30 some years ago...) My lunges actually were deeper today... So maybe I am making some gains that I didn't realize!

luckydays27

Good for you and glad that you had a conversation with you husband. Its best to get him on board but if he does not get you the veggies or salad stuff, then just buy it yourself.

As for the sweets, the best you can do is just say no. Its hard but if you dont want it, you should be able to avoid it.

As for your hubby joining you, be patient. I have been at this for a while and just two weeks ago, my guy went for a walk all on his own with no purpose other than to burn cals. he may get on board just because you are working so hard and losing the pounds.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

I've had a heart to heart with my Husband as we were driving to my daughter's to babysit the grandson today...kind of hard to run away for either of us when you are stuck in a car for 40 minutes each way...

I told him how frustrated I was with his cooking and how fat it was, etc... He told me that he would "try" to start cooking more healthy, such as boiling my chicken rather than frying it, etc... he also said that he will try to have a veggie for me to have with my meals... The big problem I am seeing is that he said he would not do away with his sweets...I have a severe sweet tooth and this is something that I've struggled with cutting out of my diet... and yes I've partaken several times, but it fits within my calorie count....

I don't know how long it will last, but at least he is aware! I also mentioned that I don't appreciate his comments when I'm exercising and that I'm trying to improve myself and that if he wanted he could join me as well.... This evening I had been outside doing some yard work and came in to see him sitting in the chair lifting one of my dumbells...he quickly put it down... so maybe?!

I also have to mention something that I realized today, that my knees are not hurting as bad, (Doctor told me to lose weight for my knees to prolong knee replacement due to injuries from my softball/basketball/volleyball playing days 30 some years ago...) My lunges actually were deeper today... So maybe I am making some gains that I didn't realize!

That is promising and good for you for talking to him.

I do think it's asking too much to request that he give up his sweets. He may decide to follow you down a healthier path, but that has to be his decision. Just work on fitting a small amount of sweets into your calorie goal. I do this every day and always have. It has not kept me from losing 45 lbs. If anything I think it has helped since I didn't feel like I had to give up foods I enjoy.

I'm also glad to hear that you are already seeing a counselor and that the mistreatment has not been recent.

S0nsh1ne

Ignore the 1-2 non-supportive posts and see how many people jumped right in and really wanted to offer their support and advice. All you can do each day is your best. It may be stalled or slower then you would like but just keep trying...we're here.

So you just give up? It gets hard and you give up?

That's what I said too. WTF? Sounds like this person was not 100% dedicated from the get go.

How cruel.... I don't see how this is beneficial.... I don't have anyone that I can workout with... I'm doing this on my own, in my own living room/yard and when my husband gets up in the mornings, when I'm working out, I hear all sorts of stuff that would make anyone quite, like why am I taking up space in the living room and other crap that I will not put on here... So until you are in someone's shoes, please don't assume that I'm not 100% dedicated.... I don't need more crap from a place that I thought was to be supportive!

shannonmarie752487

I had the same experience early on. I started researching. I found a bunch of good advice here. I learned about TDEE (google it), and I found nerdfitness.com. Don't quit. Just regroup and find what works for you.

darkestdayz

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nyrina4life

There are a number of reasons this can happen. What works is a calorie deficit of 500-1000 per day, some simple strength training and 90 minutes of cardio exercise a week. If you are still not losing, it is probably becaue you are eating to much. In the end, a doctor should be able to help.

That is not always the case, you know?? An improper balance, or lack of, could be causing this.

I do suggest a Doctor though. Never know what could be going on with the body until you get a blood work-up.

P.S. - sorry some were jerks in their replies.

CandelLife

I've had a heart to heart with my Husband as we were driving to my daughter's to babysit the grandson today...kind of hard to run away for either of us when you are stuck in a car for 40 minutes each way...

I read both of your new posts and it all makes sense now and you did the exact perfect thing in talking to him when and where you did! LOL! I can see it! I only laugh because I know exactly what it's like and it isn't what I first thought when I read the beginning of your thread here. Bi-polar is not something to be embarrassed of, I know it once was as well as depression and PTSD and many other things. But I'll tell you what, it isn't about labeling, it's about understanding. Because when you understand, you can react differently.

I find that laughingly teasing/joking with my brother about things he does that are tough to handle gets him to see it without getting defensive. If he feels under attack, it hits that switch, it is what it is. In turn I make sure to tease about my own bad habits in the same breath so he fully gets how I'm not attacking him. It makes it so much easier to handle just about any issue. Obviously you fell in love with your husband and married him for better or worse. He is only acting the way he does because of this condition. I totally get it now.

I truly believe that the route you are taking will not only help you, but also help him in the long road. Catching him holding those bar bells is a definite sign he is "thinking" about it. Perhaps seeing your successes and reaching your goals (your knee getting stronger is a good one!) These things will eat at him until he wants to feel those successes too. Good Luck!

wideeyedla

This is what I tell myself when the scale does not reflect my hard work: THE SCALE LIES. Take your measurements once a month. Take pictures in you underwear once a month. Try on the thinner clothes hiding in your closet once a month. Those things tell the truth.

Listen to your body. Do you feel energetic? Less creaky? Good signs. Sluggish? Fatigued? Bad signs. You may not be eating ENOUGH. I deliberately bumped my calorie level up because I KNOW that 1200 calories when I am doing low carb is NOT enough. My metabolism slows down and nothing happens on the scale.