Is my boyfriend being supportive, or just controlling of my diet? Healthy, or no?

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124

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  • Ashley___916
    Ashley___916 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I've suggested couple's therapy and he just scoffs at it and says "Okayyy.... Do we really need that?" I think the suggestion of this orthorexia disorder may actually be spot on. I had never heard of it before, but I am reading up on it and it makes sense. So if he does have a disorder I would feel terribly bad for abandoning him for it, since I suffer from several anxiety disorders that has never once left me over. Should I try to push him into getting help?

    Orthorexia has NOTHING to do with his abusive tendencies. My ex is OCD, bipolar, has the worst possible adjustment disorder and is on steroids to boot-- trust me. you cant help him. and I am a medical professional with my bachelors in psych on top of being a PA. That is an excuse. You will have enough one day but be careful... things can change overnight from bad to really really bad

    Broscience lol

    WTF. Okay before I go off on you.... please just stop. Aaron is the best man Ive ever talked to and is the opposite of my ex. Do not for a minute try to think you know me or @Broscience83
  • NEOHgirl
    NEOHgirl Posts: 237 Member
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    [quote= I am poor and in school, so I do rely on him pretty heavily right now. He does drive me to and from class, so that is a huge help and something that he really doesn't have to do. But the thing is that he throws it in my face anytime I bring up an issue in our relationship. Like "Oh, I think you are trying to control me too tightly when it comes to what I eat" and he responds with "Well what more do you want from me, I do EVERYTHING for you!" Like exact words, every time. It's very frustrating. I think maybe it's an unhealthy codependency. [/quote]

    This quote from him shows that as we've suggested, it is completely controlling. You CANNOT be responsible for his illness (assuming for now he has one), and you need to get out as soon as possible. If you are going to school, can you take out an extra student loan for housing? Check out online or on campus for other students looking for an extra roommate to offset the costs of off-campus housing? If you aren't taking summer classes, I'd maybe get seasonal job & just save up the money for your future housing expenses. Again, good luck.

  • xCyanideGirlx
    xCyanideGirlx Posts: 116 Member
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    sounds like the abusive type. run, and run FAST.
  • bgorman65
    bgorman65 Posts: 32 Member
    edited May 2016
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    @LAMCDylan, you overlooked the main issue regarding her choosing to leave him. Your post sounds like you think her problem is emotional dependence on him. Her dependence on him is FINANCIAL. If she were to leave him now, she wouldn't be worried about being alone because she'd be too busy worrying about the issues that come from being HOMELESS, you know, like trying to find a safe, dry, warm place to sleep that night. (I think the emotional dependence actually goes the other way. If he didn't have her in his life to "rescue", who would he be? Just a douche still living with his Mom. As long as she stays around, he thinks he's a hero).
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,215 Member
    edited May 2016
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    bgorman65 wrote: »
    @LAMCDylan, you overlooked the main issue regarding her choosing to leave him. Your post sounds like you think her problem is emotional dependence on him. Her dependence on him is FINANCIAL. If she were to leave him now, she wouldn't be worried about being alone because she'd be too busy worrying about the issues that come from being HOMELESS, you know, like trying to find a safe, dry, warm place to sleep that night. (I think the emotional dependence actually goes the other way. If he didn't have her in his life to "rescue", who would he be? Just a douche still living with his Mom. As long as she stays around, he thinks he's a hero).

    I think it is a bit of both. See, the problem I find with these kind of instances is the girl never really considers leaving or wants solutions she will rationalize and find reasons to stay with him. Of course he knows he has her dependent on him. That is allowing him to be manipulative. He can use it as leverage any time. What she should be doing is thinking of an exit plan. She needs to save money, think about getting a place of her own and being responsible for her own needs rather than relying on controlling men. Because what often happens is women leave these situations to be scooped up by another insecure control freak who will "help" her. Instead of bouncing around from relationship to relationship just learn to be more self-reliant. Then, you can avoid insecure control-freaks and not put up with anyone's *kitten*.
  • Ashley___916
    Ashley___916 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    bgorman65 wrote: »
    @LAMCDylan, you overlooked the main issue regarding her choosing to leave him. Your post sounds like you think her problem is emotional dependence on him. Her dependence on him is FINANCIAL. If she were to leave him now, she wouldn't be worried about being alone because she'd be too busy worrying about the issues that come from being HOMELESS, you know, like trying to find a safe, dry, warm place to sleep that night. (I think the emotional dependence actually goes the other way. If he didn't have her in his life to "rescue", who would he be? Just a douche still living with his Mom. As long as she stays around, he thinks he's a hero).

    Maybe but its not the $ that keeps her there. She has an issue with insecurity to stay with him. There is a much deeper issue than money. The financial issue is only an excuse to stick around and allow yourself to be controlled.
  • LAMCDylan
    LAMCDylan Posts: 1,215 Member
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    bgorman65 wrote: »
    @LAMCDylan, you overlooked the main issue regarding her choosing to leave him. Your post sounds like you think her problem is emotional dependence on him. Her dependence on him is FINANCIAL. If she were to leave him now, she wouldn't be worried about being alone because she'd be too busy worrying about the issues that come from being HOMELESS, you know, like trying to find a safe, dry, warm place to sleep that night. (I think the emotional dependence actually goes the other way. If he didn't have her in his life to "rescue", who would he be? Just a douche still living with his Mom. As long as she stays around, he thinks he's a hero).
    But I do think you make some sense about his issues. Most of these insecure guys were raised to be this way by their parents. They grew up to be maladjusted adults. Their mom babied them or sheltered them and never taught them to be a man so that duty is passed onto the GF/Wife to deal with. And what happens is these spoiled babies don't want to man up and become a better man. They always got their way through control and manipulation and that is how they plan to continue being with all their relationships.
  • bgorman65
    bgorman65 Posts: 32 Member
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    I just can't tell if this is a battle worth fighting, or if his concerns are legitimate. I have major body and self esteem issues, so it's hard for me to tell if I am just being a fatass who eats *kitten* and he is trying to help me, or if he is being a control freak.

    Mochicakes92, he IS being a control freak, and he is not trying to help you or he'd find a gentler and more realistic way to go about it. If he does have a food-related disorder he may be displacing his own food issues onto you; regardless, his attempts at controlling what you eat are all about HIS issues, whatever they may be, and not about you at all. And since you have experience being in an abusive relationship, trust your gut: if things with him start to get worse, GET OUT! Go to a homeless shelter or women's shelter, arrange to rent a room from someone at school in exchange for house-cleaning or tutoring or whatever, do whatever you have to to get away before it gets physical. (Hopefully I'm just being paranoid, but women who pick bad boyfriends tend to keep doing it, ending up with the same type over and over.)
  • marm1962
    marm1962 Posts: 950 Member
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    Sounds like you need to tell him that if he's not buying it then shut the f up
  • brb_2013
    brb_2013 Posts: 1,197 Member
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    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    jacqlynn_pvlr wrote: »
    Long story short, I need to break up with my boyfriend.

    FIFY

    That would make me homeless for at least a little bit, but sure I'll get right on that. I just can't tell if this is a battle worth fighting, or if his concerns are legitimate. I have major body and self esteem issues, so it's hard for me to tell if I am just being a fatass who eats *kitten* and he is trying to help me, or if he is being a control freak.

    Honestly dear, it's not right. I'd feel about 2 inches tall if I were being spoken to the way your boyfriend tries to "help" you. It may be coming from a helpful place but it's coming out with zero tact or kindness and he's blowing up about it and he shouldn't be. I think you need to explain to him how you feel when he makes those exasperated comments, how it impacts your thoughts (you are NOT being a fatass), and ask how you think you two can work together and come to some kind of agreement.

    Getting actually angry because you eat food with one preservative is over reacting. Losing weight isn't about 100% perfection anyway. You're doing your best with the means you have available, he needs to take a seat. Seriously.
  • williammuney
    williammuney Posts: 2,895 Member
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    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I've suggested couple's therapy and he just scoffs at it and says "Okayyy.... Do we really need that?" I think the suggestion of this orthorexia disorder may actually be spot on. I had never heard of it before, but I am reading up on it and it makes sense. So if he does have a disorder I would feel terribly bad for abandoning him for it, since I suffer from several anxiety disorders that has never once left me over. Should I try to push him into getting help?

    Orthorexia has NOTHING to do with his abusive tendencies. My ex is OCD, bipolar, has the worst possible adjustment disorder and is on steroids to boot-- trust me. you cant help him. and I am a medical professional with my bachelors in psych on top of being a PA. That is an excuse. You will have enough one day but be careful... things can change overnight from bad to really really bad

    Broscience lol

    WTF. Okay before I go off on you.... please just stop. Aaron is the best man Ive ever talked to and is the opposite of my ex. Do not for a minute try to think you know me or @Broscience83

    Relaxxxxx I was kidding for the love of God
  • ScreeField
    ScreeField Posts: 180 Member
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    1. Shop alone.
    2. Use your words -- don't tell us what the deal is, tell him. In a grown-up thoughtful conversation.
  • _incogNEATo_
    _incogNEATo_ Posts: 4,543 Member
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    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I've suggested couple's therapy and he just scoffs at it and says "Okayyy.... Do we really need that?" I think the suggestion of this orthorexia disorder may actually be spot on. I had never heard of it before, but I am reading up on it and it makes sense. So if he does have a disorder I would feel terribly bad for abandoning him for it, since I suffer from several anxiety disorders that has never once left me over. Should I try to push him into getting help?

    Orthorexia has NOTHING to do with his abusive tendencies. My ex is OCD, bipolar, has the worst possible adjustment disorder and is on steroids to boot-- trust me. you cant help him. and I am a medical professional with my bachelors in psych on top of being a PA. That is an excuse. You will have enough one day but be careful... things can change overnight from bad to really really bad

    Broscience lol

    WTF. Okay before I go off on you.... please just stop. Aaron is the best man Ive ever talked to and is the opposite of my ex. Do not for a minute try to think you know me or @Broscience83

    Relaxxxxx I was kidding for the love of God

    Too late bro, she already tagged him. He's going to kick your internet asssssss! Isn't that right. @broscience83?
  • MalcolmX1983
    MalcolmX1983 Posts: 214 Member
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    Find yourself a job and start saving money.
    Then break up and move out.

  • peaceout_aly
    peaceout_aly Posts: 2,018 Member
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    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    jacqlynn_pvlr wrote: »
    Long story short, I need to break up with my boyfriend.

    FIFY

    That would make me homeless for at least a little bit, but sure I'll get right on that. I just can't tell if this is a battle worth fighting, or if his concerns are legitimate. I have major body and self esteem issues, so it's hard for me to tell if I am just being a fatass who eats *kitten* and he is trying to help me, or if he is being a control freak.

    I've literally been in that sort of situation before. I was homeless for two months. Just me and my dog, trying to find a place to live. My parents live 1,000-miles away, my friends live 120-miles away. It was tough, but let me tell you, it was COMPLETELY worth it. This really jump started my fitness journey because I had absolutely nothing left. He got everything that we shared together - our apartment, all of MY furniture, household supplies...heck, he even tried to steal my car. What you're saying reminds me of how he was. He was unsupportive and controlling as hell. He was overweight, but was strict with me - what I ate, what I wore, what I spent...mean while I was the one paying the grocery bills. Just know that if you feel you need to get out, you SHOULD GET OUT. If you are questioning it, go. I waited for a year-and-a-half after my heart was "out of it" and ended up suffering (emotionally and physically) due to my complacence. I am so much happier, healthier and in a better place now. It will all work out.
  • Ashley___916
    Ashley___916 Posts: 1,026 Member
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    _incogNEATo_ wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    williammuney wrote: »
    Ashley___916 wrote: »
    mochicakes92 wrote: »
    I've suggested couple's therapy and he just scoffs at it and says "Okayyy.... Do we really need that?" I think the suggestion of this orthorexia disorder may actually be spot on. I had never heard of it before, but I am reading up on it and it makes sense. So if he does have a disorder I would feel terribly bad for abandoning him for it, since I suffer from several anxiety disorders that has never once left me over. Should I try to push him into getting help?

    Orthorexia has NOTHING to do with his abusive tendencies. My ex is OCD, bipolar, has the worst possible adjustment disorder and is on steroids to boot-- trust me. you cant help him. and I am a medical professional with my bachelors in psych on top of being a PA. That is an excuse. You will have enough one day but be careful... things can change overnight from bad to really really bad

    Broscience lol

    WTF. Okay before I go off on you.... please just stop. Aaron is the best man Ive ever talked to and is the opposite of my ex. Do not for a minute try to think you know me or @Broscience83

    Relaxxxxx I was kidding for the love of God

    Too late bro, she already tagged him. He's going to kick your internet asssssss! Isn't that right. @broscience83?

    lol
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
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    long story short. he is being controlling and it's not normal.
    not knowing where you are, you can find different assistance programs to help you get out of this situation should you want to but different areas have different amounts of help.

    his behavior is unacceptable and you do not need to accept it
  • aub6689
    aub6689 Posts: 351 Member
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    I'd flip and ask where the hell his BS science is coming from. I want sources.

    And this is why I am single, lol.

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