Non supportive boyfriend

christinelipski
christinelipski Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've done this whole losing weight thing before. I used MFP lost 50 pounds and was in the greatest shape of my life. Thennnn I met my boyfriend. We've dated for 3 years and I've gained all my weight back and then some. I've never met someone with such bad eating habits then him. It's been around 5 mo since I started to change my life style again. I eat relatively clean, I kickbox multiple times a week. Yet my boyfriend does nothing and eats crap right in front of my face. Every. Single. Day. I've had the "I need support" talk with him before and nothing to come of it. I'm really wondering if some of you have experienced the situation before and how you've dealt with it? I'm almost at my breaking point and it's really hindering my progress. Also, we live together as well.

Replies

  • AlyssaPetsDogs
    AlyssaPetsDogs Posts: 421 Member
    I've definitely been there before with gaining weight in a relationship! It's so easy to do!
    Right now, I'm in a similar situation because I returned home for the summer after living alone and doing very well with healthy eating/calorie counting and I now live with my family, all of whom have very poor eating habits. I can walk inside and my dad is eating chips and wants me to have some.

    For me, I just have to keep telling myself that I am staying on track and that I'll thank myself in two months. I know my family is supportive of my healthy eating, but I can't really make them stop eating all of the delicious crap. I used to partake in that on a daily basis.

    What helps me is I made a little photo collage of my progress after I lost 25 pounds and use it to inspire me and motivate me. When I feel frustrated with my family just eating junk, I look at that picture and tell myself that I have gotten this far and I can't stop not (46 pounds to go... Not that I'm counting). I weigh out my food and eat with them and eat slow so when they grab seconds, I'm still munching. I've definitely had an extra chip or two and I started eating breads again (I had to stop keeping it in my apartment because I would binge eat it and love every second of it). When we sit around to have beers and sugary drinks, I'll do a vodka soda or just a club soda with fresh lime. I still get to partake and not feel guilty. I try my best to stay on track while still enjoying meal time.

    Just keep your eyes on the prize. I know it's easier said than done with people eating fun things and you're stuck with your portions, but you'll thank yourself in a month when you have kept on track. Maybe at some point you'll inspire your boyfriend to eat healthy with you :)

    Good luck :)
  • christinelipski
    christinelipski Posts: 11 Member
    Thank you guys it means a lot
  • suarez73
    suarez73 Posts: 33 Member
    I experienced the exact same thing! It's so easy to get into bad habits. You have to do your thing and remember that you are an individual.
  • AlyssaAnne03
    AlyssaAnne03 Posts: 79 Member
    christinelipski wrote: »
    I've done this whole losing weight thing before. I used MFP lost 50 pounds and was in the greatest shape of my life. Thennnn I met my boyfriend. We've dated for 3 years and I've gained all my weight back and then some. I've never met someone with such bad eating habits then him. It's been around 5 mo since I started to change my life style again. I eat relatively clean, I kickbox multiple times a week. Yet my boyfriend does nothing and eats crap right in front of my face. Every. Single. Day. I've had the "I need support" talk with him before and nothing to come of it. I'm really wondering if some of you have experienced the situation before and how you've dealt with it? I'm almost at my breaking point and it's really hindering my progress. Also, we live together as well.

    My husband doesn't eat like me and doesn't want to. For dinner I cook and usually make a healthy dinner or make his less healthy and mine more. Like last night I made HIM fries because he needs the carbs.
    He eats pb&j for lunch, waffles for breakfast and would eat straight frosting for dessert if I let him. I gave up asking him to give up his junk food. It's easier this way. And he shouldn't have to give up what he likes, I just have to have good self control and buy healthy food. We don't order pizza or go to McDonald's, that's the only real sacrifice he's made. Although I brought him and our friends pizza and breadsticks the other day and I ate almonds and my protein shake lol. I can't have even one bite or then I want the whole thing. That's my secret to control. No tastes, no "just one bites". No cheats until I meet a big goal. It's so much easier when I 100% stick to my diet.


    He probably just isn't ready, let him see you lead by example for a while. Maybe tell him he can eat what he wants just not in front of you.

    I had to get very raw and emotional with my hubs for him to understand. He was bodybuilding when we met and I was sooooooooo supportive. I cooked him buff food and I worked out with him and dieted with him. He owes me the same respect and support.

  • christinelipski
    christinelipski Posts: 11 Member
    AlyssaAnne03 wrote: »
    christinelipski wrote: »
    I've done this whole losing weight thing before. I used MFP lost 50 pounds and was in the greatest shape of my life. Thennnn I met my boyfriend. We've dated for 3 years and I've gained all my weight back and then some. I've never met someone with such bad eating habits then him. It's been around 5 mo since I started to change my life style again. I eat relatively clean, I kickbox multiple times a week. Yet my boyfriend does nothing and eats crap right in front of my face. Every. Single. Day. I've had the "I need support" talk with him before and nothing to come of it. I'm really wondering if some of you have experienced the situation before and how you've dealt with it? I'm almost at my breaking point and it's really hindering my progress. Also, we live together as well.

    My husband doesn't eat like me and doesn't want to. For dinner I cook and usually make a healthy dinner or make his less healthy and mine more. Like last night I made HIM fries because he needs the carbs.
    He eats pb&j for lunch, waffles for breakfast and would eat straight frosting for dessert if I let him. I gave up asking him to give up his junk food. It's easier this way. And he shouldn't have to give up what he likes, I just have to have good self control and buy healthy food. We don't order pizza or go to McDonald's, that's the only real sacrifice he's made. Although I brought him and our friends pizza and breadsticks the other day and I ate almonds and my protein shake lol. I can't have even one bite or then I want the whole thing. That's my secret to control. No tastes, no "just one bites". No cheats until I meet a big goal. It's so much easier when I 100% stick to my diet.


    He probably just isn't ready, let him see you lead by example for a while. Maybe tell him he can eat what he wants just not in front of you.

    I had to get very raw and emotional with my hubs for him to understand. He was bodybuilding when we met and I was sooooooooo supportive. I cooked him buff food and I worked out with him and dieted with him. He owes me the same respect and support.

    Yeah see my boyfriend eats fast food like every single day! I'm also really concerned about his health as well & he doesn't seem to care
  • Anaris2014
    Anaris2014 Posts: 138 Member
    I understand that challenge. It means that there's always junk food around the house, temptation is always at hand and the opportunities to slip into old habits abound. My wife is in exactly that role at the moment. I'll get home from work to find her on the lounge in her PJ's with a block of chocolate. First and foremost, I don't care that she's doing that, except to the extent that it means that I am tempted to share the chocolate (it's always offered when I walk in the front door) or similar (temptation is in the fridge, in the pantry, on the kitchen table etc).

    I don't know how to make it better, I've tried asking for support and the response is "you don't have to eat it", or "I picked up a tub of ice cream for you, it's your favourite, sorry I forgot you're trying to be good".... I don't know how to get around those.

    And the idea of encouraging healthy food is even harder. I do it by cooking all of our meals that we eat at home. That's not to say that I would ever stop my other half from cooking, or tell her she's not allowed any leftovers, just that it means that I am not tempted by other foods that are in the house (or by poor takeaway options).

    I also understand that "one bite is too many, a thousand is never enough" challenge as well - I have no solution for that either.

    Just know that you're not alone facing these challenges.

  • ObsidianMist
    ObsidianMist Posts: 519 Member
    my boyfriend eats a lot of junk too. I just have to take the initiative, make sure I keep the foods I want in the house, eat what I want, and I've taken on the role of being dinner maker most nights to ensure I get the food I want in my belly plus it's so much easier to get everything weighed and logged when I'm the one doing everything.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    How does what your boyfriend eat equate to non supportive?
  • Penthesilea514
    Penthesilea514 Posts: 1,189 Member
    randomtai wrote: »
    How does what your boyfriend eat equate to non supportive?

    My husband likes to bring junk food home, and (sometimes) eats like crap in front of me, but he always helps when I need to get up early to go to the gym (which is a struggle for me some days) or when I have a craving really bad he knows that I don't really want to eat it and helps me make a better choice (as I have asked him to do). Sure, it can be hard he may help me say "No" to a second helping while he has more, but he has never made me feel bad that I am trying to get healthier and often tells me how proud he is of me. Even if we are eating "bad" foods, as long as it fits within my daily calories I am fine with it. It is up to me what I chose to eat. But all in all, I consider him very supportive.

    I am not going to change his behavior with nagging- but he has started to notice my progress and has started to take steps to clean up his diet now too (even small changes can add up to big results). Sometimes the best motivation is seeing someone doing it and succeeding.

    I wish you good luck :D
  • Cheesy567
    Cheesy567 Posts: 1,186 Member
    Don't expect him to change. You can control your actions and choices, but not his. Look at the reality of the situation, and consider who you want surround yourself with. Then surround yourself with those people.
  • G085H173
    G085H173 Posts: 516 Member
    This is a guy telling you this ; you're not married, you don't mention kids - ditch him. You don't need the distraction, his attitude will eventually piss you off.
    Ditch him. Strike out on your own and fo it all for yourself
  • KiyaK
    KiyaK Posts: 519 Member
    You can't expect him to change just because you have. My husband also eats like *kitten*. He's not interested in changing. I have learned that just because he's eating *kitten* doesn't mean I have to. It's my choice what goes in my mouth. I can choose to grab a healthier option or I can choose not to eat at all. I only ask that he keeps his junkier food in a high up cabinet so it's out of my sight/mind. He eats his crap food in front of me all the time. But I'm a big girl & realize that just because he's doing it doesn't mean I have to too.

    You will have to find a balance that works for the two of you, but expecting him to suddenly change his eating habits just because you want to change yours isn't fair to him.

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